All characters belong to E.L. James. Proof-read by Obsessedreader83.
CHAPTER 1: THE LAST CANDLE
Monday is coming to an end and I'm at my desk reading the marketing strategy for Carter Buran's new book after the strenuous meeting we had with him today. For a man who writes heartbreaking stories he is such a diva but thankfully he was amazed by Hannah and agreed to publish with us.
Hannah, that girl is a marvel. Promoting her to Commissioning Editor three years ago was the best decision I've ever had. Even though I owed her so much of GP's success, I can't deny that I miss her as my assistant.
"Luke Sawyer is here, Mrs. Grey" Alex, my new assistant, speaks through the phone and I can't help but scowl at her. Yes! I definitely miss Hannah 100%.
"Thanks Alex" I mumble and I'm sure she can feel my mood.
She is not entirely responsible for what happened this weekend or today but seeing her doesn't help my mood.
"I'm sorry again for what happened Mrs. Grey" I know she is sorry.
Three months ago, my assistant Jen went on maternity leave and even though Alex is great on paper, she doesn't know me. Ha! She certainly got to know my husband this past week for sure.
I get up from my chair and pack the reports on the e-book's sales in my bag to read them at home. I snort a laugh. There won't be time for that tonight.
I hate this feeling, I love going home and love going to my children but tonight I'm dreading talking to Christian. God! Today of all days. I hate when we fight but I can't let this go without him understanding how wrong he was yesterday, and I know he has an inkling since he has only called me once this whole day, and that was just to tell me he is picking Teddy up from school. Nothing else.
Luke comes through the door.
"Good evening, Mrs. Grey", he says.
"Ana" I correct him. "I thought we were past the Mrs?" I smile at him as I grab my purse and he grabs my bag from me.
"I'm sticking to Mrs. Grey tonight" The corner of his mouth lifts a little. "I'm not taking risks"
I don't know what he means for a moment but then I realize he must have been exposed to Christian's anger lately as well. Poor Luke. We had bonded over the years and now I've got sympathy for the man.
"Well, let's go Mr. Sawyer" I walk past him.
"Uhmm Ana" I stop and turn when he calls me by my first name. From the inside pocket of his jacket, he pulls a small wrapped box and hands it to me. "Happy birthday" He gives me a shy smile. "It's from Tracy and me"
Oh, Tracy! I'm so happy they are back together and could work things out. Luke's job is so demanding that I could understand where his fiancé was coming from.
"Thanks Luke" I smile at him and save the present to open later.
We walk past Alex's desk and I give her a tight smile. She smiles back and seems apologetic so I decide I can't take my frustrations out on her anymore. She's had enough punishment via Christian's raging phone call and his attempt to fire her.
"Alex" I call her and she looks at me. "Thank you for your hard work for Buran's meeting" I remind her. After all, she did put a lot of thought into that meeting.
"Thank you Mrs. Grey" She gasps and if I'm not mistaken, she almost sobs.
Fire her Ana! Fire her or I will! Christian's words from two weeks before come back to me. As always my beloved Fifty was overreacting.
Luke and I step into the elevator and soon the feeling of dread I had before is quickly replaced by excitement. I want to see my babies; I want to listen to Phoebe's stories from her wild imagination while I smooch her with kisses. I want to hug my sweet gentle little Teddy as he tells me all about what he learned today. And also, I want to talk to Christian. Whatever it is, we will always find a way.
"Luke, do you know where Mr. Grey is right now?" I ask Luke as we step into the parking garage.
"Taylor informed me they were already leaving Grey House to pick up master Teddy, ma'am" Luke says as he opens the door for me.
"Good, thanks" I get into the car and get comfortable.
These six years with Christian have been more than wonderful despite our rocky start, they have been amazing and our children have only added more happiness to our lives. Christian has changed a lot from the guy I met all those years ago in his office, too. Since that day at Escala when he told me everything, he has never stop sharing with me, never letting his past rear it's ugly head again. I guess that's why yesterday was such a shock for me.
I sigh thinking about his past.
We need to talk but for that I need to get the facts straight. Even after all these years, I still get all mushy when my husband touches me so I need to think first about what I'm going to say to him. I lean against the head rest of my seat and close my eyes for a moment going over the events that happened yesterday.
Christian and I are at our favorite table at the Mile High Club, only this time he didn't ask me to take off my panties. I blush at the memory.
"I would love to know what are you thinking right now, Mrs. Grey" Christian smiles at me.
"Oh, Mr. Grey. Just thinking about good memories" I sip my wine and smile at him over the rim.
Christian smiles cockily.
"Oh that explains the blush" He grins and I know he remembers our antics here. "Should I book the elevator to relive more memories?"
I can help but laugh. I love this man.
"This is nice" I reach for his hand over the table.
His face falls. Shit!
"Nice" He mutters with a scowl. "I wasn't aiming for nice when I was planning your birthday, Ana"
Here we go again.
