Chapter 1

She desperately wanted to die.

Truly, she wanted to force her wretched soul from this body of hers. Broken, tired, utterly exhausted beyond relief, she could only find solace in the fact that not everything living could live forever.

She was a coward in the way of suicide, only bringing herself to go as far as entertaining multiple, violent scenarios. But in the end, she was too scared.

Of death? No, in fact if it ever came for her she'd welcome it with open arms.

Her fear lay in the pain. She never really liked pain anyways. It made her stomach knot uncomfortably at the thought of a paring knife twisting in her gut.

Strangely enough, she never quite minded dishing it out to others. She never purposefully caused pain but she didn't wince when one of her patients would be rushed to the ER with splintered pieces of bones sticking out at odd angles past the skin.

"Haruno-san?"

She paused at the sound of her name and turned to acknowledge one of the nurses who'd been bounding up to her in short leaps down the hallway.

The nurse smiled gently and questioned, "Will you be going home now?"

Sakura nodded, "My shift is over but don't hesitate to page me if I'm needed."

Looking sheepish, she hesitated before presenting her with a small packet of documents. "Could you take this with you?" she begged with a small, hopeful gleam in her eyes. "These are a small list of things needed that the hospital is running low on-"

"Small?" she raised a brow as she took the packet speculatively, skimming through the pages briefly.

Grinning, the nurse - whose name escaped her mind for a moment - clapped her hands in a pleading gesture. "It just needs your approval. I've filed out practically everything else, all that's needed is your signature and it can't wait."

"Let me guess," she glared down at her teasingly. "You procrastinated this important piece of work until the last moment then realized what a big mistake it was and decided to implore one of the more nicer doctors so that she'd possibly prevent your butt from getting in trouble?"

"I knew you'd understand, Haruno-san. Thank you!" she squealed with delight, skimping down the hall before anything else could be said.

Withholding a sigh, she tucked the papers in the crook of her elbow and continued her way down the hall.

It wasn't as if she could ask someone to help her sort her chaotic thoughts out either. They'd put her in a padded cell with one too many fake-smiled nurses. So she was left to stew in her depressing thoughts, day in and day out, easily forcing out the kind and cheery demeanor she'd so carefully constructed in all the 24 years of life she'd been lucky to breathe.

As much as she wanted someone to satiate this torturous sense of loneliness, she knew it was much more easier this way to conceal her real thoughts than to have everything she'd worked so hard to achieve, blow up in her face.


He wouldn't call himself insane.

Not really. He preferred the word broad. Open, even. He couldn't quite grasp the fundamentals of society. To adhere to the unspoken rules of interaction and narrow-minded thinking suffocated him beyond relief. So what if people saw him as deranged. At least he could be himself, truly, without caring for the burdens of worrying what other people thought.

What other people thought didn't matter. Did they influence his life? Were they responsible for his survival? Detrimental in any way?

No.

So he wouldn't care.

And he'd learned not to care a long time ago.

What were feelings but a way to manipulate them. What was love but a tool to use.

Maybe sociopath would be an apt word to describe him as he indeed lacked the moral compass that the general populace seemed to use as their standard guideline. But then again, even though he could easily manipulate others to do the bidding of his every desired whim he found it was a distasteful sort of influence and much preferred to be blunt and truthful. He saw no point in beating around the bush or sparing one's feelings. It just dragged out the time and effort of both parties just to say what needed to be said.

Perhaps... the only person who was immune to this iron-clad way of life of his would be his younger brother. In a way, he was like his son, having taken care of him since his birth to that fateful day in which he murdered their parents - their entire family actually. Aunts, uncles, cousins, children, elders, all save for his brother. It was a rare moment of compassion that befell him to spare the wide-eyed, broken looking boy but he should've considered it a gift.

But that was a day he barely brought himself to think of anymore. It happened, it was long past, he'd moved on. Even if his foolish brother hadn't.

