Happy Summer Finale Day everyone! I truly hope that 7.10 gives us all hope that 7B will be less frustrating than 7A, but who knows. In the meantime, here's a one shot. It's similar to my other one, Numb, but looks at things from a slightly different angle. I still think it could take a tragedy to bring Donna and Harvey together, but I guess we'll see. Please do let me know what you think by leaving a review. Thanks for reading and supporting my writing!
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Don't Wait Any Longer
It was a beautiful day, with the early autumn warmth still in the air and the leaves changing colour from a summer green, to various hues of burnt orange and yellow. The breeze blew gently through the trees nearby and a leaf caught on the breeze, moving through the air, before catching in Donna's hair.
She stood silently beside her friend, hesitant as to whether to take hold of his hand or not, choosing for the moment to simply just be there.
Mike was also silent next to her; his eyes focussed in a distant place, perhaps she thought, picturing a future that would never be. Her heart ached for him, as she struggled to keep her own emotions from consuming her today; on the day she said a final goodbye to her wonderful friend.
She couldn't imagine what Mike was going through. Glancing to her side past Mike, her eyes fell on Harvey's solid frame, standing strongly on the other side of Mike. Maybe I could imagine it, she thought. She just hoped she would never have to. He placed a supportive hand on his friend's shoulder, a silent gesture of friendship. There were no words any of them could say today that would ever be enough.
Rachel's father was speaking now, about his beautiful, talented, loving, little girl and Donna let her tears fall silently down her face. She felt a squeeze of her hand and smiled sadly at Louis, whose face was just as tear-stained as hers, if not more so.
Rachel's death had affected each of them deeply, whether through their own grief, or due to the pain it caused those they loved and Donna struggled to imagine how life could ever be the same. She's really gone.
As the graveside burial that had followed the church service ended, people began to move away, to make their way to the Zane's house. Donna had never liked the gatherings after a funeral. It was always so hard for her to make small talk over a buffet lunch, when there was so much pain. Perhaps it was because this was just too raw and painful for her right now.
She put her hand to Mike's arm and squeezed gently. "We can give you some time alone Mike, if that's what you need?" He didn't speak, simply nodded his head and moved forward towards Rachel's final resting place.
Louis and Jessica moved away too, catching up with Gretchen and Katrina, as they made their way together in silence towards the cars that were parked alongside the tree-lined lane, waiting to take them from the cemetery.
Harvey was the one to speak first; his voice quiet. "Are you okay?" She turned her head to look at him and shook her head. "No. No I don't think so Harvey." He nodded, as his eyes moved briefly to Mike, his hand outstretched against the wooden casket. "It doesn't feel right to just leave him," he murmured.
"He needs some time Harvey. It's the last chance he has to…to say goodbye." Her voice broke and she covered her mouth with her hand quickly, to cover the sound. Harvey didn't speak; he simply stepped in to the space next to her and took hold of her hand, guiding her as they walked away. She held on to him tightly; a sensation they had so rarely allowed themselves to feel, but she needed it today more than ever.
"I miss her, so much," she murmured, as they walked slowly, neither in any hurry to continue with such a terrible day. Harvey remained quiet. He understood, but also knew his sadness was not the same as hers. He cared about Rachel because she loved those that he loved; they had never been what he would describe as friends themselves, but he'd always respected her and her capacity to love those that mattered most to him.
From the moment he'd heard the tragic news, his first thought had been how this would shatter the two people closest to him and he'd made a promise to himself to be the strong support they'd both need. She glanced back towards Mike. "He's going to need us Harvey."
Harvey nodded, before his face softened and he gently squeezed her hand. "We'll get him through this. All of us. But, I'm not just here for Mike, just so you know."
She looked away and he noticed the leaf still caught in her hair, its autumnal colours complimenting the auburn glow of her loose curls. He reached for it, delicately removing it, an action seemingly so unremarkable to the outside world, but which felt strangely intimate to Donna, who was caught by surprise by his gesture. His eyes met hers. "I'll get you through this too Donna. I promise you."
…
The next few days passed slowly at PSL; everyone who knew Rachel trying desperately to adjust to life without her.
Louis was standing by the window in his office, turning the perspex cube over and over in his hand; within it, the signed tennis ball, a gift Rachel had given to him so many years ago. She'd always been so good at simple acts of kindness and friendship and he found himself holding back yet more tears.
"I need a minute Louis." Harvey's voice broke him from his memories and he turned back to the room, to reality. "What do you need Harvey?" He sounded tired. It had been a hard week on all of them.
