Whenever you look around TES:Skyrim fandom it's all oh! Some mysterious irresistible hot chick with a dark past ends up at Helgan, falls in love with Ulfric, and then goes on to defeat the evil in Skyrim while the readers drown in the drama! I thought I would do something a little outside the box for my first (and probably my only) fanfic. Tell me wat u think!
Dear Ulfric Stormcloak,
Thanks, but no thanks. Mine is bigger, stronger, and longer than yours. In fact I allowed Legate Rikke to take a ride on it the other day and she said although it was too fast for her at first, she got used to the rough pace. Now she rides it all the time when I'm not using it. So all things considered I'm going to have to decline your offer to trade horses.
Regards, General Tullius
Dear Hadvar,
It is good to know that you have made it out of the dragon attack alive and well solder. I expect for you to report to Castle Dour after you wrap up things in Riverwood. As for the mysterious stranger that tagged along with you who claims to be this "dragonborn" you can go ahead and ignore this fool.
Regards, General Tullius
P.S. I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about solder. Legate Rikke and I are not in a romantic relationship or one with "no strings attached", the noises you heard coming from my room must have been from my cat.
Dear Jarl Balgruuf,
I'm afraid my last message wasn't clear enough to you old man; let me restate one more time. Summit to the Imperial Empire now or you will burn in eternal hell with your Talos god!
Regards, General Tullius
Dear Dragonborn,
It has come to my attention citizen that you have slayed a mighty dragon and are now what many Nords call the fabled "dragonborn". I want to congratulate you for bringing hope to the people of Skyrim in their darkest hour.
Regards, General Tullius
P.S. I hope you forgive me for the fact that I attempted to detach your head from your body, it was an accident.
Dear Legate Rikke,
Divines! I think Hadvar is on to us. Why do you have to be so loud? We will have to do it in the cellar next time.
Regards, General Tullius
Dear Galmar Stone-Fist,
I was not aware that you had feelings for your commander and that you fantasize doing that with him everyday. I will do my best to rid myself of those images as soon as possible. It is also beyond me as to why you are bringing these concerns to me of all people.
Regards, General Tullius
