Warnings:
There's some mild Catherine bashing ahead.
I recently read that William Petersen might not be playing Gil Grissom for long. It made me sad and depressed but at least it gave me an idea for this story…
PLEADING WITH MR. GRISSOM
What if CSI were a Reality Show?
The Scene: The CSI lab, a little before filming starts. Gil Grissom, star of 'CSI Live' the famous Crime Show walks down the hallway to his office. When he enters, he notices that someone is already there. .
GRISSOM: (frowning) Who are you?
FAN FICTION WRITER: (hurriedly) Sorry, Mr. Grissom; I know I shouldn't have entered your office like this but I'd like to talk to you. You see, there are some rumors about you leaving the CSI lab-
GRISSOM: (brusquely) I'm sorry, but I can't talk about my private life. It's an agreement; everybody knows that.
FFWRITER: Oh, but I'm not part of the reality show crew. I'm a fan fiction writer.
GRISSOM: (scowling) Oh, really? I don't want to talk to you either. Now, if you'll excuse me…
FFWRITER: (pleadingly) Please, Mr. Grissom, I only wanted to tell you how important it is that you continue working at CSI-
GRISSOM: (hesitates) Well, thank you but I'm planning to work on research, which is as important as this (looks around). It might be even better. No more make up, no more being followed up by camera men and people recording everything I say- (sighs) You know something? I agreed to do the reality show because I wanted people to take an interest in science-
FFWRITER: (interrupting) Oh, but they have!
GRISSOM: (continues, ignoring the interruption) but now my job has been trivialized. Now there are too many forensic shows: 'The Singing Pathologist', 'American Coroner', 'Print Factor', 'Wheel of DNA', 'Whose Crime is it?'-
FFWRITER: But that's exactly why you should stay! If you leave, this show will suffer and it would be unfair, after being the pioneer!
GRISSOM: (patiently) Don't worry, Catherine will do a good job as Supervisor.
FFWRITER: Catherine? But there's already so much Catherine on the show that it should be called 'Willows & Co.'!
GRISSOM: Oh, come on… it's not like that…
FFWRITER: No, it's worse. The camera is always on her, recording her reactions to what people say, from all angles and always under a gauzy light to flatter her. And I suspect that the producers modify your stories to make her shine; I mean, how is it possible that she was the one to notice that you were going deaf? Why her and not Sara, who was bound to keep a close eye on you? And even then she grabbed the attention away from you when you had your operation!
GRISSOM: (smiles) That's precisely what I like about her. She grabs the camera and takes the attention away from me. (frowns) I thought women liked to see strong females doing an important job-
FFWRITER: Yes, but this is an ensemble show; the other members of the crew should have their turn to shine too. AND, according to you, the show is about the science and not about your personal lives. If that's so, then why, oh why do we know so much about Catherine? Not that she's that intriguing! On the contrary, everything about her is a cliché: Divorced, with a kid and a rotten ex-husband; a father revealed in a twist that surprised no one… I mean, please, what's next? Amnesia? An evil twin? A cancer scare? Or perhaps the new boyfriend will be accused of a crime and she will have to arrest him?
GRISSOM: Hum… Well… according to you, whose life is more intriguing?
FFWRITER: Yours, of course. But since you're so self-effacing, what about Warrick's? For instance, who taught him to play the piano? A teacher? His old grandma?
GRISSOM: (thoughtfully) I think Catherine did.
FFWRITER: (disappointed ) Well then, how about Nick? Has he ever tried to search for the babysitter who abused him? She might be doing worse things by now…
GRISSOM: Actually, Catherine is doing her own investigation behind Nicky's back and will have some results any time now.
FFWRITER: (trying to be reasonable) Ooookay. What about Brass? (hopeful) Is there a lady somewhere that he likes?
GRISSOM: (smiles) Off the record? He has a crush on Catherine.
FFWRITER: (sighing in exasperation) Well, what about Sara and her strong reactions when there are crimes commited against women? Is it a normal reaction or is it personal for her?
GRISSOM: (hesitating) Well, Catherine has talked to her about it, but-
FFWRITER: (interrupting, rolling her eyes to heaven) Oh, for God's sake, I give up! You see how she's just everywhere? (pleadingly) Oh, Mr. Grissom, please don't leave the lab! Can't you just stay another year at least? Pretty please?
GRISSOM: Look, if I leave they will bring a new scientist, younger and more appealing to the female audience-
FFWRITER: (sarcastically) And then what, that younger character will fall in love with Catherine?
