A/N: Spoilers until Chapter 325, I think? Also, some of the events that Natsu remembers here were written solely from my imagination. They are NOT part of Mashima-shi's work. And if you don't know who actually owns Fairy Tail... Go find out, because it ain't me. You have been warned.

DISCLAIMER: Fairy Tail is not mine (it belongs to Hiro Mashima, okay? Okay.). Neither is the image I used for the cover (it's courtesy of Neilund over at deviantart. Clear? Fine.). I've made no money from this.

Bitterness

Natsu was drunk. Very, very drunk. But he didn't mind, since it made him forget, made him happy, if only for a few hours. He knew somewhere in the back of his barely coherent mind that he would regret drinking so much - he always did - but right now he didn't care, because all he wanted, all he needed was to forget.

Three years. Three years have passed since that day. And every year, on the same day, he would drink his piteous self to oblivion, hoping to forget but never quite succeeding.

He hated it. Hated the feeling that had never quite left him since that incident. It was there, lingering in the back of his mind every moment like some damn shadow he couldn't shake off. Sure, he still acted like the Natsu that everyone at Fairy Tail knew. But the shadows were always there, hovering, ready to pounce anytime he let down his guard.

All of his friends would describe him as strong, the fire that kept their guild alive, and most of all, dense. Sure he admits to denseness in some things, like with Freed's runes and Levy's books on languages and even little Wendy's healing herbs. But he wasn't dense when it came to other matters like serious feelings regarding girls. Mostly he just pretended to be because, well, it was just so troublesome. Feelings for friends and family and fighting were okay because everyone knew that those things were important and he would gladly burn anyone who said otherwise to a crisp. But when it came to feelings for a specific person, count him out. That was just too messy and cost more energy than it was worth.

At least, that had been his stand.

The day he'd met Lucy in Hargeon, something in him had shifted. At first he'd wondered what it was - he wasn't as dense as most people thought, but he could still be downright slow at times - but soon realized that he had felt something for the blonde right away, something different from what he felt for the others in Fairy Tail. It was even different from what he'd felt for Lissana, which as far as he knew was as close as he'd come to falling in love with someone (her disappearance had played a big part as to why he avoided anything resembling romance). So even if he'd been the one to bring her to Fairy Tail, he'd tried to ignore her. He'd purposefully call her the wrong name, ignore her, be rude, anything to avoid the trap he knew would spring of he let it.

And then an old, almost forgotten memory of Igneel in one of their lessons had resurfaced.

Natsu, pay attention and remember these last few words. Never forget this one fact, even if you forget the rest of today's lesson: a dragon has only one life partner. Once our heart has been given, no matter what, we cannot give it to another. So be careful in who you give it to, because you won't get another chance. Understood?

Natsu had nodded his head, serious for once. The usually loud, reckless, and not-a-little-arrogant dragon Igneel had spoken so seriously that little Natsu had sworn to never forget.

Back then he'd had only a little idea of what his father had been talking about. He'd only been a kid after all. But after meeting Lucy...

After that night he'd quit ignoring her. Instead he'd found reasons and excuses to always be with her, going as far as to trick her to be his teammate whereas before he'd avoided taking jobs with others like it was the plague. He'd trespass into her apartment - although he wouldn't call it exactly that, since she always left her window open - trail her at the guild, always find jobs for them to do. He'd even started agreeing to take the more dangerous jobs with Erza and Stripping Ice Princess just so he'd have backup protecting her if something went wrong.

And despite all that, he'd still failed.

That day, he hadn't been able to do anything. He'd been so focused on that bastard; he hadn't even noticed where Lucy had been standing. Usually he would be near her during situations like that, but the arrival of Future Rogue had shaken him up too much.

When the other dragon slayer had unleashed an attack, he'd been frozen like one of the sculptures that Gray hid in his freezing apartment (Natsu had found out both facts when he'd played a prank on the Ice Bastard). All he'd been able to do was stand there and watch as the blast of killing magic had headed towards Lucy.

