Nightmare
I am traveling with Wylfred and his allies. I fight to prevent the impending war. And I live to atone for my sins.
It looks like I won't be able to sleep again tonight.
Two weeks have passed since Valmur died…no, since I killed Valmur. Is that all? I can't believe it.
Lord Cennair, Lieselotte, Rosea, Nicolas, Valmur…
Valmur.
What became of your soul? I was told you were chosen by the Battle-maiden. Why?
You were ill-suited for war. Did the Battle-maiden force you to go? Einherjar are those who fight for eternity, right? It's too sad. It's such a cruel fate for someone who prefers study to war.
I am the one who should be dead. Back then, when I lost everything, I should have died.
Why!? Why was I so prideful? Why didn't I think?
I was such a fool…
It hurts! My chest hurts so much I can't stand it!
I am alone. That was my own doing. I deceived and killed those I called my friends. Even though Valmur believed in me more than anyone, I betrayed him. I robbed an innocent woman of her beloved older brothers.
…Every time I go to sleep, I have nightmares.
It's so dark I can't see. It's so suffocating I can't breathe. It's frightening.
Sometimes I see the faces of the dead, and hear their voices. I can feel their hatred. It's frightening.
No more! I don't want to close my eyes anymore!
That's right. I should be dead. But…
I must keep living. To not let the deaths of those I killed be in vain. To save my country. To save this filthy soul.
Even though I tell that to myself over and over again, it's still painful. Until I know that I have been forgiven by Valmur and the others, the day I can forgive myself will not come.
Thus, I am forced to believe that it will never come.
***
Lullaby
Fauxnel…
Poor Fauxnel…
We have already forgiven you.
It must have been painful. Closing off your heart, pushing people away. Trying with all your might to hide just how lonely you were.
Fauxnel…I chose to go with the valkyrie. Things are fine now. I'm with Nicolas, and I can hold in my heart the feelings I have for my loved ones. Don't pity me.
Don't hate yourself.
You said I believed in you, but you're wrong. Even now, I still believe in you. When you realized your own mistakes, something changed deep within your heart. And you chose the path to salvation.
You are not wrong now.
I don't know if I can stop the nightmares you're having, but please listen to the rest of what I have to say.
Of course, I want you to live. But that's not all.
I want you to forgive yourself.
Nicolas and I are fine now. Lord Cennair and the others are not in Asgard, so they must have been reborn. You are still my precious friend. I'm not angry with you anymore.
You don't have to suffer anymore. You don't have to cry anymore.
I want you to live. Live a life where you laugh every day, where you love and are loved by people. Please, be happy.
My beloved Fauxnel…
I will always be thinking of you.
So please, close your eyes
And listen to my voice
And be at peace
And go to sleep.
END