"I had it all planned for a wonderful week just for you baby" He tells me all frustrated and throws his napkin with a huff. "It would have been amazing"
"I know Christian" I try to soothe him the best I can. I know spoiling me is important to him.
"If it wasn't for that dumb girl…" He grits his teeth.
"Christian let it go. Don't let it ruin our night", I plead with him.
I felt disappointed too when I found out we weren't doing what he had arranged for my birthday or as he had it planned, my birthday week. Christian had arranged for a romantic getaway when he contacted my assistant - Alex- to clear out my schedule. He wanted to surprise me but he ended up being surprised even more when he found out Alex had booked a meeting with one of the most famous authors GP was trying to publish with - Carter Buran- the same day as my birthday.
To say Christian was livid was putting it mildly.
Poor Alex, she got Fifty in full technicolor when she couldn't re-schedule the meeting with Buran. It wasn't her fault she didn't know my birthday, was it?
Christian even tried to talk to Buran himself. That's when I became aware of the whole situation – while I was snooping through Christian's appointments in our joint calendar, I found one with 'Pompous Prick' as the title scheduled in New York that week. I quickly realized what it was because that's how I referred to Buran once, in front of Christian.
There was nothing else to do to rectify the situation but Christian was adamant he talk to Buran. I knew right away that was a bad idea. He would just turn all caveman and scare off an author GP needed badly. I prohibited him to do so, he got angry and that led to an argument that led to a fight that led to a reconciliation and sweaty hot sex. We were fine at the end although Christian hasn't let it go yet.
"It's just this…" He waves his hand around, "…wasn't supposed to be our night. Our night was supposed to be amazing" He repeated the word.
"I love this" I wave my hand between us mimicking him. "My birthday fell on a Monday, so what? I loved this weekend with the whole family at the house and even Ray agreeing to stay for a couple of days. Teddy and Phoebe are thrilled"
"You looked happy this weekend" Christian gave me his shy smile.
"I'm damn happy!" I giggle and finally get his panty-combusting megawatt smile. "Besides today is the eve of my birthday and I've still got to open my main present" I bite my lip thinking about later.
Christian is thinking about it too, judging by the carnal look he is giving me.
"Yes, Mrs. Grey" He licks his lips. "I think kinky fuckery is in order" He grins.
"Christian!" I admonish him looking around us to see if someone heard him and that only makes him chuckle.
Yes! We are going to Escala later and kinky fuckery is definitely on the table.
"I love you Mrs. Grey" He stands up to kiss me and I grin goofily at him.
"I love you Mr. Grey" I love you so much Christian.
Life with my Fifty will never be boring.
I watch Christian move gracefully back to his chair and from the corner of my eye I catch a figure I didn't want to see ever again.
Surely my face must have turned white because Christian stares at me worried.
"Ana" He reaches for my hand.
From behind me Jason steps out and Reynolds walks past him going to hold the intruder who was walking in our direction. Christian looks questioningly at Jason but then follows his eyes and turns to look at what everyone is staring at.
"What the fuck?!" He snarls and looks directly at Jason. "How did she get in here Taylor?"
"She is a member here too, sir" Jason explains.
Of course, Elena Paedo Lincoln is a member here!
I look at Elena and I hate to admit that the years hadn't ruined her, that bitch must have surgically enhanced every inch of her body.
"Get rid of her!" Christian commands and looks at me. "She is not to ruin our night, talk to the manager if it's necessary"
"Yes, sir" Jason directs Christian's order through his sleeve not leaving the table yet, for security measures I assume, then he listens to his earpiece. "Sawyer you copy that? Go talk to the manager"
"What is going on?" Words had come back to me and I ask Jason.
From the distance, I can only see the bitch troll shaking her head calmly at Reynolds mouthing the word 'please'.
"Mrs. Lincoln claims she doesn't mean any harm and refuses to leave, ma'am" Jason explains to me.
"But then, why doesn't she just go back to her table?" I don't get it. The nerve of this woman, trying to spoil our evening.
"She is adamant to talk with you" Jason looks at Christian.
"To Christian" I clarify rolling my eyes and catch Christian snapping his fingers.
Yes! I rolled my eyes, what are you going to do?
"Actually both of you" Jason says and it surprises me. What does she want?
"I will tell her to fuck off" Christian moves his chair to stand up.
"You will not do such a thing!" I reprimand him. Both men stare at me quiet and expecting. Whoa! If only it were that simple with Phoebe and Teddy. "Let's just wait for the manager to get rid of her"
As I finish saying this, a man in a suit followed by Luke walks to Reynolds and Elena. He begins to explain something to her, maybe the fact Christian is the owner and he can do whatever he wants, and holds his arm in the direction of the exit. Elena lowers her head in surrender.
Yeah bitch! Get the fuck out of here!
She speaks a bit more to the manager but as my lip reading skills are not so good, I can only catch 'sorry' a few times.
