Hi there, this is my first fanfic. I'm a new member of and I've decided to write it because 'why not?' There was this thing bugging my mind ever since I watched "Naruto the Abridged Comedy Spoof Series Show".
Episode 3: Naruto begins to eat his extreme ninja breakfast. He says "THIS EXPIRED MILK IS AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT!" This fanfic assumes that the expired milk IS an important plot point, even if a small one. There won't be big changes in the beginning of this fanfic - about 80% of this chapter is canon-rewriting, word-by-word) – and this is merely a test, which means that I may end up not continuing this story at all.
Also, as a late note, I'm not a native English speaker, so I would like if anyone could review my grammar. This is more of a test than anything else.
Naruto ~ Nails & Tails
Chapter 1 - Pilot
It was day in Konoha, and a blond boy with blue eyes who wore rather undersized pajamas listened to the sounds of birds, even with his window closed. Naruto yawned as the sight of the morning Sun filled his eyes, and then stretched both arms out as he usually did every day when waking up. Next, he placed both feets on the wooden floor. He threw his pajama's hat on the bed, begun walking towards his kitchen - which wasn't such as hassle, as there was no division between the rooms. Then, he looked at the half-ticked calendar that had a busty woman in red dress that stood on the wall.
"15 – Guidance (9:00AM)" - He laughed a bit at his luck. Finally a genin!
"Today is a special day!" Said the blond, pouring water at his instant ramen. Setting his hashis at his right hand, Naruto yelled "Itadakimasu!" and begun eating his 'breakfast'. Quickly ingesting the noodles, he found out to be thirsty. Thus, he poured some milk into a glass, but raised the bottle to drink it. As he was almost taking his first sip, something caught his attention.
"Expiration date: 10 days ago…" He would have to buy another bottle. But it was indeed a special day! Who would say he'd got so lucky? After all, this milk could've lead to a big belly ache for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, the only thing left to drink was water. He finished his meal, took a quick bath, put his traditional orange clothes while looking at the mirror. After adjusting his goggles, he grabbed his Konoha hitai-ate and made a small, happy noise.
He walked confident while carefree along his path to the Academy, without noticing immediately the bulge that was wooden-camouflaged along one of Konoha's fences. "Fight me!" Screamed Konohamaru, exiting his disguise with a shuriken in his hand. When the smaller brat was getting ready to throw, he accidentally slipped in his own camouflage, banging his head on the floor.
"What are you doing, Konohamaru…?" Asked Naruto, a bit confused at the scene that his friend was doing.
"Impressive, Naruto nii-chan," Said Konohamaru, slowly getting up. "That's why you're the man I recognize."
"I didn't do anything." Answered Naruto, now slightly annoyed.
"Fight me with all your strength!" Again Konohamaru, making a seal.
"Sorry, I have orientation today." Naruto just answered simply, putting his hand behind his head, now happy.
"Orientation?" Asked Konohamaru, looking surprised.
"Because, starting today, I'm a ninja!" Answered Naruto, with a proud face, pointing at his Konoha hitai-ate. Konohamaru sighed surprise, looking curious as Naruto's face showed a large grin.
Sakura was getting ready in the morning. She tied her hitai-ate with a good knot, and the hitai-ate itself was placed in a way so her hair could hide her forehead. She looked at the mirror, blinking to herself. "Sakura, isn't it the time for you to go?" Her mother called, looking at the time, 8:20AM.
"I'm almost ready!" Sakura answered, with a slight tone of annoyance in her voice. 'SHANNARO! Stop treating me like a kid!' Inner Sakura thought. She went downstairs, said goodbye to her mother, and quit the house.
'So… I'm not an academy student anymore.' Thought Sakura, slightly absorbed. 'I'm a Konoha kunoichi, Haruno Sakura!' She closed her fist, finding bravery.
