Barney had done it- he had successfully locked Ted out of his apartment, and he regretted nothing. What Ted had planned for the night was lame, and Barney was on a quest to make every night legendary. And the night, as he knew, could only achieve legendary if Barney had someone to live it out with, so Ted would have to be that someone.
Now, they were at MacLaren's downstairs from Marshall and Lily's, and Barney could tell that Ted was less than pleased.
"C'mon, Ted," Barney coaxed with a smile, smacking Ted on the shoulder playfully. "Learn to live a little, dude! I mean, it's not like you'll be locked out forever…and, on the off chance that you are, you could always move in with me, so…either way you're covered!" He grinned, mischief written all over his face.
Ted slowly shook his head. "Nah. On the off chance I am locked out forever, I would most likely slaughter you, so..you're not covered."
Barney swirled the scotch in his glass, resting his other arm on the edge of the counter as he did so. "Please. It's not like you had any special plans tonight anyway, all you were gonna do was sit around in your underwear and..probably binge eat a bucket of ice cream while crying about the fact that you're living alone in a way that is both depressed and somehow optimistic."
As much as he hated to admit it, Barney was right. Since Ted had moved into his new apartment by himself, he had been enjoying the bachelor life so much that he hadn't really been taking the time to make actual plans with either Marshall or Barney, nor Robin or Lily for that matter. Maybe tonight could be fun after all.
Ted sighed. "Fine, what are your ideas for tonight?"
Barney looked very proud of the fact that his friend was coming around to the concept, and he didn't hesitate to tell him what he had in mind. "Tonight is the night that we try to catch a sewer-dwelling alligator!" He stated excitedly, with great enthusiasm that Ted would be willing.
"Not like that," Ted countered. "Why can't we just, y'know, hang around here and buy a couple rounds until my key guy comes and I can get back home?"
Barney shook his head, gesturing with his glass as he spoke. "Nuh-uh. We make tonight legendary, Ted, not tomorrow, tonight, meaning that we have to do something awesomely extravagant, not lame-every-day-ordinary." He paused, then added, "Like trying to nab a sewer-dwelling alligator."
Ted rolled his eyes. "Barney…"
"Uh-uh, don't 'Barney' me, I can't go home until Quinn gets home, and until then, I've gotta do something to occupy myself. You know that." He gulped down the remainder of his drink and placed it on the bar counter. "I'm going to the bathroom, and when I get back, you'd better be legendary flexible."
Ted watched as Barney left the bathroom, clearly upset about something. The whole 'make every legendary' gig went deeper than anyone but Ted realized- though Barney was satisfied with what Quinn did for a living, it was also really taking a lot out of him, and he previously confessed to Ted that he would permanently be concerned over where she was every night and what she was doing. Barney simply couldn't handle the perpetual worry of a cheating girlfriend, and with Quinn, being what she was, that would always be a stressor for him. Every night, Barney himself felt obligated to be somewhere, doing something.
Ted was snapped out of his thoughts a few minutes later, when he heard the report of the TV above him on Metro News 1- Robin's station. Barney was returning then and he halted, dead in his tracks, both he and Ted's eyes glued to the screen.
There, live on TV, was Robin. Somehow, she was in the process of landing a helicopter- a real, actual helicopter- and this had to be the most shocking thing that either of them had ever seen. Seemingly, the whole bar had stopped to watch, and everyone there looked absolutely astounded.
And it was fair to say that, never once in his life had Barney been so scared before. In fact, at this moment, as he watched the helicopter onscreen, the steady chopping sound could just as well have sounded to Barney like the grinding of a deadly machine, buzzing and whirring in his ears. He feared for Robin's life at the time, plain and simple. Everything he'd ever worried about up to this point would be practically nothing in comparison to this, because to him, this was everything.
As he kept his eyes on the screen, a million thoughts raced through his head, and all of them were of the fact that, if something happened Robin, he absolutely would not know what to do with himself, or even how to continue on with life.
Truly, he cared for her more than anyone, ever, and he always would. Maybe things didn't always work out between them, but the worst possible thing that Barney could imagine was Robin ending up dead or severely injured. She was his friend. No, she was more than a friend.
And so it was that he watched the helicopter, true distress and fear written on his face. This was the second time in a year that a few minutes felt like an eternity, an infinite period of time that wouldn't cease. His heart pounded against his ribs, a steady, racing, thumping drum.
She'll be okay, he reminded himself, over and over again in his head until he felt certain. Robin will be okay. She's going to land the helicopter. The universe would never just take a friend like that.
Time seemed to crawl in the minutes that followed, but then…a real miracle. Robin landed the helicopter safely, on the ground, just as Barney thought she would, and every single person in the entire bar cheered. Even Ted wheeled around to congratulate Barney with a celebratory hug.
And Barney himself couldn't put into words how thankful he was that Robin had done it. She was safe. It was close, but she was safe, and that was all that mattered.
A few hours later, after the excitement of it all had died down, Robin called up Lily and Marshall to assure them that she was indeed okay, but not before calling Barney.
The phone barely rang before he picked up, and when he did, he played it cool, as if he wasn't really happier now than he had ever been in his life.
"Go for Barney," he answered with complete nonchalance, though he knew well who was calling.
"Hey, Barney, it's Robin."
He smiled. "Robin who?"
"Shut up," she retorted back jokingly. If he was there, she would certainly smacked him, probably on the arm or shoulder, the way she always did. "So what's up?"
In response, Barney continued on to rant awhile about how his girlfriend was a stripper and how proud this made him for quite a long time after that, obviously not wanting to disclose anything on a more personal level. But despite how hard he tried to avoid the topic, naturally, as things will work, the topic came up.
"Did you see how I landed that helicopter?" Robin asked him, a definite air of pride in her voice. "Zero experience back there."
"Oh yeah, I definitely saw it." On the other line, he threw in a quick nod. "Ya had me worried sick there, Scherbatsky. Seriously. I mean…if you hadn't landed that helicopter so smoothly, I would be in deep…" He paused, then let out a long sigh. "I'm just really glad that, y'know, everything worked out. I can't honestly imagine losing you, I…wouldn't know even what to do with myself."
"You'd probably find, like, 83 more dumb chicks to get with," Robin said teasingly, a smile on her face. "You are Barney Stinson after all- you're the master of chick trickery, you'd move on."
Barney let out a nervous giggle. "Haha, yeah, of course I would." He scoffed. "Psh, I'd be fine without you. Robin who, amiright?"
Robin stifled a chuckle herself. "Yeah, definitely! In one day, you'd probably have already filled about 20 conquests. That's how you are." Her voice trailed off.
"That's how I am," he agreed. His tone changed significantly a second later. "Look, in all seriousness, honestly, I'm really, really glad that you're okay. I mean, really. I'm not lying about that, and don't think for one second that I am. It means a lot to me."
Robin nodded slowly. "It means a lot to me that you care so much. And hey, if you really think about it, I'd have a hard time finding another Barney Stinson in heaven, or, you know, wherever I'm headed and if I'm headed there."
He smiled again. "Yeah, you would." It took every ounce of strength in his body for him not to say "I love you" again, but after the last time, he knew that he couldn't. He didn't dare let the words escape his mouth- he wasn't Ted, he was Barney, and he didn't love. At least not until now.
The conversation soon ended, and he crawled into bed, alone until Quinn got home. All the while he was thinking about Robin, and as he did, he couldn't prevent another small smile from spreading across his face. That night, he slept soundly, knowing that, if nothing else, the person most important to him was safe- and that was all that mattered.
