Chapter one

"It's so loud" Kylo thought to himself as he continued to try and meditate. He sat alone on the floor, in the dark of his quarters on the star destroyer he had come to know as his current home. Even trapped in this dark he was filled with a blinding vision of light. The air was full of a static sound brushing all around him. He continued to focus, pulling from the dark around him, try and try as he might the dark kept fading out as the light continued to pull in closer to him. There was just this Pain. Physical and mental torment. Suffering clawing at him. The light surrounding him felt like a crushing wave. He needs this to end, all of it to stop. The world around him is coming crushing down so fast. He feels like clawing at his eyes, the light is blinding and burning. Piercing his every fiber. "There is no escaping it" he says to himself.

In vain he screams out drawing all his anger and rage to disperse this from him. Jolting up to stand in a fit of rage he swings his arms up clutching his head crying up in an agonizing scream of pain before collapsing back down to his knees. His hands fall to the ground to brace himself as he begins to pant. The light had begun to fade as he starts to catch his breath. Darkness was crawling back to him, the room was the empty void he wanted…he needed it to be. His mind, slipping out of focus. The feeling of losing consciousness starts to creep upon him as he feels a few warm droplets fall down his cheek.

"Why?" says a soft tone, it brought him back to focus. His eyes blinked, as he flicks his hair from his face when he throws his head up and toward the sound. He answered while on the edge of consciousness… He breathes deeply "Hux…" Standing in the now open doorway of Kylo's room was Hux. He was staring at Kylo's slumped form in the dark, the only light shown into the room from behind the General. It was late, Hux had just gotten off of his shift as he felt a static buzzing around him. He knows all too well that it was Kylo. He followed in the direction of the buzzing to find Kylo like a shattered animal on his floor like this.

The lights from the hall were dim due to the late hour but it seemed blinding to Kylo. "Shut the door damn it" he scoffed at Hux. "What the hell Kylo!?" Hux snaps back at him and walks into the room. Forgetting to close the door behind him he stops over to the defeated looking Ren. Ren sits up and swings his hand at the door using the force to slam it closed. It startled the General, he hoped Kylo didn't notice as he flinched, it was dark as space now anyway. Ren stood up and faced Hux, Neither man could see the other but they could feel each other standing so close now. "Ren turn on the light I can't see." He barked into the darkness. Hux heard a Pftt and didn't need the light on to know the Kylo was making a scowl at him.

Hux turns away and stumbles to find the light panel on the wall. His gloved hand makes contact with the control panel and it flickers on. He turns to find Kylo with his back turned to him, his hands raised to his face and breathing normally again. "Alright Kylo what is wrong? I could feel you all the way on the other side of the ship." He says with a concerned tone. He stands there waiting for a response, any response; but Kylo just stands there breathing into his palms. He inches closer to him and reaches out his hands, "come on Kylo say something. Let me help…" "NO!" Kylo swings around and swats his hand away. Its then that Hux sees his face clearly now. The wound across his cheek had fully healed now but did leave a scar of his defeat, but that's not what he was concerned with right now. Streams of tears were rolling down his flushed pale face. Not a sound escaped but Hux could tell he wanted to let something escape his lips.

Moving closer to Kylo, Hux reached for his trembling hands and grasped them tightly. The tears stop as their eyes meet. No verbal words are spoken but Hux can hear him, Kylo is reaching out to his thoughts. Perhaps in an attempt to not let another scream escape him, his lips were shaking. "I can't stop it Hux. It won't stop. I have done everything to make it leave me. It keeps coming back…I'm being torn apart all over again…" Hux draws him in closer to himself and Kylo falls into his arms, barely standing at this point. "I can't begin to understand what it is you are feeling Kylo, but I will try." At this point Kylo breaks down again and collapses to the ground, dragging Hux with him.

At this moment Hux just holds him in a tight embrace as the crying Kylo buries his face into Hux's chest. He can feel the muffled screams vibrate through his chest. Hux feels a sensation flood into him now, a surge of energy begins to consume him as he gasps for a breath. It feels like he was just punched in the chest as he gasps again and again. This energy begins to weigh down on him and the light around him starts to brighten. He has to close his eyes, but it doesn't help. Hux shoves his face down into Kylo's disheveled black hair and tries to speak. "Kylo…is…this…the light side?" He has never felt this kind of pressure before and it just becomes all too much for the General as he starts to choke his words out. "Please." Escapes in a gasp for air and suddenly the pressure is gone and Kylo sinks lower into his arms.

Catching his breath he yanks Kylo upwards as he rises from the ground, beginning to shake Kylo to try and snap him out of this trance he has begun to plunge into again. "Kylo!" he yells. He looks up to the worried General as he comes to again. Not a word is said for what feels like an hour. Kylo is able to straighten up and pushes away from Hux, he gathers enough strength to walk to the bed before collapsing into the sheets. He turns to lay on his back and motions for Hux to come over, without any hesitation he joins him. "Thank you," Ren murmurs, and his voice is shaking, For once, Hux doesn't have a response and he just takes off his coat and gloves. Hux crawls under the sheets and wraps them around the both of them. He sits there searching his mind for words but it is all a jumble to him right now.

Hux speaks softly as the words find his lips, placing a hand to gently caress Rens face. "Was that it?" peering up to meet Hux's eyes he just manages to utter the word "yes". Ren pulls closer to the soft hand on his face. "Do you feel that all the time?" Hux asks hoping the answer he gets will be no, but he already knows it won't be. His eyes shut and Kylo breaths quietly. "You only felt a fraction of it Hux. I was trying to not overwhelm you but I guess I couldn't hold on to it enough…I'm…" Hux places his other hand to Rens mouth and hushes him gently before he could finish. Hux doesn't speak but Ren knows what he was about to say. He nods to the General in his bed and Ren flips over and away from Hux while waving his hand to shut the main light off and clicks on the bathrooms. He looks at Ren in the faint glow emanating from the bathroom light, he looks almost peaceful but he can tell that this is far from over.