Down the same street, Yamanaka Ino announced that she was leaving her home. She now looked at a girl in red clothing with pink hair, stopping at her own doorstep. Both girls now looked at each other in the eyes, and silence stood between the two for a brief moment.
"Ohayo, Sakura." Said Ino, with a slight tone of superiority.
"Ohayo, Ino." Said Sakura, in a more determined tone, while also transpiring superiority.
Sakura walked to Ino, and then both started walking together in a harsh fashion, with movements not as fluent as normal. "Who would imagine that you would manage to graduate?" Asked Ino, smirking smugly.
"What happened before today means nothing." Answered Sakura, eyes closed. "Starting today, we're ninjas." She continued, "I'm not going to lose to you anymore, Ino." Then, she walked a bit ahead of Ino, which matched her again in walking, not allowing Sakura to get ahead. Soon, both girls tried to get ahead of each other, until the competition became a running contest as both grumbled.
Naruto smirked at his seat, blond non-combed hair apart. Shikamaru looked at the blond boy that rested his head on the academy table, surprised. "Hm? What are you doing here?" The Nara boy asked, looking at Naruto. "This orientation is just for the ones who passed." He already had an idea of what happened, but didn't bother keeping it to him.
"Oi, oi, can't you see this hitai-ate?" Naruto smirked, happy. "I'm also stating as a ninja today!" Shikamaru didn't even bother. "Doesn't it sit well on me?" Naruto asked, even more happily. 'I shouldn't have bothered to ask', Shikamaru thought.
Across the room, a lavender-eyed dark-blue haired girl looked at Naruto, blushing slightly with a smile in her face. 'Naruto-kun managed to graduate.' She thought, quite happy.
The sound of two bulls running started to echo in the classroom. Suddenly, Sakura and Ino erupted inside after disputing for space through the door. Both screamed "Goal!" and then started breathing heavily, looking tired. The girls started to discuss who won, much to the annoyance of everyone that was trying to have a conversation.
Naruto looked to the door, blushing with his mouth open. There it was! 'It's Sakura-chan!' She looked in his direction, 'Sakura-chan is looking at me!', and he blushed even more. Ino screamed for Sakura to wait, and hurriedly followed.
"Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" Naruto tried to greet his crush, but she just told him to get out of the way before knocking him of the bench.
"Ohayo, Sasuke-kun." The pink-haired girl said. Sasuke raised his head to look at her, without any signs of acceptance; he just there, with his fingers interlaced. "May I sit by your side?" He wasn't really paying attention. A blonde girl came next, and they started discussing (again). Suddenly, the path to the bench started filling with fangirls, while Naruto still was on the ground. 'Annoying…', Sasuke thought.
After a while, Sasuke heard a stomping sound in front of him. Absorbed in his thoughts, he raised his head, only to find Naruto at inches from his faces, in a manner that looked like he was trying to find something; both started a staring contest. "NARUTO! Stop facing Sasuke-kun!" The annoying pink-haired girl said, together with a mob of angry fangirls. Naruto looked somewhat annoyed by that, stopping to look at her. 'Everything I hear is Sasuke-kun this, Sasuke-kun that... What makes this guy so special?' He resumed his staring contest with the Uchiha. Electricity seemed to flow between the two of them. "Sasuke-kun, beat his ass down!" Some fangirl said.
What succeed left everyone surprised. A boy in the front row accidentally knocked Naruto, which dropped on Sasuke… and the mouth of both boys met. After a brief moment of desperation, they separated, struggling for air. The fangirls around were at the same time disappointed that they couldn't get Sasuke-kun's first kiss, and extremely pissed off by Naruto. The boys were still grasping for air, trying to clean their throats after an experience that neither would ever forget. "Naruto, I'm going to kill you…!" Sasuke said.
Naruto still grasped for air when he felt the biggest killing intent in his entire life, coming from behind him… He turned to look at an angry fangirl mob. "Naruto… you're a…" Sakura started saying, with a face that he would never forget.