GRISSOM: (patiently) No, he might fall in love with Sara.
FFWRITER: (scandalized) What? What? No. No! She belongs with you! My God, haven't four years been enough for you to understand that?
GRISSOM: (Eyes me with a knowing smirk) Ah, so you're one of those 'shippers'?
FFWRITER: (Challengingly) Yeah, so?
GRISSOM: (morosely) I wish people understood that a relationship with Sara would be unethical! You know, it's annoying how people expect us to get together! Really, fan fiction writers should get a life-
FFWRITER: Hey, wait a minute! YOU started this, Mr. 'since-I-met-you'. I for one started watching this show solely because of the science-
GRISSOM: (admiringly) Really? Just for the science?
FFWRITER: (sheepishly) Ok, I also knew you from that famous documentary, "Manhunter" (sighs dreamily) I wanted to see those eyes of yours and those legs in jeans again and- (FFwriter is momentarily lost in thought until Grissom clears his throat and interrupts her reverie). (Hurriedly) But I truly liked the science on CSI! It wasn't until that 'since I met you' line that I started obsessing about you two! If you hadn't said it, I'd never-
GRISSOM: (indignantly) So now it's MY fault? Then what about the writers who put me in romantic situations with Catherine?
FFWRITER: Oh, I assure you I'd never pair you with her!
GRISSOM: (mutters) Some even pair me with Nick and Greg-
FFWRITER: (looks away, guiltily)
GRISSOM: (does a double take) YOU're one of them? How can you do that? Did you know that I can't work with them without someone making kissing sounds wherever we go?
FFWRITER: (sheepishly) Sorry. And I don't pair you with Nick, only with Greg. (pleadingly) But you've got such great chemistry with everybody, Mr. Grissom! It's easy to write about you and any of them, but even I know that you belong with Sara! If you leave, what's going to happen to that relationship? And if you're not there anymore, what am I going to write about?
GRISSOM: (looks closely) So that's what this is all about? You need me for inspiration?
FFWRITER: Well… Yeah.
GRISSOM: (Hesitating between compassion and exasperation) Excuse me but, shouldn't you do better things with your time? Like… have a life?
FFWRITER: Oh, I have a life, it's just not as exciting as the ones I write about.
GRISSOM: (Shakes his head) Well, then I'm sorry. I need mine back.
FFWRITER: (narrows her eyes and delivers a low blow) Are you sure you aren't leaving just because the Sheriff is giving all the funding and resources to Mr. Sinise's new lab?
GRISSOM: (patiently) That would be childish, don't you think? (crosses his arms, as if he were ending the discussion)
FFWRITER: (feeling utterly lost) But… but … what am I going to do?
GRISSOM: (trying to be compassionate) Well…I'm not leaving the lab yet. We'll still have some shows next season…
FFWRITER: (hopeful) Will you work alone again, as you did when you went to Jackpot? Or are you going to work with Greg? (Hurriedly) Platonically, of course. Or will you sing a little Gilbert & Sullivan again? Will you work with the other guys so they get a little camera time?
GRISSOM: (gently) We'll see.
FFWRITER: (daring to hope) And Mr. Grissom? Before you leave, couldn't you tell Sara that you love her? (Hurriedly, as she notices Grissom's frown) on the phone if you like. Or in a letter. Or by e-mail-
GRISSOM: (patiently) Why don't you write a story and include that e-mail yourself? Yes, do that; you have an imagination, don't you?
FFWRITER: But it wouldn't be real-
GRISSOM: So? It would be an alternate universe story! (notices that the writer is gaping at him and he shrugs sheepishly) Yeah, I know the terminology. I do read fan fiction. I have to confess that some of those stories are kind of flattering. (Pats FFwriter's shoulder) So, do it: Write that I tell Sara how I feel about her; write that I'm willing to risk everything for her, that I'm a great kisser and that I can make her happy. (notices writer's reluctance) Hey, I'll help you if you want. Close your eyes and imagine that I'm about to leave Las Vegas… I'm impatient because my flight has been delayed several times. Suddenly, Sara is there and looks at me with a look of betrayal on her face.
She says…
(And as he spoke, the writer visualized it…)
*Sara: Grissom?
Grissom: (turning) Sara! What are you doing here?
Sara: I had to see you; I couldn't believe that you'd leave like that, without saying goodbye, like a coward.
