Drabble 1: Hurt/fear
As much as she loved her son, Darcy was sometimes found herself in a sort of stupor. There were simple, unintentional gestures – a cool crocodile smile and a loud empty bark of a laugh - that went past his knowledge that sent shivers down her spine and dread to grip a cold, iron fist around her heart that squeeze painfully in her chest. Then there were other times when the light caught on his blue, blue eyes – his eyes – which sparkled in a playful untamable mischief or when he smiles – so disturbingly wide not unlike that of the Cheshire cat – so bright his eyes glow. It was times like the latter that make her catch her breath, holding it for ages, and forgetting how to breathe.
Darcy see's so much of Him in Sawyer, it hurts. It is in the way he dances in the conversation, wielding his words with the skill of Thor in combat. Or in the way he simply looks at you and suddenly you feel every flaw in your person and the heavy guilt that you have buried in the deep depths of your psyche suddenly floats to the surface; the same way he did, in that precise, calculated gaze. Her heart gives a mighty jerk whenever she sees that look. She half expected that one of these days her heart would burst out of her chest, taking what was left her and leaving with it. And it wasn't just Darcy that started to notice.
Barton, as far as he had come, could not stay half an hour in his presence when Sawyer was a child. Now, he couldn't stay much more than three minutes. With every passing day, as Sawyer grew older, he started to bare a greater resemblance to the man who nearly brought New York to its knees. For Barton it was like looking at one of his demons straight in the eye and remembered everything as it laughed in his face.
There were times when she saw Thor and Sawyer together huddled in some male-bonding time and her heart shattered – again, and again, and again… Darcy did not know who was suffering the most: Thor, herself, or Sawyer.
In the quiet moments when Barton was absent from the room and Natasha was busy, and it was just them, Thor on the rare occasion would speak of Loki as a solemn shadow fell over his face. He spoke of his cunning intelligence that saved their hides countless of times and his witty tongue that passed the centuries in fleeting moments of warmth. Darcy could hardly be called blind besides the obvious. But anyone could see the pain expression, that mournful look for ages long passed that flickered upon his battle weary face, when he looked at Sawyer's back.
Then there was Sawyer who was so hopelessly lost. Any information on Loki was classified and with SHEILD breathing down their necks as long as he's been alive, it was impossible. He turned to Thor with a need of a starved dog. Seeking anything he was willing to share. Sawyer was much too kind. He never asked. He knew enough about him, that it was a sore wound for the Avengers. So he wondered aimlessly between the shadowy realm between of admiration, acceptance, and hate for his father.
Bruce and Steve had more than civil distribution towards Sawyer. Steve was not one to put the mistake of the father on the shoulders of the son. And Bruce, well, Bruce knew what it was like to be the monster. To deal with the burden others couldn't understand. They were both a welcomed relief for Darcy.
Tony on the other hand, was driving her cheerily off a cliff and into the abyss of headaches. On principle, Tony – with all of his money, years, and experience – had the maturity of a ten year-old Sawyer. The age of lets-see-what-this-does-though-it-will-probably-end-badly-but-let's-do-it-anyways which Tony had yet to grow out of. Though the more Darcy got to know him, she had a sinking feeling that, that day would never come.
The genius-philanthropist-playboy-billionaire was just Uncle Tony to Sawyer and Darcy was not particularly sure how she felt about that. Tony never treated Sawyer wrong by any means, but there were times – brief, fleeting looks – which Tony in his rarer moments of wisdom would give Sawyer when he knew he was not looking. As if he couldn't put his finger on why he was the way he was. Like Tony was staring to see something everyone else was just starting to notice.
Whatever it was, Darcy prayed that it was still years off. But for now, even though her heart broke as Sawyer found himself more and more alone, falling deeper into his father's shadow. There is a small part of her that wishes with all her being that hecould be there with him. Teaching him. Guiding him.
There was a tiny sliver of her that wished and wished that he could see Sawyer and the man he was becoming. And simultaneously there was a part of her that feared the day when the two would meet.
This story is cross posted on A03 under the same pen name, and reposted from my tumblr account.
This was originally set between Thor and the Avengers. But I guess it can fit into the Dark World timeline but that is up to your interperation. And yes, Sawyer is the love child between Loki and Darcy. Again, whether he knows about Sawyer is up to your imagination.
