I don't know about you guys, but I find that when I'm feeling particularly snarky I write really a mean Tony Stark. And that's what this series of shorts are. I'll post a minimum of at least 3 "Starkisms" per chapter. It'll be updated randomly cuz I can't really control whenever I'm snarky can I? Hope you enjoy the snarky-ness haha.
Disclaimer: The Avengers and any related movies belong to Marvel.
"Why are you eating so much Tony? You're going to get fat like that." The millionaire snorted and continued to consume the plate of delicious mac n cheese, taking a piece of chocolate out of his pocket after finishing the whole thing.
"I'm eating," He said, unwrapping the small foil square. "because I'm hungry and because I'm hungry." The creamy brown square was tossed into his mouth and he quirked an eyebrow.
"By the way, I don't get fat ok? Getting fat is for losers." The man mock gasped and held up a hand over his mouth, his eyebrows shooting up.
"Oh I'm sorry, it sounds like we have a loser here."
"Sir, you really should be heading out to that meeting today." Tony Stark groaned and rolled over in his bed, covering himself his thick blanket.
"Jarvis, maybe you should shut it."
"I understand that you are in a foul mood sir but this meeting is very important." The man scoffed and squished himself deeper into the mattress.
"What meeting isn't important to these chumps? They'll call a damn meeting to discuss how the S in Stark could totally mean shit if they want to. I like the bed because the bed won't make any stupid comments like people."
"While I can understand your sentiment, you should at least attend one meeting a month sir." He sighed and swept the covers off in one quick motion, sitting up slowly. A loud yawn left his mouth as he stretched and eventually stumbled to his feet. A soft brown robe was taken from his closet and he put it on while shuffling over to the bathroom.
"Jarvis, I expect a full bottle of cognac when I come back from this meeting. Preferably the instant I arrive home. God knows I need a drink after listening to those stiffs." Tony loaded up his toothbrush with paste and began roughly brushing his teeth.
"Understood sir. Do at least try to look presentable for the meeting today." The man of iron mumbled a noise of acknowledgement and went back to brushing his pearly whites.
Artificial Intelligence, pah.
"Mr. Stark, you know that a lot of bacon isn't good for you right?" Right next to him on the left-hand side stood the good old Cap. Ever so worried about the man of iron's health. Tony paused for a bit, a spatula in his right hand ready to lift the ever so lovely bacon.
"I am aware of such a thing yes." He flipped one of the sizzling strips and looked back to Steve who had a disapproving look on his face.
"Now whether or not I really give a damn, that might be up to debate."
"There is way too much fat in that much bacon, perhaps you should consider a healthier alternative? Coulson told me about how there is such thing as turkey bacon now, it tastes exactly the sa-"
"Cap, I like me some good ole slaughtered pig for my bacon thank you. Meanwhile, Coulson the Fairy can go enjoy his lesser bacon."
"Oh wait up Legolas." Tony said, pointing at Clint with a wrench in his hands. The archer sighed at the nickname and walked up to the man, an eyebrow raised.
"What is it?" The iron man returned to tweaking what looked like a robotic arm for a bit before putting the wrench down and facing the other man. He cleared his throat a bit, making Clint's raised eyebrow reach new heights.
"Listen next time you and sweetcheeks decide to have one of your nightly meetings, consider a place aside from the bed. When you guys go into 'intense conversation', it likes to bang up against my headboard. You know, where my head is?"
Clint blinked, crossing his arms. "You've heard us then."
Tony dryly laughed before picking up the wrench again. "You know if I didn't hear you guys going at it, I would have thought you were asexual. This makes me realize that perhaps you actually have hormones."
That's it for the first installments of Starkisms! Please read and review!
