A/N: Okay, here is the last installment of my Rickyl mini-series, lol. I probably could have made it all one story, but for some reason it just felt…right to do it in separate pieces. There isn't as much sex in this one, because I focused more on them figuring things out with each other, but I hope you still enjoy it!
I'm Scared, Too
Whatever was going on between Rick and Daryl had been carrying on for a little over a month now, but this part…this was still new. This was still almost too much for Daryl to handle. His hands still trembled with uncertainty and anxiety and his mind still tried to fight him. It told him that if he did that this was no longer just comfort or something to pass the time.
Not that it had truly been that for a while. As Rick stood with his chest and face against the wall, Daryl behind him with his dick almost painfully hard, the redneck knew that was true. It was in the peculiar, desperate feeling he felt as he pushed inside of his friend, like he couldn't get close enough to him. It was in the passion that laced the heated kisses he placed down Rick's neck and shoulders. But most of all it was in the way his stomach flipped pleasantly as the sheriff groaned his name.
This was more than sex or Daryl never would have done it. He hadn't wanted to the first time, but he wanted Rick to do it to him even less, so he'd agreed to try it. And at first he'd been horrified by the fact that he enjoyed it. He enjoyed it so much that he'd cum almost as soon as he'd started pumping and the guilt he'd felt had been almost crippling.
Rick had to comfort him once again that night. As Daryl slid to the floor trying to process what had happened, his friend had sat next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, saying honestly, "Hey…it's fine. I liked it, too."
This was the third time they'd done this particular activity and it was much less difficult now, especially as Rick pushed back against him and growled with pleasure. Daryl knew he would gladly switch places with the redneck—both of them were such dominant personalities—but he was glad they could do it this way. This way he could manage.
He placed his hands next to Rick's on the wall, pushing further into him, and bit at his neck just behind his ear. A familiar hiss escaped the sheriff's mouth in response and he groaned, "Fuck, Daryl, do that again."
Daryl didn't hesitate to do so. If he was going to do this, then he was determined to be as good at it as he was at hunting. That way if someone ever found out what they were up to and gave him shit he could just brush it off and say, "Yea, well, you're just jealous 'cause ya can't fuck like I can."
Apparently he was pretty damn good at it, because he hadn't even touched Rick's cock, but that didn't stop the man from cumming so forcefully that his knees nearly gave out on him. Daryl didn't last much longer, the tension from Rick's body pushing him over the edge, and he pulled out to cum on the floor. Rick wasn't a fan of him doing it inside him and Daryl respected that. He probably wouldn't like it much either.
He backed away from Rick, giving him space to turn and lean his back against the wall as they both tried to catch their breath. They were completely naked, thanks to a fairly private spot they'd managed to find in the prison, and Daryl found himself admiring Rick's lean, muscular form for what seemed like the millionth time. It still confused him that he could be so attracted to a man, but he just went with it by now.
"Daryl…," Rick sighed, his eyes meeting the hunter's. "I think we need to talk."
"What, ya gonna dump me?" Daryl joked, smirking at those old, tell-tale words. Despite his smile though, he felt his heart sink a little as thought about Rick calling things off.
Rick chuckled at that and shook his head. "Nah…nah, it's somethin' a little different than that."
Daryl could tell from his tone that it was more than a little different and his pulse quickened instantly. This was a conversation that he'd been hoping to put off just a bit longer—just another week or so until he finally got things figured out. Of course, he wasn't sure if he ever would figure them out, but still…
"Man…I don't wanna complicate this," he muttered, fear nagging at him until he felt sick.
"Either do I. I wanna simplify it," Rick insisted. "No more being confused and wonderin' what the fuck we're doin'."
"So what are we doin'? 'Cause if you've got it figured out, that's great, 'cause I sure as hell don't."
Daryl was panicking. The room seemed like it was getting smaller—closing in on him—and his palms were sweating. What the fuck? Was this was a panic attack felt like?
"Daryl, that first night you told me you felt somethin'. You mean to tell me that it hasn't become obvious what that is after weeks of this?" Rick crossed the small space between them and caught Daryl's chin with his fingers, making the hunter look at him.
"What're ya sayin'? Ya tryin' to tell me that ya…" He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence when Rick was staring him in the eyes.
"No, Daryl, I'm not sayin' I'm in love with you. What I'm sayin' is that I have feelings for you, okay? It scares the shit out of me, because for all I know I'll lose you, too, but it is what it is."
Rick released his face and fixed him with a searing gaze, as if daring him to face the truth. Daryl stared back at him with wide, scared eyes like a deer in the headlights. He wasn't scared of much, but this…this terrified him.
"So what do you want from me?" he asked bluntly.
"I just want you to admit you feel the same way for me."
Daryl's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. He knew Rick was right—he'd known it since that first time they'd taken things all the way. But to say it out loud and make this officially more than a way to get off was intimidating as hell.
The sheriff lightly gripped his shoulders and told him quietly, "Just remember, I'm scared, too."
Daryl met his eyes, seeing the fear he spoke of lingering in them, and felt his walls slowly start to recede. He could tell Rick wasn't just afraid of caring for him; he was scared of being rejected now that he'd finally told him the truth.
"Fuck…all right…," he sighed. "I got feelin's and shit for you, too."
He looked away from him, his cheeks flushing red, and Rick snickered at his confession.
"You, Daryl Dixon, are a charmer," he teased, grinning at his friend.
"Shut it." He playfully shoved Rick, a warm, pleasant feeling leaking into his gut as he took in the other man's grin. Hell, he'd be the world's biggest liar if he tried to say his feelings for Rick were just physical. He didn't know much about love and all of that, but he imagined it usually started out something like this.
"So what now?" he wondered. It seemed like he was always asking Rick that, but things just kept changing between them.
"I don't really wanna label this. I don't think I could ever get used to callin' you my 'boyfriend'," Rick chuckled. "But maybe we could just agree that we're only doin' this with each other?"
Daryl thought on that and smirked as he realized there wasn't anyone else they would be doing it with anyway. But he knew that wasn't the point. He knew Rick was asking for a level of commitment.
"Yea. I'm good with that."
Rick nodded and leaned into Daryl, kissing him enthusiastically. The redneck returned the gesture, his arms sliding around the other man, and he decided that he'd have to work on not being so afraid of this. It felt too good to run away from and he wasn't really sure if he could run at this point anyway.
