Chapter 1: The Scam of the Century AKA Settling Old Matters
"Why!?" Eddy screamed at the top of his lungs as he entered the construction site friendless, "Why why why!? Every single scam! Every single freaking scam never ever works! And what do we get for all our hard work!?" Just then he took a quarter out of his pocket, "Nothing, we're lucky we were even able to swipe this, and even so! It's just one of us that got cash!" Suddenly the boy spotted something he hadn't ever noticed before, a wishing well smack dab in the center of the construction site. "Well, you're no good for anything else," Eddy sighed looking at the quarter and walked over to the well, "Dear well…I don't know how to make a wish so I hope this is good enough, I wish that just once, at least once, one of our scams we perform on our cul-de-sac would work."
With that Eddy tossed in the currency and began to walk away when he saw some smoke rising up a bit out of the well. "Geez, someone needs to clean that thing," he said raising an eyebrow and trecked off.
"Hello Eddy!" Double-d exclaimed to his friend on his morning paper route the next day, "any plans for today?" "Huh?" Eddy yawned looking out his window, "What, oh, oh, yeah! Actually I do got plans, meet me at Ed's okay?" "Alright, I'll be around in about a half an hour." Deciding it was a bit early to go to the big lug's place just yet Eddy decided to hit the shower real fast and freshen up. After popping a Jam record into his record player he began scrubbing and talking to himself. "You know me, I don't know why, but I got an idea for an awesome scam today! Could it have been…nah! Ah well, I just hope this is gonna work or else I might think of giving up the scamming business all together."
After about fifteen minutes Eddy was done and dried himself off while the record's song finished playing. As he turned it off he headed out the front door and could smell the morning air as it traveled across the grass and ground. The sun was shining nicely and there was a fair breeze to be felt. "Geez, it feels real nice today," he commented as he ran towards his friend's house, "Ed's room sure gonna put a damper on my scenses."
And indeed it did. Right as Eddy slipped in through Ed's basement window a mixture of mildew, sponges, rotting chickens, and various other things zoomed through his nose. "Oh crap!" he exclaimed clutching his sinuses, "Ed, what the heck have you left lying around your room!? It smells worse than it normally does!" Getting no response Eddy walked over to a sort of fortress built out of boxes in the corner of the room and sure enough Ed was huddled inside reading comics. "Hi Eddy," he said and held a comic to his friend's face, "It's the Revenge of Evil-" "Do not say that name Ed. We don't need another episode that weird, and besides, I got the perfect idea of a scam today!" "HOORAY!" Ed hollered and hugged Eddy to the brink of death before letting go and bursting out of his fortress, "What about Double-d?"
"Present," the organized Edd replied as he opened the door, "Your sister let me in, you should try one of her cupcakes sometime, they're delectable." "You were allowed to eat Sarah's cupcakes?" Ed asked shocked. "Yes…" Double-d replied and turned to Eddy, "So, whatcha need us for? I got nothing to do today unless you guys wanna come over and play video games or something." "Well, it just so happens that overnight I thought up the perfect idea for a scam," Eddy told them pointing to his head, "It's foolproof this time." Double-d mearly sighed and put his hand to his head while Ed wriggled in joy where he stood, "Fine, let's get it over with."
The Eds immediately got to work. Eddy gave Double-d and Ed the instructions on what to get and they saluted him rushing off to fulfill their tasks. "Now then," the leader said to himself, "I best go and get the final piece of equipment we'll need." RIP!!! Eddy tore his shirt and pants off revealing his Professor Scam outfit. "Hurry hurry hurry folks!" the villain called out, "Can't miss out on the scam of the century can ya?" Immediately all the kids of the cul-de-sac rushed out and once Johnny saw Eddy decked out in his scam outfit he changed into his.
"Thank you for all of your cash!" Scam yelled out with a hand to his mouth allowing his voice to echo further, "if anyone wishes to see this great thing you paid for come to the creek!" "Hiyah!" Captain Melon Head yelled ferociously as he lunged towards his arch nemesis, "How dare you take the money of the cul-de-sac!" Scam laughed maniacally and ran off with all the kids in pursuit of him, especially the melon headed wonder. After minutes of running some of the kids dropped off the group and made it to the creek their own ways while Melon Head kept chasing. Finally Scam had made it to a steel walled fortress near the creek and made it inside.
