Modern AU - Thorin is a prince and lies to his parents about certain trips he makes every month and when confronted about it the first thing that comes to his mind is his childhood 'friend' Bilbo. To say they hate each other might be going a bit too far, but they certainly don't like one another. Their differences keep pushing them apart. So the question is: will they be able to overcome the differences between them and become the perfect couple in the eyes of the public - after all, all warfare is based on deception.
Sun Tzu said: All warfare is based on deception.
Bilbo wasn't happy. He was angry, he was annoyed and he didn't want to do it. Why should he? They were never friends - one could easily say they hated each other. Or at least Bilbo did, from the bottom of his heart. And now they were invited to dinner! Not just him, but his parents as well. Outrageous. He wouldn't go. He convinced himself he wouldn't go. His parents could go, he didn't mind, but he - he wouldn't be setting a foot in that house. Not after what happened the last time he did.
They were childhood friends, if you could call them that, though Bilbo would never say they were friends. They were children who were forced to spend days together because their parents knew each other. They were from different worlds. Bilbo was used to the rolling hills of the Shire while the other lived in a capital. He was a prince, a future King as a matter of fact. Not that it mattered, because it really didn't. They didn't get along and the prince's friends and siblings were a nightmare.
Bilbo was lucky to avoid them for the last few years, focusing on finishing his school and using every possible excuse to avoid family vacation. But this year he had no choice. He returned home because he needed to do some research for his thesis and his parents practically forced him to join them on their vacation. The Baggins family always vacationed in the Blue Mountains. It wasn't far from home and the nature was beautiful. They always rented the same house near the lake, which was, unfortunately, only a mile away from the Durin vacation house. It was the biggest house in that area, no surprise really when it was owned by the King of Erebor.
That was the only thing they still had in common: going on a vacation at the same time of the year and always in the same place. And Bilbo knew that returning back to the Blue Mountains this year wouldn't bring anything good.
:::
Thorin knew he shouldn't have lied. Mainly because it was wrong, but mostly because when you lie, the truth won't take long to find you. And boy, this time the truth would come quickly. The truth was that he didn't have much of a choice, that's why he made that little, innocent lie about it. It'd been, what? Almost seven years since he last saw Bilbo in the Blue Mountains and his childhood friend most likely wouldn't be making an appearance this year. His parents were always saying how focused he was on his school and how well he did, and Thorin fought very hard not to roll his eyes every time he heard about it.
He… needed a break. All those duties that his father put on him were exhausting and he needed some time to relax. That's why he and Dwalin visited the Iron Hills every few weeks. They both blended in easily and they enjoyed a few days of partying and gambling before returning back home. Of course after a few months things became suspicious so when Thorin's father demanded an explanation, Thorin was forced to lie. The old man wasn't a fool and knew very well why most of his son's generation went to the Iron Hills. It was a place to party, get drunk, gamble and do a lot of other inappropriate things that Thráin didn't want to see the next morning in the papers, especially not with his son on the front cover. Luckily that hadn't happened, yet, but Thráin wasn't taking any chances and demanded answers.
Later, Thorin regretted lying to his father. Yes, telling him he was visiting someone was a bad idea because his mother heard - she was eavesdropping, and she always did that, and Thorin knew she only meant well but he was twenty-seven years old for crying out loud; and she assumed he was visiting someone he fancied. Thorin immediately defended himself that the person he was seeing wasn't quite ready to meet his parents and be introduced as his partner to the public. That only satisfied his mother's curiosity for a couple of minutes before she wanted to know the name.
And the first name that came to Thorin's mind was Bilbo.
It was later in his room when he wanted to bang his head against the wall that he finally realized that saying he was seeing Bilbo was a very bad idea. And how right he was! In the next few days his mother secretly called Bilbo's mother to share her excitement that they would be family soon. Thorin wanted to die. Dwalin and Frerin only laughed at him and Dís told him 'I told you you'd get caught', before he slammed the doors in her face. All the information that he got from Balin was that his and Bilbo's mothers decided to pretend to know nothing about their sons dating and Thorin was fine with that. He was given a few weeks to break up with Bilbo without breaking his mother's heart.
But he forgot about one little detail. They were going to the Blue Mountains in a few days.
:::
Oh yes, Thorin was having the time of his life. He had just found out from Dís that the Baggins family had been invited over for dinner, before Frerin pushed her fully-clothed into the pool. It was all fun and games watching his sister storm angrily back to the house while he, Frerin and Dwalin were laughing at her. But she was right when she told him he was in big trouble. They all knew what had happened the last time they saw Bilbo and Dís happily reminded him that there was no way Bilbo would help him. Dwalin, his best friend, offered to help with whatever the plan was, while Frerin promised no such thing. As a middle child he always got away with everything and when deciding between helping his brother or watching him royally screw up he decided for the latter.
