A/N: If Addison didn't go to LA.


"Hey, welcome back" Addison said with a small smile as Alex walked into the NICU "So, how were your two weeks of freedom?"

"Boring" Alex said with a laugh "I slept for most of them, so...how are they all? Anyone go home while I was gone?"

"Yeah" Addison smiled "The Jones baby, they called her Elizabeth in the end, and James Thomas went home 3 days ago but, we lost the Anderson baby last week, I took her in for another surgery but her heart gave out"

"Well, that sucks" Alex said sadly.

"Yeah, it does, suck" Addison sighed "Anyway, so did, did you find Ava?"

"Her name is Rebecca" Alex said firmly.

"Technicality" Addison said rolling her eyes "Did you find her?"

"She wasn't here when I got back" Alex shrugged.

"And you didn't go after her?"

"I don't want her" Alex said quietly "And no, I'm not just saying that because she wasn't here, two weeks of doing nothing gives you a lot of time to think, and I just, don't feel that way about her"

"Oh" Addison whispered.

"I'm sorry Addison"

"I know" she whispered again.

"I didn't mean to…."

"I know Alex" she sighed "It's fine, I'm over it, I am, there's a hell of a lot more going on in my head, but the thing, between me and you, it shouldn't have happened, it was unprofessional and, stupid and, wrong, let's just forget it ever happened and get on with our lives?"

"Ok" Alex sighed "Ok we'll, we'll forget it ever happened"

"Right" Addison nodded "We'll forget it ever happened"

~x~

"Hey" Callie smiled as she stepped out of her stall in the bathroom to see Addison stood washing her hands, she walked to the sink and started to wash her own "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" Addison said with a small smile.

"Oh god" Callie groaned "What the hell happened now?"

"Nothing, nothing happened" Addison said shaking her head "Nothing happened, it's just, I'm working with him today, and I didn't think it would be so, hard, I, I've spent the last 2 weeks trying to prepare myself and, I thought I was ready, I really thought I was ready but, he, he says he doesn't want Ava, he said he's done a lot of thinking and he doesn't want her, and I just, I really wished…."

"He said it was because he wanted you" Callie said softly "Come here" she said hugging her "You'll get over him Addie, you will"

"I'm just tired of, of, of everything going wrong"

"I know" Callie said rubbing her back a little "Come on, clean yourself up, we're getting drinks tonight"

"I thought, you planned dinner with George tonight"

"I can have dinner with George anytime" Callie said with a small smile "You need me right now"

"Thank you" Addison mumbled into her shoulder.

~x~

2 weeks later.

"Y'know, I always wanted to be a Mom" Addison said softly as she stood tending to one of her patients in the empty NICU "To have my own baby, something that was half me and, someone who would always love me" she said quietly, not noticing Alex entering the room and stopping by the door "Sometimes I wish I hadn't have waited for the right time, because the truth is, there isn't one, because something always gets in the way, internship, residency, fellowship, one thing stopped and another started, when I probably should've just gone for it, but then maybe, maybe it's for the best that me and Derek didn't have kids, because even though he'd be a great Dad, he would, he wasn't himself in New York, he changed, which is why we drifted apart, I wouldn't want to do that to a baby. To my child, I couldn't do that. I guess this is my karma, for what happened with Mark, I aborted his child" she said in an almost whisper "I aborted his child because, because I wanted to get Derek back, because I caught him with a peds nurse, because he would've been a terrible father, I aborted his child for all the right reasons but, now, now I can't have kids, now my body has completely given up on me, now, now I kind of wish I'd had a baby with Derek, even if it didn't fix things between us, now I wish I'd kept Mark's baby, even if he was terrible and cheated on me every chance he got, now I can't have kids I wish I had, because I need someone to love me unconditionally, just like you'll love your Mommy"

Alex watched her intently, his heart breaking at every word that came from his lips, he made a point of opening and closing the door loudly and announcing himself to be there "Hey" he smiled.

"Oh, hey" she smiled up at him.

"So, I was thinking" he started "Do you want to go and get a drink after work, just a, friends thing, cuz I think, I think we should be friends, I don't want to, lose you as a friend"

"We were never friends" Addison said simply.

"But we could be" Alex replied "Just, one drink, one, and if you still hate me then you can go"

"I don't hate you" Addison sighed.

"Then why have you been looking at me like you hate me"

"Not everything is about you Alex!" Addison snapped "I have, so much going on in my head, there is so much in my life that's, nothing to do with you, I don't hate you, but I am pissed off, with you, with Mark, with Derek, with everyone, I'm pissed off, so just shut up, shut the hell up" Addison said storming past him leaving him slightly stunned.

~x~

"Hey" Alex said walking up to Meredith in the tunnels and jumping up onto the gurney next to her.

"Hey" she smiled "What's wrong?" she frowned.

"Nothing, nothing I'm, I'm fine, I'm good, I'm all good" he mumbled.

"Alex" Meredith warned.

"I really screwed up Mer" he said with a slight whisper "Really screwed up"

"What happened?" she asked turning so she sat crossed legged and facing him as he sat right back against the wall "Alex, you can tell me anything, you know that"

"I'm in love with Addison" he said simply.

"I know" Meredith smirked.

"You know?" Alex said snapping his head over to her "How do you know?"

"Well, Mark told me that he saw you coming out of an on-call room with her before she disappeared to LA, and he thought that maybe you'd done something to hurt her, because she's been miserable ever since" Meredith said with a slight sigh "And so have you, and you look at her, all the time, not in a pervy way, not in the way you usually look at women"

"I…."

