This is my first Rookie Blue story. I started to watch the show about a week ago and fell instantly in love with Sam and Andy. I grinned like an idiot during the locker room scene, their chemistry sucking me in immediately. But what really sealed the deal was their almost kiss in episode 2. I saw it and was like ... 'Holy crap! That's it! I have a new ship!' :-)
SPOILER ALERT!
So, this story is mainly inspired by the ambulance scene from the season 4 promo and some other spoilers that are floating around. I don't really know how it will all go down exactly but my muse has her own idea and came up with this. If you don't want to be spoiled you shouldn't read this and for all of you who are spoiler junkies like I am ... I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: These perfectly flawed characters are sadly not mine!
Chapter 1
"Sam!" Oliver shouted as he jumped out of the car before it was even standing still. "Sam! You're not wearing a vest!"
He knew he was breaking every protocol but he didn't care. It was Andy and when it came to her he was losing his grip on his professionalism on a regular basis. That had been the main reason he had broken up with her. The fear that something could happen to her, leaving him behind with grief he had no idea how to deal with. He wasn't good with feelings. Never had been. Probably never would be.
But he should have known that breaking up with her wouldn't change anything. It didn't make it easier. It almost made it worse. But he hadn't known how to apologize. He hadn't known how he could explain to her what an idiot he had been. And then he had said the three words he'd never said before in his life and she had just left and he'd realized that letting the real feelings in did only make you weak, made your heart vulnerable and he'd closed it off, jumping into a relationship with Marlo, trying to get his life in order but at the end he was failing miserable because he was still deeply in love with Andy. Wanting to stop loving her didn't erase the feeling. It was as strong as it had ever been, he had just buried it deep inside.
The thoughts were racing through his mind as he sprinted towards the warehouse, hoping that he wouldn't be too late. Hoping beyond belief that they might get another chance. He slowed down as he came near the building, knowing that he should make his approach as quiet as possible. He drew his weapon out of its holster, closing his eyes for a few seconds, taking in some deep breaths to calm down his racing heart.
He listened intently for any sound from inside and could only make out one male voice. The door was slightly ajar and he pulled away from the wall he'd been pressed against to get a quick glimpse inside the building.
One person. He could only see one person. Good. One person was good. He wouldn't even need backup. He could deal with one person. A voice inside his head was shouting at him to stop being so reckless but he just ignored it and slammed his foot against the door, rushing into the warehouse.
"Police! Drop your weapon!"
Everything happened so fast that he didn't see it coming. For just a split second his focus wavered from the man pointing the gun at him. A rookie mistake. But he needed to make sure she was okay and then he heard the shots fired in the same moment pain ripped through him and he stared down his body, two red stains forming on his shirt and his gun clattered to the ground as his knees gave out under him.
A second later the room was filled with shouting voices as Oliver and the backup arrived and then through the cacophony of noises surrounding him he heard her voice. "Sam!"
A moment later she was kneeling beside him, her hands coming immediately to his stomach, pressing on the wounds as she tried desperately to slow down the bleeding. He could hardly breathe, his heart was galloping in his chest and he focused his gaze on her, seeing the fear written all over her face as she leaned down to him so that he could hear her over the noise.
"No! Don't do that to me! You can't die on me! Do you hear me? Sam, stay with me! Please!"
There was so much blood. No matter how hard she pressed it was flowing through her fingers. His face was eerily pale and his breath completely erratic.
"Andy, I ..." His voice faltered and dark spots appeared in front of his eyes and her hand closed around his as he tried to lift his fingers to her face and the last thing he heard before he was sucked into the darkness was her voice, shouting his name.
"Sam!"
~S&A~
The next hour went by in a blur. The medics pulling her away. Their fast but controlled movements as they tried to get the bleeding under control. The ride in the ambulance. His cold skin under her lips as she pressed a kiss against his forehead. A pleading voice piercing through the fog surrounding her. A voice she had a hard time recognizing as her own as she was begging him over and over again to not leave her.
And now she was standing in the bathroom after they'd wheeled him into surgery, staring at her bloodstained hands. He had lost so much blood and pictures of a similar scene popped up in her brain. The day Jerry had died.
"Hey."
Andy hadn't even heard the door open and she flinched as Traci's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
"Hey." Andy said with a shaking voice, balling her hands into fists as she stared at her best friend. She couldn't say anything but she didn't need to. Both of them were thinking the same.
Not again. Not so soon.
"Let's get you cleaned up." Traci said softly, stepping beside her, turning on the water and pulling her forward, putting her hands under the stream and Andy watched the red swirls going down the drain, having the odd feeling that she wasn't only washing his blood away but also his life.
"I can't lose him." Her voice was hoarse, the words barely audible as she dried her hands with a paper towel.
"I know."
~S&A~
She'd changed into fresh clothes, trying to eat the sandwich Traci had put into her hand but she wasn't able to gulp down more than a few bites. A part of her expected the worst. A part of her just waited for the surgeon to emerge out of the operating area with this telltale expression on his face, delivering the news that Sam didn't make it.
When the surgeon finally appeared she was almost one hundred percent certain that he would tell them that Sam died in surgery and her heart clenched in her chest but the first words out of his mouth made her grasp for a chair, the relief so overwhelming that she nearly fainted.
"He is stable. For now. One bullet ruptured his spleen, the other missed his heart only by a few inches and nicked an artery. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. Now we can only wait. He'd lost a lot of blood. The next twenty-four hours are crucial."
"Can I see him?"
