At first there was nothing. Then, there was The Tit. The Tit was the beginning of everything, making planets, lifeforms, and anything else you can think of.
After millions of years, The Tit became weak, and realized that in order to keep the universe from falling into chaos, it created three creatures, each creating and controlling the power of the most important components of the universe. Time, tits, and the sexy booty.
The god of time was a dog named Chesticle, and could travel forwards and backwards through time by swinging his chest testicle in different directions. The goddess of tits, Wondertits, who as expected, had magic tits.
Then, there was the god of the sexy ass, originally named Benadryl Cabbagepatch, but as time went on, his worshippers began shortening it, and eventually, he became The Great and Powerful Cumberbooty. Years passed, and Cumberbooty grew bored of simply watching earth, so he decided to put on some sexy clothes, and go down to earth. Immediately the humans began to worship his body, but something strange happened. Instead of seeing him as the god of sexy booties, he began being documented as the god of both Sexiness and the Booty, and he embraced that.
More years passed, and eventually, The Tit faded away, leaving behind only a memory and the ability for people to harness the power that it left. As the humans evolved, less and less people remembered The Tit, and the few leftover who did remember would practice the rituals in private, and a select few who The Tit felt were worthy would be able to harness the magic. Of course, since Cumberbooty was a child of The Great Tit, he has both the powers given to him by The Tit, but he also had his own, making him the most powerful being in the universe, alongside his brother and sister.
Yet again growing bored of being on earth and not really doing anything, Benadryl decided to put on slightly less revealing (but still sexy) clothes, and go try and do regular human things. The moment he walked out of his cave and teleported to the heavily populated city of New York, he realized something. The Cumberbooty was very, very gay, and very ,very horny. Since he was not fully accustomed to what's appropriate to humans, he began walking through the city with a raging erection, searching for a sexy rock to hump. The citizens of New York City knew they should be horrified, but he was just so sexy that they couldn't help but stare. They could tell instantly that a being of such sexiness with such a thicc ass couldn't be human, but since The Tit had been long forgotten by then, they didn't know to worship him, so they just stared.
And until he heard of the golden pancreas, this is how life went on