This fic was written for the Secret Santa Fic Exchange we had at CMDA. It is my gift to the lovely Zevgirl. :)


Chapter 1 - The Goddamned Heist

"Enough with this goddamn tasteful, elegant crap. Don't you have anything more whorish? Short, tight, maybe in leather?"

The salesperson spared a glance at Shepard, looking for a confirmation. The marine just lowered her face to her palm, reflecting on the life choices that had led her here, dress shopping with Massani.

It had all started the day she had discussed the plan to infiltrate Hock's party with Kasumi while the old mercenary had been in listening range at the Normandy's bar in Port Observation.

"Hock is a third-class criminal and a goddamned coward." Zaeed snorted and took a swig of his scotch. "But you, princess, trying to pass for criminal? Ha! He's not stupid. I thought the suicide mission was trying to take down the Collectors."

"Shove it, Massani. You call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor."

"My mistake, sweetheart."

Hell, that man was annoying. But, it turned out Hock had invited him to the party and Shepard wasn't happy about going in there alone; in a dress and packing only her sidearm. Finding out he had an invitation had been a relief, even if convincing him to actually attend the party had been more trouble than she had been willing to put up with.

"Just 'cause I've got a goddamn invitation, it doesn't mean I'm going. Last time I went to a fancy party like this, all hell broke loose and I was the only one to walk out alive."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "I give the orders here and I say you're going."

"You already owe me for letting Vido escape, princess."

That word again. He couldn't say she hadn't warned him. Or, maybe she shouldn't have, because he blocked her punch. She gave him a low kick then, sweeping him off his feet.

Zaeed hit the floor on his back and Shepard quickly straddled him, pinning him with his hands above his head. He put up some struggle, testing her hold on him. It didn't give.

"Cerberus enhanced me, old man."

Even winded, the motherfucker managed to smirk at her. "Sure you're still human, princess?"

Shepard blinked and looked away. Swallowing hard, she got off of him and didn't help him up; just went straight to the bar to pour herself a drink.

"Shep, is every–"

"Not now, Kasumi," she cut off the thief. "The plan is solid, but there are still some details to figure out. Go work on those."

Zaeed got back on his feet, straightening himself up. "The plan is goddamn awful. Count me in. I have some ideas to make it work."


As Donovan Hock put his hand way too low on her hip, Zaeed felt a twinge of something he would never admit to feeling — jealousy.

It didn't even make sense that he would feel this way, since this part of the plan had been his idea. He knew Hock. He knew that bastard wouldn't resist trying to cop a feel on a beautiful and tipsy woman in a short tight dress. This was Shepard's best chance to get him talking so they could get the voice sample needed to open his safe.

Of course, she was just pretending to be tipsy, but, damn, she really looked beautiful. And hot as hell in that leather dress he had chosen for her. All he had had to do was dance with her a little and Hock had gotten all interested.

"I don't dance."

"You do now, princess."

Hock was too distracted with his other guests; they needed to get his attention. So, Zaeed put an arm around Shepard's waist, the other grasping her hand. He pulled her to his chest, his knee sliding just a little between her legs.

The first steps were awkward with Shepard still very stiff in his arms, but Massani planted a hand firmly on the small of her back, making her more confident as she followed his lead, and got her distracted and more relaxed by talking about Jessie in her ear.

Moments later, and he was spinning her with ease around Hock's ballroom as if she were a pro.

"Whoa! Who knew the bad-mouthed merc could dance like this?"

"This is the only way to dance, Ms. Gunn. Flailing your goddamn arms like a greased one-legged pyjak at a fucking nightclub to that bloody noise you call music is not dancing."

"You said it, Grandpa," she teased him.

Zaeed dipped her suddenly, his hand sliding down to cup her ass and give it a good squeeze. His face got so close to hers that, as he pulled her back upright, he could feel her breath quickening, blowing warm against his skin. As she parted her lips, he took a step back.

"Hock is coming to ask you for a dance. Get him talking." He winked at her, crossing his arms over his chest.

Was he seeing things or, for a split second there, did she look disappointed? But, then, in the next second, her eyes narrowed dangerously at him.

"Two can play at this game, old man," she hissed, before turning around to meet Hock with a fake smile on her face.

Now, Hock had his filthy hands on her and all Zaeed wanted was to punch the guy and break his fingers one by one.

"We've got enough of a voice sample," Goto muttered over the comm.

