Hi everyone! I am currently having some trouble writing the seventh and final chapter to my other story, 'Everlasting Bond' (go read!) so I decided to write something else while I struggle, (all you people who want me to update-I will! I promise! . . . Now put down the evil pointy things of doom!)

And what do you know! It's a humor! YAY! Now you can see the real extent of my in-existent abilities! . . .um, did that make sense? Oh, and by the way, it is told in Kurama's pov.

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Intro:

Greetings everyone. Some of you may know me as Hiei's best friend, others (especially huge fanfiction people) think of me as Hiei's lover, *tries very hard to put the latest chapter of one of his favorite KxH fanfics out of his mind*

. . .Um, *clears throat* but another thing I happen to be is Hiei's translator, or to be more precise 'hn' interpreter.

You see Hiei has a very interesting way of speaking and expressing things, and I am one of the only people who has ever gotten close enough to him, no! Not like that! I still have to, uh . . . never mind. As I was saying, I have gotten close enough to him to understand the basics of 'Hiei speak . . .'

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Body Language (No! Be quiet you evil little voices!):

Hiei usually holds himself in very straight position. He has excellent posture. In fact the only time I have ever seen him slouch was when,

He was -very- upset/mad about something,
or He was badly injured.

An upset Hiei can be recognized by the way his shoulders will sort of droop and he won't talk to ANYONE. Not even me! I eventually get him to though . . . (meaning getting him to TALK! -Just- talk!)

An injured Hiei will usually try to put up a hardened front, and will attempt to pull his shoulders back, (When I am around, and this is the case, I usually don't let him. What I DO do, is take care of him, or force him to let me. . .meaning I make him let me take care off his wounds! That's it! Stop looking at me like that!) When Hiei is hurt to the point of unconscious-ness, I tend to him. No question.

^^^^^^

Hiei also has this form of communicating called the 'shrug.' He has a great any different types of 'shrugs,' but I am pleased to say I am succeeding in figuring them all out. I will describe the most often used ones now;

Slight Shrug -- Hiei does this when he is feeling very indifferent about something.

Semi-Stronger Slight Shrug -- Hiei uses -this- kind of shrug when he is /trying/ to feel indifferent about something, or when he cares, but doesn't want anyone to know.

One-Shoulder Lift -- the name says it all. I have seen Hiei do it when he wasn't listening to what you were saying, but tries to pretend he was so you don't repeat yourself. (Humph, maybe if he listened more, he'd "understand" more)

And finally, The Two-Shoulder Lift - One of less common shrugs, but very easy to see. Used by Hiei when he doesn't want to make up his mind, and wants you to know that he doesn't want to make up his mind.

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Hn Speak:

Now another way that Hiei talks to other people is through a complex code that he, himself created. Basically, he says 'hn' in a certain way or tone, or during different circumstances. Sometimes 'hn's' are accompanied by shrugs; all this does is make it easier to understand.

First, there are the two basic hn's, the 'yes' hn, and the 'no' hn. All you have to do to understand which is which, is listen to what he is saying it /for/.

For instance, if Hiei's shirt was ripped off and his arm was all bloody, and I asked him "Hiei, is your arm bothering you?" he would probably answer with a "No, you baka. I have a high tolerance for pain! And stop -looking- at me like that!" hn. If Yusuke asked him "Do you really think Kuwabara is stupid?" Hiei would most likely answer with a "are you kidding me?" stare, and an 'indifferent' hn.

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I hope writing this has helped you to understand Hiei a little bit better, but don't think that just because you know what his shrugs mean, you suddenly know /him/! Hiei's personality is even more complicated then his way of showing it! It took me some time to learn, and I am already highly perceptive.

I want to let you know though, Hiei does -talk- talk at times too. Like just the other day when he and Yusuke were sparring; Yusuke had managed to hit Hiei square on the back with his Spirit Gun (Rei Gun) because Hiei had stumbled. After they finished, Hiei had looked directly at me and said, "What on earth are you staring at fox??" in a very irritable tone of voice, (hey! I can't help it! . . .um. . . *cough*) Thus proving that he does speak more often then once in a blue moon.

Once again, my name is Kurama, and don't get any ideas, there really isn't anything going on. Really!

~Owari~

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Wow! My first really long fic! Wee! ^_^ Please remember though, this was in Kurama's pov, therefore it was written in his personality, not my fault becoming half-human gave him the ability to be embarrassed.

Kurama: Yes, I believe I did quite a good job in describing Hiei and Hiei speak.

*Hiei walks in* what was that fox?

Kurama: Eep! Uh, what was what?

*Hiei reads over Kurama's shoulder* . . .Fox, what is a 'KxH fanfic'?

Kurama: Ummm . . .

Me: Until next fic! And please review ^_^ ja! (Random thought: I need a muse! . . . . Must try and create one for next fic . . . . .)