Hey there. Been a long time, I know. Instead of make up some sorry excuse as to where I've been, I'll just say this; GO. WATCH. SOUL EATER.
Black Star rushed through the streets of Death City, beside himself with fury with his face covered in ink.
"Keese, you bastard, get back here!"
Up ahead, a new student of the DWMA was running from Black Star, laughing all the way. His name was Keese, and he was easily one of the biggest pranksters the DWMA had seen (or at least one of the most persistent). Squinting, gaining, Black Star saw someone reach their arm around a corner, Keese seizing it and turning into a long, reverse-blade katana with two parallel blades beside the other.
"NO, NO, DAMMIT, NO!" Black Star roared as Loretta, Keese's meister, jabbed her weapon into the wall and easily shot up it, scaling it almost effortlessly as Black Star stood at the bottom, ranting and swearing like a trooper as the two escaped laughing.
Loretta, a long time resident of Death City, dressed in light mismatched armor over a plain workshop uniform, ascended the steps of the DWMA, her vibrant red hair tied back and with her partner and weapon, Keese, a slightly round newcomer by her side, wearing his favorite red jacket and with numerous chains and links hanging from it or out of his pockets, his glasses glinting in the sunset. The two had recently become partners at the academy after the great battle with the Kishin and were more than ready to show what they were made of… however, the two also were notorious pranksters and often found themselves in trouble with both the staff and students. Even still, the two continued on without a care, Lord Death growing increasingly agitated by their shenanigans, despite not really having any grounds to do anything about it.
"Hey, you!"
The two turned to see Soul hurrying up to them, looking as if he had been running for some time.
"Sid's looking for you, he sounds real pissed." Loretta nodded as Keese huffed. "What? You got something to say to me, fat boy?"
"Don't call me fat, you spikey headed cliché scythe!"
"What did you call me!"
As Loretta left the two wrestling behind her, she started off to find Sid, her heavy mismatched boots echoing as she walked. On her way, she spied another student sitting under a tree. He was skinny, creepy, and pale with dark hair and dark glasses and dressed from head to toe in black. He sat calmly stroking his Alaskan malamute, which growled softly at her as she passed by. The boy simply gave her a creepy smile. Coming to his study, she saw Sid looking complacent as usual (he WAS a zombie after all).
"There you are. I've been waiting for you." he said, rising from his chair.
"So, what's up, Sid-" "Don't 'what's up' me, trying to act all innocent."
Sid (possibly) glowered down at Loretta as he approached her.
"Listen. You an' Keese have been at this academy long enough and you haven't made so much as a single mission trip yet. To top it off," he said, his voice growing more irritated "you both keep causing trouble for everyone. I don't know if you're both trying to prove something, but I and the rest of the staff are getting tired of your routine, got it?"
"Hai!" Loretta said, giving him a wink. Sid only groaned to himself and turned, not noticing the 'DEADHEAD' sign she and Keese had stuck to his back.
"Now, go and find a mission or else Lord Death will talk with you two, and I can guarantee it won't be a pleasant chat." Sid said as he took his seat again. With that, Loretta left, coming to find Soul and Keese still hopelessly sparring with each other at the steps.
"Keese!" she called "Quit playing with Soul, it's time to go." she said. Keese nodded and began to walk away from Soul who quickly grabbed his ankle, causing him to trip, their amusing fight beginning once more, Loretta sighing as she simply left the two.
"So… he wants us to get some work?"
Keese sat on the window ledge of his and Loretta's apartment. The sun was dozing on and off, Keese only shaking his head at it.
"That's what deadhead said." Loretta said as she watched her cup ramen closely. "Death won't be happy if we don't take some initiative."
"Like Black Star ever does?"
"What?"
"Nothing."
It was usually the same every night. Keese and Loretta mostly just longed and waited for the next school day, but this time there was no more putting it off. They HAD to take a job soon.