And then the hooded figure - the future's Lucy - had suddenly jumped in front of her counterpart, taking the blow. Natsu hadn't felt relieved, though. If anything, he'd felt even more of a failure. He hadn't been able to save either of them.

After the first few seconds of stunned grief, he'd finally been able to move, but he hadn't known what to do. So he'd just stood there, watching Lucy die - and it didn't matter if she was from the future, Lucy was still Lucy no matter where or what or when she came from - even as the Lucy from their time watched. If he'd been asked, even now, he still wouldn't be able to describe what he'd felt then, what he could still feel now, even after two years. It was a mixture of indescribable grief and immeasurable rage. Rage at Lucy for daring to leave him. Rage at Rogue for killing the one that held his heart. Most of all, rage directed inward for not being strong enough, fast enough to save her.

He'd snapped out of his daze when he'd noticed Rogue moving in for another attack. He'd moved immediately then, determined to save Lucy, to protect her future, no matter the cost. Fairy Tail mages didn't kill, but at that moment he would have unhesitatingly murdered Rogue. It hadn't come to that, though. The opening of the Eclipse Gate and the arrival of the seven dragons had come upon them before they could finish their battle, and after that Natsu had been able to fight Future Rogue. However, the man had died at the hands of a rogue dragon trying to save his past self, saying that he wanted to be given a chance to become a different man than what he'd ended up as.

After that things had started going in their favor again. Igneel, Metallicana and Grandeeney had come along with other dragons to tell them how to save their future. It had required someone who had a connection to time and the different parallel worlds, someone like a Celestial Mage. Lucy had unhesitatingly offered herself to be absorbed into the Eclipse, but Natsu had vehemently protested. Yukino had then stepped forward, but before she could speak up, Ultear had arrived, flushed and breathless. She'd been able to hear everything via a surveillance lacrima, and had volunteered.

"You need someone who could use Time Magic, right? What better choice than a Time Mage?"

Meredy had cried then, but she hadn't tried to stop her surrogate mother. She knew what Ultear was trying to do; atone for their past sins. Further proof was when Ultear had asked that the rest of Crime Sorcier be absolved from their previous charges, and the king had quickly agreed.

And so Ultear had offered herself to the Eclipse. She'd done it with a smile for Jellal and her beloved surrogate daughter, and she was content.

As soon as she'd been fully one with the Eclipse, the three dragons had turned to their surrogate sons and daughter. A tense moment had passed before Grandeeney spoke.

"Now it is our turn to sacrifice ourselves. And you must be the ones to do it, dragon slayers," she'd said, looking first at Gajeel, then at Natsu and finally at the little girl she'd raised.

The crowd had gone deadly silent. The three dragon slayers had been oblivious to the looks their guild mates had given them, trying to find a way to put to lie what the great bird-like dragon had said.

No. It couldn't be true. They must have heard wrong. They hadn't just been asked to kill the only parents they've known.

But it had been clear that Grandeeney was serious. Igneel and Metallicana said nothing, merely staring at their respective sons. The two men - for both of them had lost their last bit of boyishness the minute they'd been asked, no ordered to kill their parents - had stared back, trying to look silently for what the youngest slayer asked with tears and sobbed words: it was a lie, right? Just a big joke?

Their only answer had been Metallicana's curt, cutting words: "You need to become stronger, and only bathing in dragon's blood could make you any stronger than you are now. Do you want to put that woman's sacrifice to waste?"

Of course not. But wasn't there another way? One that preferably did not include forfeiting someone else's future?

Igneel, who'd been silent up to that point, had finally spoken up. "There is no other option. You must choose now, or you will lose whatever ground you've managed to gain in battle."