"Shut up yes you do" Meredith said with a slight laugh "You all do it" she smirked "But the way you've been looking at her, it's so, obvious, so, what did you do?"

"After we slept together, I was talking to Ava, Rebecca, and, she said she'd overheard Addison talking to Torres, saying she wanted the guy who barbecued and taught kids to play catch"

"Ohh, I can see where this is going" Meredith sighed "You freaked out didn't you"

"Pretty much" Alex nodded "I was in the lobby that night, studying, and she came over to me and asked me for a drink, or to her hotel room, offered to help me study, and I just blew it, told her it was awesome but she wasn't my girlfriend and I didn't have time for one, and the look on her face Mer, I close my eyes and I see that look, and then she was gone" he sighed "When she came back we were, civil, we found out Rebecca was Rebecca, her husband came, she asked me to ask her to stay and, I said no, and then there was the wedding, and I shamelessly tried to come on to Addison, which she didn't like one bit"

"Well you broke her heart, coming onto her was not what she needed"

"I'm aware of that" Alex said dryly "She told me to go after Ava, said we don't get unlimited chances to have the things we want, and nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life, and I left" he said with a whisper "I left and I went to the hospital and Ava wasn't there, and then I thought, why did I even leave, why did I leave when I don't want Ava, I want Addison, I love Addison, and all I've been thinking for the past month is that I love her, and I, I tried to ask her out for a drink tonight, just as friends, she said we were never friends, I said we could be, and she could leave after one drink if she still hated me, she said she didn't hate me, I asked why she'd been looking at me like she did and she flipped out and stormed off, and I really don't know what to do"

"Do you want to be with her?"

"Yes" Alex nodded.

"And you love her?"

"More than anything"

"And you can push past the barbecues and catch thing, for her?"

"She's the only one I'd do it for"

"Then tell her" Meredith said squeezing his hand "You just need to tell her Alex"

"She's going to hate me"

"Probably" Meredith said with a laugh "Just for a minute, because then she'll tell you she loves you too"

"But what if she doesn't love me too"

"You know when ever you catch her looking your way and you think it's hate?"

"Yeah" he breathed.

"Well when you look away, her face changes, and all I see is love, tell her Alex, tell her today, tell her before it's too late"

~x~

"Torres" Alex said approaching her at the nurses station "Have you seen Addison?"

"She went home" Callie replied coldly.

"Look, I know you hate me right now, and believe me, I hate myself, but I really need to talk to her, please just, I really need to talk to her"

"You screwed her over" Callie said in a harsh whisper "You've seen everything she's been through and you just, you made her think you, you made her think you cared with your vanilla lattes and I'd notices, you screwed up"

"I know that" Alex sighed "Please I just, I need to talk to her, I need to tell her, I need to tell her I love her"

"What?" Callie gasped.

"I love her" Alex repeated "Seriously, seriously love her, and I'm not going to screw up again, I won't, please just, tell me where she is"

"The Archfield, 2214, don't tell her I told you" she warned "And don't screw it up"

"I won't, thank you" he said before rushing off.

~x~

Alex's heart pounded is his chest as he knocked on the door of Addison's hotel room, he could hear her coming towards the door, and then it opened.

"Alex what, what the hell are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"I love you" Alex said simply, and then the door was closed on him, he took a breath and looked up when it was opened again.

"Come in" she said coldly, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him "How dare you?" she asked incredulously "How dare you show up here and, and, and say that! You can't just say that! You, I hate you!" she said throwing a pillow at him "God Alex!" she exclaimed frustratedly.

"I'm so so sorry" Alex whispered "I'm so sorry"

Addison sat down on her bed and put her face in her hands, letting the sobs escape her, Alex moved to kneel on the floor in front of her, his hands slipped onto her lap and his thumbs softly rubbed circles against the fabric of her pajamas.

"Addison look at me" he said softly.

"Please go away" she whimpered "Please just go away"

"I know I screwed up, and you have every right to hate me, but I love you, so much, I was scared, I was so scared to love you, because I just, I'm not good at this, at relationships, and I just needed to, let you go so you could move on but, if I can't move on then, I really hope you haven't either, because I really think, I really think if we gave it a shot we could really be something, I want to marry you Addison, I want us to have kids, even if we have to adopt that's ok with me, because…."

"You were eavesdropping?" Addison exclaimed suddenly.

"I didn't want to interrupt" Alex said sheepishly "I'm sorry, that you've been going through all of that, I am so sorry, but I meant what I said, I love you, and one day I'm going to ask you to marry me, and then after that, we're going to adopt as many kids as you want, please, please Addie, just one more chance"

"I'm still mad at you" Addison sniffled "And I don't trust you yet, I just, I don't, but, I love you too, and you just, you have to try and, not get scared and run away again, because for this to work, we have to be all in this, I will put myself all in this, and you have to do that too"

"I'm in" Alex said sitting on the bed next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist "I'm in this forever" he whispered kissing her lips softly.

"I'm just so tired of everything going wrong" she whimpered against his shoulder.

"I know baby I know" Alex said rubbing her back softly "Things will get better, they will, I promise you"

"Can, can you just, hold me, just, I need to sleep and, I need you to hold me" she said tearfully "Please"

"Of course I will" Alex said stroking her hair "Come on" he stood up and pulled back the covers, he slipped his jeans and shoes off and climbed into bed with her, she lay her head against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, their legs tangled together, he pulled the covers up to cover them and kissed against her hair.

"I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too" she whispered back "Night"

"Night" he smiled.

~x~ ~x~ ~x~


A/N: I know, the ending was a bit abrupt. Sorry.

REVIEWS PLEASE =D!