"Hey, Lori…" Loretta looked up for just a second. "Y'know how we're supposed to get ninety nine Kishin eggs and a witch soul, right?" Loretta nodded. "Well, I just got to thinking… if the witch soul is so much harder to get, let's get it out of the way first." Loretta stared for a bit, not noticing her ramen swelling up.
"Keese… you're a genius!" she said loudly. "We just need to sneak off some time for it. Something tells me they'd want most to wait before they go for a witch's soul."
Keese only huffed. "We're already as good as half those people there." he said smugly. "We've got this in the bag." he said rising, Loretta joining him (leaving her now unappealing ramen behind). The two hurried to the DWMA as the grinning moon began to rise, looking hurriedly through the job lists.
"Nope."
"Nope."
"Nope."
"Nope."
"Hey, I got one!"
Keese and Loretta both looked over it. There was a witch in a far off town that had just recently been posted. All they had to do was make their way to her.
"Hey. Who's there?"
Keese and Loretta turned quickly to see Marie descending the steps. If she found them, they'd likely be asked which job they were going for (and after hearing of the last few botched jobs, figured if they lied about their job, the witch's soul would likely be confiscated), so Keese quickly turned to his dual katana form as Loretta jumped high and jabbed him into the wall, hanging above Marie as she looked around for them.
"Strange… I thought I heard someone here…" shrugging, she was off once more. Seeing her off, Keese and Loretta jumped down and hurried for the train station. This was it. They were going to become the first students to get their witch soul first… or at least that's what their egos told them.
It was a long train ride. The town was mostly deserted. The sun was beginning to rise. Keese and Loretta had no luck in finding information about the witch.
"Well, this sucks." Keese said as he flopped into a park bench, giving a loud yawn. "Five different people give five different stories. What are we gonna do now, I mean we can't come back empty handed…"
Loretta knew he was right, but she also felt there was more to things then what Keese was seeing.
"Five people, right?"
"Yeah, so?"
Loretta opened her belt pouch and fished a map of the town out.
"We were right EXACTLY here when we met the first guy, right?"
"Eee-yup…"
"And we went to the corner pub next, right?"
"Si'."
"Then the church?"
"Got question number three…"
Tongue in cheek, Loretta traced their path on the map with a large marker, smiling with satisfaction as she finished.
"Oh Keese," she cooed, waving the map in front of his face. Opening his eyes, Keese saw exactly what she had put together. Each person they spoke to told them to go to a very certain point in proper succession, Loretta tracing their path perfectly, a large pentagram marking their every stop, point for point.
"What would I do without you, Lori?"
"Work."
"Funny of you…"
The two turned to face the town. Sure enough, it seemed like the answer was right in front of their faces the whole time. In fact…
"Seems awful cliché when you think about it." Keese said as they made their way to a tall, decrepit bell tower.
After a long, boring, tiring trek up the tower steps, the two had finally made their way to the top of the aged bell tower, countless regal, glimmering bells hanging about the tower, each looking brand new (or at least incredibly well kept in comparison to the rest of the tower).
"We're here, witch lady! C'mon out!" Keese jeered as Loretta readied herself. After a moment more, Keese continued to wonder the tower, trying to taunt and goad their foe out, only for there to be no answer still. Finally, there came a sound, Loretta and Keese turning to see what it was. The five people they spoke to who lead them around the city, each looking pale and complacent.
"Keese. Let's roll!" Loretta called as she took her weapon's hand as he transformed.
"I don't think we're allowed to hurt people, Lori." Keese said as they came closer. Still, Loretta knew something was off. These people weren't normal. They were getting closer and closer, their unfixed eyes all locked on Loretta and each of them rearing back to attack. Loretta jumped high and kicked one in the face, knocking her down instantly. Turning, expecting her to be out cold, she saw the fallen woman slowly climb to her feet, a trickle of blood streaming down her lip.
"Hey… Keese… I think these people are already dead…" she said calmly.
"Then I guess what we smelled earlier wasn't trash and rotting wood." Keese sneered as Loretta stood at ready. Sure enough, as soon as she said this the people charged for her.
