Editors Note: Just gonna mention here while I have the chance that I'm sorry for the lack of stories from myself lately but I've been busy with college and stuff but this popped into my mind the other night thanks to my good friend Emma and now I have about five stories in my head and im slowly getting them written down so I promise you as soon as possible I'll upload a new story because I love you all... Bye for now... Rubberry

P.s. Don't forget to follow me on twitter and dont forget to comment most useful comment gets a mention in the next story love yaw... Peace

Torchwood: The List That Jack Tapped

Sat in their office alone one day, Ianto asked the question all the Torchwood crew were dying to know... Who had Captain Jack Harkness fucked over the years...?

"Well... It started with Albus Dumbledore I believe and ended with you..." Jack said trying to avoid the conversation.

"You know what I mean Jack, know tell me." Ianto demanded

"You'll kill me if I tell you" Jack moaned

"I'll take the risk" Ianto retaliated

"Fine" Jack sighed "Albus Dumbledore was the first, I thought he was amazing but the phoenix in his office was a major turn off, before I met you I had an aim... Fuck Voldemort! Then that Potter kid ruined it all by killing him. Oh well... Next was Elizabeth a good friend of our dear friend Eleanor people assumed I was Elizabeth's guard because we spent so much time together. Churchill tried it on with me but I told him no, mostly because I was about to go and have crazy Nazi sex with Hitler... Hey that'd make a good porno" Jack exclaimed

"I'll keep that in mind" Ianto replied

"After Hitler was John Lennon, obviously before he met Yoko Ono, tried it on with her too but that failed" Jack sighed "Ringo, Paul and George wouldn't have been worth it and seemed like no fun at the time. Left it for a while to travel and I met George Bush... He tried to..." Jack paused

"Let me guess he tried it on with you" Ianto snorted

"See you are getting jealous and no he tried to kill me... Five years later met Colin Firth... Not just a great actor I'll have you know... A month later was Dominic Cooper... Meryl Streep though. WOW she was something else all together. Hell even The Doctor wanted me at some point because I'm irresistible however he'll always deny it but he was average for a timelord." Jack laughed

"That's my dad you know..." Ianto moaned clearly becoming embarrassed

"I know" Jack replied "Stellan Skarsgard must have been one of the worst though! Although Pierce Brosnan was interesting especially his idea of a sixty-niner... Zach Braff said no and Sarah Chalke slapped me but Neil Flynn well he did his usual thing which was to laugh. The laughing and rejections began to worry me deeply... Oh I forgot Severus Snape, how rude of me... Finally there's you" Jack said

"Par three of them they were all male" Ianto said puzzled

"There's a whole other list of women but that's for another day" Jack laughed, winking "Your turn"

"Lisa and you." Ianto mumbled

"Nice" Jack said optimistically