At least, such was Izuru Kira's opinion. Grey and black dominated in his mind, while all the other colours had faded, losing their original intensity. Sometimes it was raining in his inner world. Sometimes a violent storm was tearing it to the pieces. Usually there was only the bleak darkness of the cloudy day.
From time to time, the sun broke through - it was in the morning, when Kira entered Captain Ichimaru's office and heard: 'Good mornin', Izuru'. Then, for one moment, world became bright - but the clouds crept right away as Kira turned to fulfill his duties of the vice-captain.
But even those regular morning reports constantly filled him with a distress. Each time he was afraid that exactly that day he would hear he was stripped of his vice-captain post; that he was transferred to another division; or that he wasn't competent for a Shinigami and he was removed from Gotei 13 and Seireitei.
Of course, all those were very possible and realistic. No-one knew it better than Izuru Kira himself.
Even though, he loved his Captain with all his wretched heart and despite the blinding fear he stood before him each morning, and got stronger from his one smile - just like a dry lichen draws the rain water and lasts on the rock for the centuries.
Today he was unexpectedly called for, so he minced to the Captain's office and now, with his heart in the throat, he was standing in front of the door. Some time passed before he regained his composure and managed to open the door with the trembling hands - at the same time reproving himself already for such an evident insubordination.
Captain Ichimaru stood by the bookshelf, leafing through a book. At the sight of the vice-captain, he raised his head and grinned in a way that terrified Kira more than ever.
"There's Izuru," he said cheerfully.
Despite his panic, Kira noticed that Captain was accompanied by Rangiku Matsumoto, who gave him completely different smile. Kira wondered if he should leave, but then he did got an order to come.
"Kira..." he started, then cleared his throat and tried once again. "Kira reporting."
Nothing worse than removing from Gotei 13, he consoled himself.
Gin Ichimaru cast a very intent look at him, and smiled even broader.
Kira shivered. 'Nothing worse...'
"We decided wit' Rangiku to adopt ya," Captain Ichimaru announced happily.
Nothing worse...?
Before his world went all black, Kira regretted his lack of imagination yet one more time in his life.
.
.
"This time you overdid it, Gin!" Rangiku called in a very reproachful tone, gently patting Kira on the face. He was slowly coming around. "It was a very cruel joke."
Gin presented himself properly repentant, at the same time looking at the water jug on the table and visibly resisting the temptation of reviving Kira in stronger measures than hers.
"I couldn' help myself. Ya saw his face yerself." Gin regarded Kira lying on the floor and added in a softer tone, "I only wan' to colour his world."
Rangiku cast a thoughtful look at him.
"It's good you care about him," she said finally. "But couldn't you do it in a more delicate way?"
Gin gave it a thought.
"Nex' time I'll tell him we were given a mission in Hueco Mundo," he declared. "Or I'll ask him to make a daisy chain fer me. Or instruct him to publish his poems, wit' an inscription, of course, so I could put them on my shelf. Ya think it would make him happy?"
Rangiku sighed. Gin's eyes came back to Kira again.
"I can' imagine him anyone but my vice-captain", he said softly. "I wan' him by my side."
One very low sigh came from the floor. Kira's eyelids lifted over his sapphire eyes.
"Is it a promise?", he whispered.
Then he smiled.
"Perhaps we can manage without an adoption, then..." he added with an almost perverse contentment.
.
.
Clouds were running fast, revealing the blue sky. No day lasts for ever, the night always comes. Kira was under impression, though, the days would be full of light from now on.
'I want him by my side.'
At least for a while.