1. Breaking Benjamin – I Will Not Bow

And I'll survive/paranoid/I have lost the will to change.

--

If you want to know the truth, the biggest reason she wound up always running to him was because she was scared.

But wait. Proud, strong, Casey? Scared?

Yes.

Her worst fear?

She's afraid of the dark. She's afraid of spiders. She's afraid of failing. But if you want to know her biggest fear…she's afraid of being alone, or not having enough time, or not being able to figure out what to do with herself. And it hurts, because Derek always pokes fun at her being a control freak. But that's because she just doesn't know.

And she can't do anything about it. She can't stop what she is. And sometimes, on dark and lonely, stormy nights, she runs to his room and curls up under his blanket and he holds her bare and shivering body, and he pretends to understand. It's as fake as she ever sees him.

Because although he's honest, sometimes to the point of tearing her apart, she feels that being unable to change – the both of them – it's good because…it brings them together.

--

2. Coldplay – Sparks

Did I drive you away?/I know what you'll say.

--

Derek wasn't trying to get her to forgive him. He knew that they were both far past that, and they had crossed some invisible line between 'dragging it out' and 'eternity'. He wasn't trying to get her back. He wasn't trying to have sex with her.

He had known, in the far reaches of his mind, what it felt like to be with her. He had dreamed it and imagined it and formulated it with almost every variable in every possible scenario, and he had almost believed it to be real for a while, but he knew in his heart that it wasn't.

What he did know was that he had hurt her. He had been cruel and unforgiving in his stubborn rejection. Looking back, he had shunned her, and tossed her out, and left her in the cold. And it hurt him, not as much as her, but now that he thought about it, it made him sick. It wasn't that he didn't want it…he just didn't know how to properly feel it.

Nobody had told him to stop, except her, and he hadn't listened.

So…he wasn't trying for forgiveness. He was waiting, for…

He was just there. If she needed him, he was there. He wasn't trying for anything. He was there for her. And that was all.

--

3. Soon – Jodi Benson (from 'Thumbelina')

Love, can you hear me?

--

Dear Diary,

I need a man. Not just any man. I need love. I want somebody who looks at me like I am their whole world, and their entire life, and I want them to toss their heart away and know that I'll catch it with open arms. Because I love them too.

I want a plethora of romantic moments to write novels about, I want photographs and white candles and flower petals and bolts of delicate lace to wear at my wedding. I want my entire life to be a storybook romance.

Sincerely, Casey

-

Dear Diary,

I got my storybook romance. Too bad it's a horror story. And Derek is a monster.

Even if he does love me.

Sincerely, Casey

--

4. Girl Fight – Brooke Valentine

I need to get this off my chest/And if her friend want some then she'll be next

--

"CASEY. GET OVER HERE. NOW."

Casey looked up from her spinach salad, eyes concerned.

"Sally?" she questioned. She peered around the corner of her booth at Smelly Nelly's and saw the enraged blonde storming towards her.

"DON'T SALLY ME!"

Casey chuckled. "Um…that's your name, right? Are you okay?"

"NO. AND YOU KNOW WHY."

"I…what?"

"YOU AND DEREK, YOU BITCH!"

Casey stepped out of the booth. She held her hands up in defense.

"Sally, I honestly don't know what you're talking about…"

The girl in question was seething.

"Don't lie to me! It's like you think I'm stupid. I know what I saw."

Casey scratched the back of her neck. "Saw? What are you talking about?"

Sally held up a picture. Casey blanched. Emily, who she had been sharing lunch with, dropped her fork to the floor.

"Oh," Casey managed after a sufficiently awkward pause.

Sally clenched her fist. "Yeah. That's what I thought. Now what do you have to say for yourself?"

Casey shrugged sheepishly. "Well…you should try it sometime? It really helps with the se-"

Her voice cut off as Sally lunged for her throat.

"BITCH!"

--

5. Shoot From the Hip – A Change of Pace

Heartbreak, baby, is half the fun

--

That's it, Casey thought. This means war.

She looked at Derek and Sally kissing on the couch and immediately started formulating a plan to get back at him.

She couldn't believe he had the nerve to bring his girlfriend to the exact same spot where he had kissed her. However brief it had been, and it had actually been quite long if she remembered correctly, it wasn't right of him. And she wasn't one to take things sitting down.

She picked up her cell phone, dialing Truman French's number.

"Truman?"

"Finally giving in, Casey? I knew I was too attractive to resist for long."

"You're a pig. We're going out tomorrow. Pick me up at seven please."

"Alright. Do you – "

"On second thought, don't wear any navy. Thanks, bye!"

"Cas-"

She hung up the phone with a quick snap of her wrist and turned back to watch the couple downstairs.

"Derek doesn't even like blondes…" she muttered, fingering a strand of her brown hair. She made a face as they broke apart for air and Sally smiled at him.

"I think I love you," she heard Sally say.

Casey threw up in her mouth a little.

"Ew."

--

6. I'm In Love With A Stripper – T-Pain

She trippin'/She playin'/She playin'/I'm not goin' nowhere/Girl I'm stayin'

--

It was pathetic. But Derek could do nothing about it.

He was in love with a girl he knew nothing about. Every Saturday night, he would get in his car and drive south for an hour just to visit this one club…because she was there.

She was perfect, with her cropped blonde hair and her long, long, legs, and one look at the smooth arch in her back left him itching for more.

