Note: the italics are the noices he hears in the background
While You Won't Remember, I Will
The weather sucks. The sky is grey and the light drizzling is just annoying.
The grass is more mud, and he stands there watching as his black Sunday shoes sink further down, closer to the decaying bodies or zombies.
If the priest doesn't wrap up the sermon, André's sure he'll be six feet under before his Grandma is.
"..I walk through the valley of death I will fear no..."
The fog is like frosted glass. He can only make out a blur of brown skin and black suits, contrasting the pale whtie shin of Jade West.
"It was her time, God has his agenda pl.."
Though they've never had that best friends relationship, they've been friends all their lives.
He wishes now more than ever he knew who Jade really was. He just wishes he knew why she was here.
"God has decided to claim bac…"
She's dressed in a simple black dress, flats, and a sweater; the moist air causing the loose hairs of her bun to stick to her face. Her beautiful face. No mascara, no make-up, just her and her teal blue eyes.
"The body of Teresa Rose Harris is gone, but her soul will live forever."
People were moving, walking to place a flower over the casket, and heading back to their cars.
It was over.
"Andre"
People were moving, but he hadn't.
"Andre honey, it's hard to say goodbye"
Perhaps he has sunken too far into the mud to move.
"Honey, you have to-"
And he wishes the mud will harden around his feet so he can stay here a little bit longer.
"Mrs. Harris, I can take Andre back."
He just needs some more time to process what is going on. So he can grasp that when he returns home he won't find his Grandma.
"Mrs. Harris, he just needs a couple minutes"
If he could just have some quiet.
"I'll be here"
The fading sound of the last car engine leaves him in silence. This was it. This was the last time he'd ever be this close. This is the last time, because she is dead. She was here and now she's not. She was living, screaming, panicking, breathing, and smiling. But now, she isn't, because, she is she is
And he starts to cough, because the reality has hit him. And it's a cheap shot in his gut.
God he's going to puke…again. He feels sick. Ill. He's getting dizzy.
"Andre"
Hands twisted his body
"breathe. Breathe, just breathe"
And he is face to face with a damp Jade West, her cold hands cupping his face. Her teal eyes filled with panic. Why she so distressed?
"breathe"
What is she saying?
"Andre BREATHE!"
Oh, that. He manages make his lungs ..
"Andre, you can't do this. You can't just keep it in." she says it with a hint of begging in her voice
His eyes burn from trying to stop the tears, and his muscles ache from the tension in his body, and he just wants to
"Let it out."
And then he collapses into tears, in the arms of Jade West, in the middle of a cemetery, on the day of his Grandma's funeral, with no one to witness but the corps and the zombies.
"It's okay to cry Andre, it's okay to cry."
He doesn't know how long he stays in Jade's arms, his own pulling her towards him as though if he lets go she'll be leaving him as quickly as his Grandma did. But when he pulls away he finally feels a though his heart will be able to beat again.
/
He doesn't say anything on the car ride back.
He doesn't say anything on Monday.
She doesn't say anything on Tuesday.
They just continue their regular routines.
He continues to sing, act, laugh as though nothing is wrong; Jade continues yell, threaten, harass as if she didn't hold him in her arms.
Except for now he knows there is more to Jade West than her piercings and threats, and while he gets that he will never know why she was there, why she stood side by side with in a cemetery, letting the drizzle scatter about, watching the drops roll off the top of the casket.
He knows he will always remember.
/
(12 years ago)
"It's okay to cry Jade."
"…"
"I won't tell anyone, okay? You can just let it all out, and I'll be here if you need a hug or you-"
"Just leave me alone
"Jade…"
"…I just can't, I don't, I,I"
"It's okay to cry Jade. It's okay to cry."