"Trying to use the DWMA's rules against them?" Loretta said as she cut them down with one swing. "Oldest one in the book!" she said as they each fell. "C'mon out, witch! We're not scared of you!" she called. After a brief moment, though, each of the bodies began to shake, some kind of twisted disgusting blob beginning to force itself out of each of their mouths ("Ew, nasty!" Keese called) as they slithered under the largest bell and came together, wrapping and churning together until they formed into a humanoid shape. The witch was already there with them.
"Greetings." she said, a revealing but flowing white dress appearing on her, a smile spreading across her slightly aged but still pretty face. "You may refer to me as Belle. How are you two tonight?" she said with a bow, her platinum white hair tied in a long ponytail.
"Cut the formalities, witch!" Loretta called. "You know what we're here for."
At this, the witch smiled. "You academy ruffians are always the same." she said, turning to a spiraling staircase to the second floor of the bell tower. "Come for my soul and never to visit."
"Funny of you!" Keese called out. "Now then, can we do this the easy way or the easy way?"
The witch laughed loudly, a loud ticking sound filling the tower. "I see you two are straight to the point." she sneered. "If you're that serious about your career, then by all means," she said, taking a seat on the largest bell and giving a yawn, "show me what you've got!"
The moment Loretta stepped toward Belle she was greeted with a deafening crash from each of the bells in the tower. Buckling to her knees, she held her head and looked up to see Belle gliding gracefully through the air, looking as if she were enjoying the din of the bells like a calming tune. The moment the ringing stopped, the loud ticking noise began again. Fatigued (Keese still lying ranting beside her), she looked down to the floor as the witch laughed loudly, her eyes passing over the many chains that hung from Keese's hilt… seeing his watch, which not only read midnight but also was ticking obscenely fast. The witch was controlling time!
"You should have known better than to come here, little girl." Belle taunted as she sat on another bell.
"Let's see you try to dodge this!" Loretta screeched as she jabbed Keese for her. The enchantress, however, quickly flipped herself inside the hanging bell. As Loretta swung Keese for the bell, they saw she was nowhere to be found.
"Yoo-hoo."
Turning, they saw her clear on the other side of the tower.
"You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?"
"Warping is cheating!" Keese called.
"Fine, if it's cheating," Belle said, lounging. "I'll give you a freebie. Better not miss." Loretta swallowed hard and rushed for Belle. It seemed she really wasn't going to move. Just before Loretta got to her, however, there was another crash from the bells, Loretta dropping to the floor as Belle floated through the air once more.
"Sorry," she taunted lazily "but I said one freebie. You missed, so I guess I'll just have to kill you both." Loretta growled, holding her ears tightly.
"Lori! Get up! We can't let her win!" Keese called, grunting through the lethal echo. "We're supposed to be the best!" As the ringing stopped (and all the clocks reverted to midnight), Loretta scooped up Keese and began to slice wildly for Belle, only for her to warp away every time they came close.
"Care to see what else I can do?" Belle said calmly as she held her hand behind her, firing a shining bolt into one of the bells. Loretta, panting slightly, watched in bewilderment as she hurried for Bell, only to feel a burning burst hit her in the side, the bolt warping from one of the hanging bells. Straining to get back up, the bells tolled once more, Loretta falling to the ground as she held her head screaming, this time her ear beginning to bleed.
"Is this really the best an academy student can do?" Belle chortled as she floated in a circle around Keese and Loretta. "I should kill you both now for failing to amuse me." she said as she gave them a wink. Roaring, ignoring the ringing, Loretta seized Keese and jabbed for the witch, both blades growing longer and shooting in a straight line for her as she rushed back.
"Keese, how'd you do that?" Loretta groaned as the ringing stopped. "That's… that's a new technique!" she cheered as Belle gave them a look of contempt, though she smiled once more soon after.
