Chapter One
(Emma is 8 years old and in a foster home)
It was cold, another night without power and all Mrs. Sanders can do is drink while her husband screams; trying to make herself small Emma slowly scooted towards the stairs hoping to make an escape without him noticing her. She was still in pain from last night when he caught her on the stairs; he had shook her so hard she thought her head would pop off. Shaking herself out of memory she made her way tip toeing up the stairs when a wave of pain hit her. She breathed through it trying to make her way to her room; she didn't understand what was happening but all she could think was it felt like she was being ripped from the world. The dizziness hit next causing her knees to hit the hardwood floor, she gasped laying her shaking hands against the cool floor her vision went blurred.
One minute she was in her foster house in pain and in the next she was in a dark room that felt like it was rocking, but it couldn't be because rooms didn't rock did they. She heard crying it took a second for her to fully register that it wasn't her that was crying. Looking around her long curly hair damp from the floor hit her bare arm told her she wasn't dreaming. Slowly getting up she moved about the room trying to find the source of the cries, she made her way down a hall, crashing into walls as the rocking continued. He was against the wall at the end of the hall, knees brought up to his chest arms locked firmly around them and his head down, or at least she thought it was a he. Standing in front of him now, toes curling against the cold wood she looked down at him.
"Excuse me?" she tried to whisper it loud enough for him to hear but not wanting to disturb anyone else that may be near. His head shot up his dark hair fanning his forehead did little to hide the piercing blue eyes that were wide and wild on her.
"Wh…who are you and why are you dressed like that?" Emma looked down at her white night gown before looking at him in what looked like old fashioned long john pajamas.
"Why are you dressed like that?" she snipped as she gestured to him with a hand. He smirked as he wiped his hand over his face. Moving next to him she sank down, but facing the wall.
"Why were you crying?"
"I wasn't crying…ok…fine …my dad is gone. He was here when I went to sleep."
Emma tugged her gown over her knees as she pulled them to her chest mirroring his position. She tilted her head her long cold curls falling over her shoulder caught his eye and his fingers twitched making her think he might want to touch them.
"I'm sorry your father is gone…maybe he just isn't in his room."
"I searched the whole ship he isn't here; his first mate said he took one of the boats into port."
Emma shot up to her feet so fast her head spun. "Ship? We're on a ship." Her voice hit a high pitch each time she said ship. Tugging her fingers through her hair she started to pace, panic building up in her fast.
"Yes we're on a ship…weren't you awake when you boarded?"
"I didn't board this ship, I was in my own home minding my own business safe on dry land, and in the next moment I was in pain on your damp floor. Aren't ships supposed to float…why are the floors damp?"
"It was storming…and what the bloody hell you mean you didn't board?" he shot up pinning her in place with his eyes. "How'da get here?"
"I don't know and right now that doesn't matter, a ship? Like a ship out at sea ship? Or a ship docked in port ship?"
He was laughing at her, honest to gosh hunched over laughing at her; and it made her blood boil.
"What's so funny? This isn't a laughing matter!" ok so maybe her hysteria was climbing just a tad, but she was 8, cold and apparently stuck in the middle of the ocean and she can't swim and the boat was leaking…
"Either way it's a ship Goldie and yes we're at sea."
Apparently she was the fainting 8 year old kind. One minute she was upright and fuming the next she was on her back fighting blackness with him kneeling beside her. He shook her as he leaned in so close she could see the gold specks in his eyes.
"Whoa…I've never seen anyone hit the deck quite like that…" he smirked helping her to sit up and she blushed trying to hide her face with her hair.
"It's not that…it's…I can't…." at his pointed look she continued as she shrugged off his touch and rose to her feet. "I can't swim ok…and this ship has sprung a leak."
"It didn't spring a leak it stormed…and you can't swim? I guess that would be cause enough to make anyone…" when she glared at him he cleared his throat. "…erm worry." Anything she would have said next was cut off by a freezing cold gush of wind and water, she was pulled under and swept down the hall, minutes…seconds ticked by while she fought to find which way was up before hands gripped her and pulled her up.
"I told you it had a leak!" she sputtered as she shivered against him. She thought she heard a curse but was too busy trying to stay upright while he dragged her into a room. She stood in the middle of the room shivering while he rummaged through some things; dry clothes were thrust into her numb hands.
"G'head and change in here my brother is up top. I'll be back to check on you in a bit."
In a bit turned out to be not quick enough, after what felt to be an eternity of pacing the room she finally collapsed into his bed and was drifting to sleep before he came in. He crawled in behind her facing the wall. She laid there for moments listening to him breathe and the sounds of the water hitting the sides of the ship. Turning her head towards him she whispered into the darkness.
"What is your name?"
"Killian…Killian Jones."
He didn't ask for her name but she gave it to the darkness anyway.
"Emma. My name is Emma Swan."
(Storybrooke: Present Day Emma just came back to Granny's from Henry showing her and Regina the secret room in the Mansion)
Pushing her way into the back door of Granny's she peaked into the diner part to see if Killian was in there, not spotting him she made her way to his room. She was finally ready to talk to him, knowing that everything was settled with the town for now and everything. Reaching his room upstairs she paused with her fist up ready to knock. Wanting to knock, but scared to knock. After a minute she knocked two times she could hear him moving in the room before the door opened. She had to fight the shock and hoped that her mouth wasn't sitting open as she blatantly stared at him. His shirt was unbuttoned and he looked as if he just came out of a shower. Her eyes did two passes yes two before he cleared his throat looking at her with that smug smirk of his; the one she wanted to hate.
