Title: What remains of us'?
Summary: Callie is trying to regain control of her life, focusing on returning to work, when suddenly her path crosses with that of Arizona's.
Note: This was my first story and I wrote it in Spanish but I've always wanted publish it in English and try to reach more readers, thanks to the work of Shinata-Riyoko this has been possible.
Prologue
"While the beat of the heart persist, even if it is painful and is barely felt, there is the hope; and something can happen that would allow us to revive and return to believe."
. . .
We move between the pain and joy, we mourn and we laugh, we fall and we wake up. Life leads us from one side to another constantly, but sometimes we remain immobile in the middle of the road and we cannot move forward.
When that happens, we feel overwhelmed by the circumstances; the feelings exceed us and we get caught in the emotions. The anguish, despair and helplessness paralyzes us... Blinded by sadness, anger, pain and fear. The darkness arrives to accompany us, we make bad decisions and we feel that every day we breathe a little less. We are trapped and hopeless, we believe that nothing can change. We stay without seeing a destination and do not believe that things can change.
We walk hiding how we feel... behind a mask of perfect, but inside, all we do is scream and cry.
. . .
The sun hit heavily on the windows and its rays glide between the blinds. A body lies between sheets and blankets. The gentle breathing and beating of a heart, that sometimes threatens to shut down, it is all that can be heard in the overwhelming silence.
Drawers open, clothes hanging, pictures covered in dust and empty bottles of sleepless nights, looking for numbness and avoidance.
The incessant sound of an alarm begins to sound as a hand moves to the nightstand and gropes to capture the culprit. Headache... everything seems to explode.
Back to the mattress, eyes are open, unblinking, lost in the expanse of the ceiling.
Empty thoughts fly through space seeking home.
Moving slowly, spreading out on the expanse bed, hands reach out, resting against the mattress... preparing to propel upward... preparing to bring life to the day.
Sighs echo as you glance around yourself.
When was the last time this room was clean?
A reflection of the heart, where no one comes, no one sees, no one cares... It all adds up, everything stays frozen in time.
The body starts, in autopilot, and begins to walk, an entire routine already programmed.
Steam builds up in the bathroom and the water washes over you, trying to wake you up. Half an hour... maybe more, will this help you?
A tour... the living room, the kitchen, a round of back and forth before the smell of coffee starts to fill the air.
Breathe in.
Wake up.
Move.
Everything is a struggle... step by step.
###
Chapter 1
- (February 11, 2013) -
POV General
Today is a great day for Arizona, the first day at her new job as head of the Pediatrics Department at one of the best hospitals in the country. She was proud of itself, had worked extremely hard to reach the position she was in, and she was happy.
The first thing in her schedule was to talk to the Chief; then a tour of the facility and finally to catch up on her workload. It was also her first meeting with the Department Heads where there is talk of everything related to the weekly schedule, important cases and administrative matters. She was given an official welcome and was lodged between her colleagues... soon it was all over and without further ado she began to face her new professional challenge with a smile on her face.
. . .
- (March 01, 2013) -
The first few weeks for Arizona ran sharply and she felt tired. She had her first consultations and surgeries, and everything felt incredible, both professionally and personally.
Most of her colleagues were friendly and nice, she had shared lunches in the cafeteria and the majority of them were easy to get along with. Today was a Friday and she had been invited to a bar near the hospital.
"There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun", she thought.
. . .
The day passed quickly and the night came. People were dancing; tables were full and the bar packed. Arizona was sharing with her new colleagues, talking about everything and nothing... laughter, jokes... the whole world seemed to fit.
While they were talking and amusing themselves, she noticed her new friends were becoming distracted.
- You've come! - Someone said and the blonde turned her gaze upon the newcomer.
She watched as a woman sat beside Mark, making a general, somewhat aloof, greeting and a smile.
- Yeah, I decided to come for a while; thanks for the invitation... – She sends a smile towards Mark. - I'm happy to see everyone; it's been a long time. -
Everyone seems to agree and is happy to see her.
The blonde does not know who she is and no one seems to realize it, until Mark says. - Oh, Doctor Robbins, this is our dear friend Callie. Callie, she is our new acquisition in Peds. - He laughs.
- Nice to meet you, I'm Arizona Robbins. - The blonde smiles brightly.
- Nice to meet you. - It is all the brunette responds with.
. . .
POV Arizona
I was mesmerised and couldn't stop to looking at Callie. She tries to keep track of the conversation around her, laughing at the jokes and the memories that they share. But I could tell her mind was far from present. Sometimes she was lost in her glass, fingers toying with the rim before taking a drink... rinse and repeat.
I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed yet, but the only thing that has her full attention is the liquid inside her glass. I haven't stopped staring and couldn't help being intrigued by her. I wonder what it is that goes through her head, what has her so far away from here?
- Hey Torres! When do you think you'll be back? - Someone asks and I turn my attention to the conversation.