"She is leaving" Jason tells us and Christian sighs relieved.
I smile at my Fifty and he smiles back at me, in the end, she couldn't ruin our celebration.
I watch as Mrs. Robinson drags her sorry ass out of here, maybe I feel a bit cocky but can't help smiling at the scene. But then, she turns around and looks directly at me. I freeze as I get caught staring at her but she blows my mind by smiling sweetly at me and mouthing 'thank you' from the distance.
A genuine 'thank you'. No malice. No envy. No evil.
WHAT THE HELL?!
"Enjoy your dinner, ma'am…" Jason smiles at me. "…sir" And nods to Christian leaving us alone again.
But I'm numb. What the hell was that? Her smile was genuine but it made all my paedo senses go to the roof.
"Let's forget this happened baby" Christian smiles lovingly at me and I just nod at him. "Eat up! You're too thin again" He grins.
I purse my lips. Again, with the food thing.
"I suddenly lost my appetite", I tell him.
"Baby, forget about her. She lost, we won" He intertwines our fingers.
"I know. I need to go to the restroom though" I took my hand from his but pull his hand to kiss it so he would not think I'm rejecting him.
"You want me to go with you?" He smiles salaciously and I melt again.
"No" I laugh. "I will be quick, I promise" I stand up and kiss him chastely on the lips.
He holds me a moment and looks at me worried but quickly winks and lightly smacks my butt.
"Behave" I point my finger at his nose and he grins even wider.
I walk to the lady's room but the feeling of unease from Elena's 'thank you' is still with me. I stop at the door of the restroom somehow feeling that I need to know so I turn and walk in long strides to the exit, hoping that she is already gone so I can leave this futile feeling behind me.
I have no luck. She is still waiting at the elevator.
Elena turns to look at me and I can tell she is genuinely surprised that I had followed her.
"Anastasia…" She greets me and her voice sends panic to my spine.
I haven't seen this woman in six years, six wonderful years I must say, and she still creeps me out. Looking at the tight black dress she is wearing, I hate to admit that she still has a great figure and I can't help but compare it to my emerald cocktail dress. Christian hates when I do this, but I can't help feeling a bit insecure sometimes. I shake my head. Well, I carried two babies and surely the only thing she must have had inside her uterus was dust.
"What was that?" I cut the formality bullshit and my anger increases.
"What?" She looks puzzled.
"The 'thank you' thing you did" I don't want to play games.
"Anastasia…" She sighs.
"Mrs. Grey" I correct her showing her my wedding ring.
She purses her lips holding her anger, I think. I might want to hold back a little.
"I didn't mean to be a bother" She gets a lock of blond hair out of her face. "I was dining with a friend. One of the few I have left…" She pauses and looks directly at me when she says this.
Is she expecting to make me feel guilty? You brought this on yourself, bitch!
"I saw you both" She continues. "I just wanted to approach to thank you both for what you did for me. I know how you feel towards me so I realize now you are a much better person than I am for letting Christian help me"
What the fuck?!
"What?" I murmur, feeling the floor opening at my feet.
"My business was bordering bankruptcy and if it wasn't for the loan I would have lost everything" She smiles at me. "Thank you again"
I hear it and I can't believe it. The blood draining from my face is now making me feel dizzy.
The ping of the elevator distracts her from continuing talking. When she looks back at me, she must recognize she had fucked up yet again because she now seems apologetic.
I feel him even though I can't see him and I know Christian is behind me, probably worried about what was keeping me. The face on Elena confirms it and with a final nod she steps into the elevator and leaves. Hopefully, forever this time.
"Ana" Christian calls me but when I don't turn around, he walks right in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders. He had heard everything.
His touch is supposed to soothe me but right now it just fuels my anger.
"How could you?" I snap angrily at him, pushing his hands off me.
"It's not what you think" He closes his eyes.
"Please tell me what I am thinking" I'm seething with rage.
"Ana" He tries to hold me again but I walk backwards.
"Don't Ana me!" I shout at him and see he is getting angry too. "After all that woman did to you, how could you help her? I thought…" I hold back my tears. "I thought you finally understood what she did to you was so wrong"
"I do" He runs his hand through his hair in exasperation. "I do understand. Let me explain to you"
"You do?" I laugh. "So you decided that the best way to prove that was to loan her money for her business?"
"You don't know what you are talking about if you don't let me explain to you", He says to me holding his anger.
I soon realize we are still outside the restaurant when a couple steps out of the elevator and walks awkwardly to the entrance. I follow them with my eyes and find Jason standing there.
"I want to go home", I murmur feeling tired all of a sudden. "Tell Luke to drive me home, please" I ask Jason.
"Yes, ma'am" Jason speaks to his sleeve directing Luke to get the car ready.
"No!" Christian walks to me. "You are letting her win; you are letting her ruin our night. I swear to God that I can explain…" He is pleading with his eyes.
