Obi-Wan was facing Vader in the ultimate battle of Master vs. Padawan.
"The circle is complete. When I left, i was but the-"
"Vader I saw your son Naked"
"What?
"Yah Vades- I also saw Padmé naked"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"Yeah. Did you know you have a daughter?"
"Really?"
"I saw her naked too."Vader was shocked. Then angry. Disregarding his lightsabre, he punches Obi-Wan in the face.
"Oowwwww Vadey what was that for?"
"Sleeping with my wife."
"God, that was Sabé! They don't look that similar."
"No, about the naked comment"
"I helped her give birth Vadey!"
''Vadey'?! Seriously Old Man, what is wrong with you?!''
"At least I actually got to bang someone."
"Vader, I had a wife too."
"Padmé?"
"Sabé! They don't look THAT similar!"
"THAT'S IT!" Vader screams as he spartan kicks Old Ben through a wall.
"I SAW YOUR FAMILY NAKED!" Obi-Wan screams as he flies into the vacuum of space.
"Sicko." Vader states, as he brushes rubble from his shoulders. He turns around to find Luke gaping awkwardly at what he just witnessed.
"Well, son, um.. Well, at least I haven't seen you naked..." Vader tries to make friendly conversation, to no avail, as Luke has passed out.
"Well, I'm just gonna go now..." Vader says, and then turns to run away awkwardly. After a couple steps, he notices a random stormtrooper.
"You didn't see anything." He demands, waving his hand at the Stormtrooper.
"I didn't see anything"
"You will return to your quarters"
"I will return to my quarters."
The Stormtrooper hurries off to his quarters. Vader sighs.
"Now that is taken care of..." He says, clasping his hands before turning around "I need to do something about that large gaping hole in the wall." As Vader is pondering what to do, Luke wakes up.
"Good! Son, come help me patch up this hole!"Luke passes out again, and Vader rolls his eyes behind his mask, and stares at Luke.
"Seriously? Was I this bad when I was a kid?" Vader asks the thin air. He turns to the wall again, Pondering what to do.
"Well, I could use that Gungan skin I harvested from that annoying Jar-Jar." He states, then turns to a still passed out Luke.
"What would Padmé think?"
Luke groggily wakes up again. "Who's Padme?" He asks the figure looking at the hole in the wall.
"Well son, Padmé was your mother."
"How?"
"Well first, I got her in bed..." Vadey starts to explain, but Luke passes out at the first sentence.
Vader maskpalms. "ugh... Why is my child such a pansy?"
"Well, you wernt much better." He hears, and spins around to see obi-wan.
"Oh no"
"Oh yes!"
"How in the Force did you get back here?!"
"Force ghost! Now I can be here forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-" Vader decides he can't take any more of this and jumps out the hole.
"Goodbye cruel Death Star!" He screams as he floats into the void of space "Wait.. I can still breathe out here... Dangit"
"- and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-" Obi-Wan continues as Luke wakes up.
"Beeeeeennnnn! Why are you blue?" Luke asks at the sight of the blue force ghost.
"Well i wanted to be purple but Mace took that honor from me."
"Mace?"
Obi-Wan rolls his eyes as he remembers Luke does not know of the ole Jedi order.
"What?" Luke asks as he sees Vader floating in space behind Ben. "Why is Vadesters in space?"
"Well, he doesn't wanna be with me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever-"
Luke couldn't deal with all the evers and passed out.
"-and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-"
In space, Vader stares at a rapidly approaching Star Destroyer.
"Why am I cursed to deal with idiocy?!" He asks as he smacks against the windshield as it runs into him.
"Damn it! OBBBBIIIIIIWAAAANNNNNNNNNN!" Vader screams as he crashes through the bridge window.
A random Imperial starts shouting while pointing at Vader face down on the ground, not knowing who or what it is.
"Oh hey! Guys! Looky what I found! I think its one of dos er, cleaning droids yeah?" He asks his fellow Imperials.
"FOOOLS! I AM DARTH VADER!" Vadey screams and force chokes the Imperial.
"NOW WHERE IS MY LIMITED EDITION PADMÉ AMIDALA DOLL!?" He screams, standing up,
as everyone on the bridge stares in horrified silence.
