Nightmares

Orin never slept soundly, He always seemed to be plagued by sleep wrenching dreams. What they were about I'd never know, being the man he was Orin didn't talk, ever, not even to the people he lived with and trusted.

I mean, I might be one of those people; but I was really only Kellach, just a man he got caught up with during a storm one day and has followed since. You see, me and Orin met during a loud and rather dangerous storm in which Orin got his leg caught under a fallen tree. He didn't ask for help and when I approached him, he tried to escape my help as though I would hurt him. Even so I managed to catch hold of him, kicking and shoving, into a nearby cave where I set his leg and fed him. He at first shunned me, and how could I blame him I was a very rash and rather rude person. I still am.

Though I managed to gain his trust.

Through this time though I have noticed that even to me he does not speak, he's never made a sound, not a whimper, a squeak, not even the slightest sigh. I mean, he might in solitude but not around other life. Orin after that night just started to follow me, I don't know if it was out of interest or if he felt indebted to me but whatever it was he seemed content with spending his time with me.

Over that time I have grown to view him as a lovable companion, he has his quirks and even though he doesn't speak it I know he enjoys my company too. He's clumsy but steady and strong on his feet all at the same time; he is very curious and gets himself in a lot of trouble, for a faun that is. He has a habit of not being cautious of the protrusion on his head and running it into things, which I imagine is very painful, almost like banging your toe into a stump.

He's growing on me, and I hate it.

I don't know what my feelings have escalated to and I don't know how to react or be around him. I don't know whether to smile and laugh or to look over the other shoulder and ignore him. In a situation like this I don't know where my boundaries lie or how to handle him. This is a lust that I don't understand; he is a pure being and my mind is sullying that.

In a situation like this I don't want to touch him; His nightmares get worse depending on the weather. It's something I've never noticed before in anyone but on a night like this they would have to have been horrible. The wind was blowing and the rain pounded on the outer boulders of the cave. Just like the night we first met, I can remember his dreams were bad that night also. This time we had been traveling to the nearest town when a storm rolled in. We automatically searched for a cave and when we found one it was a relief to get out of the rain.

I successfully lit a fire as we both huddled on opposite sides to gain warmth. I couldn't bare being around him, I don't get how I feel and my only way to interpret it would be through violence. Our distance is the only thing to keep me from hurting him. Whether that is mentally or physically I don't want to spend the time to find out.

After a silent night by the fire we both turned in, rolling out my bedroll I laid down and looked up towards the ceiling. Orin always slept without covering, no sheet and with nothing underneath him. With him only wearing pants he must get cold. A few times before I had offered him an extra sheet and he just shook his head and pushed the offending item away.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep knowing that if Orin had a hard time sleeping I would hear it. While he didn't verbally make any noise he tossed and turned a lot, most of the time he would shoot up into a sitting position and look around frantically as if someone had their hands on his throat. Not only that but his hooves made quite a bit of noise on the hard ground; not to mention his tail swishing back and worth.

Though tonight was different, I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to wait and think. Orin had been plaguing my mind all day, how can I describe him? I've started to become dependent on his presence, without his company I really notice how lonely I would be. I've thought about a few things, was he possibly just a very close friend? Maybe I just need to be able to feel he's there, Orin doesn't allow anyone to touch him, when I carried him into the cave on the first night he looked furious. Even now I've only since then put my hand on his shoulder, only for him to shrug it off. That has to have been it; I mean what else would it be?

I allowed my mind to dwell on this for a while; I needed to know he was real. It was a physical problem not a mental one. Not long after these thoughts occurred to me I heard him stir. I could hear his hooves clink against the hard ground and a few leave stir around as he kicked his strong legs and picked up some dry dead leaves with his tail. I sat up and pushed my covers off of me. I had a plan that could maybe solve my problem.

I pushed myself up onto my feet and gazed down at the body across the warm ashes that were once a bright fire. From here I could see the sweat beading up on his forehead under already damp curls. His face was contorted into what looked like pain, and what I saw on his face surprised me more than anything else.

There was a wet stream running down his right cheek.

Orin was crying. This thought sent a pang of pain right towards my chest. The feeling startled me and I even reached up for a second to feel around the spot above my heart. Whatever that feeling was it was affecting me. Orin was affecting me and I needed to find a solution that I could understand. I quickened my pace slightly over to his side and crouched down onto my knees. Every time his body convulsed a small sting traveled up my spine into the left side of my chest.

