Author's Note: So this is a fanfiction that was inspired by the Youtube video Breaking the Habit: Edmund Pevensie by cudajesse. Thanks a lot cudajesse! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: Narnia does not belong to me no matter how much I wish it did and I do not own "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park

I don't know what's worth fighting for,

Or why I have to scream,

I don't know why I instigate,

And say what I don't mean.

I don't know how I got this way,

I know it's not alright,

So I'm breaking the habit,

I'm breaking the habit tonight.

-"Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park

I stared out at the green trees in western Narnia from my bedroom window at Cair Paravel. Why had I been made King? Why would anyone make a traitor King? The last year was unforgivable. Peter, Susan, and Lucy should be furious with me for what I had done to them. I had ridiculed and nearly caused all our deaths. I didn't deserve the pitying glances they gave me when they thought I wasn't watching. I should have died in the Battle of Beruna.

"Edmund," Peter said knocking on the door.

"What, Peter?" I said rudely. I sighed and walked over to the door opening it slowly. "Sorry, old habit."

"It's alright." Peter said smiling. He sat down on my four poster bed.

"I wish you would all stop that." I replied starting to pace back and forth across the room.

"Stop what?"

"Stop saying that it's 'alright', because it will never be alright."

"Ed, it wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was. You didn't make me turn into a beastly little twit."

"Edmund, you aren't like that anymore. You changed."

"Pete, I'm a...a...a traitor and I always will be."

"Don't say that! You know it's not true!" Peter yelled his temper flaring.

"It is true, Pete! I'm a bloody traitor!" I yelled back.

"Ed, we've all forgiven you. You haven't forgiven yourself!" I glared at him as hard as I could. He glared right back. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. It was taking all of his energy just to keep him from punching me in the face. How I wished he would just hit me.

"Peter, I nearly got all of us killed. I'm a traitor and liar." I said through barred teeth.

"Fine, if that's what you think." Peter said before storming out of the room. I slumped onto the floor realizing how far I had just back tracked. Why had I said those things? Of course they were true, but Peter hated it when I said stuff like that. The truth in Peter's words rung in my ears. You haven't forgiven yourself. It was so true yet so very wrong. No I hadn't forgiven myself, but I also had lost my trust in myself.

When you no longer can trust your own choice's you listen to your leader no matter how silly or stupid of a thing they make you do; you follow them with unwavering loyalty; you remain silent even when you know you should speak up because you lose the ability to trust yourself, because you don't know what's worth fighting for.

I stood up and ran to the door. Peter deserved an apology, no matter how true the things I said were. He was my king, my leader, and most of all my brother.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit tonight

-"Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park

Authors Note: So...thanks for reading. Please review this story. Good, bad, it doesn't matter I just want to know what you think. Thanks again! - GBNF