Summary: Buffy's thoughts while sitting on the cold bathroom floor. You know, after...

Spoilers: Seeing Red



Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon, ME, studios, etc. Thank you for letting me play in your universe.



Distribution: OK, just let me know.

Revision: Removed author rand. Bad author! Bad!



It has taken me a long time to clear my mind.

For a while, even I believed that it might actually work. You seems like you understood my pain and loneliness. You were there to offer comfort with the touch of your body. I could almost believe that I was warm and comforted there.

I could look into your eyes and see your need for me and believe it was enough. That this was, perhaps, what I needed to anchor me to this world. That being needed would fill up an empty place in me.

But I was wrong. Need does not fill the emptiness, it only make it larger, drains me of whatever else I may be feeling. And the touching is not one human reaching out to another. The flesh is a lie. It promises nothing. It is substance without content, without compassion.

You ask how I know this?

I have seen the truth today, when you pinned me to the floor. When you sought to take that which was not freely given. Someone with compassion would not have taken what was not there to give. Someone with empathy would have spoken to me, not spoken of what they wanted. Someone who loved me would have respected me enough to have waited, even if the wait was forever.

You have taken what small peace of mind I had found and I can no longer find my way back to the place of innocence.



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Fin