"Take this Scam-Ah!!!" Suddenly an enormous cage dropped down around Melon Head and a gate closed behind the kids as they entered. "Welcome children, far and wide!" Scam called out joyously as he rose up on a platform into the bleachers, "please file into the seats provided and we shall begin the match shortly." Looking a bit confused the young inhabitants filed in onto the bleachers and a forcefield went up along the walls keeping them from getting hit by, well, whatever was going to happen.
"Now then!" Scam announced with Double-d now at his side, "We at Ed Co. have decided to turn things up a notch. No more little kiddie scams. You wanted more so we've provided more! Prepare to watch the biggest and first or just the first to be more exact, Captain Melon Head Beat Down Bash!!!" "WHAT!?" the hero cried in alarm as the cage around him raised up slowly, "What the heck do you think you're doing Scam!?" "Giving these kids a good time. Now then, the more you throw money in people, the bigger the opponents will be! So, who here wants to see just how good their hero really is?"
The audience broke out in a ferocious cheer and began tossing their money in, Kevin a bit reluctant, and a gate on the other side of the arena under Eddy and Double-d's seat rose up. The Scam Drones' metal footsteps echoed about as they entered with their blasters and stun poles and the fight began! Melon Head easily dodged between blasts and got between two Drones who fired and hit eachother as he leapt up into the air. The next set was a group of three with stun poles that decided to ram the hero once he hit the grand. Immediately the boy grabbed the gun of a downed drone and began blasting them in the face plates one by one spraying optics, circuits, and memory chips everywhere. Once the final stun pole attacker was down he spun around to see a Drone right above him and somersaulter out of the way just in time then flipped backwards, caught the Drone's head between his legs, and twisted them snapping its neck in half.
"Phew," he sighed and stretched, "That all ya got?" The crowd cheered jubilously and threw money across the ground floor and some Drones entered with vaccums and sucked up all the currency. "Gotta keep our stadium floor clean ya know," Scam told his enemy with a wink, "now let's see how much we got…alright, send out the next batch Double-d!" With that the gate raised again and Melon Head got in a fighting pose and three Hercules Drones entered and cracked their knuckles. "Bring it on!" Melon Head shouted and leapt forward.
WHAM!!! "Ouch!" Scam said into a microphone, "his back's gonna be hurting in the morning…as well as the rest of him!" The hero peeled himself off the forcefield as quickly as possible and just barely dodged getting another fist heading right for his jaw. WHAM!!! The Drone's helmet spun around its head uncontrolably from Splinter giving Melon Head the chance to slam his buddy into the Drone's dollar sign on its chest launching it backwards into another Hercules Drone. Sensing another attacker Melon Head knelt down and spun his foot around the ground until it slammed into the remaining Drone's foot and fell it fell to the ground. As he finished spinning Johnny laid on the ground more and when his foot was right over the Drone's chest he brought it down ripping straight through the dollar sign and all the circuits causing it to explode.
The crowd cheered again insanely and poured their dollars out onto the ground of the stadium which the Scam Drones greedily vacummed up. "Whoa," Scam said, "We're really milking it out of em eh Double-d?" "Sure are Eddy," he called from his control panel. "HEY!" Melon Head yelled and tapped his foot, "Is that it!" Scam was sort of stunned to see that the hero was actually enjoying the challenge and smirked, "Why of course not! There's still two more rounds!"
The gates raised up again and this time a pair of Goliath Drones entered with some huge centipede like Drones. "Now this is what I'm talking about!" Melon Head exclaimed and got in a fighting stance. He easily jumped out of the way as the centipedes jumped up and slammed into the ground where he used to be only to burrow beneath the surface and make mounds of dirt where they traveled. Unforetunately Melon Head was too concerned on watching the dirt paths appear that he was caught in one of the Goliath Drones' chain whips and slammed into the side of the forcefield causing the audience to gasp. "AH!" he screamed in pain as he hit the floor and rolled out of the way from the next chain whip, "gotta keep my cool…"
Suddenly the floor trembled and the centipedes shot up into the air and dove at him once more. Just in time he leapt backwards only to be greeted by a swift punch from one of the huge Goliath Drones he backed into and then another whip flung him about. "Oh man!" he gasped coughing out some blood, "I think that last hit broke a rib or something!" WHAM! Melon Head was shot straight into the forcefield once more and slumped to the ground feeling a bit numb and dizzy by now. Suddenly another whip shot at him but this time he had some time to think. Hastily he leapt onto the whip and ran up it as fast as he could up it with Splinter just barely in his hand and slammed the pole of his sidekick into the monstrous Drone's Dollar sign on its helmet flipping it open and revealing its robotic brain. "Allyoop!" he exclaimed and leapt backwards off the Drone as the other's chain mashed the brain to bits and it fell over defeated.