The plan was? The plan was to beg - well, not really beg, just ask Bilbo to understand the situation – they were both adults abd what happened between them was in the past. Surely Bilbo was reasonable enough to help him. At least that's what Thorin thought as he finished buttoning up his shirt. It was formal, but not too formal for this dinner.
"Thorin," Dís called as she knocked on his door, "they're here."
"A moment," he answered. One last check in the mirror before he opened the doors where Dís was waiting for him. His sister really was a beauty. Whoever got her heart would be a very lucky man, he though as he offered her his hand and took her downstairs.
Everyone was waiting for them and Thorin allowed Dís to greet Bilbo's family first and he followed. Bilbo's parents were obviously very happy to see him and Belladonna was almost glowing with happiness when he hugged her and welcomed her.
Everyone was happy, except Bilbo. If only looks could kill.
"We need to talk," he told him plainly, leaving no room for argument. They didn't hug, kiss or shake hands, they just stood there and stared at each other knowing that everyone was watching them, before Bilbo spoke.
"Bilbo!" Belladonna scolded, shocked how rudely her son behaved.
"It's okay," Freya intervened. "They're both surprised to see each other," she smiled. "I bet they didn't expect this to happen. We should give them some privacy, I'm sure they won't take long." She directed her guests to the dining room but not before sending a meaningful glare to her son which told him to fix whatever was wrong between him and Bilbo.
"If you please," Thorin motioned to the study room and Bilbo went there without saying a word. Even after not being in this house for several years he still knew it very well. He waited for Thorin to close the doors behind them, grateful that the room they were now in was soundproof.
"Will you please explain to me why my mother thinks we're dating?!"
"Can you keep it down a bit?" Thorin asked, trying to calm Bilbo down.
"Not really!" Bilbo took a few deep breaths to calm himself, not once taking his eyes off Thorin. The bastard had lied and now he would have to pay for his lie. "You told your parents we're dating?! What's wrong with you?!"
"I didn't tell them we're dating, my mother misunderstood," Thorin defended.
"Oh, really? She misunderstood? Then please explain to me what exactly did you tell her?!"
Thorin rolled his eyes at Bilbo's constant accusatory tone. "I told her I was seeing someone-"
"And she assumed it was me?"
"Not exactly…" Bilbo continued to stand there with his arms crossed over his chest. Thorin sighed in desperation, "I told her it was you." Bilbo wanted to scream. "I never thought things would get this far, I was planning to break up with you."
"And when exactly would that happen, Thorin, huh?"
"In a few weeks. I'm sorry, okay? I completely forgot about this stupid vacation and when I remembered I was sure you weren't coming. So this is your fault."
"My fault?! How is this my fault?! You decided to lie!"
"I needed an excuse and you were the first thing that came to my mind."
"Lucky me."
"Get over yourself! Yes, I lied! What's done it's done."
"If you think," Bilbo seethed, "that I will help you with whatever game you're playing, you're wrong. If you don't tell your parents the truth, I will."
"You're a drama queen, aren't you? Always making such a big deal out of everything! All you have to do is smile through the dinner and then we won't have to see each other ever again. In a few weeks I'll tell my parents we broke up and you can do the same. Problem solved and no one gets hurt."
"I'm not helping you! Not with this, not with anything!"
"It's just dinner," Thorin pointed out. "The crown won't fall off your head."
"No, but it will fall from yours," Bilbo answered back. "I'm not helping. Ever."
It took Thorin a few moments to understand. "Oh, please. Don't tell me you're still upset about what happened? Can't you just forget about it?"
"I almost drowned!" yelled Bilbo back. "I almost drowned after you pushed me into a lake knowing I can't swim so you, Dwalin and Frerin could laugh."
"We were kids," defended Thorin. "It was ages ago. And I did pull you out before anything happened to you."
"I almost drowned!"
"Almost. Yes, you almost drowned. But you didn't, I saved you. Can you please get over it, we have a dinner to attend to. If we don't join them soon they'll wonder what we're doing."
"What would we be doing-? Oh," said Bilbo when he realized what Thorin meant. "Even when they think that they'll know the truth very soon. Come on, let's go, I want to go home."
Bilbo went to the door but Thorin caught his arm. "Please," he said, "please help me."
"No."
"I'll do whatever you want, just please help me."
"I begged you to help me once but you just laughed. Now it's my turn to do the same."
"I'm sorry, I told you I was sorry. Just don't do this. You'll break my mother's heart if you tell her the truth. She'll be so disappointed."