"Can you explain why you didn't tell me anything? Why did you choose to keep me in the dark?" I ask him and he shuts his mouth. Christian without words, what a novelty.
"I thought so" I sigh and walk to the elevator, Jason and Christian follow me. "You ruined our night when you decided to keep secrets from me"
"I didn't mean to keep it from you" He mutters behind me.
"Well, you did. I really thought we were over that" I remember that first year when he kept me in the dark for my 'protection'.
The elevator opens in front of me and I step in followed by Jason but I stop Christian from getting in.
"I want to go home alone" I eye Jason. "Well, as alone as I can be" I know that not letting security go with me would be pushing it too far.
"Ana!" Christian looks hurt. "Don't do this please"
"I want to be alone just for a moment Christian" I know I'm being overdramatic but I want a little calm before the shit-storm that it's going to be listening to Christian's excuses.
"Fine" He pulls at his hair. "But you are waiting for me at the parking lot" And with that the elevator closes and starts going down.
"You knew about this?" I ask Jason who is standing next to me.
He looks uncomfortable for a moment but then he seems apologetic and I know the answer.
Of course, he knew.
"I think you should listen to Christian's explanation, Ana" He defends my husband.
"And after I tell Gail, I think you should sleep with one eye open, Jason" I warn him.
He sighs and I think he says 'shit' under his breath. It makes me chuckle in this ridiculous situation but indeed, I would tell his wife. Not to rat on him but because Gail and I built a close relationship over the years to the point that I tell her everything. She looks after my kids after all so she is my family.
We reach the parking lot and Luke is waiting there next to the car.
"Would I be a bitch if I tell you not to wait for Christian and drive me home?" I ask them both.
"Huh?" Luke seems doubtful.
Keep playing dumb Luke. I'm sure you knew too.
"Mr. Grey gave orders to wait for him, ma'am" I glare at Jason and hop into the car.
Luke still seems puzzled and I hear him asking Jason if we are still going to Escala. Okay, maybe he doesn't know.
Five minutes go by and finally Christian appears at the elevators followed by Reynolds. He gets into the car next to me followed by Jason who goes to the driver seat. Luke and Reynolds go to the other car. After all these years, I still can't get used to all the security measures when we go to some place. Except with Teddy and Phoebe, with them I can be as obsessed with security as Christian is.
Jason starts the car and drives us out of Columbia Tower followed closely by Luke. I feel Christian's eyes burning a hole in the side of my head and I dare to look to my beautiful husband. He is looking at me with apprehension and I have a flashback to a moment when he had this fear of me leaving him. It pulls at my heart and I want nothing more than to soothe him. But that wouldn't be fair, the least I can do is let him explain.
"Tell me" I encourage him.
"I haven't spoken to Elena in six years, Ana" He starts right away as if he was waiting for me to let him. "She tried to contact me in the past few weeks though" He says remorseful.
Oh God! I close my eyes. Why am I hearing this just now?
"But security didn't let her" He tries to grab my hand but I snatch it from him.
"Go on" I mutter looking at the streets through the window.
"As she couldn't contact me, she went to another department in GEH that works with small businesses in Seattle"
"Esclava is not a small business" I scoff, remembering the chain of salons.
"She had lost the chain", I gasp. "She has only one now and she changed the name"
Wow! She must be doing terribly.
"A guy named Trevor Lang who worked there approved the loan" Christian says angrily.
"Worked?" It peaked my curiosity.
"He got his ass fired" Christian presses his lips. "He authorized a loan to Elena's salon without doing a background check on her. If he had done it, he would have found the numerous alerts the company had on her name"
"So he got fired but she still got the money" I try to understand but I can't.
"It was already done" Christian looks embarrassed.
I snort a laugh.
"You are telling me the almighty Christian Grey couldn't do anything to stop her from having the money" I know I'm being a bitch right now but I can't shake the feeling he is hiding something.
"Sometimes my hands are tied" He replies. "Look at today for example"
He chooses now to bring up the thing about my birthday again, ughhhh the nerve of this man.
We reach an intersection and when Jason stops at a red light, he turns to ask -
"Ma'am, sir" He looks at us both, "Where to?"
"Home" I thought I'd made it clear when we were leaving the Mile High club.
"Not Escala?" Christian murmurs and I laugh.
"You must be kidding me" I tell him, shaking my head but when I catch him still looking hopeful, I snap. "No, Christian! I want to go home to my children!"
Jason resumes driving to the house. I want my children more than anything right now.
After a while of silence, Christian shifts in his seat to look at me.
"You know, she intended to ruin this evening for us and you are letting her" Christian rubs his face and if I'm not mistaken, he looks pissed. "I'm telling you I've got nothing to do with it, it was an oversight from one of the departments that has been corrected. She has nothing to do with us, please Ana"
"It's hard to believe", I mutter sulkily.