"About goddamn time. Ditch this bastard and get your arse back here, Shepard."

"Wait! We still need the DNA sample," the thief said.

At that, Shepard met Zaeed's eyes across the room, winked at him, and whispered in Hock's ear, "Why don't we continue our dance somewhere more private?"

"Bloody woman couldn't even turn off her comm," Zaeed muttered under his breath.

"Hey, Grandpa, we need to keep on listening in case something goes wrong," Kasumi told him.

Massani sighed in resignation. He was getting a lot more than he had expected out of this deal with Cerberus, even if Shepard had let Vido escape.

She looked like a fucking Goddess, staring down at him with Zorya's bright sky and the flames from the burning refinery framing her. Her booted foot was on top of the beam that was crushing him, and she leaned on her knee, as if he weren't in enough pain. Sadistic bitch.

"You're part of a team now, Massani. My team. There's no way we can do this unless we're all working together. So, are you going to behave and start following orders, or is this where we part ways?"

Considering that she had a gun trained on his forehead, simply 'parting ways' seemed like an impossibly optimistic scenario.

"You… you may have a point. I'm not done with Vido, but I can put that behind me long enough to get your mission done." He tried to convince himself he had only said that because he didn't feel like getting shot in the face again. But, the truth was that she was getting to him already.

When things had gone south aboard the Purgatory and the prison ship had started going down, Shepard had only boarded the Normandy after the whole team had gotten safely on board; a nice change from the every-man-for-himself policy when the shit hit the fan among mercs.

There was also the way she had fooled, tricked, and bested every mercenary group on Omega just to get to that ugly turian friend of hers. Bloody epic. He had never had a boss like her. The krogan cub had it right calling her Battlemaster.

And, as it had turned out, playing hero was not half as bad as Zaeed had thought it would be. Saving those people on Aeia from Ronald Taylor, for instance, had given him a weird sense fulfillment. They had gone there right after Horizon and Shepard hadn't been at her best. That had been a hard week for her, and Zaeed had decided to call it a truce on their bickering, especially after the incident in Port Observation.

He hit the floor on his back and Shepard quickly straddled him, pinning him with his hands above his head. He put up some struggle, testing her hold on him. It didn't give.

"Cerberus enhanced me, old man."

"Sure you're still human, princess?"

Her almighty-Commander-Shepard mask cracked at that and he saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes. Just for an instant, she looked vulnerable. He almost regretted having said that. Almost. Her mental state wasn't really his problem. She could be a goddamn cyborg for all he cared. With the amount Cerberus was paying him, he would follow even a fucking pyjak without asking any questions.

But, then he remembered the day before, on Horizon. They had run into some Alliance type who had spat all sorts of accusations at her and she had just stood there, watching him dumbfounded. Massani had fully expected her to lash out or at least give the lad one of her smart-mouthed comebacks, but it hadn't happened. For the rest of the day, she hadn't spoken a word unless it was absolutely needed. At night, for the first time since he had been aboard her ship, she hadn't shown up on the lower decks to check on her crew like she had been doing every single night before then.

So, maybe she wasn't really sure of who or what she was. Readjusting after being out of it for two years, dead or in a coma, probably wasn't that easy. That was why she had looked so affected when he had questioned if she was still human. 'Not his problem', he kept repeating to himself.

But, weirdly enough, he had missed her visit the night after Horizon. So, when she picked up the habit again the night after they had returned from Aeia, he realized he wouldn't mind spending a little more time in her company. With the week she was having, maybe she would like a cigar.


They were barely past the door to his private chambers and Hock was already sneaking a hand underneath her skirt. Shepard just needed to draw him further into the room and away from the door so none of his security guards would be in listening range.

Not to raise any suspicions, she tried not to be too forceful as she pushed his hands away from her. It didn't faze him in the least, though, and he went straight for the zipper on the back of her dress.

This was already looking like one of those long missions that would end up with her going for a smoke with Zaeed in his hidey-hole. The peace and quiet she would always find there was very welcome. And, it was a good alternative to relieve stress when she didn't feel like sparring with Jacob.

The first time that had happened, it had been after they had come back from Aeia.

Without a word, he offered her one of his cigars. She figured it was his way of proposing a truce, apologizing even, since it was a damn expensive cigar. Shepard was grateful he had gone for making a gesture instead of using words. Neither of them was in the habit of apologizing nor talking about their feelings and they weren't going to start now. His gesture solved the issue while avoiding any awkward exchanges.

