Disclaimer: Obviously not mine, or it wouldn't be over.
Author's Note: So, wow. I'm still stunned, veering back and forth between joy and grief. Maybe someday I'll come up with a deep, insightful tag to the finale, but that is not this day. This is pure self-indulgent fluff. Cotton candy fic. :)
Also, this seems an appropriate place to thank all you readers out there. I am thankful for each and every one of you and hope the fandom remains intact for a long time to come. I'm going to keep writing for the foreseeable future, with two multi-chapters planned, so I'm hoping there will still be some of you around to read them!
Lisbon had worked with Patrick Jane for over a decade, and she'd seen him in just about every possible emotional state. She'd seen him look at her in so many ways she'd lost count, from the fake sunny grin that meant trouble brewing to the intense stare that meant he was telling her the truth and needed her to believe him.
She'd added substantially to her collection of Jane looks since he'd boarded that plane to DC. Tearfully sincere, achingly tender, fiercely passionate, blissfully content—the sides of him no one else ever got to see. Sometimes it occurred to her out of nowhere that she was probably the only woman alive who knew what he looked like when he came, and it filled her with a giddy astonishment.
She didn't really have a favorite look, though there were several she disliked. The one he'd given her at the cemetery after telling her he was leaving and kissing her cheek would always break her heart, even in memory. As her tears blurred her vision, sparing her the sight of him walking away, she'd had a wild impulse to call after him, to tell him what she'd discovered only that morning. To beg him not to leave her with this wonderful, terrifying, life-changing news she could not possibly tell anyone else until he knew.
But he had. And she'd tried to give him time, though she hadn't expected to be completely cut off from him. She'd become alarmingly dependent on him, she realized. She wanted the comfort of his arms around her, the warm rumble of his voice in her ear, his familiar scent on her pillow. They'd spent most of their time together at the Airstream, so she was bereft of tangible reminders of the life they'd shared alone in her quiet, empty house.
When he'd returned, the look he gave her across the bullpen infuriated her. It wasn't until he apologized for scaring her that his expression satisfied her. But she realized that until he finished processing his feelings about Vega's death, he was in no state to have her rearrange his life. She needed to give him time. She had to wait until he stopped looking at her with fear behind his eyes.
And then, suddenly, he did. He came back to her and worked the case, walking into that brewery with her, unknowingly helping her through the terror of realizing she was carrying their child into danger. He bought a place he intended to turn into a home for them, his whole face lit with eager anticipation when he showed it to her and assured her he was committed to her.
She saw that he believed it, but she had doubts. Would he run at the next rough patch? Would he ever leave his past behind? She needed to know, and she only had a limited time before biology would force his hand. And she didn't want that. She wanted him to work through things in his own time. But God, she wished he'd hurry.
So she pushed, choosing the ring as the most obvious topic, and immediately regretted it when she saw the hint of desperation in his eyes. She tried to take it back, but they had no time to really talk. And then he decided to use himself as bait.
She was so, so tempted to tell him then, to try to stop him. But giving him a child to think about while he was dealing with a serial killer would stir up all his old guilt and fear, and she couldn't do that to him. So she waited.
And then he was gone, taken. She barely got him back, pulling him from a burning house. His dazed, pained look made her want to cry.
She did cry when he gave her his wedding ring, explaining what it meant to him and asking her to marry him. They were happy tears though. Her heart soared, because here was the proof of commitment she needed. He would never leave his wife; he would help her build a stable life to offer their baby. The way he was looking at her and the fact that she was holding his ring in her hand proved it. She was so glad he'd asked her now, without the baby being a factor.
When they finished kissing, she undid her necklace and slipped the ring onto the chain, where it joined the cross her mother had given her. Two symbols of love from the people who had loved her most, reminders she could always keep with her, close to her heart. It was fitting. It was perfect. She felt tears well up as she lifted the chain to put it back on, and Jane gently took it, brushing her hair aside and fastening the clasp. Then he kissed her again, his tears mingling with hers, and looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.
She almost told him then. But when they decided to get married quickly and simply, she thought she would save the news until it was done. She'd tell her husband he was going to be a father. It would be like a wedding present. The little voice in her mind telling her she was a coward who was afraid the news would spook him into running again could just shut up.