After what seemed like an eternity, the dragon slayers had finally given up. They had no other choice. As much as they loved their dragons - even Gajeel, who'd given in and punched, kicked, shouted at and finally hugged the father he hadn't seen in years - the lives of their nakama and the rest of the world - especially their loved ones - counted heavily.

They'd all released their most powerful Secret Dragon Slayer Art at the same time, pouring in all their emotions. They'd watched helplessly as their parents' bodies were absorbed to the Eclipse, fading away as if they'd never been. Before the last part had vanished, Natsu had heard a voice in his head, saying something that had made him incredible angry and incredibly sad at the same time.

This is why we stayed away. We wanted you to hate us, so that when this time came you wouldn't be hurt. But I guess even the Mighty Igneel commits mistakes. I'm sorry, son. Remember that I'm proud of you, and we'll always be watching all of you, just like the way you'll always watch over your mate and the family you'll have someday. Goodbye, Natsu.

The other dragons had similar messages for their children. They'd all mourned that day, but even that didn't last long; the seven dragons had to be defeated, and after the fight the city and the people had tried to recover. Dead mages were buried. The city and friends and family members grieved. Damages had to be fixed, and in most cases wholly rebuilt. Every guild helped. Some independent mages had even come to lend a hand, and the other kingdoms, especially Bosco and Pergrande, had sent soldiers and masons and builders to help. Soon, Crocus showed no sign of ever having been attacked.

It wasn't so for the three dragon slayers though, and neither for the rest of Fairy Tail. For those first few months, none of them acted like themselves; they seldom went to the guild, and when they did it was only to get missions and report back. Eventually Wendy recovered enough to stay at the guild for a few days before going off to see someone at Crocus, or to another mission, usually accompanied by Max or Warren and always by Charle. Gajeel took a few months longer before giving in to Levy's gentle prodding. Natsu, on the other hand, almost took a year of convincing before settling down. Even then, he would sometimes just stand up and walk out of the guild, staying out for days at a time until Lucy and Happy searched him out. And then there was what happened every July 7.

Instead of disappearing, he'd go to the guild early. He would sit at the bar and order drink after drink; he did not talk to anyone. Happy had tried, and eventually had given up. Lucy would take on a week-long mission a day before, and the rest of the guild members were either busy, or decided to leave him alone out of either understanding or fear.

That pattern had happened on first anniversary, and the second, and was in the process of repeating it for the third time, although with a bit of a delay in the date as Master Makatov had forced Natsu to participate in the X794 Grand Magical Games. Happy hadn't even tried talking to him this year, had simply rolled back to pretend to sleep while his friend and father figure went out the door to grieve. He knew Natsu would go to the Fairy Tail, where the guild was planning to throw a birthday party for Lucy, although he doubted Natsu remembered or even knew. For days around that particular day, Natsu would try to forget anything concerning his closest nakama, and would focus only on missions, getting drunk, and even more missions, or in this case fighting in the Games. He didn't talk to anyone with either, and would snarl at any guild member who would dare approach him.

Now Natsu was weaving his drunk way through town, unconscious of where he was going. He simply wanted to be left alone. The only reason he'd stayed that long at the guild was the presence of the scent that tended to overwhelm his senses, and when it had grown faint enough to prove that the owner wasn't there anymore, he'd gotten up to go. No one had tried to stop him, although a few had shot worried looks at his retreating back. Even in the midst of a party, Fairy Tail took notice of one of its strongest and most cheerful mages stumbling his way to the door, too drunk to realize that his scarf lay forgotten on the floor.

He stopped in front of a familiar stretch of river, midway through one of the many stone bridges of Magnolia. Through the haze of alcohol he acknowledged that his feet had led him to the one place he wanted to avoid at all costs, but at the same time the place that he normally treated as his home.

Lucy's place.

A/N:...I have no idea how to continue this. Well I do, vaguely... And this is why I hate starting something without a concrete plot, but the idea just came to me. Anyway, don't expect a continuation soon, although I'm planning on one.