- I don't know yet, I need to speak with the Chief first and resolve some issues. But I guess it is time to come back. - She scratches her head and smiles trying to be as convincing as possible. Or perhaps she was trying to convince herself?
- Do you work in the hospital? Are you a surgeon? – It was the first words I'd said to her after our greeting, the first time she'd remembered that I was here and the first time she'd looked at me... her eyes were beautiful.
- Mmmm, yes... but I've been away for a little while.
- And... – I was interrupted before I could continue.
- A little while Torres? God! It felt like a century. We missed you. - Mark said.
Mark tried to cheer her up. He kissed her head and whispered something in her ear; she just smiled and stared into her glass... a habit she'd had all night.
I could tell they were friends or perhaps something more? Because he was the only one she'd exchange glances with, the one who seemed to understand her without words. She'd allow his eyes on her and didn't mind his closeness. There was a barrier of sorts when she was with the others, there was still affection, but it was different with Mark. I'd heard a lot about it, but here, with her... It's different.
Curiosity, fascination.
Is that what it is?
The night goes on, one drink after another, the conversation continues and soon she is saying goodbye. But she's not alone... Mark is with her.
I... I'm still having fun.
The night continues and no one else has been moved, it was definitely a good choice coming. I'd been looking at someone and a little bit of flirtation is appreciated for a night like this.
Maybe a bit of relaxation isn't a bad idea.
. . .
- (March 02, 2013) -
The mobile would not stop ringing.
"Dear God! Someone turn that off", I scream.
I am stuck at the edge of my bed, upside down, and attempt to reach the night table to grab the offending item.
- Hey! Arizona, I cannot believe that you've forgotten about me. -
- Who's this? - I grumble sleepily and I hear a laugh.
- Wow! Your night it must have been pretty good if you don't know who's talking. -
- Teddy? Oh! What time is it? - I move, and instantly regret it. Ouch! My head is killing me.
- 11.45, it's nearly noon. - She laughs.
- Oh! I'm sorry, I completely forgot. I'll get up right now and meet you... You still want to, right?
- Of course, I'll see you later. -
I ended the call and try to get up with this insane pounding in my head. As I turn back toward the other side, I freeze.
- Wow! - My voice comes out in amazement.
A very naked body, laying on her side with her head resting on her hand, looks at me with a seductive smile. My face must have been shown my confusion and shock because immediately, the smile slips from her face and turns into a frown.
- What's the matter? - I could hear the uncertainty in her voice as I tried to remind who she was ... and suddenly the memories come rushing back.
- Sorry, I didn't expect you to still be here. - I reply sincerely.
- What? What's wrong? Did you did not like? Because that's not what it seemed like last night. -
- Oh no, not at all. All is well. Everything's fine. - I ramble hurriedly – just... don't expect this to turn into a relationship or expect us to fall in love after meeting at a bar and having sex. I thought we were on the same page, a fun night, no commitment, no strings attached... I didn't expect you to stay for breakfast.
- You're pretty direct. - She smiles with uncertainty. - It is just that... I thought that maybe this could be more than a one-night thing? I don't know, maybe try it out and get to know one another... I've wanted to ask you out for a long time now... I've seen you in the hospital and... - I interrupt immediately.
- The hospital? Do you work there? -
- Yeah, I thought you knew that... we've crossed a couple of time... – Oh no, I can't believe it; I've never gotten involved with someone from work and look at where I am now.
- Sorry, but I think you should leave. It wasn't my intention to lead you on and I'd never seen you before last night... it never even crossed my mind that you might work at the hospital... Really, sorry, I think it is better to forget this. It was good, fun even, but that's all it can be. – Let her down gently Arizona; you do not want any problems in the future.
The woman rushes out of my bed without saying anything, the frustration and embarrassment evident on her face, but it's better this way.
I sighed and headed to the bathroom, I need a shower, stat.
Soon enough, I'm ready to go and meet Teddy for lunch.
. . .
Teddy is my best friend and we've known each other for a few years now. She was the one who mentioned the vacancy here and encouraged me to apply for the position. It's been good to have her nearby.
Our lunch was a little late, but as always, it was nice day out with her.
- I can't believe it... really? What you were thinking? This... well, it's... well... don't say anything. You never change, do you? - My friend smiles.
- It was nothing more than sex... but I believe that from today I will be celibate, fewer problems - we laughed.
- I will never believe that, not in a hundred years... You're not for that... Was it worth it at least?
- Mmmm... It wasn't so bad. – I sighed deeply and dropped back, into the chair.
I spend my afternoon, recounting my adventures to Teddy. She always enjoys my stories as I have hers. I will have to be more careful next time, I have always separated my personal life from my work and that will not change here; I don't like the drama and confusion. I prefer the easy life, without commitment. Friendships? Yes, that can be enjoyed in any situation, but relationships? It's just better to separate this part of my life from the work environment.
. . .
