Prologue: Don't Have an Unfortunate Name Once upon a time, a hipster by the name of Roger Christ lived somewhere in Canada.
On his 18th brthday, his Welsh uncle Caill bought him a limousine.*1 But this wasn't any ordinary limousine!
This limousine was green!
And it could travel between dimensions.
So he dug a tunnel to Gensokyo.
Chapter 1: Don't Be Roger Christ Roger Christ was on his way to his uncle's place to play Super Mario World.
But then Koishi stole 20 dollars from him.
And his lean green limousine.
and the shift and capslock keys.
and his virginity.
...Wait, nevermind, the keys are just invisible.
Chapter 2: Don't Be a Racist Roger Christ was sitting around, carving words into trees.
The messages were mostly hate messages directed towards North Korea.
He then signed the messages with his name.
Meanwhile, Yukari was bored, so she thought it would be funny if she gapped the trees into North Korea.
The result: North Korea nuked Roger's house.
The best part: Roger himself was completely unaware of this because he was in Gensokyo.
Chapter 3: Don't Call a Man a Pervert Roger Christ decided to have a contest.
He wanted to see how many trees he could carve the word "PERVERT" into.
By the end of the day, he counted 34.*3 However, this angered the pervert deities so much that they opened a portal for perverts to attack Roger.
Only one pervert went through it, though.*4 Said pervert stole Roger's power.
Chapter 4: Don't Be Boring Roger Christ was bored, so he held another contest.
He wanted to see how bored he could be.
It was pretty boring.
So boring, in fact, that I'm not going to go into depth on it.
Luckily, all boring things must come to an end.
A tone-deaf Mexican in a polo shirt managed to cause Roger to lose the contest.
Chapter 5: Don't Do Drugs Roger Christ was bored AND hungry.
He was in the Forest of Magic when he saw some mushrooms.
Because he was so bored and hungry, he ate the mushrooms.
The result was a drug trip that even the writer can't describe in words.
However, I will say, there was one point where his nose flew off and became the next boss in Touhou 16.
It was a great experience.
Chapter 6: Don't Make Pointless Milestone Chapters Roger Christ has six chapters now.
Six is a sort of arc number in the series.
There are six sentences per chapter.
There were also six sentences in the title of Chapter 3.
Six is 3 times 2.
That means this series will end before the amount of chapters (including the prologue, but not the author's notes) reaches six times 2.
Chapter 7: Don't Become a Pirate Roger Christ wanted to play some video games.
After a while, his uncle sent him a dimensional capsule containing some old NES games.
Most of them were pirated, though.
Anyway, he was so bored, he did everything there is to do in Action 52, of all things.
He later went on to play other bootlegs such as Super Maruo, Titenic, and 7 GRAND DAD.*5 His punishment for pirating was to be struck by lightning.
Chapter 8: Don't Dig Too Deep Roger Christ dug a hole one day.
As you can guess, he was very bored.
Surprisingly, something went right for him.
He got hit on the head with a bucket and suffered a concussion.*2 Wait, no he didn't.
He grazed the bucket and is just dandy.
Chapter 9: Don't Send Cryptic Messages Roger Christ decided to steal back his limousine.
Once again, it worked out for him.
Inside the limousine was a letter from Uncle Caill.
"Don't you have some unfinished buisness to attend to?"
Roger thought back to the earlier chapters.
Looks like luck is on the side of Roger Christ.
Final Chapter: Don't Set an Arbitrary Chapter Limit Roger Christ was playing Super Mario World at his uncle's house, when Koishi came to visit.
She was planning to give Roger his virginity back.
However, the shock of Koishi caused Roger to have a heart attack.
He was then burned at the stake by Koreans and perverts.
His tombstone reads this:
HERE LIES ROGER CHRIST, THE MAN WHO LOST EVERYTHING...EXCEPT FOR HIS UNCLE AND HIS UNBORN CHILD.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
*1: Caill is welsh for testicle.
*2: probably Kisume *3: The original number was going to be 94, but 34 is funnier.
*4: probably Schezo *5 All of these bootlegs are real.