"Very well. I accept your challenge." Belle said, beginning to pulse with power. "Entertain me!" she called as she rushed for the two, swinging as gleaming bolts streaked from her hands like daggers. Loretta easily blocked each of the attacks, but the same went for Belle who easily blocked each of Loretta's moves. Just then, Loretta eyed Keese's watch. It was almost time for the bells to ring. Thinking desperately, Loretta jumped back away from Belle with a parry and swung Keese for her, his blades shooting forward like spears. Belle, seeing this, jumped into one of her bells and warped for another, the mammoth crash coming once again, but this time less over-powering.
"You two are starting to annoy me!" spat Belle as she glared down at them, standing on the bell she climbed from. What was with the sudden change in her attitude? As the ringing died down quickly, Loretta looked at Keese's watch. It was ticking at its normal speed. It made perfect sense now. Belle couldn't use too much power.
"Even a witch has flaws, huh?" Loretta taunted. Belle was beside herself.
"I'll eat your heart!" she spat as she lunged for Loretta. Loretta, however, dodged easily, the witch shooting back into another bell.
"What's the matter?" Keese jeered. "No eye of newt?"
"That's not funny!" Belle called as she shot a volley of bolts from numerous bells for them. Loretta was having a tough time dodging them and countering them with Keese. Adding to her already fatigued state, she knew she had to end this fight quick. Quickly, Loretta began to hack at the bells, shattering more and more of them as Belle roared angrily at them both. She knew what they knew. The fewer bells she had, the easier it was for them to corner her. Finally, she leapt from the bell she was hiding in and swung for Loretta's face, her glowing hand clawing her right eye out instantly. Dropping to her knees, Loretta dropped Keese who quickly reverted to his human form.
"Lori! Lori!" he called as he knelt beside her. A moment later, though, Belle seized him and threw him into the largest bell with a loud crash, watching him fall to the floor.
"It's time I finish you off once and for all." Belle growled, powering up. "This is a special spell, just for the ladies." she cooed, chuckling darkly. "Now, perish!" she screeched as she swung for Loretta, a golden burst of light flying for her. As Belle began to laugh loudly, Keese got up quickly and charged for his partner, taking the full force of the blast and rolling in a heap next to Loretta.
"Keese! Keese, no!" she called, shaking her partner. "Keese, answer me, please!"
"Ugh… that hurt…" Keese groaned in a throaty voice. In fact, Loretta thought, it didn't sound a thing like Keese. As her partner slowly climbed from the floor, Loretta saw why.
"This seems oddly familiar…" Loretta said as she wiped her bloody face, looking upon her partner.
"What? What's wrong?" Keese said as SHE gave a stretch.
"Damn you both!" roared Belle. "How dare you defy me!"
"What are you talking abou… WHAT THE!" Keese shrieked, looking down at herself.
"Nice rack, Keese." Loretta laughed as her eye's bleeding slowed.
"This isn't funny, dammit! What is this!"
"Obvious that's why she said the spell was for women." Loretta said, reaching out for her partner's hand. "Shall we finish this story, now?"
"You're the protagonist." Keese huffed, becoming a katana once more. Loretta charged for Belle again, this time locking with the enchantress's glowing hands.
"I… WANT… YOU… TO… DIIIIIIE!" Belle roared as she kicked back from Loretta, jumping on top of the giant bell and slicing it from its post. As it came crashing down through the tower floor, Loretta jumped high, seeing Belle flying through the air. This was it. Loretta flipped Keese's blade around and swung for the witch. Belle, seeing this, reached out to catch the turned katana, her hands being sliced through as she was cut down by the reverse-blade katana. Surprised beyond words, Belle fell through the floor, the tower caving in over her body as Loretta jumped up through the caving roof. As she flew through the predawn skies, watching the tower crumble beneath her, she saw the violet glow of the witch's soul in the cascading rubble.
"Score!" she and Keese both said together. They had successfully achieved their witch's soul!
"Now then, first and foremost… REAPER CHOP! REAPER CHOP!"