I reached out and brushed my hand over his damp forehead and around the horn placed in the center of his forehead. I brushed his curls back away from the moist skin and could feel the heat radiating from his face. The moment my callused fingertips brushed his scalp bright blue eyes shot open and his hand shot up and grasped tightly around my wrist. His hooves clopped loudly in unison on the ground as he glared into my dark brown eyes, his ears twitched up in a sign of aggression. For a second I was actually afraid, my brain couldn't recognize the scared and predatory eyes that stared into mine for so long.

Though when my mind caught up with my eyes I again saw the afraid friend of mine who was confused and terrified by my gesture, and whose gesture was really only one of surprise, not aggression. I almost pulled my hand away; his gaze was intimidating- until his gaze slowly softened into a pained and scared one. All of a sudden I was hit by the most excruciatingly painful sensation I think I've ever felt. The feeling went straight towards the left side of my chest, this could only have been cause by the tears that now fell out of, not just one, but, both of Orin's eyes.

I could feel my face contort into one of pain and Orin began to rise up into a sitting position. As he was now fully seated his curls fell back on his face and the tears dripped down his cheeks. The tuft of hair he had at the bottom of his chin was now collecting the droplets that fell down his face.

My hands at this point retracted from his face completely, afraid that touching him would scare him farther into oblivion. At this point we were just staring into each other's pain streaked eyes; though I was noticing more and more. This was more than what I would ever feel for someone else. As if to seal this thought Orin gave me a sign, he picked up both of his arms and lightly touched both my upper forearms. That was all the notice I needed as I brought my arms up and rapped them tightly around his back, closing the distance between the two of us as I brought him protectively against my chest.

His didn't struggle; he only slumped into my shoulder as his face fell into the crook of my neck. Warm droplets fell onto my loose shirt and down my neck; I threaded my fingers into his hair and rubbed soothing circles into his scalp. I could feel the smooth touch of his horn on the back of my neck, no matter his warm body temperature the horn always remained a calming cold degrees. His body shook and I could feel the silent sobs racking through his rib cage; his ears drooped down in what I could only guess was meant to express his sadness.

His arms slowly brought themselves up around my back and clammy fingers gripped at the back of my shirt. Then... I heard a noise. It was the smallest sound and if it wasn't completely quiet in the cave I wouldn't have been able to hear it. Orin was whimpering. These were no longer silent sobs, he was crying.

The whimpering didn't escalate over this whisper but he was still opening up this much to me. What is this feeling of guarding? I felt as though I was now obligated to protect this man. I was going to make this better and nothing was going to hurt him. This is where I don't know my standing. This feels like too much for this to be a close friendship.

Was there a word for this feeling?

I continued to rub circles into his back and his hands soon made their way up to my neck, coming together and linking fingers. I now had the overwhelming need to figure out this feeling. I needed to put words to this for if I didn't I feel as though the feeling would fade and leave my mind forever.

"Orin... what do you feel?" I asked through the facade that had settled over us as we clung to each other for our lives.

I knew I wouldn't get an answer but it was always nice to know that he could hear me, his ears twitched when he picked up on a new sound. He was real, not just a figure of my imagination. He stilled for a moment, but as this happened he again began his trembling. It was painful to see him like this. I wouldn't dare bring up the dream itself, if anything he needed to forget it ever happened as it wasn't important. I felt a slight vibration coming from his neck as though he was clearing his throat. Not that it would make sense for him to-

"Love."

The soothing circles stopped and his sobs slowed down. Orin just spoke. His voice could not be described as anything less of beautiful. Do all pure beings sound like this? His voice sounded melodic, it wasn't too deep or to high in pitch, and while it was ridden with sadness I could still hear what he really sounded like. Though his voice was not the astounding thing. No not even in the slightest, nothing could measure up the word that just left his mouth.

It explained everything in perfect detail; this one word put every other misconception to shame.

I was in love with Orin.

That was what that warm feeling was when he reached out for my embrace. That's why I felt pain when he was hurt and sad. This explains the lust, the need to know that he is real and not just a fable of my imagination. Without Orin I would be nothing.

He obviously noticed my hesitance to say anything and slowly inched his arms away from me. He leaned back away from my chest and my heart dropped into my stomach. As fast as I could muster I pulled him back into my chest and held him there tight. I commenced rubbing circles into his back and I could feel him stiffen.

"I'm not sure if you could have explained that any better" I said this quietly and as the words left my lips I could feel him startle.

Though it did not take long for him to mold his form with mine, his face again joined its rightful place in the crook of my neck and I could feel a slight grin form against my skin. His sobs slowed and he was soon dozing off again.

I soon found myself becoming tired and my eyelids became heavy. I reached out across the now dying coals and rapped the bedroll around the two of us. Leaning back on the wall of the cave I thought about the new bright morning to come and the love that I discovered right before my eyes. This night had its spoils, and I don't think I could have been anymore thankful for that storm.