"Did I ever lie to you?" He looks offended.
No. He never lied to me. Never.
"No" He seems relieved. "But you have kept things from me before and that's what hurts the most"
"I'm telling you now. I didn't tell you before because…" He starts again with excuses and I cut him off.
"Why did you let her keep the money?" I ask leaving him speechless. He doesn't answer.
We reach the house and Jason taps in the code for the gate, he pulls into the entryway and stops right in front of the doors.
And Christian still doesn't answer me.
Just keeps staring at me, gray orbs to blue and in this pained situation, he still looks so beautiful.
Tell me Goddammit!
Deep down, I know the reason but I'm not able to materialize it in words.
"We are here ma'am", Jason tells me.
I wait for Christian but nothing. Then as if in slow motion I can see how his face morphs from anxious to his stoic self and I know this discussion is over… for now.
That night Christian locked himself in his office after we put the kids to bed. For my part, instead of sleeping in our bed, I went to Teddy's room and cuddled with my son knowing full well that my husband wouldn't interrupt his son's sleep to talk with me. I didn't want to face him yet and I knew he would try his sex voodoo on me. He always did, it was his way of knowing that we would be okay.
But we didn't solve anything that night.
Or the next morning.
We had all the family at the house to celebrate my birthday over breakfast. The Grey's, my mom and Ray all came to wish me a happy birthday. If only they knew. Christian put on a fake smile for the sake of the family but I couldn't keep up hosting. I used the excuse of getting ready for my meeting with Buran to be absent from time to time. Gail who knew what had happened the night before, took charge of arranging everything. Even Kate with her huge belly didn't burst into my office to ask what was wrong and gave me my space, which I was thankful for. After that, everyone continued on with their days as if nothing had happened. I knew better.
"Ma'am" I slowly come out of my sleep.
"Mrs. Grey" Luke's voice makes me open my eyes slightly.
"Ana!" I finally open my eyes to find his amused face looking at me. "We are here"
I inspect my surroundings and I find myself at the doors of my home. I smile gratefully at Luke and try to tame my wild hair in a ponytail before stepping out of the car. I check my face in the small mirror of the car and when I confirm I don't have any drool stains on it, I get out of the car.
I notice Jason's car is already here which means Christian is here. I sigh and arrange my skirt. But in deep thought, that means my Teddy bear is here too. I smile to myself and practically run into my house. I thought him starting school would be easy for me, but it isn't.
"Happy birthday!" I hear everyone scream when I open the door.
Christian, Jason, Gail, Sophie, my dad, and my beautiful children are at the entrance. Ray is holding a small cake. Teddy runs to me and I duck to the floor so he can hug me tight, giving me kisses all over my face making me giggle. I love this sweet boy too much. Phoebe struggles out of Christian's arms and when he puts her on the floor, she follows her brother.
"Happy birthday mommy!" My beautiful little girl hugs me too and gives me a wet kiss on the lips.
"Thank you darlings" I smile at my kids; they look a lot like their daddy and that only makes me love them even more.
I stand up and they pull me to the rest of the family. Everyone wishes me happy birthday and I put on a ridiculous face for them. We already celebrated this morning guys!
"Happy birthday Annie" My dad comes to me with the cake. "The kids wanted to celebrate again with a cake. You can guess why, don't you? One clue" He shows me the cake and laughs.
So, that's what this is! I look to my babies and they have a mischievous grin and I begin to tickle them. Little stinkers!
"Let's cut the cake!" Gail speaks to everyone and takes it from dad.
"Mommy has to blow out the candles first" Phoebe says in her cute little voice.
"Mommy must be tired princess" Christian speaks and my heart stops when he walks to us. He looks so handsome tonight.
Dammit! I really really REALLY wanted to open my birthday present yesterday.
"No!" Phoebe pouts. "She has to ask for her wish" She explains her reasoning with a defiant look to her daddy.
We might be spoiling her a little.
"Why didn't you give mommy a birthday kiss, dad?" Teddy asks in a softer tone and looks expectantly at Christian.
Is that why he is also behind this? It is true. Christian didn't kiss me this morning. My sweet boy is so perceptive and sensitive.
I look at Christian and notice him hesitate. Yeah, I know. I wouldn't want to answer that either. He looks directly at me asking for permission, I give him a small nod with a small smile and for the first time since yesterday, I watch him relax. He walks to me, places his hand on my back pulling me to him and kisses me.
It feels so good to be close to him.
When my senses come back to me, I hear Teddy and Phoebe giggling at our side.
"We need to talk", I whisper when he releases me.
"Now?" He says eyes wide and scared again. I nod.
"Let's put the candles on the cake, kids" God bless Gail, she takes the kids to the kitchen. I mouth 'thank you' to her and she smiles back. Jason, Sophie and my dad follow them.