"Need something Swan or did you just want to stare some more?"
She made her eyes roll, resting against the door jamb she crossed her arms over her chest. Suddenly she wasn't as ready as she thought she was for this talk. Peaking up at him through her lashes she decided it was now or never and she was really done running from this man.
"Can I come in…I was wanting to talk..?" He pushed the door further open and moved back to allow her entrance. Being so in tuned to her and knowing his state of dress was affecting her, did up the buttons of his shirt and really she wasn't pouting about that. Nope. He didn't have a chair in his room just the bed and so she sat on the edge. He stood back a ways from her, not wanting to distract her or intimidate her. He knew this talk had to happen just as much as she knew it did and if he crowded her space she wouldn't be focused on talking she would be drowning herself and her worry in kissing the daylights of him. Taking the plunge she would tread these rough seas with him as they did in Neverland.
"Gold...he didn't just freely give you your hand back did he?" She got the feeling that, that was where this all started. If she guessed wrong she knew he would tell her. She TRUSTED him to tell her.
"No love. The crocodile doesn't do anything for free."
She looked up at him, stealing herself for what Gold might have wanted from him in return. "And what did he require of you, for the hand? Wait no first tell me why you wanted the hand back."
"You…I wanted to be a better man for you and would have done anything for you. I wanted to be whole and able to hold you and be…I don't know a normal whole man for you." She was floored the air sucked right of her and the room. For long moments she processed that in her mind, chewing on her lip.
"The hook never bothered me…I had no idea…I didn't even think it might have bothered you…" what she didn't say was because he was always so sure and confident of himself that she figured he wasn't insecure about it.
"It doesn't bother me…now. When I got the hand back it started to make me feel…well like a ruthless pirate. I had no control over it. I didn't like it, I am not that man anymore Emma."
"So when you hit Will…and then again when we kissed goodnight. You felt like you were losing control?" His nod spoke more than a million words could because he truly looked ashamed of himself; he was beating himself up so she moved on from that.
"And the payment?"
Was my silence…about the fact that he gave Belle a fake dagger." She could see his jaw clench, she got the feeling that he was already prepared to lose her over the things this talk revealed. Honestly that wasn't his secret to tell and the truth had been there right in her face, with that fake show he put on for her.
"And to put the hook back?" She prayed he didn't have it cut off again…she didn't like the thought of him in pain. This whole conversation was uncomfortable to her, but she needed to know and she wanted to know. To understand what happened to him, how she hadn't seen it when all the warning flags where there…no she was just as much to blame in this as he. So he was just going to have to trust her not to leave him when he makes a mistake.
"He had the hat. He used it on an old man. Later when I threatened to come clean with it he used you to keep me quiet."
She could hear the clock in his room ticking by the minutes as the silence stretched. So if she understood that right, he basically just admitted that she was his weakness and his strength. Weakness: because he would do anything for her. Strength: because he is fighting to be the better man for her.
"When?" she wasn't looking at him she was staring into the light that the lamp created.
"The heart you mean?" she nodded, already knowing. Somewhere deep down she knew when he lost his heart, because some unknown bond or depth of their current bond she felt it. Felt the moment he lost it. She had felt it and didn't understand it and naturally ignored it, because when something was different she ran from it or ignored it which could be considered running.
"Your powers were out of control, when you called your mother I knew you'd gone to Gold. I left you messages…by the time I got to the mansion you were already inside and Gold was waiting for me."
"Why did he take your heart Killian?" she was fighting tears. He had been at the mansion to save her…and he thought she was going to judge him harshly for what he was forced to do? She knew what happened when someone had control over you.
"He said he wanted to free himself of the dagger and still keep his power to do that he needed the power he collected in the hat and the heart of someone who knew him before he became the Dark One."
She felt him moving towards her…and the tears came down. She'd almost lost him because Gold wanted freedom, but not just freedom he wanted his power to. On the one hand she understood wanting to not be vulnerable to someone controlling your actions against your will. On the other she didn't understand why he wanted the power it never brought him happiness and the way he goes about things…
"I almost lost you." Damn but her voice broke…his hand was cupping her face, pushing the hair back from her so he could see her eyes. "Remember when I said I can't lose you too? You said I didn't have to worry…you said..."
"Shh love, I also told you I'm a survivor."
"One second longer Killian and your heart would have been crushed. No survivor there. It's not a matter of I'd have moved on after a time of grief Killian. You're my other half…I fought this for so long and ran at every turn because I KNEW this. What we have is different. The connection we have to each other is stronger and goes to depths I don't understand. I wouldn't survive losing you."
She was just crying now and she hated it, but he pulled her off the bed and into his lap, rocking her. She clawed at him, pounded at his chest even as she pushed closer. The sure chaos of her actions mirroring all the emotions she couldn't put words too. He sat there and bore it all; her tears, her claws in his skin, her fists hitting him until she wore herself out. She mumbled into his chest.
"It's mine. Mine Killian do you hear me? Your heart is mine and I'm going to find a way to make sure nobody takes it again." Sitting up she looked at him "If anybody is going to crush your heart it'll be me and I'm not going to do it so…" he cut her off with a kiss. He overwhelmed her with all the feeling he put into it, wrapping herself around him as he stood up and put them in the bed. Once again he pulled away from her, not giving her more like she wanted. For moments he stayed there, with his forehead against hers, breathing the same air until finally he moved behind her and just held her.
"Yes love. It's yours."
"Good."
