AN: I disclaim it all...
*****
I don't remember a time when I couldn't sleep at night. I don't remember sleeping on a soft mattress, under a down quilt, dreading the sound of a step outside my door.
I don't remember being afraid.
I don't remember hating the quiet nights, the nights when everyone went to bed early. I don't remember wishing for bedtime to never come, for there to be a lock on my door, for my father to be a light sleeper.
I don't remember hating twilight.
I don't remember cowering in my bed, as far away from the doorway as I could. I don't remember suppressing sobs even before it opened. I don't remember trying to shut my eyes against the pale shaft of light that spilled across my carpet, trying desperately to make the shadow there go away. I don't remember the softly malicious "Hush, my darling, I only want to wish you goodnight," that always came before the sudden weight on my bed caused the springs beneath me to shift. I don't remember wishing they would shriek.
I don't remember fighting it.
I don't remember feeling fingers run through my hair, feeling fingers run down my cheeks before clamping my mouth shut. I don't remember feeling that familiar tingle when a mouth was pressed to mine; I don't remember thinking – "If that happens, then I must be asking for it." I don't remember feeling that weight above me, I don't remember crying, I don't remember her whispered sighs.
I don't remember feeling dirty after the door closed.
I don't remember hatred, I don't remember guilt, I don't remember trying to dream away my sins.
I don't remember running away, I don't remember escaping, I don't remember my past.
I just remember the here, and the now, and those dreams at night that remind me of everything I've forgotten.
Everything I wish I'd forgotten.
*****
Every newsie has a story.
And every newsie has a reason to forget.
*****
AN: this one really COULD be anyone…I think that's why I like it…J r+r, s'il vous plait mes pommes J