Grissom: Sara… I'm sorry-
(And suddenly, the writer wondered if she could take advantage of the AU possibilities… and she visualized this…)
*A train station; Grissom is dressed in a dark suit and a fedora hat, and there's a cigarette dangling from his lips. Sara stands in front of him, dressed in a tight tailored suit and high heeled shoes, her hair swept up in a big pompadour. It's 1940 and the scene is in black and white.)
Grissom: (turns his back on her and speaks through clenched teeth) I can't stay, Doll Face. I can't forget how you double-crossed me with that good-for-nothing Hank Pedigrew!
Sara: (dramatically grabbing his arm) Gil! Won't you ever forgive me?
Grissom: (He's tempted for a moment, but finally he shakes his arm free, and he says regretfully) Of all the beautiful dames in the world, I had to fall in love with you…
(Or why not place this scene in the old West?)
*Grissom is patting the head of a beautiful white horse. He is in full cowboy regalia, complete with white hat and shiny sheriff star. Sara runs to him; she's wearing dirty cowgirl clothes)
Sara: Sheriff Grissom, you can't leave Seaseye City! We need you-
Grissom: Got to go, Calamity Sara. My job here is over.
Sara: But you must stay. There'll always be bad guys trying to steal my cattle! If you're not here to identify the cows' feet, who will? Unless…(she looks suspiciously at him) You're going to join that Catherine Willows woman from Nevada, aren't you? (Grissom flushes and looks away; Sara gets mad) She conquered you with her perfumes and her tight dresses and her cleavage! You… you couldn't appreciate a real woman like me!
Grissom: (looking back at her with eyes full of hope) You… You love me?
Sara: (turning her back, still angry) What do you think?
(And then another scene came up to the writer's mind:
*Grissom and Sara, both in spacesuits, standing in front of a huge spaceship)
Grissom: Goodbye, Sara2X4. The epidemic is contained. My job here is over and I have to return to Alpha Centaury.
Sara2X4: (speaking in a monotone) Dr.-Grissom-my-circuits-indicate-that-you-have-feelings-for-me.
Grissom: (hesitates) Sara2X4, I'm sorry, but I have to leave-
Sara 2X4: Is-it-because-I-am-an-android?
Grissom: No… it's just that my work will always be more important.
Sara2X4: Ouch-your-words-hurt-my-circuits. I-will-delete-that-from-my-memory-banks. Can't-you-just-say-that-others-need-you-more?
Grissom: Oh, all right. Others need me more than you, Sara2X4.
Sara2X4: I-understand. Goodbye-then-Dr.-Grissom. Live-long-and-prosper- (suddenly a drop of oil wells in her left eye)
Grissom: (feeling a sudden tenderness for her) Sara2X4, are you… crying?
And then, full of regret, Sara (a.k.a. Doll Face, Calamity Sara or Sara2X4) turns away because she can't bear to see him go. She covers her face with both hands and doesn't look back until she's sure that the plane, (train, horse, spaceship) is gone. But when she turns, she realizes that he's still there…
Gil Grissom (P.I., Sheriff, or Space Investigator) comes to Sara (Doll Face, Calamity Sara, Sara2X4) and smiles, tenderly. He caresses the young woman's cheek.
*Grissom: Sara, you're right. I can't leave you like this. I love you.
*P.I. Grissom: I love you, Doll Face.
*Sheriff Grissom: Oh, I'm crazy about you, Calamity Sara.
*Dr. Grissom: I'll stay, Sara2X4.
Sara2X4: Will-you-Dr.-Grissom? Why?
Grissom: Well… (smiles very tenderly) I've just realized that you make me feel human.
GRISSOM: (impatiently) Are you listening?
FFWRITER: (blinking) Huh? Oh. (realizing that she's been daydreaming) Oh. Yes. I am. (smiles) You are right, Mr. Grissom. The possibilities are endless. I have enough stories in my mind to keep me busy for months. Still, if you leave, the lab and the show won't ever be the same… (Sniffs a little and then tries to smile) I can only hope that you'll be grabbing the camera's attention during those last shows… And call me crazy, but I'll still hope for a wedding
GRISSOM: (perks up) Oh, well… (lowers his voice) this is a secret, but off the record? There's going to be a wedding in November!
FFWRITER: (wide eyed) Really? How…?
GRISSOM: I think Catherine's getting serious about that guy-
FFWRITER: Aaaarrrgh!
The End
Ok, so it doesn't change anything… but it was very cathartic!