"Accident! It was an accident, -tebayo!" Naruto said, only feeling an ever big killing intent. "IRRITATING!" Screamed Sakura, coming towards Naruto after she snapped her fingers. Naruto could see his life going through his eyes as the mob came closer.
Umino Iruka entered the class with a small smile, and some papers in his left hand. He left his things on the desk, and waited for every recently-promoted academy student to sit – without ordering so, as he usually did. Iruka wondered why Naruto looked like a truck had passed over him.
"Starting today, you are all true ninjas." He said, with his normal lecture voice. "But you're still rookie genin; the difficult part is just starting. Now we'll divide you in trios, and a Jounin will be designated to each trio, to complete missions." As predicted, the notice shocked the whole class. "Trios?" was muttered all over the class. Some where hopeful, other were happy that they wouldn't be alone – Sasuke was disappointed that someone would drag him down.
"We tried to balance the teams," Iruka started. "I chose those teams. Now I'm going to announce them." Naruto just ignored the first six teams, until his name was called, announced by Iruka. "Team 7. Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto was listening. "Haruno Sakura," Naruto was now signing for victory, and didn't notice Sakura with her head down, disappointed. "Sasuke Uchiha." Now there was an inversion; Naruto looked down, Sakura signed for victory, and Sasuke didn't react this time. Certain lavender-eyed girl looked disappointed at the notice. Her attention quickly shifted after Iruka began to announce her team. "Those are the teams!" Iruka announced.
"IRUKA-SENSEI! Why such an incredible ninja as me has to be in the same team as that bum?" Naruto pointed to Sasuke and asked as usual: screaming. Iruka still was looking at his lists. Iruka wasn't annoyed by Naruto as most people, but he wasn't Naruto-proof either – nor were his ears.
"Sasuke's grades where the best ones among those who passed." Now Iruka looked a bit annoyed. "Naruto, you were the dead last!" This time, the whole class laughed. 'That will make it.' Iruka continued, now serious. "It has to be this way to balance the teams." Naruto stopped talking.
"Don't be in my way, dead last." The Uchiha-boy teased. Naruto's rage grew.
"What did you called me?" "Want to fight, dead last?" The class erupted in laughter again, and now Sakura joined Sasuke.
Iruka decided to put a stop to the discussion with a piece of information. "Today evening, we'll introduce the Jounin senseis. 'Til then, take a break."
After the class was dismissed, all of the recently-joined genin went to have lunch together. Sakura hoped she would be one of those genins.
"Sasuke-kun!" She called out loud, looking for her crush; the boy had disappeared from class right after Iruka's dismissal, without her noticing – even with the boy sitting at her side. "Where did he go?" She asked herself. "Because we're on the same team, I thought we could've lunch together." She heard a loud boy call her name.
"Sakura-chan!" 'Oh, great, Naruto.' "Because we're on the same team, I thought we could've lunch together."
"Why should I have lunch with you?" Sakura answered, angry.
"But-but- we're on the same team…"
"You're annoying." Sakura said; the tone was mean, but it was how she treated Naruto. There was silence for a brief moment, and then Sakura turned her back, walking away so she could keep searching for Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, where are you?" She called out loud again. Naruto tried to think something to call her, but just dropped the matter.
'Kuso, this sucks.' Naruto thought, standing atop a water tower. 'I'm in the same team as Sakura-chan, and now this…'
"Why nothing good ever happens?" Naruto sighed; he didn't want to admit, but Sakura didn't like him – not a bit.
Looking down, he opened his eyes – he saw Sasuke eating at his window! Oblivious for a moment, an idea passed through his mind. "That's it!" – What a true genius he was! He immediately went down and started planning.