"I didn't mean to keep you in the dark, Ana" He starts as soon as we are out of earshot. "It happened when I was dealing with the whole birthday debacle, it slipped my mind and then your birthday came so I thought I would tell you later" He looks so lost.
I nod tears pricking my eyes and he lets out a breath relieved.
I got to the conclusion that it didn't matter. Elena 'bitch-troll' Lincoln doesn't deserve so much as a thought because she doesn't have one bit of importance in our lives. I understand it now as if Christian stained a shirt and forgot to tell me, he cleaned it up and now everything is without stains. That's as much importance the topic of Elena has for me.
That's not the real problem here. It isn't anymore.
I'm aiming for the real thing here.
"Why did you let her keep the money, Christian?" I pull the big gun.
He knew I would ask him that because he closes his eyes and turns around. He looks in the direction of the living room and I know he wants to follow the kids in order to avoid this.
Well too bad mister!
"Christian answer me!" I demand.
"It was already done" He shrugs and I don't believe his half-truth.
I have to ask even thought I don't want to. I have to know if this deep fear in me is right.
"Was it because you think you still owe her?" I ask fearing his answer.
He closes his eyes and lowers his head; and I now have my answer.
I want to cry.
I want to scream at the air.
I want to get inside of the love of my life and fix him.
After all these years. After all the therapy with Flynn.
I thought he now understood the damage that woman did to him but I was wrong.
"Why?" I ask him and wipe a tear from my cheek.
"I don't know" He doesn't look at me. "I couldn't cancel the loan even though I knew that's what she deserved. I had already given her the chain of salons and she failed miserably so why keep handing everything to her?" He scowls.
"But I couldn't" He tells me.
"She didn't help you Christian" I try reasoning with him, make him see the truth… again.
"I know she fucked me up even more" He states and I don't understand. I know there is a 'but'.
"But she turned me into a functional being" He finally looks at me. "I see you with Ted and I know the amazing man he will be because of all the love you give him. You are a wonderful mother…"
I know what he is trying to tell me. I see it on his face every day when he stares at me and Teddy. In those moments, I know he is thinking about his biological mother and those awful first years of his childhood.
"… I didn't have that and I already owed Grace too much to demand more from her. As much damage as Elena did to me, it turned me into the man I am now. I can't deny my past"
I shake my head refusing to let his reasoning sink in.
"I hate your past" I mutter fisting my hands.
"You do?" Christian is surprised.
"Yes!" I grit my teeth.
"I hate it too but I wouldn't change it" He tells me.
"Why not?!" I shout.
Even I think about it; every time I witness his nightmares I think to myself what I wouldn't give just for him to have had a better childhood.
"Would you?" He asks me and I nod effusively. "I would not change it a bit because it led me to you. If I must go through it again just to have you at the end, I would endure it a million times"
No!
"I'm not worthy Christian" I sob.
"Baby, you are. You and the children are" He smiles at me and I can't hold back anymore. I run to him and he embraces me in his arms.
If I could take away the pain he had to endure when he was a child, I would. Then that fucking bitch would have never gotten her claws on him.
He lifts my chin and wipes my tears. I lean on my toes to kiss him and he finally smiles leaning to kiss me back.
"Mr. Grey, Ana" Gail calls us from the living room. We turn to see her and I finish cleaning my face with the back of my hand, Christian doesn't let me go. "The kids want to sing you happy birthday on the deck Ana, if that's okay" She looks at Christian and he nods. I smile at her too.
We follow her and Christian smacks me on the ass. I gasp and turn to look at him with dismay.
"You still need to open your gift tonight, Ana" He has a salacious grin.
I glare at him and his grin disappears.
"And you still need to sort your shit out, Grey!" I snap. "You are going back to Flynn ASAP!"
His face turns into regret again and he nods but I can't wait anymore, I smile,
"But yes Mr. Grey. I can't wait to see what you have in mind for tonight" I bite my lip and he gasps. Yep! It still works. He gives me a wolfish grin and I pull him by the arm to meet our children and family on the deck.
Yes, I know! I gave in! But pushing my husband away from me is not the solution when he needs to deal with his own issues. I need to help him.
They all begin to sing happy birthday to me for the second time today when I get to the deck. I look at my babies and see them eyeing the cake on the table instead of me. I chuckle to myself. Christian wraps his arms around me from behind as he sings softly in my ear but then walks to stop Phoebe from sticking her finger on the glaze. He lifts her in his arms and I look at my family. Perfect!
"Make a wish mommy, quickly!" Phoebe shouts when they finish singing.
"Yes, mommy! Make a wish!" My Teddy bear shouts too.
Just to mess with them I take my time.
I see the cake and count the candles, there are twenty-eight. I frown. I'm getting old.
I wish I was twenty-one again. I chuckle.
I look around at everyone and I'm grateful for all the happiness they have brought into my life.
I wish happiness to everyone.