"You know the procedure, officer. Only next of kin ..."
"She is his partner." Traci interrupted him, not caring that technically Andy wasn't his partner anymore. "He risked his life to save her. Can't she have a few minutes to see that he is okay?"
"Okay. But only a minute."
Andy slipped into his room, walking slowly towards the bed. The steady beeping of the heart monitor felt soothing, telling her that he was still alive. But when she reached him she couldn't touch him, afraid that a simple touch would break her. She didn't know how long she would be able to keep it together.
She had almost lost him. She could still lose him.
Suddenly the air in the room was too thick to breathe in and she hurried out the door, slumping against the wall outside the room, closing her eyes and forcing herself to take deep and calm breaths. She would not get a panic attack.
She could hear someone approach and then a hand closed around her shoulder, Traci's quiet voice reaching her ears. "You should go home. Get some sleep."
"I can't." Andy whispered. "I need to stay."
~S&A~
She knew she wasn't allowed to be standing outside his room but the nurses just overlooked her and she was grateful that they let her stay. Minutes ticked by, hours, the hospital calming down around her and it was in the middle of the night as a cup of coffee suddenly appeared in front of her and she looked up surprised, her eyes meeting Nick's.
He stayed beside her, a few minutes of silence passing before he cleared his throat and turned around to her, waiting for her to meet his gaze. "You still love him, don't you?"
"Nick, I ... " She trailed off, not knowing what she should say. What was the point in denying something that was so obvious? But she shouldn't have given him hope that they could ever be more than friends. It had been unfair on her side to make him wait because she had known the answer all along. "I'm sorry."
"Me too." Nick said softly and leaning down he gave her a quick peck on her cheek, pulling her into a short hug before he stepped back and walked away. But before he reached the corner he turned around, addressing her again. "Oh, and Andy?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell him."
~S&A~
She didn't know how long she was standing in front of his room, staring through the window at his pale form under the blanket. She needed to make a decision, weighing up pros and cons in her head, trying to do the right thing for both of them. She had moved on or at least she had tried. But as his blood was seeping through her fingers she realized that moving on from him was only possible if she would cut all the ties. Even though she would never forget him. A part of her would always love him. A piece of her heart would always belong to him.
But the events of the day also showed that their love was dangerous. The normally cool-headed Detective Sam Swarek always seemed to lose his head when she was in danger. He had broken up with her because he couldn't do it anymore, ripped her heart out as he left her in the parking lot.
But the months she'd spent undercover made her see things more clearly. Maybe he was right. Maybe their feelings for each other were clouding their judgment when it came to situations in which they needed to have a clear head. But then he had been standing right in front of her again and his face had lit up with such a genuine smile that her heart had jumped into her throat.
But it was all a lie. He was in a relationship with another woman. The kiss she'd witnessed had been like a slap in the face. Six months earlier he'd told her that he loved her just to turn around and start sleeping with another woman. He had hurt her. Again. Admitting to herself that she was still in love with him didn't change the fact that they weren't good for each other. They couldn't make each other happy.
It didn't work. They didn't work. They'd tried but failed.
She couldn't lose him but she couldn't live with him either. Maybe it was time to leave. Maybe they needed some space. Space and time. Maybe it would make it easier for both of them to go on with their lives when they were not seeing each other every day.
It was the best for both of them.
She pushed herself away from the wall and opened the door to his room quietly. She had made her decision.
"Hey there." Andy pushed the chair closer to his bed to sit down. Stretching out her hand, she brushed her fingers carefully over his arm, gulping down tears that threatened to choke her, making it almost impossible to speak but she straightened, forcing herself to keep going. "You scared the crap out of me, you know. For a second I thought you would leave without saying goodbye. You saved my life, Sam. And I ... I love you. God, I love you so much and seeing you with Marlo it ... it kills me."
The tears she couldn't hold back any longer started to stream down her face, her vision blurred and she wiped them away angrily, scolding herself for being so pathetic. She had made a decision and now she had to stick to it. Crying wouldn't make it any easier to tell him what she needed to tell him even though he couldn't hear her and she took in a deep breath before she continued.
"But she is good for you. You seem happy and you and I ... we keep hurting each other. I know I left you twice, put the job above our relationship, but you didn't keep your promise either. You just walked out when it got hard. You've promised me you wouldn't go without a fight. But you just shoved me out of your life as if I wasn't important as if we didn't have anything else but a fling. But this ... what we had ... it was so much more than that. You broke my heart and I also broke yours. So you see, we are apparently not able to love each other without constantly hurting each other. So we better leave it be. Before the love that is still there will turn into hate."
Her hands were shaking as she stood up and leaning forward she whispered into his ear. "I love you, Sam Swarek. I always have. I always will. I just wish we would have had a fighting chance to make it work. But it isn't meant to be. We need to stop trying before one of us gets killed."
Her hands reached automatically for his cheeks, cupping his face and she pressed her lips against his for a last kiss before she pulled back, biting her tongue to not start sobbing hysterically.
She walked towards the door slowly, her steps faltering as she reached it and turning around to him one more time, she took in a sharp breath, a lonely tear slipping down her cheek as she could feel her heart break. "I love you."
The door clicked shut behind her and he tilted his head, opening his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision. His mind was foggy, everything was hurting but his gaze went to the window, something in him pulling his eyes toward her departing form. For a second he thought it had been just a dream, a hallucination, but when he closed his eyes again he could still feel her lips on his and he could swear her last words were still lingering in the air, her voice whispering them in his ear.
I love you