The way he looked at her when he found her trying not to cry in Abbott's backyard made her wonder if he suspected. After all, it wasn't like her to cry, especially over something as silly as centerpieces and a sylvan wedding theme. But he handled it with admirable calm and, as usual, came up with a crazy but perfect solution. She felt a little bad that Abbott would have wasted all that money, but they hadn't asked him to, after all.
And then the fact that there was a serial killer stalking them drove all thoughts of wedding themes and her family's minibar bill out of her head. They spent the night in the Airstream because it was, weirdly, safer; no one could break into it without them instantly knowing it. But her nerves were still on edge, keeping her awake and churning her stomach.
"Hey," Jane murmured, rubbing her back as they lay in their usual sleep position, "you need your beauty sleep, fiancee. I don't want you yawning as I'm promising to love and cherish you."
"I'm too keyed up to sleep," she sighed.
"Not having second thoughts, I hope?" He sounded a little worried.
"No. Of course not. Not about getting married. I want to. Really want to."
"Good. Because I'd like to point out that I am, as you are aware, a light sleeper. There is no way you can climb over me, get dressed, and leave a note on your pillow without waking me."
"I'm not the one with the history of running off," she said irritably. "Especially not when there's a serial killer out to get you."
He chucked. "I'm so lucky to have such a sexy bodyguard."
"Yes, you are," she said firmly. "And don't you forget it."
"Oh, I assure you I won't," he replied, moving his hand down her back to cup her ass. His other hand sneaked over to stroke her breast, pausing when she stiffened. "What's the matter?"
"I...I'm not really feeling like it," she mumbled. "Sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry," he assured her. "I just thought it would help you sleep. It usually does. Would you rather try some breathing exercises?"
Maybe if she calmed down, her stomach would settle. "Okay."
Jane stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. "You must really feel bad. Coming down with something, love?"
"I hope not," she sighed.
"Okay. You know there's nothing to worry about, right? Even if he knows where we are—and there's no reason to think he does—he can't get in here without waking me up. And the first thing I'd do is wake you up. There are no fewer than three guns within one step of this bed. You don't need to stay awake."
"I know."
"And everything's going to be fine tomorrow. There's nothing to be nervous about." His voice was soft and low, filling her with warm comfort. "I can't wait for you to put that ring on my finger and claim me as yours for all the world to see. I can't wait to make you my wife."
"Me too," she murmured, beginning to relax under the sway of his gentle tone.
"Good. We're on the same page. We're in sync. Breathe with me, Teresa. In...and out." He rubbed her back in time with his breaths, and she fell easily into the rhythm.
The last thing she was aware of was his whispered "I love you" before she surrendered to sleep.
She woke up feeling rested and refreshed—until Jane insisted on cooking breakfast. The smell of the eggs turned her stomach, but the worst of it subsided after she had her once daily cup of real coffee. She managed a few mouthfuls as Jane teased her about her nerves. "I never thought you'd be an anxious bride. You know it's not possible for me to leave you at the altar, right?"
"Since there isn't one, yes," she said. "I'm not anxious, Jane. Just a little under the weather. But well enough to get married. Stop fussing."
He pecked her on the lips. "I'll never stop fussing, Teresa. You will be fussed over and adored and indulged every day of your life from now on. I won't even protest when you call me Jane despite my repeated requests that you call me Patrick on our own time."
"It's our wedding day, so I'll make a special effort. Patrick."
"Thank you." He gave her a dazzling smile and a look of pure adoration that made her heart flutter. Her smile was almost entirely involuntary.
"I'll get dressed first. I might need your help, since I'm not entirely sure I remember how to knot a tie," he said. "Will you need help getting into this dress you won't let me see?"
"No," she said. "You'll see it soon enough."
He grinned. "Not soon enough for me. I'd marry you this second if we didn't have to wait for the judge."
"But we do. I get the shower first," she said.
"Naturally."
But when she got out of the shower, Jane was on his cell, annoyed. "See you when you get here," he said, and hung up. Then he gave her one of her least favorite looks, the one that meant he was trying to figure out how much to tell her.
"Who was that?" she asked, toweling her hair.
"Abbott."
She put down the towel. "Don't tell me. You invited everyone to our elopement?"
"Since it appears Keller has invited himself, the FBI is crashing our elopement in order to catch him," Jane said.
"But how could he know where we are?"
