April 13th, A.C. 199
I felt you kick for the first time today, and man, I gotta tell you kiddo; you've got some real strength in those tiny little legs. Just feeling that weird… rolling flutter you did inside of me made this whole thing suddenly real. I'm pregnant. I just can't wrap my head around that. Me… and now, it's us. You, me, Heero… who I haven't told yet. Honestly, you're a secret to everyone but Uncle Quatre, and by the time you get around to reading this, make sure you hit him up for a nice car. Heh. But yeah… I decided to write you a letter, hopefully more of them as this whole new experience in my life continues on.
Man, you should have seen the look on your dad's face when he found out that I was a little different from a lot of guys. You know, both indoor and outdoor plumbing. Funny thing is, I'm not the only one from L2 that came out this way. They're thinking it had something to do with the water; something to do with that, radiation maybe or a busted water filtration device. I have half a mind (If you're reading this over the kid's shoulder, Heero, SHUT. UP.)(Don't listen to Dad, he's crazy.) to think they were experimenting on us. I'm not the only one thinking that way, as other anomalies with some of the residents have popped up over the years as well. You see, we were kind of the colony on the other side of the tracks type, if you get my meaning. They aren't sure, but I know I'm not the last to come out of my home colony like this. I don't know, I'm just glad I'm here, in small but manageable pieces.
I think Quatre knew I was knocked up before I did. Maybe the morning sickness wasn't such a surprise to me, I used to drink a lot, and when I quit about two years back, I'd still puke on occasion. Maybe my body still wants me to drink, but let me tell you now; don't ever start. It's hell, pure and simple. It took Uncle Trowa slamming me into a wall and barking about… you know what, I was too drunk to remember what he was yelling at me, but he was so angry. I had been drunker than a bicycle and he just snapped. I guess he didn't want to see me drink myself to death. He scared me that night, and then, he and Uncle Quatre helped me get out of that rut. That's when Heero came back. I think my drinking pushed him away. Thinking back on it, I know it did. Anyway…
I just want you to know, whether you come out like me, or with a single gender, I love you. Maybe I won't tell you that to your face often, I'm not that great with sharing deep moments with people, especially face to face, but… I love you, I want you and I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to see whose eyes you got, whose temperament, I hope you get my humor. I hope you get Heero's smile. I don't know how Heero is going to react to the fact that he knocked me up after our only time together, but I want you to forgive him if he abandons us. That's important to me, so please… if he bolts, just love him as best as you can. He's a soldier, hell, so am I, but… please try to understand from his point of view, too. Somehow, in the deepest part of my heart, I know he'd put his life down to save yours. Even mine. He's just too much like me in the emotions department.
I know if anything… happens to me, that Quatre will be there. Maybe you're reading this because you wanted to learn a little something about me. Something perhaps that I can't tell you myself because I wasn't able to survive the delivery. I've… well, in cases like mine, the mortality rate for delivery is pretty high, something about the babies coming too fast before they can get you into surgery to do a C-section and the hemorrhaging, or blood pressure shooting down to nothing, to just plain difficult deliveries… I'm not going to worry about that, but you know what, kiddo? You're worth it. The moment I found out that you were a part of me, I vowed that I would die for you, twice if you asked me to. I never knew that so much love could be felt by one mortal being for another until I got the positive back on the blood test. If… if I'm not around to watch you grow up, I just want you to be the best person that you can be and do what your father often tells us, "In order to live a good life, you must follow your emotions.". I trust your father, I love him, and I love you. You'll be here in five months. Five long months. I think I may call you Chance. Chance Yuy. Or Chase. I can't decide.
I am Duo Maxwell. Ex-Gundam Pilot. I might run and hide, but I never tell a lie. I love you, kid.
Duo.
Heero slowly closed the lid to the laptop and rose from the chair. He had come back into town that very morning from a long and tiring mission and had spent the day with Duo. When they got home, Duo had sprawled out on the couch while Heero had meant to check his email on Duo's laptop, as he was used to doing. The last thing he expected was to come across the journal entry. He hated the fact that he was intruding on something personal, but once he started reading, he couldn't stop. Part of him felt Duo had deliberately left that open so Heero could find out about the unborn child in a non-confrontational manner.
"Explains why he's been sleeping a lot," Heero muttered as he approached the braided ex-pilot slumbering on the couch under a blanket. How long now had he awoken Duo from one nap or another when he called to check in on his new lover during missions? He pondered that as he sank down carefully, sitting by Duo's hip and then leaned over him, resting his cheek against Duo's shoulder while one hand snaked beneath the blanket to lightly press against his stomach. "Thank you," he breathed. "for a new mission. To keep you and this child alive."
