TOKYO-3
One day before the first appearance of an angel since Second Impact
Chris waded through a mass of beer cans to the unconscious body of his friend, Cruts. When one has to wade through beer cans, clearly too much alcohol has been consumed.
A goose walked idly through the house, followed by a group of chickens and a girl dressed up as a cat. Cruts gurgled, and a fire erupted in the bathroom, but was put out quickly.
Chris picked Cruts's body up and plucked him out of the beer can ocean, carrying him to higher ground on the couch. He set the heavy moron down on top of the couch, took a deep breath, and dove back in.
Swimming around, he noticed a few schoolgirls wade past. They waved to him, and he waved back. Shortly thereafter, they found the door and left. A can of Spray-Z-Cheese found its way into Chris's hand, so he enjoyed a little lunch. The can only screamed a little.
A television set flickered on in the spare bedroom. Chris came about the top of the can sea and saw his best friend, Colin, lying on the bed looking at a television imbedded in the ceiling. In the bathroom, a monkey fell out the window, then turned to sausage and floated away.
"What's up with Cruts?"
Chris looked at Colin. "It might surprise you, Rin-kun," he said, "but Cruts is out like a light."
Colin laughed a sharp, vicious laugh. He turned off the television and waded through the beer cans to the closet, pulling out a small inflatable raft. He and Chris got in and paddled to the dining room, where a rice cooker was set up.
Colin removed a small octopus from the machine and began to cook rice. Cruts gurgled in the other room, and another fire flared up briefly, but then quieted down.
Chris, using a poster as a life jacket, swam to the kitchen and began to prepare a chicken for dinner.
Suddenly, the building began to rumble, and a chandelier fell from the ceiling. The lights flickered on and off, and a tall, dark figure entered the apartment. The building shook even more violently before; Colin fell from his post and began to drown in the beer can sea, Chris had seizures and threw the chicken through the air. The lights shut out, and all was dark.
Colin found his way to the kitchen, and the lights came on. There, in the doorway, stood the most ominous figure man has laid eyes on.
"Well," said Colin, "hello, St. Pierre."
"What the hell are you guys doing?" asked St. Pierre.
"And a poultry shall sprout from the face of the devil," Chris said, removing the chicken from St. Pierre's face and placing it back on the counter where it belonged.
"This place," St. Pierre said, adjusting his glasses and waving a gnarled hand about the apartment, "is in ruins."
"Blame it on Cruts."
Chris laughed. "Yes, what Rin-kun said."
St. Pierre adjusted his glasses, and then sat down.
"How long before we eat?"
Chris brushed the chicken. "Do you wear make-up?" he said, washing the chicken carefully. "Or maybe the chicken is just old."
"Gentlemen," said St. Pierre, "you need to prepare yourself. Tomorrow, the great adventure begins."
"You said that yesterday." Cruts grunted.
"It did, in fact, begin today, at least for me. I got a good look at our enemy."
"Who is it?"
"A tall man with glasses."
Silence.
"St. Pierre," Colin said calmly, "I think you looked in the mirror."
St. Pierre sighed. "Just make dinner."
He adjusted his glasses, walked towards the living room and floated away. A duck flew over him, changing colors from bright yellow to violent pink as it quacked.
Chris set the chicken in the oven. Colin tried his skills with the backstroke and swam out to the dining room to check on the rice cooker. Cruts sneezed.
The next morning, Chris wandered out of his room and was surprised to find the beer cans had vanished. The living room, however, was a solid wall of trash bags, and therefore he could not access the telephone, which was buzzing obnoxiously.
"Can't we shut off that buzzing?"
St. Pierre smiled and adjusted his glasses.
"I prefer it to the ringing."
Chris rolled his eyes and went towards the kitchen.
"Not so fast, Kurisu."
Chris looked at him, one eye opened larger than the other.
"What the hell, Jimmy?"
Colin came down the stairs, followed by a dreary-eyed Cruts.
"The phone is buzzing and – Jesus!"
Cruts looked at the wall of trash bags and laughed. Colin looked at the wall, then St. Pierre, then the wall again, and then he cursed loudly.
"Effective today," St. Pierre said over the cursing, "you three will begin new jobs downtown."
"What are we doing, cleaning bathrooms?"
St. Pierre chuckled malevolently.
"Well, you could say there's a lot of crap involved."
