This is set just after the episode 'Things Change'
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans
Evening Talks
The series of gentle knocks at the door forced the young teen to sit up and reluctantly remove himself from his position of solitude on the bed. It was with no hidden irritation that he opened the door and he did not even try to cover up his displeasure at seeing the team leader standing there with a semi-concerned expression.
Whatever Robin said to announce himself was lost on the changeling as he tried, successfully, to tune out the other's voice; he had no desire to listen when he already knew what was going to be said. The rest of the team had been none too pleased that he'd ditched them to spend the day with her, particularly when it became their shared knowledge that she did not remember her former life. Robin most of all was unhappy with the decisions made and the outcome of said choices.
So what was he doing here now? Beastboy scowled as he hoped he wasn't in for a lecture; if his team leader tried to lecture him at this time, he knew already that he would not be able to keep his mouth shut.
Luckily for him, however, the words which left Robin's mouth were not a lecture.
"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry" he said, hastily adding, "For not understanding about Terra."
Beastboy's witty remark died on his tongue as he lowered his head, the sound of her very name piercing his heart like a dagger. He did not reply – what could he say? But he knew that it would be pointless – immature, even – for him to flat out ignore the peace offering being extended to him. The shape shifter looked up so he could meet Robin's masked eyes, wishing that the other wasn't wearing a mask; it would be so much easier to maintain eye contact if he could actually see the other's eyes.
"You couldn't understand" Beastboy said quietly, cringing at the broken tone of his voice. "Nobody could understand."
Robin waited patiently for more to be said, knowing from past experience that Beastboy would continue if he only gave him the time. Sure enough, his friend continued, although he looked down at the ground as he spoke.
"Slade said that I was hurting her" he whispered, glad that he had already told this tale – about his encounter with the robotic Slade at the carnival – to his friends. "I know he only wants to hurt her himself but ... I think he was right. I think I am hurting her."
"If she really can't remember..."
"That's just it – I don't think she wants to remember" Beastboy said sadly, his eyes never once leaving the floor. "I mean, if she did want to remember, she'd have tried harder. All the time I was with her today, she kept trying to get away from me."
Robin looked at his miserable friend intently, wishing that comforting his friends came more naturally to him; he always wanted to help them, would always try, but he really had to put in effort in order to be a comforter. He had many natural talents but comforting was never one of them. Nevertheless, he was going to try; his friend needed it.
"Maybe she wants a chance at a normal life. Maybe she doesn't want to be a hero anymore."
"But she is a hero!" Beastboy burst out. "She saved us; she'll always be a hero!"
"Beastboy..."
"No!" the other cried, looking up at last with anger-glazed green eyes. "She was our friend. I know she made mistakes but she made up for them! She doesn't have anything to be sorry for anymore, why won't she just come back?!"
Beastboy turned away and marched back into his room, letting the door close behind him – outside that door, Robin ran a gloved hand uncomfortably through his hair, wishing that he knew what words would comfort his green friend. He punched in the security code that would gain him access to his friend's room – he had a code for emergency purposes – and stepped into the room, waiting until the door slid shut behind him before he tried to approach his friend.
He felt a nip at his heart as he saw Beastboy: the shape shifter was in the form of a lonely green dog, curled up in a corner with his head down and his eyes closed.
"Beastboy, why do you think that you're hurting her?" he asked quietly.
The green dog raised his head and stared at Robin for a few moments before transforming into the human form.
"I tried to force her to remember" he whispered. "If she really wanted to forget, I'm hurting her by bringing it up. But I don't know what else to do! She has to remember us at least. She has to remember me!" It was here that his voice broke and he covered his face with his hands, curling up into a ball on the floor. "How could she have forgotten me? I thought we were ... She said that I was the best friend she'd ever had!"
Robin finally began to understand his friend's pain – it was Terra forgetting him that was hurting him so; it wasn't that she had given up her life as a hero, it was more that she had completely forgotten Beastboy himself. And Robin had never been blind; he had known from a very early stage that his green friend had had feelings for Terra.
He began to understand by imagining what it would be like if he had been in the same position – if Starfire had been corrupted and had saved them at the last minute, if she had forgotten him altogether, he would have been almost lost. Whether he admitted it or not, his feelings for the girl ran deep, and by imagining what it would be like to lose her, he began to truly understand what Beastboy was going through.
He finally knew what to say.
"I hate to say this, Beastboy, but Slade was right."
Beastboy looked up, shocked, but he couldn't say anything before his friend was talking again.
"Terra doesn't remember because she doesn't want to. If she ever does remember us, then she'll come here and we can talk to her. But until then, Beastboy, she's just a regular citizen. Not a hero."
"But she-"
"She'll always be a hero to us. We'll always know. But she doesn't want that."