"Really? Nobody knows? OBBBBIIIIIIIWAWWWWWAAAANNNNNN!" Vader yells, blaming his former master, as people on the bridge begin to run away in sheer terror.
"Padmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" He cries, before passing out. An unlucky Stormtrooper passes him by, and seeing everyone flee, freaks out. "Holy crap! EVERYONE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He screams, and runs in terror. Hearing all the noise, Piett walks out of his bathroom, to find everyone gone and Vader passed out on the bridge.
"Not again." He mutters and pulls out the emergency Padmé doll and drops it on Vader.
"Padmeeeeeeeee" Vader murmurs, waking up and hugging the Padmé doll.
"My Lord, you really should keep better track of that doll. Losing it seems to have quite an adverse affect on your health." Piett informs Vader, and pats him on the head.
Meanwhile in the Death Star-
Luke finally awakes from his slumber.
"Uhhhhhhhhhgggg"He moans, and then proceeds to get trampled by stormtroopers.
"Gggagahahahahhashh" He cries, as feet pound into him.
"So. Many. Feet." He moans, and passes out again.
After the Stormtroopers pass, Luke wakes up again.
"I just had a dream- i dreamed a dream- a dream full of feet!" He sings, breaking out into a musical number while standing up.
"ALLL THE FEEEEEEEEEEET!"
A Stormtrooper poked his head through a door.
"Oi! You! Keep it down! We clones are tryin' to get some shut eye, ya hear?! Take your pansy antics to Lord Vader or somethin'!" The trooper screams at a singing Luke.
Luke, unfazed, grabs the stormtrooper, and continues singing.
"YOU AND MEEEE CAN BE FREEEEEEEE JUST FOLLLOOOWWW THEEEE YEEELLLOOOWWWWW BRRRIIICKKKK FEEEEEEEETTTTTT!" He sings, and Spins the stormtrooper.
Vader comes running in carrying Padmé doll, following the sounds of feet music
"I HEARD THE SOUNDS OF FEET! ITS MY FAVORITE SONG!" He screams, a Luke and the Stormtrooper spin to a stop ending with Luke bowed romantically over the trooper.
"I had no idea you were such a good dancer Stormtrooper" Luke says, at a loss for It's name.
"You can call me JV-4577"
"Well, JV-4577, that's a nice name." Luke says, as he and JV-4577 lean closer together.
"STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"
They hear, as Vader comes running towards them and chucks his Padmé doll at them.
"NOOOOOOOO! NOT PADMÉ!" Vader screams, as he tackles the both of them to retrieve the doll "I am SO sorry honey! I won't let the mean trooper touch you ever again!" He tells the Padmé doll, stroking it's hair. Luke storms over to Vader and kicks him.
"YOU INTERRUPTED MY MOMENT! Me and JV-4577 were about to kiss!"
"Well, my son, it's happened to me before."
"YOU ARE A GUY?!" JV-4577 screams and steps away.
"YOU ARE A GUY UNDER THE MASK!?" Luke screams, and runs away leaving Vader and JV together with a gaping hole in the wall. JV turns to look at Vader
"Well... That was awkward" He tells Vader, who is still stroking his Padmé doll. Vader stops stroking the Padmé doll to look at him.
"Did you say something?" He asks, no emotion in his voice.
"Nothing sir... Nothing at all" JV says as he bolts out of the room. Vader turns back to Padmé doll, and leans towards it.
"Finally, we can be alone." He tells it, when Obi-Wan comes bursting in.
"Fuuu! Obi-Wan! Get a life!" He screams, and flips a desk at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan doesn't flinch as the desk goes right through him.
"Force ghost. And where did you get the desk?" He asks a surprised Vadey.
Vader pauses awkwardly "...I have no idea... It doesn't matter though, as long as Padme and I are together" He says, and strokes the doll again before pressing it against his 'cheek'.
Obi-Wan shudders, and decides to grab his Padmé doll.
"HAHAHA!" He screams, and jumps out the opening leaving a shocked Vader.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOO!" Vader screams, and drops to his knees.
My friend Talicor and I wrote this when I brought up Obi-Wan at Padmé's birth. This happened. Enjoy, and we can continue if anyone wants us to!