They talked through the potential client complication Harvey was facing and then, as Harvey moved to leave, Louis asked if he'd heard from Mike. "Not for a couple of days. He's been with Rachel's family, but I told him I would be coming by tonight, although I'm not sure what the hell I'm going to say to him when I get there."
Louis nodded his understanding. "It's not really about saying anything specific. Well, so Dr Lipschitz tells me. Just as long as he knows he isn't alone."
Harvey hovered by the door. "I'm worried about Donna. I guess I don't know what to say to her either." Louis stood and moved back to his desk. "Just make sure she knows you are there for her when she needs it." He smiled at his friend and wished him a goodnight as he left.
…
On returning to his office, Harvey was startled to see Mike there, sitting so still on the couch he almost didn't notice him. He looked pale and his eyes had lost their usual sparkle. There didn't seem to be an appropriate word to describe him; broken, empty, lost. None of them felt accurate enough to Harvey, as he eased himself on to the couch beside his friend. "I said I'd come to your place Mike. You didn't need to come here."
His young friend turned his head to face him and sighed. "I'm avoiding going home. The Zane's house reminds me of her, but it doesn't have the same link to us. Home was ours. I can't be there just yet."
Harvey took the glass of scotch Mike held out to him and took a sip. "You can stay with me as long as you need to." Mike gave him a sad smile. "Thanks. Maybe just a couple of days. I can't hide from it forever."
The cruelty of this situation made Harvey so angry. It's all so damn unfair. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, resting his head against his hands as if at prayer. "I'm so sorry Mike. I don't know what else I can say."
Mike sipped his scotch, lost in his own thoughts, his fingers turning his wedding band around his finger. It still had the shine of a newly worn ring. Harvey watched him in silence, remembering how happy the couple had been on that day; now suddenly, all of it cut short without warning.
"You're not alone."
Mike smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Those people who talk about doing things and seizing the day because life is too short? They always used to annoy me, but they are right. People may throw that line out all too easily now, but it's true. Life is too damn short."
Harvey put his hand to his shoulder. It seemed such an inadequate gesture, but it was all he had to offer. He gulped down the rest of his scotch, letting the sting of the liqueur burn his throat. He looked towards his friend again. "Is there anything I can do Mike?"
The young man, who had appeared in his life so unexpectedly and had become so important to him, turned to Harvey. He looked older than he had a mere week ago. "Actually, there is Harvey. There is something you can do for me." Harvey looked at him expectantly. "What Mike?"
Mike smiled. It was a genuine one this time, undeniably sad, but genuine in its warmth. "Go and tell Donna that you love her…..because it's the truth and because you still can….."
Harvey couldn't breath in that moment and he looked at the floor, the weight of the words surrounding him on all sides. "I get it Harvey. I think I always have. You're afraid and Harvey Specter isn't afraid of anything, but I know you and I see it all the time. You're afraid to love her in case you lose her."
Mike paused, swallowing back the wave of emotions threatening to crash over him. "Take the word of someone who knows. You could lose her today, tomorrow or fifty years from now and it will be the hardest loss you'll ever face, but imagine how much worse it will be if you never even had the chance to love her; to have a life with her."
Harvey met his gaze, his eyes watering at the incredible generosity of spirit of his friend, thinking of his life at a time when his own was broken.
"I will miss Rachel every day of my life," Mike whispered, as tears fell on to his cheeks. "She was the love of my life, but at least she knew how much she meant to me. We should've had more time." The last words cracked, as they left his mouth and Harvey closed his eyes briefly at the tragedy of it, but Mike's words brought him back to the present. "But at least we had some time together. It wasn't nearly enough, but I suppose no amount of time ever would have been."
He stood up and moved towards the door. "I'll just stay a couple of days." Looking back at Harvey, he smiled again. "Stop being afraid of how much you love her Harvey. If Rachel was here, she'd tell you the same thing."
With that, he walked away down the corridor, leaving Harvey alone with the reality that every word his friend had said had been true.
…
Donna had left the office early. She had nowhere to be, but she needed to escape the building and the oppressive atmosphere that seemed to emanate from it. She felt Rachel's loss everywhere and the pain was just too much that day.
She walked for hours through the bustling streets of Midtown, to the corner of Central Park, where she sat quietly watching the world pass her by. How was her best friend gone? She knew she needed to find her strength again; Mike needed them, but she just needed some more time to come to terms with her loss. She had friends in her life, but her bond with Rachel had been special; she'd been able to be vulnerable and open in a way she could never be with the others. The idea that she'd never speak to her again seemed alien to her.
As the night started to approach and the sky darkened, she wandered slowly towards home, wrapping her light-weight coat a little tighter, as the autumn breeze made her shiver.
