Bella drummed her hands on the table as she watched Nessie and Jacob chatting in the corner. She loved her daughter more than anything but seeing her with Jacob made her stomach churn Edward lay his hand on top of Bella's to stop her drumming and she forced a smile trying to assure him she was happy when in reality all she could think about was what could have been. Edward wasn't fooled, he knew her better than that or rather he could read Jacob's mind who definitely knew her better. Bella looked away from Edward to find Jacob watching her. He did this often but made sure he always looked away before Nessie noticed. Bella knew Jacob doted on Nessie but she hoped a part of him still belonged to her. He laughed and she noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes. She wondered why that was. She wanted it to be because he still loved her but then she hated herself for thinking that. When Nessie and Jake had become an official couple Bella avoided everyone, it could have been her, and it should have been her. She spent her time walking alone or with Jasper. He helped her feel better, less guilty. It was wrong to be jealous of your own daughter. It was wrong to think of another guy when you were married.
"You don't have to feel so guilty" Jasper told her once.
"I don't" she'd lied.
"Edward understands. If we hadn't been here you and Jacob would be together. You're soulmates, that's why it's so hard. Edward wants you to be happy again"
"I do love him." Bella had looked at Jasper "Edward I mean"
"I know. So does he"
"I'm sorry" I whispered feeling even guiltier, I didn't deserve Edward.
"I'm sorry too" Jasper had felt her guilt run even deeper. The more days that went past the more Bella regretted her decision. As the years flew by she panicked as her human life felt further and further away. She followed Jacob around longing to feel her heart beat again and the warmth of his touch.
"Do you ever think of what could have been?" she'd asked him when they were alone in the house one day.
"All the time" it hurt Bella to see what she was doing to her family. Jake had never said no to Nessie before but now she was talking marriage he had to. His human side was stronger; his love for Bella was stronger. Belle had comforted her heartbroken daughter trying to hide her selfishness, she was happy she didn't have to give Jacob up yet. Edward was quiet these days, spending most of his time away so he didn't have to listen to anyone's thoughts. Jasper and Alice fought, Alice hating Bella for what she was doing to Edward and Jasper understanding. Rose was on Nessie's side, blaming Bella for Nessie not getting what she wanted. And Emmett wanted his family back.
"I made the wrong choice" she'd admitted to Jake not long back.
"There's no going back now" Bella knew he was right but she couldn't stop her mind from running away with itself. They could have got married on the beach, surrounded by family and friends. They'd have kids; take them on holidays, or the beach for a panic. They would have lay together at night, feeling the warmth of each others skin, their hearts beating. They could have been grandparents. They could have grown old together.
"It would have been perfect" she missed everything about her human life: sleeping, eating, crying, her friends, her family. Now all she had was forever to regret. She was loosing her daughter and she's already lost everyone else. Waking up from her thoughts Bella left her 'family' in the living room and headed across to her own house. No one could be happy with her around. Jake followed. She found herself sending him back to Nessie, telling him she needed to be alone before hugging and kissing him and telling him how much she loved him for the last time. She wrote a letter for Nessie and Edward telling them how she loved them and wished she was strong enough to stay but she longed for the past too much. Bella made her escape as quickly as possible worried Alice would see the others although she wasn't sure they would have tried to stop her.
"Bella" she cursed herself for being too slow "I want to come with you" it was Jasper "I know you don't want to be alone and that you love us. You're my sister. I love you and you need me."
"What about Alice?"
"She can wait. I need a break anyway; I'm not used to staying in one place for so long. And maybe when I go back you could come with me. Jake and Nessie will move on and Edward will never stop loving you"
"I'm not going back. Ever"
"Ok. So I'll stay with you for a few years, I don't want you to go alone. And I want to do some travelling again, meet some new people and-"
"I get it" Bella grinned and allowed him to take hold of her hand. She felt better already. She knew she's never be able to go back, Jake deserved to be happy , the whole family did, so she would keep Jasper for a couple of months not years and then send him back, but she would never return.