In which Sir Integral receives an unusual missive and Alucard and Seras are dispatched to Wales, changing at Shrewsbury and Birmingham New Street due to the deplorable state of British Railways.
It was morning in the home counties. The birds sang. A light breeze whispered through the branches of the trees. The sound of gunfire echoed in the morning air, startling Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing out of a pleasant dream in which she was grinding the severed heads of vampires into the dust of a desert with a spike-heeled boot. Absurd, really. She wouldn't dream of wearing spike-heeled boots. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and squinted at the morning sun streaming in between the curtains, before feeling around on the bedside table for her glasses and sliding them onto her face.
There was a knock at the door. Walter was demonstrating his formidable butler's sixth-sense for knowing when the mistress has awoken.
'Come in.'
Walter entered, carrying a tea tray with a light breakfast of a grapefruit segment, some buttered toast and a pot of marmalade shaped like a humorous cow, also the morning's copy of the Independent and the post.
'Good morning, milady.' He said, unfolding the little legs on the bottom of the tray and placing it sedately across Integral's lap.
'Good morning, Walter. What time is it?' Integral asked, sleepily.
'Half past seven, milady.'
'Who in God's name is in the firing range at half past seven?'
Walter smiled a little and looked down. 'Punishment duty, milady. Some of the soldiers were found drunk on duty. I believe at a quarter-to they will be going on a ten mile run to Surrey Hill and back.'
'Hmm, quite right too.' Integral frowned, reaching for the letter opener. There were three letters. The first had a very thin, soulful-looking African child on the front. She opened it, read the contents and sighed, handing it to Walter. She opened the second. The notepaper was heavy, with elaborate crests and a watermark. 'The Marquess of Salisbury, Viscount Cranbourne DL cordially invites...'. Integral grimaced, tore up the invitation and handed the pieces to Walter, who took them graciously. She opened the last one. The letter bore the royal crest, as well as the MI5 crest ("regnum defende"). There were several sheets of paper. She read the first one.
"Sir Hellsing,
This was sent to us from somewhere in Civil Service, and sadly I can't tell you where (the usual score). They obviously want something defensive done about it, and I thought perhaps the matter should be passed on to you, as it's more your field."
It was signed by the current head of MI5. It was somewhat abrupt, but then the K's, as they were once known, and still known in some circles, often were. Integral put the first sheet down and read the second. It was also headed with the royal crest, but next to it were unfamiliar arms. It was headed 'Her Majesty's Government Department of Summoning ('Annwn')'. The paper was oddly light and insubstantial. It read:
'To whom it may concern;
Yesterday we received a message from our opposite number in Tokyo. It was garbled, but we think we have the gist of it. Normally we'd deal with this sort of thing, but the entity in question is not our speciality. We are not strictly equipped to deal with one of these, and if the Tokyo Office aren't exaggerating, which we doubt they are, he may be trouble. In fact, we suspect it may be worse, given the usual tendency of the Japanese to understate things. Hopefully you can forward this on to the relevant team.
Yours,
Cerys Evans.'
The plot thickened. Integral continued down the paper trail to the letter headed unintelligibly in Chinese characters.
'Related party,
To your greeting, and good fortune. Last week, we receive intelligence from inspection of that mail ill repute high offender Dr Muraki Kazutaka has left Japan for England on doctor business trip convention to 'University of Wales, Aberystwyth'. Muraki Kazutaka is the large powerful vampire and must be handled carefully. We thought best to warn the English governments. When handling this offender, the luck where are good to you.
Kindest regards;
Tatsumi Seiichiro, Secretary to the Honourable Chief Konoe.'
Integral tried not to laugh as she read the letter. She looked up at Walter, stood patiently by the bed and handed him the letter. 'A medical conference. Hmm. This will require some preparation. Please inform Alucard and Seras that we are going to Wales.'
She then began spreading marmalade onto her toast.
'Perspectives in Cardiothoracic Transplantation: AGM of the British Transplantation Society (BTS).'