Both Loretta (wearing an extra eye patch Marie had) and Keese (now restored to his former self) buckled to their knees as Lord Death gave them both Reaper Chops to the head.
"You…BIG LOUT!" Keese barked
"I've heard that before." Lord Death said, turning to his mirror. "Now then, you have both shown nothing short of absolute excellence in eliminating that pesky witch." he went on.
"Then what's with the chop to the head?"
"still getting to that, Keese." The grim reaper turned back to them. "You, Loretta, are lucky your eye was all you lost. A meister and weapon challenging a witch with no prior battle experience is completely unheard of and dangerous. In spite of the noteworthy job you both did, I will caution you both that future recklessness such as this will result in immediate expulsion. Do I make myself clear?" The two nodded. "Very good. Keese, please go see Professor Stein with your… condition…" At this, Keese grumbled, Loretta chortling at him.
It had been a week since their encounter with the witch Belle. Professor Stein had taken a blood sample from Keese and was now testing it to see why Keese was now randomly turning back into a girl at times. As she and Loretta came to Stein's lab, they found the door slightly ajar. Looking inside, the scientist's chair flopped backwards onto the floor, Stein holding a primed flamethrower up at them, his glasses glinting.
"Sorry." he said calmly. "I've been trying to give up smoking and got hooked on horror films instead." reaching into his pocket, he stuck a cigarette into his mouth and lit it with his flamethrowers before spitting it from his mouth. "Just watched the Thing last night. I suppose you're here for the result, Keese?" he asked, rising from the floor and dusting himself off. "Follow me please."
"Sure, just don't call me ma'am like last time, quack." Keese huffed as she and Loretta stepped inside. Stein motioned them to his workbench.
"Now then, long story short, the spell you got hit with sends a charge through all X chromosomes, which should result in instant death for women. However, due to your naturally occurring Y chromosome, the spell instead only charged your X's, which now occasionally surge. There's no life threatening danger I've been able to gather, so every time there is a surge, you will transform into a healthy, perfectly natural female-"
"There's nothing natural about this, you quack!" Keese yelled angrily as Loretta stared wide-eyed.
"Please, do not yell." Stein said turning to six blood samples. "Now, from each of my control specimens and one of my test specimens, I've deduced you currently have a 15% chance of going into full transformation-"
"Do what!" Keese cried with a jump, Loretta gasping.
"Only kidding," Stein said with a laugh. "You could go into full transformation at any moment. Funny, huh?"
"You mean to tell me if this keeps up in the future that I could be stuck like this!"
"No not at all, I mean that at this very minute you could be stuck like that." Stein responded calmly with a comforting smile. "But like I said, there's no danger to your health at all. I'll work on this if I ever feel interested, ma'am." he said turning his television on to an old black-and-white vampire film. "And Bela Lugosi's still undead." he sighed.
"Mister… I'm not sure I like you." Keese said, turning to leave.
"You're too kind." Stein said as he ate a handful of popcorn, Loretta turning to join Keese.
"Women live longer, y'know?"
"Shaddup, Lori…"
The sun was setting when Loretta and Keese made their way to the surface. They were now back into their old pranking routine now that they were ordered by Death to play it safe from now on.
"Hey! Hey, new girl!"
Keese turned with a glare to Soul.
"You really know how to push my buttons, don't you Soul." she said, readying herself.
"Don't think just cause you're a girl now I'll take it easy on you." Soul laughed.
"THAT'S IT!" Keese roared as she tackled Soul. "GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
As the two rolled on the ground, Loretta only huffed and went off to their apartment. The DWMA definitely had their work cut out for them now.
Well, not so bad for my first one shot in a while (especially considering me and Joey knocked this one out in one afternoon). Well, this is actually a tie in to his Soul Eater fic he's working on, so if you want to see Keese and Loretta again (possibly with a little bit more of the gender bending the Soul Eater manga seems to already have no shortage of), I say give it a look. It's called "The Dark Lord Rises! A Soul Split Into Five?" Until next time (which I hope won't be too long).