"It seems he got a look at our paperwork and knows Judge Hamilton is officiating. We presume he's following her. Don't worry; Abbott's bringing a dozen or so agents to lay a trap for him. We'll be perfectly safe, and the civilian guests will arrive after they catch him."
Lisbon was irritated that things were once again spiraling out of her control, but at this point she just wanted to be married and have it over with. "Fine."
"They'll be here in half an hour. I'll show them around the cabin and help them set up."
"Right, because you're so well versed in tactical operations," she said, rolling her eyes. "We'll help them set up. We'll still have plenty of time to get dressed after."
"As you wish, my dear."
Focusing on work helped her feel better, and when they'd finished setting up, she waited outside with Cho while Jane got ready.
"Beautiful place," he said, looking at the pond. "Nice to come home to."
"It will be when there's hot water and a lock on the door," she said.
"Hey. It'll be okay. We'll get him."
"I know."
"And then you'll get married."
She smiled. "Yeah."
"I'm really glad for you. If anybody deserves to be happy, it's you two." He paused. "Despite all the times I've wanted to strangle Jane."
"However many times that is, you can double it and you still won't be anywhere close to how many times I've wanted to punch him," Lisbon grinned.
Cho chuckled. "Right. I hope he makes it up to you over the next forty years or so. Should be just long enough."
"Not nearly," Lisbon said. She wanted forever, after all. And today of all days, she didn't want to think about death.
Cho smiled but didn't say anything more. They stood there, enjoying the silence and the sun on the water, until the Airstream door opened and Jane came out, looking reassuringly normal in a three-piece suit. A baby blue tie hung loosely around his neck, unknotted. "Teresa? Could you give me a hand?"
She raised her eyebrows as she went over to him, not believing for a second that he didn't remember how to knot a tie. She'd taught all her brothers, so she remembered well enough. "Your hands aren't shaking, are they?"
"Of course not. Though this is one of the most meaningful days of my life, so a little nervousness is understandable," he replied.
She finished, straightening the tie and smiling. "I guess so. This looks good on you. Weird, but good."
"Thanks. Your turn. The judge will be here in half an hour."
"I'll be done before then," she assured him as she went inside. Glancing out the window, she saw Jane join Cho down by the pond. A few seconds later, Cho gave Jane a playful punch to the shoulder and headed for the cabin. She would have preferred it if they'd stayed together, but there were agents around the property to protect them if Keller showed up early.
And Jane probably needed some time on his own. Today had to be bringing back memories of his first wedding and his family. She would let him have as much time as he needed to deal with those memories. She wouldn't resent the ghosts at their wedding—she was bringing a few of her own, after all. She loved Jane's family because he loved them, just like he'd helped her brothers because she loved them. And she was so glad Stan and Jimmy had come. It didn't make up for her mother's absence, but at least most of her surviving family was here to share this moment.
Blinking back tears, she got dressed, did her hair, and pinned on her veil, glad she'd kept things simple. She just hoped Jane would like it. She rarely worried much about her appearance, but today she was nervous. With a deep breath, she picked up her bouquet and went out the door, shutting it firmly behind her.
Jane took a moment to turn, but he was smiling when he did. Reassured, she set off on the path to the cabin, Jane angling through the brush to meet her, his smile growing. When they came face to face, she smiled, reassured by his admiring and loving look. He seemed happy. Untroubled. Confident. It gave her confidence too.
Their promise to each other to always look on the bright side seemed fitting for a bright new life—and for their past, littered with incidents in which she'd been angry and he'd encouraged her to see some obscure bright side.
As they walked arm in arm to the cabin, Lisbon couldn't help wondering if this was a dream. It seemed too perfect, too happy, to be a part of her waking life.
Catching Keller went exactly as planned, a good omen. She didn't mind Jane impatiently taking her gun and switching it out for her bouquet, since it meant he was just as eager as she was.
Jane never looked away from her as they took their vows and exchanged rings, his eyes glowing above his smile, and she was glad that these few minutes at least were ones of pure happiness. She barely heard the applause and cheers, lost in their first married kiss, and they beamed at each other afterward until they had to turn their attention to their guests.
As they hugged everyone, Jane hoisting her up in his embrace every few seconds as if he couldn't bear to go longer than that without touching her, she was amazed at his joyful exuberance. It was as if he'd thrown off his mask and self-control completely and let his emotions run riot. It was beautiful to see. He seemed almost like a new man, free of his past and sure of his future. He was her husband. It brought tears of happiness to her eyes, but no one noticed in the celebratory chaos.