Then I look at my Fifty. The love he shows me in his eyes makes me feel so cherished and his words from a few minutes ago come back to me. I didn't have that. Sometimes I feel a bit resentful towards Ella for not protecting Christian when he was a baby but I know if she had been strong enough for them both, their lives would have been different. I know what my wish is now.
I close my eyes and blow out the candles. Everyone cheers and claps but when I open my eyes, I find there is one candle still lit. I guess my wish would not come true, I pout.
"You missed, mommy!" Phoebe chastises me and everyone laughs.
Before I can lean in to blow out the last candle, the sky opens and soaks us all. We quickly run into the house forgetting everything outside. Everyone is laughing while Gail goes to bring towels.
"The cake!" Phoebe whines pointing with her little finger outside.
I look and I think I'm imagining things but the last candle on the cake stays lit despite being in the middle of the rain.
I grab towels from Gail for Teddy and Phoebe and my dad goes to bring in the cake.
"Look at this" He is amazed too as he brings the cake in with the candle still lit.
"That sucker is still on?" Christian watches fascinated as my dad carries the cake to the kitchen. Christian is drying Teddy with a towel, a bit forcefully I must say but Teddy is loving it.
"No cake now?" Phoebe's lip trembles as she asks me while I'm drying her hair.
"No baby" I soothe her. "But we will have cake tomorrow for breakfast, what do you think?"
That seems to placate her because she nods and smiles at me. God! She is so damn cute!
Christian offers to get the kids to bed and gives me a kiss while grabbing Phoebe from me. Everyone wishes us good night and goes to their bedrooms, except Gail who goes to the kitchen.
"I'll help Gail in the kitchen real quick and be with you in a minute" A kiss him again.
"Remember your present, Mrs. Grey" Christian grins. "Don't be late" He winks at me and I'm mush again.
"A present?!" Teddy squeals.
"I want to open the present!" Phoebe shouts excited and Christian's awkward expression makes me laugh hard.
"I will let you deal with this", I giggle as I go to the kitchen and listen to Christian behind me trying to calm the hype on the kids.
Good luck, Grey!
I go to the kitchen hoping Gail had finished with everything. I had another reason to come here.
"Oh Ana, I will take care of everything. Go with the kids!" Gail tells me when she finds me at the door.
"Just for today I would take your word but actually I came here to see the cake" I bite my lip hoping she wouldn't mind. I'm tired.
"It's there" She grins and points to the other side of the kitchen over the counter.
There is the sucker.
I stare at the last candle on the now wet cake. It is still lit.
"I blew it but it is still on" Gail speaks from behind me. "I would have thought it was one of those trick candles that never go off but then I remember Phoebe picked it up from the regular shelf at the supermarket" She tells me.
"I'm going to make my wish now" I tell her with a silly grin and she shakes her head chuckling and goes back to doing the dishes.
I close my eyes and concentrate on my last wish for my last candle.
I wish Ella had loved Christian as much as I love my Teddy bear.
And I blow.
The light coming from the window takes me out of my slumber and I groan. My head hurts and I feel a bit dizzy. I don't remember coming to bed at all. I don't want to open my eyes because if I find it's already morning then it means, I missed my birthday present. Arghhh … I wanted my present!
Did I faint in the kitchen?
I don't remember anything since then, maybe Christian carried me to bed. Still with eyes closed I reach with my hand for my husband but I don't find him there, I pout. I stretch my arms over my head and my hands hit an iron bedhead, I run my hands through it as I used to do when I lived in Portland.
Wait a minute!
I snap my eyes open. We have a pillow headboard in our bedroom. Where am I? I sit up in the bed and examine my surroundings. This isn't my room, this is… this is…
My old room at Portland!
What the hell am I doing here? How did I get here from Seattle?
I find my old bedside lamp, my old desk, the walls painted in white and creams, my mom's quilt at my feet and me laying in my old bed. Everything is as it used to be before I moved to Seattle. Before I met Christian.
Panic rises in me.
My children!
I need to know Teddy and Phoebe are okay as panic begins to build. I look for my phone but I only find my old one sitting on my nightstand. This must be a prank!
I search for Christian's contact first but I don't find him. I don't know his number by memory so I just dial the house's phone number. I grip my chest when I hear the operator tell me the number doesn't exist.
No, no, no, no, NO!
"NO!" I cry.
"Ana?" Kate's voice comes from the living room.
"Kate!" I shout.
"What is keeping you so long?" She asks me and I bolt from my bed.
I find her on the couch of the living room wrapped in a blanket sipping tea from a mug. There are a lot of tissues around her. She looks at me with a frown and a red nose.
I get a feeling of déjà vu as I recognize this scenario from the past.
"You're still not ready?" She speaks and cringes when her throat hurts.
"Kate!" I shout again and run to her to hug her.
"Ana, no! I'm going to give you my cold" She tries to push me.
"What the hell are we doing here?!" I ask her gripping at her shoulders.
