All she knows right now is the heartbreak of truth.
Before, Cosima could feel the flaw in her logic, her explanation that it was advantageous to engage with her monitor. Something felt wrong even while she was explaining the idea to Sarah, but it was pushed into a dark corner by the lilt of Delphine's voice. Cosima needed that voice in her ears, and would ignore the one in her head as long as she could.
"Bon soir, ma chérie."
Now she hears it. The deceit in that voice that she had become addicted to. The truth of Delphine's lies rages in Cosima's mind and she's too caught up in the conflict to respond. When a hand reaches out to tilt her head back, Cosima is — if only momentarily — freed from reality.
Delphine kisses her slowly, like a woman acting of her own accord. She plays the part so convincingly that Cosima thinks she might actually be able to keep her. If she can just prove to Delphine and herself that this, now, is the only truth that matters. No clones, no Leekie, just fingers on chins and kisses that are so real they could lead a scientist to lie to herself.
So Cosima decides. She could live this lie with Delphine and want for nothing more. As she shushes the voice in her head for the last time, she reaches up to tangle her fingers in Delphine's hair and sign the deed to their new reality together.
But Delphine doesn't know she's been cast in this new role. She's still playing some combination of The Monitor and The Lover and she breaks the kiss to move onto her next scene, wine and truffles at the ready.
Cosima feels the gentle click of her reality as it settles back into place. She closes her eyes, and stills her hand mid-air. Now she has no choice but to let the woman who almost convinced her they could have been happy see how she's failed.
If she had only moved faster.