Just then the centipedes shot out of the ground again but this time didn't go back under. Instead the slim creatures crowded around the fallen Drone and shot out long tounges which latched onto various limbs and body parts and dragged them into their sharp toothed mouths where huge grinding machines on the insides of the jaws shredded up the bits to be swallowed. Meanwhile Melon Head did the same procedure to the other Goliath Drone and the centipedes burried underground once more. In a few seconds the other Drone was down after he slammed Splinter into its brain and the centipedes resurfaced. "Alright guys, now I can dance with you," Melon Head told them before hacking out some blood and clutching his side, "on second thought maybe you could all be eachother's dance partners…"
Plop! The Hero looked up to see something that horrified him! Out of the centipedes' tails they were now shooting human sized normal Drones. "What the crap!?" "Did I forget to mention Melon Head," Scam laughed from his seat, "These babies can devour metal and turn the heaps of scrap inside them into Drones all ready for combat!" "WHAT!?" he screamed as his knees wobbled, "that is so cheating!" With no other choice the hero fought on and laid waste to about five of the Drones before he fell to his knees and got on all fours panting with sweat and blood dripping off him. Johnny could only lay there as the Drones slammed their stun poles into his body over and over the numbess growing when suddenly the ground began to shake again. The hero blacked out as the centipede shot up out of the ground beneath him and grabbed him with its tounge.
"WAHOO!!!" Eddy exclaimed as he nuzzled the money jar against his chest, "Ed, you are such a good guy at building fortresses!" "Why thank you Eddy," he replied, "You had them eating out of the palm of your hands!" "Indeed," Double-d agreed smiling eagerly, "a change for the better I must say, though I am rather saddened for Captain Melon Head." "Ah, he'll be alright," Eddy reasured him, "you guys put him in a healing pod once you got him out of the creature's head after it sucked him through its tounge. Double-d it's good you designed it to suck living things into its head and not into the body and grinders and stuff." "I know," he replied smugly and with a smile, "How's about we go get some jawbreakers tomarrow fellas?" "Yeah!" Ed exclaimed hugging his buddies and let go as he looked at the moon. "Well, I gotta get home guys, pretty late ya know." "Alright," Double-d said waving, "See ya Eddy!" "Bye Eddy!" Ed called out before disappearing deeper into the woods.
"Oh man oh man!" Eddy exclaimed excitedly as he exited the woods and waltzed over to the cul-de-sac, "What a day! And what a scam!" Looking up Eddy was sort of shocked to see he had ended up in the construction site instead of the fully built neighborhood and decided he might as well walk over to the well again. "Yo, thanks a bunch man," he said laying his arm on the rim of the long shaft, "here's a tip." The quarter dropped down far into the well and smoke began to rise up out of it again. "Man," he yawned, "I really wish Melon Head was healed, I mean I know we're enemies and all but I don't want him that hurt unless it's on purpose."
"Done," a voice from deep down echoed. Looking about in fright Eddy saw nothing and said, "say what?" "Your wish has been granted bozo!" the voice said from the well and he looked in dropping another quarter, "Um…I wish for you to reveal yourself?" Smoke rocketed high into the night air filling the clouds with a dark green liquidy look and an enormous hand red hand reached out of the well and grabbed onto the edge. "Mommy…" Eddy squeaked and passed out.
Well I really hope all you fans out there liked my new fanfic. Can you guess what he's going to see? And what'd ya all think of the scam Eddy set up? I enjoyed typing this and probably should get back to work on The Chronicles of Captain Melon Head. Well, hope it was alright. You guys know what to do, read and review to your hearts content and enjoy the story. If ya don't, ah well, there's billions of others out there.