"I think you broke your mother's heart when you decided to lie to her," said Bilbo before pulling his arm out of Thorin's hold and opening the doors.
Thorin sighed in defeat before he followed him. This was going to be a disaster. Frerin would laugh, his father would be angry, but what worried him the most was the fact that his mother would be so disappointed. He really shouldn't have lied. Now he'd learned, hopefully for good.
Bilbo entered the dining room with Thorin following close behind.
"We started without you," said Freya. "You two were in there for quite some time, I hope you don't mind." She watched as Thorin stopped in front of the table next to Bilbo so that everyone could see him. "Aren't you going to join us?"
"Thorin has to tell you something," said Bilbo and everyone turned to Thorin who felt like a little school boy who is about to be scolded. His and Bilbo's parents were watching them with so much expectation in their eyes, probably waiting for some good news. He hated to disappoint them by telling them the truth. The whole dinner would be ruined and everyone would be in a bad mood except Frerin who was already sporting a wolfish grin, having a very good idea what was about to happen.
Bilbo could see how happy his mother was, hoping to receive the announcement from Thorin that he and her son were together. He looked around the table only to see that everyone was expecting the same. He couldn't help but feel bad about ruining this beautiful evening just because Thorin had lied. He could pretend they were a couple for a few hours, couldn't he? He wouldn't be doing Thorin a favor. No, he was just making sure everyone enjoyed this evening.
"Mother, father, Mr. and Mrs. Baggins," started Thorin, "what I came here to tell you is that…" Thorin trailed off when he felt Bilbo smaller fingers intertwine though his. He looked down at the younger man, now holding his hand who offered him a smile and an encouraging squeeze of his hand before looking back at their parents.
Before Thorin had a chance to speak Bilbo explained everything. "What Thorin wanted to tell you is that I asked him to keep us a secret. We wanted to give this relationship a chance before everyone knew about it. And we are sorry for lying to you," he quickly added.
Frerin dropped his spoon in his soup in surprise, but no one even noticed him. Everyone was too busy congratulating Bilbo and Thorin and being very happy about their new-found love for each other, knowing that they didn't get along very well when they were children.
The dinner was over without embarrassing questions about their relationship and luckily without the questions about the future. Thorin and Bilbo ignored each other as much as possible, not interacting with each other more than was necessary. Luckily no one noticed.
After dessert and a couple of glasses of good wine it was time to say goodbye. The final act of the night, the last few moments Bilbo and Thorin had to pretend to like each other before all of this would be over. They said their goodbyes when Thorin took Bilbo's hand and led him away from the group who was standing next to the car. They were far away so no one could hear them, but close enough so that everyone could still see them. Their mothers were sighing with happiness after seeing their children happily together.
"What are you doing?" hissed Bilbo when Thorin took him out of their parent's earshot and then wrapped his hands around his waist.
"Playing the part," he quickly explained.
"They believed us the whole evening without you touching me, a simple handshake or a hug-"
Bilbo was interrupted when Thorin suddenly closed the distance between them and kissed him.
"Mmmfff," Bilbo rested his hands on Thorin's shoulders and pushed him away without looking suspicious. "What are you doing?" he demanded.
"Playing the part," Thorin repeated.
"I wanted to say a hug would have sufficed."
"I wanted to make things believable."
Bilbo looked at his parents. "They believe us, don't worry."
"Thank you," said Thorin quietly and Bilbo looked at him in surprise. "Thank you for helping me, or better said, saving me tonight. I owe you. So if you need anything, anything I can help you with just give me a call."
"Not seeing you ever again-"
Bilbo was once again interrupted when Thorin decided to silence him with another kiss. Bilbo wanted to push him away, he really did, but he rather decided to enjoy it and completely surrendered, allowing Thorin to devour him.
When they pulled back they were both breathing deeply and Bilbo knew he was blushing. He didn't intend to enjoy the kiss as much as he did, so instead of making a complete fool of himself he pressed his finger on Thorin's lips before giving him a piece of his mind.
"The next time I see you and there won't be anyone watching I'm going to slap you so hard you won't even think about doing this again. Do we understand each other," Bilbo smiled for show, knowing that everyone was watching.
"Absolutely," Thorin smiled back before stealing another kiss just to make Bilbo angry.
He then wrapped an arm around Bilbo's waist and led him back to the car. He waited until Bilbo said his goodbye to everyone before closing the doors after him and watching the car disappear into the distance.
Bilbo was sitting in the back of the car as his parents enjoyed the ride back home. He pressed a finger to his lips, remembering how good it felt when Thorin kissed him. Did that really happen? Did Thorin really kiss him? And while he said he never wanted to see him again, did he just promise Thorin to see him again?