He was brought out of his quiet musings by his partner. His co-worker. Quite barely an acquaintance although Kisame was the person he interacted with more often than others. Still, he couldn't be called a friend. It was a grossly inappropriate label for their partnership.

"Leader-sama is calling a meeting. Three days. Beijing."

He only gave a nod of acknowledgement, knowing that the little details such as time and address weren't necessary as they would be provided at his boss's earliest convenience.

As Kisame dropped into the couch across from him, he leaned back further in his chair and closed his eyes, vaguely wondering how his younger brother was currently doing in his laughable path of revenge.

Not well, he figured.


Sakura glanced up at her long time love interest with a spark of curiosity.

To her disappointment, he seemed just as uninterested in conversing with her as he had been the past 20 years she'd been his friend.

She wasn't quite sure he considered her a friend as much as he thought of her as a nuisance. Which hurt her more than she cared to admit but such was the curse of an unrequited first love, one she'd hung onto for as long as she'd known him.

Shame coursed through her as she looked to her left where their mutual friend sat, as boisterous as ever.

"Hey Sasuke-teme!" the blonde shouted indignantly. "You cheated didn't you? I mean there's just no possible way you could get into the police force before me. And in the Special Assault Team too!"

Of course. The very reason the three of them had decided to go out for dinner in the first place was to celebrate Sasuke's acceptance into the police force. It was hard earned and she was very proud of him, even if he didn't appreciate the sentiment.

She heard a snort come from her right. "It's not a hard deduction. You're the dumbest person I've ever met. It's expected that the police force wouldn't accept you, dobe."

"Aha," Sakura chuckled nervously. "Come on now guys, we're... celebrating."

"I don't even like ramen." Sasuke remarked blandly.

"Nobody cares!" Naruto hissed before turning to the bowl in front of him reverently. "Ramen is the best invention of all time. And Ichiraku is the best restaurant to bring out its amazing and delicious flavor."

Sighing, she checked the time. 9:34... She had an early shift tomorrow and she had yet to sign any of those papers she'd received from that nurse earlier today, too busy frantically finding an outfit that might catch the attention of the male beside her. It was all for naught however as she'd decided to try for casual, a simple jeans and tank top covered decently by a pastel cardigan. She felt pretty enough but at Sasuke's lack of attention, she couldn't help but inwardly deflate.

She sighed, taking her wallet out of her purse so she could pay only to be stopped by Sasuke's hand. "It's fine. I'll pay for it."

Blushing, she shook her head. "This is your celebratory dinner. It wouldn't be right for the guest of honor to pay for my meal," she laughed.

"Sakura," he said sternly and with that one word she caved in, easily dropping her wallet back into her purse as he pulled out a few bills and left them on the counter.

She knew that he cared... to an extent. He had to. He'd shown it sparingly over the years, more so since the day she'd decided to outwardly stop any heartfelt advances one day. She'd explicitly told him that although she couldn't stop her feelings for him, she'd try to remain his friend and expect nothing more in return. He might not have returned her strong sentiments but she knew he appreciated having one less girl forcefully trying to gain his affections. As he was prone to each and every day since he'd entered grade school.

Naruto, noticing that the money wasn't enough to cover the three of them, huffed. "Oi teme! What about me?"

Although he'd never admit it, Sakura knew that Sasuke had only done it to get a rise out of Naruto and she squashed the small voice in the back of her mind that hoped he might've done it as a sign that he wanted more. She tuned out their bickering as she considered her feelings. Of course he'd never want more and she'd been working hard on moving on, even going so far as to date for a little but none had quite caught her eye. Maybe, she was looking too hard to find a little of her first love in each person she dated but that was not something she could really help.

Sighing, she turned to the two who'd finished their argument and settled for minutely glaring at each other. Laughing, she remarked, "I have an early shift tomorrow so I'll have to leave."