Said the blackboard in the briefing room. Obviously in a metaphorical sense, as blackboards don't speak. However, if indeed the blackboard had opened some creaky wooden mouth and spoken the words aloud, orating like the very oracle of Delphi, the words still would have made no sense whatsoever to either of the vampires looking at it.
Integral put the chalk down on the table, along with her notes.
'What?' Said Seras.
'Something medical.' Said Alucard, grinning, evidently at his amazing ability to recognise the word 'Transplantation'.
'Yes.' Integral nodded, tapping the black board with one of those nasty extendable metal pointers that look like you could use them equally as horsewhips or car ariels. 'We're going to the seaside.'
Seras brightened up.
'To a medical conference at the University of Wales.'
Seras sagged.
'We will be investigating a notorious foreign vampire who has entered the country, ostensibly to attend the conference. We will observe the vampire while he remains in the country. As long as he behaves himself, pay close attention to this Alucard, we will not cause an international incident by harming a foreign national. If, however, he attacks any person on British soil, we have authorisation to.. aha... "deport" him.'
Integral smiled, nastily. So did Alucard.
Seras looked puzzled. Then she smiled. 'Oh, you mean kill him.' Then she frowned again.
'Yes.' Said Integral. 'That is exactly what I mean. The conference begins next Wednesday and continues until the weekend. We, we being you two, two RAMC officers and I, will remain in the town, posing as personnel of the Walworth Territorial Army Field Hospital visiting the conference, keeping the vampire under surveillance. Report to Walter for further information and your train tickets. There's no point in taking the car, the A44 is apparently appalling this time of year. Dismissed.'
Integral closed up the pointer-thingy and placed it down on the table with some finality.
Seras raised her hand. 'Um...' She said.
'Yes?' Integral said.
'I don't know much more than basic first aid from when I was on the force.' Seras said. 'And master...'
'I admit saving lives has never been a forte of mine.' Alucard nodded.
'That's why I've requisitioned some RAMC officers . If either of you are questioned, explain that you are in training.'
Seras nodded and smiled. 'All right.' She said, brightly, obviously pleased at the chance of a nice break by the seaside.
'Any further questions? No? Good.'
"What've you got for me today, Walter?" Seras asked, flashing a toothy grin atHellsing's butler and jobbing armourer. "Depleted Uranium shells? Explosive tear gas grenades?"
Walter handed her a pistol.
Seras' face fell.
Walter smirked a little at her discomfort. "You think you can carry that great big cannon in public, Miss Seras?" He chuckled.
Seras looked to the side. "Well obviously not but mumblemumble."
"What was that?"
"Nothing." She inspected the pistol. Walter handed her a neat black suit, the sort of utilitarian thing worn by the military when in mufti, and a set of RAMC uniform.
"You get one of these delightful Swiss SIG SAUERS. If it's good enough for the rest of Her Majesty's Armed Forces, it's good enough for you. Although I would have preferred a Browning." He sighed, nostalgically. "Those days are gone.. This dear little thing has a 15-round box magazine in the grip and fires 9mm Parabellum rounds. Be careful, it has no separate safety catch, nor does it need to be cocked. There's an...hello gentlemen. "
Walter looked up. Seras looked past him. A pair of men had just entered the armoury, although perhaps "burst into" would be a better way to describe it. The taller of the two, a well built red head, perhaps 6 foot three or four, had the other one in a headlock and was noogieing him vigorously. The smaller of the two, dark-haired and swarthy-looking was wriggling like a netted herring.
"I'll gie ye whitfor, ye scunner." The redhead informed him. The other man stamped on his foot. This had no apparent effect other than to cause the redhead to squeeze tighter.
"ATTENTION!" Walter bellowed. The two men immediately sprang apart and stood smartly to attention. The redhead blinked, apparently wondering why his body had obeyed the command without checking first with Mr Brain. Seras giggled behind her hand.
"Tha's got a fair loadout here, reet." The dark-haired fellow said, surveying Walter's collection on the walls.
"Present." Walter ordered, ignoring the compliment.