That was why she promptly accepted the cigar, and was glad that he didn't light it for her, just passing her the lighter instead. There was no pressure being around Massani, and she hoisted herself up to sit on his desk and smoked the whole thing with him in the Starboard Cargo Area, even though it was a Churchill and it took her a full hour to finish it.

They sat in silence the entire time, but it wasn't loaded and there was no need to fill it. Being around someone who truly expected nothing from her was refreshing and relaxing.

That became a sort of ritual for them afterwards. They had never actually set anything up but, on the nights after long, more taxing missions, he would always have a nice cigar waiting for her in the Starboard Cargo Area.

And today, she just knew she was going to need one.

With a few hurried steps, she managed to get ahead of Hock and to the bedroom door with her dress mostly on. Thankfully, he wasn't interested in kissing, so that was one less thing for her to be disgusted by. His hands were everywhere, though; it was time to get that over with.


"Where are you going?"

"I'm getting her out of there."

Shit! Kasumi suspected this would happen when they heard Hock grunting and gasping over the comm. "It doesn't mean they're doing it, Zaeed. Maybe she's just murdering him," the thief offered.

Massani had it bad for Shepard. It was painfully obvious. Things had somehow changed between them after the day they had fought in Port Observation. Shepard had been reeking of cigars more often than not and, then, all Kasumi's suspicions had been confirmed the day a batarian bartender had tried to poison the commander in Afterlife on Omega.

"I need a drink," Shepard said tiredly, already heading for the bar. "You keep looking."

Aria had had them running errands for her all day and right now they were trying to find some krogan known as The Patriarch.

Suddenly, Zaeed was crossing the floor in a hurry and grasping Shepard's wrist before she could toss down her shot.

"I wouldn't drink that if I were you, princess," he said and Kasumi noticed his mouth was too close to the commander's ear and his other arm was resting on the back of her stool in a sort of protective manner.

To the thief's surprise and amusement, Shepard did not shrug him off. He took the glass from her, settling it on the counter and put his gun to the bartender's face. "You drink it, you bloody batarian mook."

The bartender hesitated and Kasumi heard the click of the safety from the merc's gun going off. "Now," he ordered.

The batarian collapsed instantly after swallowing the shot he had poured for Shepard. She, then, turned to face Zaeed with one eyebrow raised. "Huh. I guess I owe you one."

In response, he turned to her, too. They were totally invading each other's personal space, Kasumi noticed, but they seemed perfectly fine with it. "You owe me plenty, commander. But I'm willing to let this one slide if you buy me a round."

A bouncer was dragging the passed-out batarian out of there and a salarian had already shown up to fill in for him. With her eyes still locked on Zaeed's, Shepard signaled the new bartender to bring them a bottle of scotch.

It seemed they wouldn't be finding The Patriarch tonight and Kasumi made herself scarce.

Of course, for Kasumi, that meant activating her tactical cloak and watching them closely. She was slightly disappointed when the rest of the night turned out to be just Shepard and Zaeed exchanging wild and quite exaggerated stories about their past adventures and exploits. But, still, the merc kept his arm around her and their legs touched quite a few times.

Now, she had to stop Zaeed fast, before he blew their cover by shooting his way into Hock's private chambers.

To her relief, the door slid open and Shepard came out, straightening her dress.

"Your boss is a little spent right now. He'll need a moment before he's back out here," Ms. Gunn said in reply to the inquisitive look Hock's security guard shot her.

As the team moved over to their rendez-vous point in front of Hock's vault, Zaeed's unintelligible grumbling could be heard over the comm.

"Hey, Grumpy, you can't stop scowling now. It's hair," Kasumi told him once Shepard produced the DNA sample. "From his head," the thief added for good measure.

Shepard looked at them in disbelief. "What? You thought I'd bang that douche?"

Kasumi shrugged while Massani averted his eyes.

"I choked him until he was out and then pulled a chunk of hair from his head. Jesus!" Shepard explained, rolling her eyes.

"See, Grumpy? Nothing to worry about. She's saving herself for you," Kasumi said with a giggle.

Shepard shook her head at them and undressed to change into her armor — N7 gear, despite her not being affiliated with the Alliance anymore. She didn't bother turning around or hiding her body from them. Zaeed could easily recognize the marine in her. No time for modesty when you were special forces. She might not be sure of who she was, but for him it was crystal clear.