Abbott had given the caterers the all clear, so they had a lovely meal while the dance floor was set up. It wasn't an elopement really, but it wasn't a sylvan themed wedding either. Just sylvan. She was careful to only pretend to drink her champagne and forced herself to eat enough to satisfy Jane's vigilant eye.
As Rigsby gave a rambling toast, Jane leaned over and whispered, "Stomach still bothering you?"
"A little. It's okay," she whispered back, then laughed as Cho grabbed the microphone away from Rigsby, concluding the speech with a simple, "Cheers to the Janes!"
Everyone drank the toast, and Jane kissed her with very little prompting from the guests. She hadn't really thought about changing her name, but now she realized she wanted the same one as her child. She'd keep Lisbon professionally, though. If only so she didn't have to watch Cho struggle to call her Agent Jane.
She and Jane had their first dance, then danced with their guests, all of whom seemed to be settling in for an all-nighter. When the sun set, Jane led her into the quiet of the woods after fetching her jacket from the Airstream. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked, longing to rest.
"Tired?" he asked.
"Yeah, a little."
"Come on." He led the way around the pond to the log where he'd proposed, fussing a little about seating her in a dry, smooth spot. They sat and watched the dancers for a few minutes, and then he asked, "How're you feeling?"
She smiled at him. "I am so happy." Because she was, over and above anything else. She was Patrick Jane's wife, married to the man she loved and pregnant with a child when she'd just about given up hope of ever having one.
He gave her his big, broad smile, the one that reached his eyes and hid nothing. "Me too." After a moment, he looked back at their friends and family and said it again, softer this time, almost as if he was surprised to realize he could feel that way.
It was time, she thought. Time to share her secret. There was no need to be nervous. They'd talked about this, briefly, their first night together in a hotel room in Florida when they'd realized neither of them had packed condoms. Though she supposed there was a big difference between the hypothetical and reality. It was easy enough to agree to let fate take its course when they were both desperate for each other; it might be harder for him to face the concrete fact of a baby. "There's something I need to tell you," she said, laying a hand over her abdomen.
Jane held her gaze expectantly; when she didn't say anything further, he dropped his eyes to where her hand rested. The wonder and joy slowly spreading over his face made her heart feel as if it might burst.
"No, you're—you're kidding me," he said, his voice roughened with emotion.
"I'm not kidding," she assured him.
"You are?" He seemed to need further confirmation, so she gave it to him.
"I am."
They both laughed a little breathlessly, sharing their joy and then letting it overflow into a kiss. Then he held her, rocking her gently back and forth as his hands roved over her back.
Lisbon would have been content to stay like that all night, resting in his arms in relief that he knew at last. But after a few minutes, he pulled back to kiss her again, then asked, "How—how far along? When did you find out?"
"About seven weeks. I found out when you were in Arizona."
His smile fell, guilt crossing his face, before he frowned. "Wait. You've known all this time, and you didn't tell me?"
"You asked me for time," she pointed out.
"But you knew I didn't need any more time after I asked you to marry me and bought us a house," he pointed out. "Wait a minute. You knew when we went into that brewery! That's why you went in last. I thought you were showing me you understood my concerns."
"No more flushing out killers in their lairs for me," she promised. "Not until after maternity leave, anyway."
"You told me we had to be a hundred percent honest with each other, and you were keeping this huge secret," he persisted.
"Last one, I promise. I just...wanted to wait for the right time." He still looked annoyed, which was beginning to annoy her. "If you hadn't run off, you'd have known as soon as I did."
"There will be no more running off," he promised.
"Then I won't keep any more secrets," she replied.
"Good." Suddenly, his smile was back. "I'm...I'm going to be a daddy again."
She smiled back. "Yes, you are." Tears blurred her vision. "I'm going to be a mommy."
"Yes, you are." There were tears in Jane's eyes too.
Lisbon wiped her eyes so she could see him more clearly. She never wanted to forget the way he was looking at her, like it wasn't possible for him to be any happier.
mmm
Seven months later, she found out she was wrong as she watched him hold their baby boy for the first time. Then two years later when he held their little girl, she realized that she would continue to discover new looks as his happiness continued to grow, basking in their family and their future. She would never get tired of discovering them.
And from the looks of him, he wouldn't either.
