A/N: I know, I know… I shouldn't be starting another fic when I have two that still need to be completed but in all honesty I have to go where my muse takes me. Also, I know that I'm supposed to be on hiatus (according to my profile) but this fic is finished and since I do have exams and stuff I think I'll post a new chapter of this every week since I don't foresee myself updating any of my other fics until June.

This fic takes place on a Monday but there are flashbacks to other times.

Personally, I really like the way this turned out. I hope you do too.

Let me know what you think.

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-1-

10:29 AM

She looked around the morgue as she entered it. It was cold, stale, void of any emotion, and it appeared that no living beings were around. She wondered if this was what death was actually like.

"Excuse me ma'am" a voice boomed from behind her, startling her into a jump. She turned around and faced the man. "How can I help you?" he asked. She stared at him, unsure of what to say. She focused on his nametag. His name was John. She opened and closed her mouth several times before another man appeared.

"Are you here to view or identify someone?" the other man asked. According to his nametag, he was Isaac. She nodded, her nerves getting the best of her.

"Name?" John asked.

"Taylor Atwood" she said. She kept his last name – she wanted to keep a part of him with her forever. She hoped they'd let her keep it – just that tiny little part of him. She hoped that no one would tear it away from her.

"We'll go set everything up for you. Why don't you just take a seat in the waiting area for a little bit?"

She saw the chairs resting against the wall in the shape of a horseshoe and made her way over to them. She chose to sit in the one by the end table. The flowers sitting in the glass vase were fake – there really wasn't any sign of life in this place and she couldn't understand how John and Isaac dealt with it day in and day out. Magazines were strewn across the table in a mess. She hated messes – that was why she came here. She decided to tidy them up and place them in a neat pile – People, Rolling Stone, Flare, Glamour, Time, The Economist – and wondered if people actually read them when they came here or if they had just been strewn about for decoration so that it seemed like there was some life in this place.

She sat back against the chair and tried to relax. She hoped they didn't come back anytime soon. She didn't want a mess. She needed this to play out the way she planned it.

Nothing in her life had turned out the way she planned and she needed to make sure that this did.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked her after pulling her aside.

"I brought Nate over like you asked" she said, feeling his intense gaze upon her. She didn't look him in the eyes anymore.

"I didn't think you'd actually come in. You never come in. Why are you here?" he asked coldly.

She tried not to let him know what he was doing to her. Watching him with his new family was painful enough as it was… but having him talk to her like this was just so painful. She tried, for Nate's sake – she tried to salvage any kind of a relationship with him but he just made it so hard.

"I bought your daughter a birthday gift" she said, holding out the package she wrapped in pink with a white bow. It was a doll and it was wrapped up perfectly – just like a little four year old princess's gift should be wrapped. "I just… I'm sorry. I saw it and…" she said, avoiding his gaze. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

She stared at the box before looking into the crowd at the little girl who sat happily in her mother's lap. She tried not to let it affect her. What had she been thinking? Why did she come here?

She remembered being in the store with Nate. He asked her to help him pick out a gift for his little sister and she had been excited about it. It had been a while since they did anything together. She saw the doll – it had auburn locks and blue eyes – and she fell in love with it. She just knew that Lily would have loved it. She picked the doll out for Lily but Nate was with her and she had to give it to Justine.

"Take it" she said, focusing on the pink package again after Seth and Summer started looking at her with concerned expressions.

"Are you staying?" he asked, voice still tinged with ice. She still didn't look at him. She couldn't look at him anymore – not when she knew that Lily would have had his eyes.

Sometimes when she'd close her eyes she'd see her little girl. She had his blue eyes and her auburn hair. She was always alone.

"Take it" she repeated, louder this time. She looked at her hands as they trembled and the box as it rattled.

"Mom, are you okay?" she heard Nate ask. She turned to look at him. He looked just like his father, only he had her hazel eyes. She was so thankful that he had her eyes.

"I'm fine. Just take this and make sure your sister gets it" she said with a bright smile and as enthusiastic a voice as she could muster. "I just remembered that I have some things I need to take care of."

"It's a Saturday. You don't work on Saturdays" Nate said as he took the gift hesitantly. He was worried about her and she didn't understand why. She was smiling and using her enthusiastic voice. She was fine. Why was he worried about her?

"You're spending the weekend here, right?" she asked, choosing to ignore the last thing he said to her.

He nodded.

"Bye" she said while giving him a long, tight hug before turning to leave.

"Mom?" Nate asked, making her freeze and turn back to look at him.

"Take care. I love you. I'll see you after school on Monday."

She smiled at him brightly and nodded.

"I love you too!" she chirped before turning around again and leaving her ex-husband's home.

"Wait!" she heard Summer yell after her. "Will you just wait a second?!"

She finally stopped once she reached her car and had nowhere else to go. She turned around and faced her best friend.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Are you okay?" Summer asked.

She didn't know whether to tell her the truth – that she wasn't okay and that she was going to stop by the liquor store on her way home and drink herself to sleep so that she wouldn't have to recognize that she was living in the house Ryan built for them all alone – or just lie.

"I'm peachy, Summer. How are you doing?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Shutting me out. You need to talk to someone and Nate told me you aren't seeing your therapist anymore. Why did you stop?"

"It's been five years. I'm over it. C'est la vie… we all must move on. I mean… look at him. He moved on. It took him less than a year to move on. Why do you think that I can't move on?" she asked, trying not to lose her patience and slap her best friend.

"Why aren't you returning any of my phone calls?"

"Because you're stupid and repetitive. All you ever do is ask me if I'm okay. I'm okay. I keep telling you that I am freaking okay and you won't leave me alone! I want to be left alone! Can't you get it?! You got your degree from Brown for crying out loud! How can you not get it?!" she yelled. She knew Summer cared about her but she was fine. Why couldn't she and Nate see that they didn't have to worry about her? She was fine.

She watched as Summer recoiled a bit and Seth stopped a few feet away. She could see Ryan's figure on the porch of his house and knew he heard their conversation. She swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry" she stated calmly. "I just… I'm fine" she said, looking away from Summer and focusing on her trembling hands and the tinkling of her keys.

"You need help" Summer said.

She turned to her car and fumbled with her keys as she tried to open the door.

"Maybe you shouldn't be driving" Seth said. She scratched her car a little before finally managing to get the key in the keyhole.

"I'm fine. I don't need help and I can drive perfectly fine" she said as she opened the door. "Thank you for your concern though. I really am sorry that I snapped at you. I just get tired of everyone asking me the same thing and pressing me to do something that I don't need or want to do. I love you two so much!" she said before giving Seth a quick hug and then holding Summer tight in a longer one.

"Take care" Seth said. She locked eyes with him over Summer's shoulder and smiled. "You know that we're here, right?" he asked. "If you ever need anything… don't hesitate to ask. You're always welcome whenever you want. The kids adore you."

"I know and I adore them too" she said as she began to pull away from Summer and was slightly surprised when she kept holding on.

"I love you too!" Summer sniffed. She hugged her back again and let go when she started to pull away.

She got into her car, shut the door, started it, and put on her seatbelt. She put the car in drive, checked her surroundings, and hit the gas while smiling at her friends and giving them a little wave before she drove away while trying to avoid looking at the lone figure that still stood on his porch watching her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That was Saturday and today was Monday.

She shook her head as she tried to dispel all thoughts of everything outside this building.

It was just her. She was alone.

She wouldn't be alone for long though… it was only a matter of time.

Everything had become such a huge mess.

She hated messes – that was why she was doing this.