The Redhead went smartly to attention again. "Sergeant Simon Armstrong, that's me, and Sergeant David Graham, that's him, RAMC. Formerly of the King's Own Scottish Borderers, may they march forever and tae the de'il wi Westminster. In Arduis Fidelis an' all that. Reportin' for duty. An' guns."
"Oh aye." The dark-haired one said. He looked about five foot nine and had startling green eyes with black rims to the irises. "Guns. Which as RAMC we are obviously on'y allowed t'use in self defence, like."
"S'right."
Walter regarded the curious and rowdy pair of medical officers. "I was informed of your coming. Your sidearms and civilian clothes are over there.
They availed themselves of accoutrements.
"Cheers."
"Ta muchly. Och, could ah no have a blue tie? Green doesnae go well wi ma hair, ye ken?"
"Certainly not. Miss Victoria, if you could take the Sergeants to the car and we shall depart for Crowthorne Station shortly. ."
As the 10:45 to Reading pulled out of the little station into green fields, Seras watched a column of exhausted soldiers jog out of Bracknell Forest. She waved, cheerfully. No-one noticed. She looked around the train carriage. Alucard was apparently dozing under a military cap. He wore TA fatigues, and somehow managed to make the thick green woollen sweater look stylish, yet fascinatingly dishevelled. Integral was deeply engrossed in a book on medical cardiology. Sergeants Armstrong and Graham managed to sit still for about half an hour then started ribbing each other mercilessly. Integral shot them evil looks and muttered something about how she couldn't even trust the RAMC to send her decent personnel.
They got off at Reading and waited half an hour for a train to Birmingham New Street. At Birmingham New Street (which is not the prettiest of stations, although admittedly not as bad as Milton Keynes), having missed their connection, they waited another hour for a train to Shrewsbury, which is a much more picturesque place, and so they stopped for lunch and a brisk walk around the walls there, mostly so Integral could work off her fury at the state of the public transport. Over lunch, Seras noticed Alucard casting occasional glances at the two Sergeants and grinning. Seras hoped he wasn't thinking about making a snack out of them. They certainly looked young and strong and healthy...
She wiped a little saliva away from her chin and pretended to take a sip of coffee. Armstrong flirted with the waitress. Integral treated him to another icy glare.
They returned to the station in time to see the next train to Aberystwyth chuffing away. Integral looked like she was about to have an apoplectic fit. Fortunately they only had to wait fifteen minutes, and soon they were leaving Shropshire behind for Powys and eventually thundering through the tunnels and across the lovely, picturesque and above all, wet, valleys of Ceredigion.
"This ain't alf the arse-end of no-where areet." Graham said, as they crossed a tributary of the Dyfi and paused for ten minutes at a station that consisted of a sign, twenty-foot length of platform and one extremely bored-looking sheep.
"Whit're ye talkin' aboot, whin ye're frae Northumbria yersel? Wheesht yer noise." Armstrong quipped back. Graham punched him playfully.
Seras chuckled behind her hand. Armstrong winked at her.
Some time later,
"We will shortly be arriving at Aberystwyth. Aberystwyth is the last station stop for this service."
The driver announced.
"Oh, thank God." Integral breathed, and got up. Alucard politely offered her her suitcase, although no-one had seen him take it down from the luggage rack. She accepted it graciously. Seras retrieved her bag from under the seat and they all piled off the train onto the platform.
Outside, it was cold, and it was still raining. A fresh, icy, sea breeze blasted off Cader Idris, picked up a concentration of salt from Cardigan bay and whipped them all repeatedly round the face with it, before whooshing off again.
Integral extracted a piece of paper from her notes. The wind tried to steal it, but she was having none of that.
It said:
"Belle Vue Royal Hotel The Promenade, Marine Terrace, Aberystwyth."
She pointed down the road ahead of them.
"To the seafront!" She announced.
"And don't spare the horses." Alucard also raised a finger.
"Shut up." Integral snapped, shivering.
They headed for the seafront.