He sneaked to Sasuke's window, slowly but surely. Then, he jumped over a surprised Sasuke – the window closed by itself during the struggle. "It's you, isn't Naruto?" "Stop resisting!" Sasuke asked and the blond boy answered, the room had barely any light. It was almost romantic, in some way. Sasuke gained the upper-hand and tied down Naruto – or at least he thought he did. When he was ready to leave, the tied boy was replaced by a log of his Kawarimi no Jutsu, and 6 bunshins jumped on Sasuke. Much to the surprise of the boy, all of the bunshins were solid. With the element of surprise on his side, Naruto managed to tie down Sasuke; after he finished the knots, Naruto transformed into Sasuke.
"Idiot." Naruto said, before exiting through the window. 'Off to look for Sakura…' He thought, with a smirk in his face.
Sakura sat on a stone bench next to one of Konoha's grassy areas and opened her metal lunchbox. The search for Sasuke didn't go well… 'I shouldn't be impatient,' she begun to comfort herself. 'I and Sasuke-kun are going to be teammates for a long time.' She looked inside the lunchbox, prepared by herself, and took off a juice canteen. 'But…' she took a deep breath, and rested her head in both hands. 'Even if Igoafter him withmy beauty, my proportions arebelow average. The only thing above average in me is my forehead. How can I…?' She suddenly halted her line of thought.
She stopped in the middle of her thought line because of a surprise: Sasuke was standing in front of her, back in a tree. He had a confident smile in his lips. 'Huh? Not a chance!' she thought, fixing her gaze at the boy that had his gaze at her. 'Sasuke-kun is looking at me!' she started to blush. She diverted her gaze. 'And with eyes like those…' she started to think that maybe Sasuke-kun was interested in her. 'Not a chance… I'm not a little babe that believes in fairy tails.' She looked down, again supporting her head with both of her hands. 'As if THAT would happen.'
It was Sasuke that left her surprised by what he said. "You have a big and charming forehead…" She quickly looked up at his words. "It makes me want to kiss you." He was right in front of her, with those beautiful… Everything! She just looked at him, with a face that blushed in such manner that it resembled a tomato. 'SHANNARO! FAIRY-TALES TURN INTO REALITY!' Inner Sakura was astonished, punching air.
"Not a chance, even Naruto could say something like that." Sasuke said, and she just looked down. "I want to ask you something." Sasuke continued.
"Eh?" she externalized, still in surprise.
"What do you think of Naruto?" Sasuke asked, looking to the other way.
"He is always in the way of my love," Sakura wore a serious expression. "And he likes to see me suffer. Naruto knows nothing about me." 'Sasuke' was surprised by the answer. "He's irritating!" Now he seemed to lack air for a second. "Everything I want is only that you notice me, Sasuke-kun."
"Only that I notice you?" Sasuke-Naruto replied, puzzled. Sakura had given an insult and a hint at the same sentence. Naruto couldn't help but think about his words, which made her happy for a brief moment – even if he was Sasuke's doppelganger. When Sakura came close, trying to kiss him, he tried to extend the subject. "Bu-but what about Naruto?" he asked about himself, so he could learn more about what he should do; besides, he wasn't as brave as he thought, and a kiss with Sakura-chan was something he was unprepared.
She backed away slightly, still sitting on the bench. "Who cares about Naruto?" She said with a voice that was supposed to be cheerful – that was sting number one. "All he ever does is fight with you." Sakura continued the tone - another sting in Naruto's pride. "Maybe it is because he didn't have a normal childhood." She had her arms crossed, as if trying to make an intelligent remark. This felt like an injection needle in his arms and his butt – at the same time – but Naruto didn't drop his façade yet. He wasn't prepared for what came next, however.
"He has no parents, he can do whatever he wants. He is so self-centered." Now this was no sting – it felt more like a blade through Naruto's gullet. His concentration started to slip, and he couldn't maintain his straight face. "I don't see why anyone would want to be next to him." She completed.
Naruto stood up, but couldn't look her in the face. He started walking towards the academy without noticing that his Henge had dropped.