She never took off too much. But she never left anything to the imagination. He was absolutely crazy with the need to know her name, her face, the way she felt underneath him. He wanted to be with her, inside of her – everything.

He was sitting in his usual seat one night, and she was grinding the pole in front of him, when she bent over backwards and winked at him. He froze. It was the first time he had seen her face.

She looked familiar…

Before he had a chance to think about it, she bowed her head and made her way towards him, settling into his lap with a small grin.

He smiled cheekily at her, and then –

She looked up. His smile fell. Her eyes widened.

"Derek?" she said.

"Casey!?" he said.

They stared at each other.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned.

"I needed money," she whispered, taking her wig off. Long locks of brown tumbled past her shoulders.

She remained sitting on him, her body pushing towards him.

"Well, this is awkward," she muttered.

"Not really."

And then he kissed her.

--

7. Beautiful Is Gone – The Ruse

Blindly, I let you destroy me/Love is not so beautiful when your lungs are caving in/And beautiful is gone

--

He didn't just leave her wanting more. He left her confused and broken. He left her unsure of what to do next – and that was the worst part. She didn't know if he would come back, even though she knew she herself would, and she didn't know if he would want her the next morning, even if she never stopped wanting him.

She just wanted the truth. She wanted him to say what he meant. It might have been okay, and she might've been able to move on and get over it if he would just tell her what he wanted.

But she would stay the night, and he would make her breakfast. Or kick her out. She would kiss him sweetly and he would kiss her back and smile. Or he would pull away with nervous eyes. She didn't know.

She was struggling to find something in him she could rely on. But she was coming up empty handed. Maybe one day she would be able to find the strength to throw him away, instead of waiting to be put on the curb by him.

But as it was, she couldn't help crawling back for more. Every single time.

--

8. Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap

They were here first.

--

"New message. Friday, 1:09 A.M. Press play."

Play.

"Hey Casey, it's Derek. I just – fuck."

"End of message. New message, Saturday, 2:23 A.M. Press Play."

Play.

"Um, it's Derek, so it's kind of been a long night, and I'm thinking – actually, I'm thinking that I've got to pay the cab driver. I'll call you later."

"End of message. New message, Sunday, 8:09 A.M. Press Play."

Play.

"Alright, no more jacking around. I'm just going to say it. I don't understand why you won't talk to me. This has to be the twentieth message I've left in the past week. Why won't you just call me back? What did I do? What could I possibly have done, other then be there for you, that would have caused you to straight up ignore me? I just wish that I – "

"End of message. New message, Thursday 11:46 P.M. Press Play."

Play.

"This is it. I'm not calling anymore. If you want to be left alone, I'll leave you alone. But this is your fault. I have done nothing. I deserve an explanation. This is all on you, not me. I'm here when you call. But I'm angry with you. I hope you have a nice day. Or a nice life. Whichever you prefer. I love you, and I miss you. Bye."

"End of message. No new messages."

Casey picked up a tissue and wiped her eyes, letting the positive test in her hands fall to the floor.

--

9. Waiting – Sugar Ray

I'm never really sure that I'll ever change/But if it makes you happy/Then I will lie

--

Derek could deal with being left alone. He could work without a partner and despite the party animal persona, he was alright by himself.

He could sit a night out.

Or, if he needed, he could pick up his cell and his wallet and go to a bar and drink with his friends. Or he could go out to dinner with a girl and make her feel special.

Or, if he was feeling really crazy, he could get down to the nitty gritty of his life and fix some stuff up. He could make some phone calls, he could pay some bills, he could make some apologies. He was pretty flexible.

He couldn't deal with Casey. He was never good enough for her. No matter which way he bent or contorted, he always made her feel like she was inadequate. Which was unfortunate. For her, at least.

And when she leaves him it isn't really a shock, but it makes him sad in a way he hadn't expected, and somehow the roles have been reversed, and he's no longer flexible – he's bent in the ways other people want.

He stays at home, not because he wants to, but because he has no choice. Or he goes out when he gets a phone call, not because he picked up the phone. He's waiting, and she's free. He's sorry. It tastes like karma.

--

10. Slow Mo – Steve Moakler

Well, don't it last forever when you never saw it coming at all?

--

She doesn't always get what she wants. The perfect prom – down the drain. So when she hears a knock on her door, she doesn't expect much.

"Go away," she calls. When Derek pulls open the door, he presents her with the dress, and all is well. And they head off to the school.

And then, another notch on the bedpost of misery, Max ditches her to dance with Kendra. And it hurts in a way she doesn't expect, but it's okay. She dances with Derek.

On another, slower day, she's texting Truman and looking around the mall, nervous as hell for a party he's taking her to, and she has to find the absolute best outfit.

And later that night, she wishes she hadn't bothered spending all her babysitting money on a new skirt, because Truman is kissing her cousin and he wasn't worth her time. And it hurts in a way she has gotten used to, but it's okay. She goes home with Derek.

When they graduate, she cries, but nothing hurts at all. And Derek wipes her tears, even though she doesn't need him to clean up after her anymore. And later in the dark of the night, he kisses her. And she hadn't expected it, and it still didn't hurt, and it felt better than any other kiss she had gotten before. They had nowhere to go but up.


A/N: My try at the iPod shuffle thing. I got bored. The end.

Disclaimer: LWD isn't mine.