Monday, May 18, 246

Afternoon, before duty

It has been almost a week since we caught the Shadow Snake. The end of the whole ordeal has left me feeling relieved, but also a bit empty inside. What am I going to spend my time worrying about now? I don't mean to say that I'm not working as hard as ever, but it's all just your normal, everyday Dog work. Things have been pretty quiet in the Lower City since last week. People have been spending the week adjusting. To the death of the infamous Crookshank, to the end of fear from a monster who steals children, to the arrival of a new Rogue. Everyone has been settling. I know that sooner or later things will be back to normal, but until then I am a little restless. I need something to sink my teeth into. Maybe I really am the Terrier they named me.

Tuesday, May 19, 246

After breakfast

I just reread yesterday's writing. I think I've found that new worrisome thing to occupy me. But it's not really what I expected.

I have caught myself wondering in the last few days if there is something wrong with me. I vowed I would crack his silly nob if he ever tried that with me again. I told myself it was just leftover giddiness from the hunt that kept me from hurting him the day we caught the Snake. But since then, every time I see him, I get a funny feeling. It feels like my insides are melting like butter along with my heart.

I remember Granny Fern telling me about this once. She cackled as she said it, enjoying my embarrassment. She said to me, "Any man can share your bed and give you kisses, but it takes a special kind of cove to make your peaches tingle and your heart splash into your innards."

I was young then, so I didn't really know what she was talking about. Is this what she meant? Am I falling for that cracknobbed king of thieves? That rogue?

I let out a mirthless laugh. What would Goodwin say if she learned I was bedding a cove on the other side of the law? I can imagine her smacking me upside the head and storming off to Tunstall saying, "If that Rosto fellow lays a hand on our girl..." Tunstall would just laugh and wink at me. He knows how women can be.

Wednesday, May 20, 246

Written after watch

It's been a long day, but I can't sleep without putting down in writing certain events that happened today. Maybe then it will all seem more real.

This morning started out like any other morning. Since the breakfast gatherings seem to be growing every day, we have set up a more permanent area out in the courtyard. This morning was relatively small, though. Only Kora, Aniki, Rosto, Ersken, Phelan, and I were there. Just like old times. As usual, we dug into pastries and eggs and sausages and traded the day's gossip. Eventually, though, Kora and Ersken got up, probably to go canoodle in her rooms, and Aniki and Phelan left on Rogue business. So it was just Rosto left. And me. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, finishing off the cold sausages and fritters. At one point, I looked up and he was watching me from across the courtyard. I tried to stare him down, but I guess my heart just wasn't in it because he only smirked at me. Lately his piercing black gaze has made me feel warm and giddy inside. As much as I kick myself for it, I like it when he looks at me like that. Like I'm someone special.

Because of the silence, I could hear the descent of the usual flock of pigeons a few seconds before one hit me square in the head. It clawed and pecked at me, leaving deep scratches and causing me to swear loudly. When I tried to grab it, the dumb animal pecked me on the hand, drawing blood. I knew it could only be Slapper. It was. I grasped him as well as I could in one hand and reached up to check the damage on my head. Blood trickled through my fingers and I swore again.

I looked up from my furious battle with the pigeon with blood dripping down the side of my head and off my fingers. Rosto met my gaze, and suddenly those beautiful charcoal eyes were full of concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked

"I'm fine. Nothing I'm not used to with these idiot birds," I replied, exasperated.

Suddenly I heard a ghostly voice coming from Slapper. It was muttering about ships and cloaks and poison. Slapper was carrying the soul of a murdered man. I muttered to myself, "I'm fine, but some other unlucky cove isn't."

Rosto's next words of "What do you mean? Is he carrying a ghost?" were much too close, making me jump and lose my grip on Slapper's wings. I looked up and he was sitting so close to me that we were both unlucky enough to be smacked by the dumb pigeon's wings. After a brief moment of cursing and recovering, I told him what the ghost had said, all the while trying to ignore how warm his proximity was making me feel. He leaned backwards, looking thoughtful. "Well," he said, musing, "he said ships, so the killers are probably long gone, but I can look into it. Make sure it's nothing like those diggers."

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, suddenly angry. "What is it to you if some cove disappears off the street?"

He looked solemnly at me, his eyes becoming so serious that I almost regretted the outburst. "I care because you care, Beka. I know you have a lot on your plate with the Dog work, and I want to help you in any way I can. I don't want you killing yourself from overwork. I care about you, Beka."

Something about the way he said this made me look up into his face, all my anger gone. He was close enough that I could see flecks of warm brown in his otherwise black eyes. He was looking at me with an expression I had never seen before on his face. It wasn't the way mama's men used to look at her. It was more like the way Herun looked at Tansy. There was a tenderness there that scared me. Rosto continued, "I know you don't return the sentiment, but…"

At those words, something in my mind clicked. Or maybe it was just the hit-Rosto reflex turning off. Whatever it was, I covered his big, scarred hand that had been resting on my knee with my own small, scarred hand. He looked at me in surprise. I think he was unsure what my intentions were. I was unsure what my intentions were! I met his eyes shyly, half of me fearing what I would see there and the other half hoping for that same soft look he had given me before. Before I could stop myself, I was leaning towards him. Our lips met, but unlike last time, it didn't even occur to me to punch him. I felt his arms circle around me and relished in the feeling of his big, strong hands stroking my back. It made me feel wonderfully safe. A small part of me told me that this whole thing was a bad idea. I ignored it and deepened the kiss. His soft, warm mouth welcomed the gesture, and returned it.

When we finally broke our kiss, I heard a gasp and sigh coming from a window upstairs. I looked up in time to see Kora's dark head disappearing from the opening. I swore softly and looked back to see Rosto grinning at me. I tried to scowl, but the sad attempt made me fall into giggles.

"What do we do now?" I asked quietly.

"We take each day as it comes. We should take this slow. I don't want to scare you away, Beka," he replied, looking down at me. I just smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder. I am going to have a very interesting year.