"What?" Naruto whined despairingly. "No Sakura... We have to go to a bar! The bar!" he begged. "We were just starting the night, we have to celebrate dumb Uchiha teme's cheating ass with drinks!"

A vein popped on Sasuke's forehead. "Who're you calling dumb, dobe?"

Before the fight could escalate into something more, Sakura shook her head. "No, it's okay. You guys go on without me." As much as she wanted to go, she was serious on trying to break off her attachment to the stoic Uchiha. If that meant depriving herself of his company then so be it. "I have to get up early... so..."

In a way, she'd hoped they'd both try harder to get her to come with them, because if she was pushed far enough she knew she would've gone but, to her relief and utter disappointment Naruto shrugged and wrapped an arm around Sasuke's shoulder. "That's a shame Sakura-chan. Alright then, get home safely okay?" he grinned.

Nodding, she waved goodbye and started in the opposite direction of them. Despite her good intentions, she immediately felt the loneliness biting at the edge of her consciousness. She pushed it back with massive failure on her part and as she came closer and closer to an empty house, the despair that lingered on the edge of her mind increased with a vengeance.

Maybe... maybe she shouldn't go home. She didn't want to anyways despite the sleep she would definitely need in order to tackle the day tomorrow. She shrugged off the irrational, very tempting thought and settled for the logical choice. She'd go home, sign those papers, then take a long and relaxing bath after which she'd fall asleep. Or at least try to. With the thoughts that keep her up at night, she wasn't sure if she could.


The hum of the plane soothed him but he didn't fall asleep.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. Not with the soft shifting of his partner. "Nervous?" he asked.

Kisame shrugged but he could see the tension that rippled with the act. "Let's just say that if I could choose, flying wouldn't be my first choice."

He didn't respond. Beijing was another mere 3 hours away. He wasn't one to make polite or pointless conversation. Even more so, he enjoyed any silence he could obtain. The screeching of daily life bore down on him more than he cared to admit though it didn't stop him from doing the things that needed to be done.

Kisame tried to relax in companionable silence as well but he couldn't seem to stave his shifting. Finally, "I need a beer."

At that point, a stewardess was coming up to their row and before she could pass, he held his hand out in a way that called for her attention and she stopped with a polite smile. "Can I help you, sir?"

"A beer, Heineken."

"May I see some I.D.?"

"It's for him."

Her eyes turned to the stocky man beside him and her smile faltered at the daunting figure who only gave her a cursory glance in return. "Can I see some I.D, sir?" she questioned, smile reinforced although surprisingly, in his opinion, it didn't seem fake. She seemed more surprised than anything.

Grumbling, Kisame dug one out of the many fake I.D's he held in his wallet and after she skimmed through the contents, indeed assuring that he was over 20 years of age, she gave a small nod of approval. "Alright, Mr. Mizuage-san. I'll be back in a minute. Anything else?" Kisame shook his head and she left.

"I wanted a Budlight."

"You had a chance to change it."

Kisame reclined his seat. "Excuse me if I was surprised at your charitable action. You never do things for other people."

"Call it boredom."

Kisame closed his eyes. "That sounds like you."

"Here you are, Mr. Mizuage-san." Without opening his eyes, Kisame accepted the drink and took a hearty gulp.

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit before Kisame cracked open an eye. "Itachi."

At his name, he inclined his head to show that he was listening.

Kisame considered his words carefully, knowing that Itachi would be patient. "Do you know...?"

Itachi took the sentence in with some deliberation. Deciding it was much too broad to answer simply, he waited for him to clarify.

"About our end goal? Do you know what Akatsuki's fighting for?"

He turned an eye to his partner, curious at the mention of the organization for which they both worked under. It was unusual that he would bring it up so casually in public. Usually, he'd be more careful of nosy ears. Indulging him, he questioned, "Do you?"

"I wouldn't have joined otherwise."

Itachi analyzed what he should reveal. After some thought, he leaned his head against the cushion of his seat, deciding that a nap wouldn't be so bad after all. "It serves a purpose for me."

