When the bed shifted unnaturally down and the unfamiliar weight of an arm settled around her, Julia's eyes snapped open and she shot up, her auburn curls which were usually so neatly styled now frizzy and knotted. When her eyes focused, she saw her nineteen-year-old son staring up at her from his big spoon position on her and Barbie's bed.

"Hey, sweet pea, what're you doing up this late?" Julia murmured, trying to rid the taste of morning - or was it considered night because that's the time it was - breath from her mouth.

"I just wanted to see what it was like, to sleep here again. In between you and Dad, but..." His voice broke on "Dad" and Julia figured something was up. All those years of interviews and asking questions hadn't taught her nothing.

"Adam?"

"I used to love sleeping between you and Dad. Felt so safe. Doesn't really feel like anything now." Adam confessed. "Ever since he died it's just like this big gaping fucking hole in the middle of my chest. And I can't take it anymore." Adam's voice quivered and tears welled at the base of his eyes. Julia turned to face her son, and with a hoarse voice and tears in his eyes she whispered, "I don't know what you want me to do, Adam. I miss him just as much as you do. There's a - to quote you - a big gaping fucking hole in the middle of my chest too. But it's only been a couple of months. Soon all the feelings about this will become less intense."

Adam pressed his face into his mother's hair and inhaled through his nose. "Does that mean that we'll - I'll - forget about him? What happens if you start dating someone else?" His voice, from what Julia's still sleep laden brain could tell, sounded accusatory.

"No, sweet pea, you and I won't forget about him. And it's too soon to start dating. We were married for twenty-three years and had you when we had been married for four. I-" Her voice faltered at this point, and Adam's arm held her tighter. "I can't go on without your father. My God. I love him so much. I've known him since high school and anything before I met him is a blur. I'm scared Adam. I'm so scared I'll forget him and move on and I'll look back on this time and just shrug and go back to whatever I'll be doing and-" A strangled sob escaped Julia's throat. "It feels so empty in this bed." She buried her head in her pillow, lifted her right hand out from under her pillow, and patted Adam's forearm, rubbing her thumb in small patterns on his arm.

"I'm scared, Mom."

"I know. You know what, why don't we visit Dad tomorrow, then do the things he loved. We'll go to that crap bar and the steakhouse and the park and the lake and -"

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we just sleep? Please?"

"Yeah." A few minutes later, when she thought Adam was out, Julia exited the bed, went downstairs, and set up the couch for sleeping. She couldn't share that bed with anyone but Barbie - not even their son - the weight of his warmth, his presence, still so familiar and foreign. It hurt too much, and right before Julia fell asleep hours later, she almost felt the touch of Barbie's lips on her forehead and his smell as she drifted off.