…
She saw him as she rounded the corner of her corridor to approach her front door. He was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest, his head against the door; eyes closed. Ray wasn't outside she knew that. How long has he been sitting here?
"Harvey?" He opened his eyes at her voice and stared at her. It was a different look, one that she couldn't quite decipher. It was almost as if he was seeing her for the first time. She walked towards him, as he lifted himself off the floor. He still hadn't spoken. "Is it Mike?" Her heart raced with fear as to what further heartbreak was waiting for her.
Harvey shook his head. "No. He's at my apartment. He's…surviving." He glanced at her door. "May I…..?" Donna shook herself back to the here and now and unlocked her front door, stepping in to her flat, while Harvey followed her, closing the door behind him.
She headed towards the kitchen, but he caught her arm as she crossed behind her sofa. She stopped, unsure of his behaviour or how to respond. "Harvey, what's wrong?" He used his other hand as a support, holding on to the back of her sofa tightly, while his other hand still held her arm.
"I needed to see you….I talked to Mike….well Mike talked to me….and he was right…I've been sitting here, waiting for you and thinking…thinking about everything…..and I know that he was right…." She frowned and stepped back slightly, so she was facing him, her concern etched across her face. "I don't understand."
"I've been afraid for so long, that it's just become part of who I am, of how I function, but I have to stop now…."
"Harvey?" She moved a hand to his arm tentatively. He wasn't making any sense to her. "What are you talking about? What are you afraid of?"
He looked down momentarily, letting a breath out through his mouth; trying to calm himself. "I'm afraid of how much I love you." His gaze met hers and her eyes widened with shock. He'd said those three words to her before, but this felt different and she was suddenly terrified.
He captured her hands in his and stared at them, as if they joined hands were the one thing keeping him anchored to the ground during this moment. "I'm tired of being afraid Donna and of pretending that I'm not." His voice was low and he sounded exhausted. "I've kept thinking over these last few days, what if it had been you? What if I'd lost you, if suddenly you were gone?"
She could see the emotion in his eyes and hear it in his voice, as it cracked at the idea of something happening to her. "Harvey…" She wasn't sure what to say to him.
"I need to know how you feel Donna, because I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm still scared I'll screw this up somehow, but…we're still here….and I don't want to wake up one day and have lost you without ever risking anything to be with you. You're worth the risk…and…..and we're both still here…."
He searched her face for a reaction, as the fear he'd always kept at bay by ignoring it, coursed through him. She looked down, away from his gaze. "Donna…..?"
He saw her tears as she looked back up at him and guilt hit him. He didn't want to make her cry. There had already been so many tears. He broke their hands, using one of his to wipe the tear from her cheek. "Please don't cry," he murmured, wishing he could take his words back; go back to pretending.
It was then that she stepped forward, in to his space, the scent of her shampoo filling his senses. She looked at him, studying his eyes and after a few moments, she smiled. She believes me, he realised. She smiled and moved a hand to his jawline. 'We're still here," she murmured, as if reminding herself that there was still time for this; for them, as she leaned in and kissed him gently.
Harvey closed his eyes and moved his hands to waist, before letting one glide up her side and tangle in her hair, as he pulled her closer to him. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, as he felt Donna's other hand move up his chest, to rest at the back of his neck. As he kissed her, he realised he wasn't as scared as he'd thought he would be. This was exactly where they were meant to be.
He broke the kiss a few moments later, resting his forehead against hers as he caught his breath. "I love you." He had never been more certain of anything else in his life. "So much, Donna."
Donna stroked his cheek. "I love you too," she whispered, seconds before he brought his lips to hers again. It felt new and yet familiar at the same time. She broke the second kiss and he pulled her in to his arms, wrapping his arms around her, as both her hands came around his neck. "We're going to be okay, Harvey." He nodded, his head resting against her shoulder, as she ran her hand through the hair at the back of his neck.
They stood there for what felt to them to be hours, savouring the fact they could take this time to simply be together. He finally pulled back a little and gave her a smile, the broadest one he'd had for a long time and she returned it. He looked a little guilty when he spoke next. "Mike is at my apartment." She nodded. "You said….You should go. He needs you."
He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. "And I need you." She smiled and kissed him quickly. "I'm not going anywhere Harvey. I'll see you tomorrow."
She walked him to the door of her apartment and opened it. "Tell Mike I'm thinking about him." He nodded and kissed her once more before he left to give his friend what little support he could.
As a cab drove him home, he closed his eyes. It was as if a weight had been lifted, one he'd become so used to carrying on his shoulders and he smiled. He would see her tomorrow and tomorrow was when the rest of their life together was going to start.
…
Thanks for reading! Do let me know what you think. x