As she noticed him watching her, she arched one brow, a teasing smirk on her lips. "Enjoying the view, old man?"

Not that her body wasn't beautiful but, to his own surprise, he had been looking past that. "Nice arse," he said, even if that wasn't what was in his head right now. Going for a lewd comment was easier, and more his style than getting all deep and personal.

"Wow! And some people say romance is dead…" Kasumi remarked sarcastically.


Hock showed up on the screen inside the vault, looking a bit worse for wear from Shepard roughing him up earlier, but still spewing threats at them. Zaeed was looking like he just wanted to get this over with, and started target-practicing with the guy's art collection.

The criminal's shocked expression made Shepard smile and she nodded at Zaeed to show her appreciation. They had been working together better than ever. She had to admit, even if Zaeed wasn't usually the type she would have on her team and they hardly ever saw eye-to-eye, together, on the battlefield, they were unstoppable.

It helped that he had been part of her ground party from the start. When she had run into him on Omega and he hadn't been sporting Cerberus colors and gear, that had been good enough for her.

It had been a relief for Shepard to finally be able to ditch The Illusive Man's watch dogs that had been following her everywhere and watching her every move. Even after she had recruited Mordin and Garrus, Zaeed had remained as her go-to man for every mission. At first, it had been because the turian was still recovering from the injuries he had sustained on Omega and the salarian had been too busy trying to develop a counter measure for the seeker swarms. But, Zaeed had proved his worth a million times over and had showed her how he'd come to last this long in a business where most people were either half his age or already dead.

She had no doubt that she would still have come this far without him, but the ride wouldn't have been as smooth.

Today, not even Hock's army of mechs and mercs was a match for them. Between Shepard's shooting prowess, Kasumi's tech expertise, and Zaeed's perfectly timed and placed incendiary grenades, they obliterated the enemy forces.

Shepard was on top of the last merc, finishing him with her omni-blade, when Zaeed grabbed her and rolled with her to hide behind cover just as a hail of bullets cut through the air right where she had been standing.

Fucking Hock was out there to get them with an A-61 Mantis gunship. And fucking Massani had just saved her life.

The commander and her team spread out to take on the gunship. While Shepard and Zaeed were popping out of cover in turns to fire at it, Kasumi activated her tactical cloak and vanished. The thief reappeared in mid-air, jumping from who knew where to land on top of the gunship. She sabotaged it and jumped off in time to safely watch it go down.

Once it was all over, Shepard crossed the landing platform to where Zaeed was already looting crates for weapons and resources. Grabbing his shoulder, she spun him around and crashed her lips against his. His response was immediate; snaking his arms around her and deepening the kiss. Their armor clanked together, catching Kasumi's attention.

"Finally," the thief said with a giggle.

Shepard could pin this on the adrenaline from the fight or even gratitude for Zaeed having saved her life, but fuck her if she hadn't been wanting to do this for quite a while now.


"Okay, you two can come up for air now. The shuttle is here," Kasumi said, but Shepard had Zaeed pinned against a steel container and they ignored the thief. "Where's Jacob when you need him?" she muttered as she walked towards the shuttle.

Before boarding, Kasumi turned to the lovebirds again. The merc had turned things around and he was the one pinning Shepard now. "Hey, Massani, I bet she can't even feel your hand on her boob with all that armor. You know she's got a king size bed and a shower back on the ship, right?"

That did it, and Kasumi didn't even have to mention Shep's drawer of naughty underwear.

"How the hell do you know how big my bed is?" the commander asked as she settled in the shuttle.

It was too much to hope Shep would miss anything, even when sucking face with a sexy older man.

"Lucky guess," Kasumi replied with a smile. A small lie was better than revealing her tactical cloak wasn't being used exclusively in combat situations.

"Huh." Shepard didn't look convinced, but Zaeed settled in by her side and her attention shifted to him. Their legs and shoulders were touching, and the commander just let her head fall back and closed her eyes.

For the first time since Kasumi had met her, there were no worry lines on Shepard's face; she looked completely relaxed and contented.

The thief was not surprised when Shepard didn't show up in the lower decks that night to talk to the crew. At least this time, Kasumi knew the commander's absence was for a good reason. After all, Zaeed was nowhere to be seen either.


A/N: Thank you to Suilven for organizing this awesome Secret Santa and for beta-ing this story.