Title: Separation and Hope

Author: rooster dawn

Pairing: Harm & Sarah

Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius productions, no copyright infringement intended.

Summary: When Harm leaves Jag to fly, Sarah decides to move on when she doesn't hear from him.

Good feedback is good for the soul and my happiness.

Author's note: Alternative universe where Harm and Sarah said goodbye one last time before he leaves to fly. Takes place after the end of season four.

part one Reflections

Friday

3 Sep 1999

Sarah's Office

Sarah MacKenzie sat in her office thinking about the what if's. It had been almost three and half months since Harm left to return to active flight status on the Patrick Henry. It had been a very hard time for her. All the people she loved were leaving her.

Harriet was the first. She had her baby in late April. Harriet initially was only going to take maternity leave for a few months, but she later decided to leave JAG and go into the reserves. She wanted to spend as much time with her baby as possible.

Harriet would show up for two days a month for active duty, but otherwise she was gone from Sarah's life completely. She knew she could always visit Harriet, but visiting with her only reminded her of what she was missing.

Then two weeks later Chloe left to live with her grandparents in Vermont. Even though she was happy for Chloe and that she would be with her real family, people who really loved her, Sarah still missed her so much that it hurt.

Chloe had become very important to her. She was so perfect. The perfect little girl, so beautiful and intelligent.

She loved Chloe and Chloe loved her. She had become a very happy and intelligent girl who was a joy to be around except when she opened her mouth to reveal Sarah's most private secrets to anyone willing to listen to her.

And finally two weeks after Chloe left, Harm left her too. He had had his vision corrected while she was away visiting her dying father. He could see at night now. There weren't any excuses to why he couldn't be a full time aviator.

It was something he always wanted to do more than anything else. It was a step backwards at this stage of his career, but it didn't matter to him. All he wanted to do was fly. She had hoped that he would want to be with her more.

Maybe that was the reason Harm made the baby deal with her in April. If they weren't in a relationship with anyone else in five years they would go halves on a baby. Of course to her what she thought that meant was there was still a chance they could get together.

Their relationship had suffered greatly last year when her husband of thirteen years showed up out of the blue to remind her that they were still married. He of course wanted something. Unfortunately she couldn't give him what he wanted, love. She was in love with Harm.

Sadly Chris died in a struggle for a gun he own. Even though Harm defended her in court, he punished her for months for not telling him about her marriage to Chris. He later began dating Jordan, a navy commander, who was someone she could never hate. She was blond, but she wasn't a bimbo.

She guess that was the only good thing about Harm leaving to fly, Jordan broke up with him. She wasn't interested in being a part time lover or being involved with an aviator. Even though Sarah didn't want Harm to leave either, she didn't want to prevent him from doing something that he loved.

They had a tearful goodbye in his office the day he left. She hated the idea he was leaving. It might be a long time before she ever saw him again. If the baby deal was any indication it could be five years. That was a long time to wait for the man she loved.

She had been surprised to see Harm show up at her door that night. She thought they had said their goodbyes at the office. They ordered in Chinese. After eating dinner one thing led to another and before she knew what was happening they were making sweet love in her bedroom.

It had been the most wonderful feeling she ever experience. Their lovemaking was gentle at first, but later it became wild and passionate. They made love half the night before falling asleep in each other's arms. It was a night she would never forget as long a she live.

When Harm left later that day they agreed to e-mail each other on a regular basis. Sarah was going to keep him updated with what was going on at Jag and Harm was going to let her know he doing alright, that he was still alive and well.

At first they communicated quite regularly by e-mail, two or three times a week. But now almost four months later she hardly heard from him. She had been sending him an update every Friday, keeping him informed with what was going on.

She wanted him to feel as though he was still a part of their lives at Jag. She knew that even though Harm was happy flying again everyday, he still missed his friends at Jag. Harm never forgot his friends.

Unfortunately for whatever reason she didn't understand, Harm had begun to e-mail her less frequently. It had been more than two weeks since his last email.

She understood that it wasn't always possible for him to e-mail her everyday, but was it asking too much of him that he stay in contact with her at least once a week.

The only thing she could figure out was, he was moving on without her. He was never going to return to Washington, to Jag, to her. He was going to remain with the fleet for as long as possible.

What that meant for them she didn't know, what she did know, there wasn't going to be any relationship between them any time soon. It would be nonexistent. She sighed with that realization.

She realized also that it didn't make any sense to tell Harm the results of their night together before he left. A night that was so wonderful. A night that they had finally succumb to their needs and desires for each other.

What was unexpected was, she got pregnant. Since she hadn't been in a relationship with anybody since Dalton died eighteen months ago, she had become lax about taking the proper safety precautions when dealing with having sex.

The last thing she thought about that night was that she and Harm would be making love. They got caught up in moment of passion. She never thought to ask Harm to use protection. Then again she didn't care.

All she wanted to do was make love with him. As things turned out she was pregnant with his child. She was happy about that. She had expressed to Harm after little Aj's birth her desire to have a child, especially when she saw Harriet and little Aj together.

Sarah sighed as she reflected on the current state of affairs. She finished typing out her request for transfer. She had been here at headquarters for over three years. It was time for her to move on.

Harm wasn't coming back. There wasn't any reason to stay around anymore. She had put on ten pounds. She was beginning to show. She wanted to leave before anyone realized her true condition, especially Harriet.

The last thing she wanted was to answer any questions about her pregnancy, especially about whom the father was. It didn't really matter because he wasn't here and he didn't know. There was no way she was going to trap Harm into marrying her just because she was pregnant.