"Things have always seemed to work out for the best, don't you think? I mean….with everything we have gone through over the years, to think we are as unscathed as we are, well, its kind of a miracle, don't you think?" she said as she leaned back in her chaise lounge on their back patio. The sky was cloudless and the moon and stars were brighter than she had ever seen them. "I think we have a lot to be thankful for." Sookie stifled a yawn as she turned her head to look over at the Viking, who looked oddly at ease, oddly peaceful, although he too was feeling rather nostalgic.
He turned to look at her and she couldn't help but see there was something haunted about him. Something that he was holding back from her. "I have seen my share of evenings like this but it is the ones here with you that are the best for me….." he said, though there was not any joy there on his face, he looked troubled.
She pulled her chair over and put it exactly next to his own and took his hand into hers. "What is it?"
"I have been thinking about the past and I suppose….I feel slightly melancholy. I think things now are….well I never imagined my maker could be resurrected nor did I ever expect to have a family of my own…a daughter who would be ruler of Faery….a son in law…..you." he managed to give her a weak smile that faded into a serious frown. "But I keep having thoughts, dreams. And I hate delving into the past and I know we have journeyed together for a long time, through good and bad. But something bothers me to this day. And I don't want to upset you or make you think I live in the past."
"What is it?" she asked softly, wanting badly to use her souped up powers to fish out the thoughts he had. With a touch, she certainly could read his mind if she so chose to. Instead she waited for him to respond.
"Why didn't you come looking for me when the hep v crisis started? I was gone for 6 months and yet, I never got any clue that you cared, noticed that I was gone. After all I had done for you, the times I saved your life…..surely you could have-"
"Pam told me that you didn't even want her to find you but you were in such bad shape at the time….I thought you were just taking some time….after I heard about Nora, I mean, god, to have her die like she had." Sookie paused. "I never imagined you would leave for so long but I also knew you were tough, I figured you would come back when you-" she paused again. "I worried that if I went looking for you wouldn't like what I found and that scared me so much…..though having said that, I should have looked for you. Instead I was a selfish, self centered…."
"Did you ever think I was in trouble, that perhaps I had even met the true death?" he interrupted "I would think after a couple weeks that-" he was then interrupted by Sookie who grimaced.
She looked ashamed and had to admit the deepest of truths. "I was so involved with Alcide…..maybe I was too self involved and I knew I was mean to you in the past…..maybe I thought you wouldn't forgive me after how ungrateful, how bitchy I was to you even after how good you were to me…this has really bothered you, hasn't it?" he stared straight ahead. "This has been a long time coming, this talk. With everything that has happened, this one thing has been eating at me. And I have no doubt that you love me and I you. Nothing can or will change that. I suppose I needed to….vent. Even after all this time. Did I ever tell you just what it was like, especially when I was so sick."
Her heart was literally breaking in two as he relayed the depths of what had led him to that point, the decision to leave town. Form losing so many loved ones to her rejection of him and her failure to see him for what he really was. To say nothing of the loss of his first love. And it reminded her of their conversation they had had once that he had only loved two people and had felt that way in return….it broke her heart all over again.
"I really did hurt you bad…..and that I could have lost you without knowing it. You could have died alone without knowing the truth. I think I knew the truth the whole time but it scared me….I had thought I wanted a more normal life and I was happy with Alcide, don't get me wrong. But I think I knew deep down I wasn't where I needed to be, where I needed to be. And….I don't think I can say anything that can possible make up for how I was to you. You saved my life time and time again. And I only pushed you away and even slept with Bill again, for god's sake." she shook her head. "I was confused and hurt and….." she paused as she looked up at the sky. "If it wasn't for me and how I was, you could be dead. You came back to Bon Temps to help us fight the h-vamps and even though you were sick, you….you comforted me after I lost Alcide. You showed your true colors and I threw it back at you even then. I jumped back into bed with Bill. Even then, I worried more about him being cured than you being cured. And for that….how can you look at me knowing this?"
He sat silently for a moment, everything that he wanted to bring up being spouted by Sookie. Her honesty, that bluntness was something he respected and appreciated and yet knowing she carried this guilt and pain for so long….. "I have long forgiven you for slighting me. I always had hope that things would work out and as always, I was right." he smirked at her, making her smile slightly. "I made my fair share of mistakes and I know those mistakes gave you pause about me. So I am culpable too in the way things were between us."
She shook her head. "I blame myself. I was blinded by the wrong guy for so long, I didn't notice, I didn't appreciate what I had until it was almost too late. That you forgive me is nothing short of a miracle and never, ever again can I or will I forget the loss I nearly sufferer. Never again will I take you for granted. " she was almost bawling by this point and she allowed him to wipe the tears from her cheeks. To her relief, she saw that he too, had tears down his cheeks.
"I think I feel much better getting this off my chest. But I certainly would love to have something put on my chest." and before she could reply, she found herself being pulled out of her chair and resting on his pal, her head guided gently to his chest. As silent as it was, she knew he had a heart. A big one. One he kept hidden from anyone outside their family and friends but showed it the most to her. Neither said anything as they both took in the evenings conversation and both had to agree that it had certainly been something that had needed to happen for some time.
"I still think of you as invulnerable….like nothing can take you down. Even though I know there have been close calls. But…..you are so resilient. Stubborn and strong. To have survived all you have, specifically in the past few years." Sookie said as she looked up at his face.
Stroking her hair, the Viking replied. "I think my strength increased ten fold the moment I met you, though I hadn't known it at the time. Back then, I felt broken, like a had a heart of stone. Funny how things change." he mused. "And for all the pain I endured, I would go through it again if it meant I would still end up with you."
She nodded. "I agree." and with those words, they fell silent, cuddling up under the stars right until dawn started to sneak up on them. It was fate that had led them to each other the they could only hope that fate could, would bless them with a bright future. Though there was little doubt that for sure, they would always face more adversity. And yet, they had always triumphed. And, Sookie thought to herself, always would.
THE END
