I should have known. I should have figured it out long before now. I am the fool. I am to damn self ritgous to notice the things I should before it's too late. All I have always ever wanted was to be happy, for my friends and family to be happy. Never in my life have I been stuck with such indesion. An impass of epic propourions. In trying to stop myself from being like Her, I have indeed become her. Indecsion is tearing us all apart. I was to stupid, to afaird, too much like my double to know better. Stephan isn't the better brother and niether is Damon, they just are themselves. Each has made decsions that have errevocablely altered the other. Changed so much by life, by love, by death. By Her, by me. Little old me who would have died nearly a hundred times over if it weren't for one of them, both of them. There is never one without the other. They fight eachother for my attention in waking, in dreaming. Warring in my heart. As much as I hate to admit it, one of them is winning. It becomes more and more aparent to me that there is one Salvatore brother who is there for me in the way I need and have always desired. As shocked as I should be by the relazation, it just feels like gravity. Damon. Of course it's Damon. How could it not be Damon? Stephan may have been the one who saved me from certain and unfortunate death by drowning. Because of him I did not share my parent's fate, and for that I will always be grateful. I will always be grateful for his love but now I think I stay with him for that reason. I love him but Damon is starting to take the greater part of that love. I never wanted to have to chose between them. It's unbelievablely selfish to expect them to give me what I want from them with out giving an inch myself. I miss Damon when I don't see him. I miss my friend. I miss our banter, I miss his smirk. I would never tell him that but I cannot imagine not having that smirk in my life. I know he comes to my room in the middle of the night. I know he stands there and watches me sleep. That probley should be really creepy but I'm glad he does. I'm never awake when he's there. He doesn't want me to know. I always know when he's been there. First of all he never closes the damn window. Second of all the whole room holds his scent. That leather, booze, night and magic smell that is only Damon Salvatore. Perhaps he is the one thing that keeps me from being Her. I want him to be happy and I know how badly I have been hurting him. I know that he takes all I give him even if it is only friendship. My mother told me that Damon is in love with me. I surpised at first but every look he gives me confirms it. Even when he's the most angery at me I know it's out of fear of lossing me. He has been so much better with my friends, and Jermey and Jenna. He hasn't changed, Damon will always be Damon, but it's the buried parts of him that are being reseracted. I cannot take any of the credit. If he didn't want to regain his humanity, he wouldn't.

He is there for me no matter what. No matter how shitty I treat him, Damon is always there to help, and to save my ass. To do the complacated things, or the simple things: Like dance with me to save me absolute humilation because Stephan had bailed on me when he couldn't control his blood lust.

I made a deal with Elijah to protect all those I love and to get Stephan out of the tomb. He told me to live my life, because he'll come for me when he is ready to destory Klause. He took out Rose to save Damon from doing it. I owe Elijah a debt that I will repay. But I am going to live my life, and live it well, no matter how much time I have left. I am going to be happy. I am not going to be Katherine. I will be better than her, by chossing. No more games, no more self ritgous bullshit.

I choose Damon.