Robin did not know what he was expecting – if he'd had to guess, he'd have put his money on his friend exploding in a fit of rage – but it was certainly not what happened; he had never expected Beastboy to curl up tighter, sobs wracking his body. Momentarily stunned, the Boy Wonder reeled back a few steps, unsure of how to react or what to say. He could try to say something or he could, much more easily, turn and leave. But somehow he gathered that his friend did not need any more alone time today than he had already had – he needed a friend.
And it was this ideology that pushed Robin down to his knees next to Beastboy, this ideology that prompted him to envelop his friend in a hug – it was the first time in a long time that he'd hugged the shape shifter, and he almost expected Beastboy to pull away but he did not.
Instead the shape shifter lowered his head and, subconsciously, leaned into the contact. Regardless of his past experiences or his heroism, the kid was still young – younger than Robin – and after such an emotionally stressful day, it was a relief to be able to just relax in the arms of a friend.
Robin held him awkwardly, patting his back with one hand while desperately trying to think what to say – now that he was holding his friend, what was the next step? This was all unfamiliar territory to Robin; the only member of his team who he had regular close physical contact of any kind with was Starfire. He'd hugged Beastboy before but only as a small gesture, a quick act of friendship; never before had he held him this way. He was surprised at how fragile the boy felt in his arms; Beastboy could take a hit and was by no means weak, but he was presently so vulnerable that all that seemed to have died away in a fit of sadness, his strength lost in a sea of bitter hopelessness.
Despite himself, Robin couldn't help but blame Terra – if she would only remember them, at least for a few minutes, then this could be easily avoided. If only she would flat out tell Beastboy that she didn't want to return to her previous life with her uncontrolled and then usurped powers. Why did she have to put him through this?
But it wasn't her fault, not really. For all he knew, she truly did not remember and had no control over what was in her memory. It made no sense to resent someone who could be completely innocent.
A muffled sob was torn from Beastboy's throat and Robin instinctively tightened his hold on the younger boy, rocking him back and forth now with care, even if he was still tense with awkwardness and Beastboy's form was filled with built-up tension. As for Beastboy, he was not awkward; he had not the care left in him to feel awkward – everything that had been building up on him for the entire day was now crushing down on him. Indeed some of what was crushing him was old, those old feelings and that hidden bitterness that he still felt for the girl he once called a friend.
"I miss her" he eventually choked out, pulling his arm free from his friend's grip in order to wipe away some tears. "I can't believe she forgot me."
Robin pulled back slightly and readjusted their positions, so that now they both sat leaning against the wall, Beastboy with his head on his friend's shoulder and Robin with one arm around the shape shifter's shoulders. He then looked at his friend with a tender, sad smile.
"You'll always have the memories. And you'll know that she's safe."
"Huh?"
"If she isn't a hero anymore, Beastboy, then she can't get hurt. If she's not a threat, Slade won't go after her" Robin said, knowing that he was partially lying but hoping his friend wouldn't pick up on it in his distressed state. "She's safe."
There was a moment of silence before Beastboy raised his head to look at last at Robin's face, focusing intently despite the tears that wavered and threatened to drop. His lips were set in a grim, tight line but he never lost focus, or even allowed a single tear more to fall. Robin, for his part, just stared at his friend, holding his gaze and holding his breath to see Beastboy's ultimate reaction; he could have believed him or he could have blown up at him.
As it turned out, Robin would never find out if Beastboy truly believed him or not, for the boy did not deign to answer him, but rather responded simply by dropping his head to lie on Robin's shoulder once again – except that this time it was more comfortable and the tension in the atmosphere had greatly lessened. This time, the changeling's eyes slid closed and his form was finally relaxed against his friend's body. This time, Robin did not feel awkward as he pulled his friend into a one-armed hug and let his head rest against Beastboy's.
Now that the air was clearer, Beastboy cried no more; his eyes could see clearly and the dampness left behind by salty tears dried. The only sound in the room was that of their synchronised breathing, and so it would remain until the next day.
The next morning, the door would open to reveal Cyborg searching for his two friends who had yet to make an appearance, and he would see the two of them still curled up together on the floor, sound asleep, and he would leave without a word. When the two boys awoke, less than half an hour later and with no memory of falling asleep, their friendship would be stronger than it had ever been before, free of any initial awkwardness and filled with complete trust and entirely comfortable companionship.
Robin would not tell the other Titans about their talk the previous evening and for that Beastboy would be immensely grateful; he did like to keep some of himself to himself, and even if he had bared his emotions to his friend, he wouldn't want an instant repeat of such an event. The two boys' friendship would grow steadily over the next few weeks and months as Robin helped his green skinned friend to fully overcome his self-made demons, and even as Beastboy encouraged Robin to tell Starfire of his feelings for her.
And Beastboy would get over Terra's return with the help of all his friends, especially the one who now understood his raw self more than anyone ever had before. He would always remember her as a friend and a hero, he would always cherish her memory, but he would not chase the girl that she now was any longer. Her choices had been made already and the time had come for their paths to completely separate.
And after his talk with Robin, Beastboy was okay with that.
Please R&R