Kisame narrowed his eyes, impatient yet used to his riddled answers. "So you do know."

He was left unanswered.


It had only been a week and she could already tell that Sasuke was unlikely to have as much free time as he did before joining the ANBU division.

She'd heard rumors about it but nothing concrete, only confident that they carried out missions in secret and complete confidentiality. The rumors of their brutality was worse, but she couldn't quite fault him for choosing ANBU to join in the first place. She knew his reasons and she knew he'd stop at nothing to realize his dream.

Although, from the little he'd told her, it didn't seem like a dream at all. More of a nightmare.

It was good that he had Naruto. She knew that although they were all friends, she couldn't be more further apart from them even if she tried. They both worked to be in the same team but for different reasons, they both knew the other more better than she did them, and even if they both denied it with fervor, she knew that they considered each other to be as close to a brother as one could get. It left her feeling as if they were both advancing side by side on a path in which the three of them walked and yet, as much as she tried to run and catch up, it left her out of breath and walking in their shadows.

She was jealous at their closeness, knowing she could never quite have that with them. With all her accomplishments as a young and successful doctor, she still couldn't measure up to their height. Literally and figuratively.

It was a tiring cycle, and one she became more aware of with each passing day.

Today, she had a lecture. Strange as it may seem for someone so young and new to the medical world to be starting her own lectures, it wasn't much of a surprise to those who knew her. She was better than smart. She grasped the fundamentals of medical science more easily than most others, earning her a title of a genius.

She knew it wasn't that. Her IQ wasn't quite as high, perhaps just barely reaching 110 but when it came to the medical field, she couldn't help but studiously scour the information with rapid interest, immediately understanding the language of doctors. She thought life was a beautiful thing, despite her depressing state of mind. In that way, she supposed it also puzzled her. She became a doctor because knowing the biological and chemical factors that related to the phenomenal workings of life and how seamlessly they all came together with a touch of logic... well, it just took her breath away. It made her heart beat fast in excitement as she settled in her element. In contrast, however, she couldn't help the violent burst of thoughts that came in passing.

Sometimes, seeing a scalpel would trigger a split second of mental brutality. It wouldn't be hard to grasp the cool metal and slice it up the veins of her arms. She'd bleed out quickly and it wasn't quite easy to fix a vertical cut like that.

Then the momentary lapse in sanity would disappear as if she'd always been sane and ignore how much she wished she had the courage to pick it up and do it herself.

It was surprising, she supposed, that she chose such a cheery and thoughtful disposition to don as her persona. It was a tiring burden to shoulder when she was around people, which was why, aside from her two friends and the hospital, she didn't quite go anywhere else. She didn't have much interest in maintaining that mask more than was absolutely necessary.

She pushed aside these manic thoughts and focused on the classroom she found herself in, proceeding to immerse herself in the workings of microbiology. She wondered, for a moment, if her thoughts were revealed to the world for just one moment, would there be a person - just a single one - who wouldn't judge?

The singular answer came to her in a heartbeat.

No.


A/N: So... heh yeah i have no business starting new stories i know i know! but this story is actually in relation to me. i have a lot of things going on at home and right now, this chapter has been a way for me to vent... sort of? These characters are still the characters as how i'd picture them pre-character development lol. And I plan to make this story a little dark. darker than i'd usually make my stories.

Tell me what you think! this chapter was actually supposed to be much longer but I never did have the patience to make long chapters haha. besides this is only like... a prechapter? almost? kind of like a prologue because right now I only have the basic basic of the basics on what i plan to do with this story and I also wanted to get the whole paint a picture out of the way. You know, introducing and giving the reader a sense of how the characters thoughts and personality go?

Anyways, i want to be on this story because the others have definitely been pushed to the backburner. Bittersweet blooms definitely I need to go over because i'm stuck on a bad writer's block. I can't say for the other stories.

Thank you anyways!

Until next time :)