The boy walked through the halls, escorted by the attractive woman who came for him. She was a little lost, but she refused to admit it. He wondered why he was where he was.
Suddenly, a doctor came out of a hallway near them.
"Well, Captain, you're so extremely late I'm surprised we aren't all dead."
The woman giggled nervously.
"Sorry, Ritsuko," she said, "I was just on my way."
"Of course you were, Captain Katsuragi. Come with me – ah." She held her hand out to the boy. "You must be Shinji, Commander Ikari's son."
"Well, um, yes," the boy said, "is my father waiting for me?"
"Of course. Follow me." She said curtly.
After a few minutes, the boy found himself standing on a platform, above which was a small window. In the window, he saw a familiar face he never thought he'd see again.
"Hello again, Shinji."
"He – hello, father."
Commander Ikari adjusted his glasses and looked down at his son. "We must move quickly, Miss Katsuragi."
"Of course,"
The doctor woman took Shinji by the arm and turned him around. There, looking straight at him, was the most terrible monster he'd ever seen. Shinji's mouth opened.
"…Shinji," said the Captain, "you aren't screaming. There's no sound coming out of your mouth…are you alright, Shinji?"
"Shinji," said the Commander, looming over them from his post, "my son, this is Mankind's newest weapon. This is the Evangelion."
Shinji stared at it.
"Misato," the doctor said to the Captain, "Help Shinji."
Captain Misato Katsuragi sighed.
"Shinji, you need to pilot this thing and, you know, save us all from destruction."
"I…I can't," Shinji said, "I…no. I can't."
"Shinji, of course you can."
Just because he needs me, he thought, that's why my father – the 'Commander' – brought me back.
"Well…no. I…don't even know what it is…"
"That's not important." The Commander said.
"No, father! I can't do it."
"Shinji!" Misato cried, but Shinji was bent over.
"I can't do it, I can't. I just can't."
Misato threw her arms up helplessly. The Commander called out, "Bring Rei to the front."
A voice, presumably in some kind of telephone, replied, "Can we use her?"
"She's not dead yet." The Commander replied.
Ah, Shinji thought, so he didn't even need me.
The doors opened, and a team of medical professionals wheeled in a hospital bed upon which rested the most pitiful looking girl Shinji ever saw.
"That's…Rei?" he said.
"Well," Misato said quietly, "what's left of her."
Shinji sighed and looked at the limp body.
"Rei," the Commander called, "our replacement is useless. You must pilot the Eva."
"This is stupid!" Shinji yelled. All was silent.
"Will you pilot it then?" Shinji's father asked him.
"Well…"he replied, "I…guess so."
St. Pierre looked out from under the metal awning he and the three boys were hiding under.
"I guess we're a little late," he said as a massive monster wandered idly by, looking for things to crush.
"St. Pierre, what the hell is that thing?" Colin screamed.
"That," St. Pierre said majestically, "is an angel."
"It looks like the spawn of Satan."
"Sorry," St. Pierre adjusted his glasses, "but I can't take credit for that one."
Silence.
"Oh, pain." Chris said, slumping down onto the sidewalk. He then fell backwards into a mysterious door that opened in the wall. St. Pierre gestured to it, and the rest of them walked in.
A few feet in, they came to a small row of machines, each one bearing a lit red light and a small card swiping mechanism. Past each machine there was a door, one of which bore a large fig leaf covering the letters N, E, R, and V. St. Pierre walked towards it.
"It looks like we need cards," Colin said.
"Of course not." St. Pierre replied. He looked at the light. It was red.
He stared at the light. It was still red.
He squinted and glared at the light, a mysterious wind blew, and the light changed to green. The door just beyond it opened, and St. Pierre walked through.
"Whoa," said Chris, following St. Pierre in with Colin and Cruts close behind, "that was the freakiest thing I've ever seen in my life."
Colin came up next to him.
"Then you haven't turned around."
Behind them, Cruts laughed.
They walked along an endless corridor, hurrying to catch up to St. Pierre.
"Where are we, St. Pierre?" Cruts asked lazily.
"We are in NERV, gentlemen."
"Which is what?" asked Colin.
"NERV is mankind's last defense against that creature you saw earlier."
"And why, might I ask, are we here?"
"We are here because of the angels. We are here to save the human race."
"I thought you hated humans," Chris said.
St. Pierre adjusted his glasses.
"I didn't mean we would save the entire human race."