"What do you mean? We live here" She pushes me and gets out of the blanket to grab a tissue to blow up her nose.
That's when I notice. No belly. No eight-month-old huge belly.
"Kate, what happened to the baby?" I cover my mouth as I'm about to cry.
"What baby?" Kate looks at me as if I had grown another head.
I look around the place, everything is in place as it was six years ago. I spot Kate's laptop on the coffee table and grab it turning on the screen. I sit on the floor.
"What's going on Ana? You are giving me the creeps" She says and I shush her.
I look at the screen for the date.
Monday, May 9, 2011.
I pull my hair and whimper in pain.
This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. I chant with my eyes closed as I rock my body back and forth.
"Ana, are you okay?" She asks me concerned.
I shake my head crying.
My babies! Where are my babies?! Christian! Where is Christian?!
"Jesus Ana! You are sweating, cold and shivering. I think I did give you my cold" Kate runs a tissue around my face. "I guess you won't be able to do the interview either. I will call Christian Grey's office to reschedule although I know he will cancel altogether" She sighs in resignation.
"Christian Grey?" I whip my head at the name of my husband.
"Yeah, the guy you were interviewing today in Seattle for me" She grabs a piece of paper from her bag. "I already printed the list of questions I had for him" She hands me the paper.
Of course, the interview! This clearly is a dream and I'm reliving all these events.
I pinch my arm. Ouch! That hurts.
"Kate pinch me" I ask her.
"Okay" She does it without question and again it hurts. "Why?" She asks after she did it.
This is not a dream but more likely a nightmare.
Christian! I need Christian, he would know what to do. I have to see him and together we will figure out what the hell is this. I'm sure he is as confused as I am right now, not having me at his side.
"I need to see Christian Grey" I tell Kate absentminded.
"You are still going to do it?" Kate grins and I nod still not paying attention to her. "Thank you Ana. Hopefully your cold is not as bad as mine" She stands up and pulls me to my feet. "Hurry up and get ready or you are going to be late. Take my car" She hands me her keys.
I go to my bedroom reeling from this whole situation. Somehow I had traveled back in time to the past? That's bat-shit crazy! Fucking impossible! I refuse to believe it. I'm sure Christian is trying to find me as well. I need to find my husband and together we will find a way to get back to our children.
I'm sitting now on a white leather chair in the lobby of Christian's office waiting to be called to see my husband. I had run on autopilot this whole morning remembering every step from Portland to here, everything had occurred as it did last time. I look at Andrea sitting at her large desk and she smiles sweetly at me, next to her is Olivia. Poor thing, she is getting transferred soon. For a moment, I wanted to tell Andrea who I was and that I needed to see my husband as soon as possible but if my suspicions are right, she wouldn't have let me even approach the lobby thinking I'm crazy.
Patience is my strongest virtue, I remind myself.
I look at his office doors and remember Christian is past those walls. He just needs to see me to realize the mess we are in.
Claude comes from Christian's office and I want to greet him warmly but I hold myself back. He turns to see me and smiles.
"Good afternoon ladies," he says as he departs through the sliding door.
"Mr. Grey will see you now, Miss Steele. Do go through," Andrea tells me and I stand quickly. I walk to the office I had come to many times and stood in front of the partially open large door.
Why am I nervous?
"You don't need to knock…" Andrea begins but I hold my hand to her with a smile.
I know, I know, just go in.
If this is like the first time, then I need to be careful with my next step.
I open the door first and when the way is clear, I start walking. Not tripping this time. But as I'm walking, the heels I borrowed from Kate stuck in the carpet and I end up falling head first into the office, again!
Damn you clumsiness!
I laugh.
"I guess I'm again at your feet Mr. Grey" I giggle when I notice two feet in front of me. Gentle hands are around me helping me stand up like the first time and I again feel completely embarrassed. I glance up with a smile to see Christian and sheer panic runs through my body when I see the man holding me is not Christian.
This man is about the same height of Christian but he has dark black hair and hazel eyes. Light stubble covers his strong jaw and I have to admit he is very handsome but he is not Christian.
"Who are you?" I ask him freeing myself out of his hold.
He looks puzzled but amused.
"I'm Christian Grey, Miss Kavanagh" He answers in a husky voice and the cold sweat returns to my body.
"No you are not!" I quickly correct him.
He scowls at me and he must be wondering who let this crazy person into his office but I can't accept it. He is not Christian!
"I thought you were graduating in Journalism. Isn't it your job to know the person you are interviewing?" The bastard smirks enjoying my lost expression.
"You are not Christian Grey" I mutter repeating again a chant in my head.
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. He walks to his desk and grabs a magazine. He returns in front of me and hands it to me.
"Would you be convinced with this?"
It is a Forbes magazine with his face plastered on the cover with the title '30 under 30' but what almost makes me pass out is the name at the side of his photograph.
GEH's Christian Grey
This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening.
Where is my Christian?
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