So this story was submitted to me but I am putting a twist to it! The reader wanted Elliot and Olivia to be the characters from A Star is Born, but I have made it a bit different with the characters. Olivia has a secret that will soon open old wounds and Elliot is about to find out. This will be an E/O as Elliot helps Olivia get through her past. R&R


I walked out of my bedroom to see Elliot sitting on my couch nursing a cup of coffee as he scrolled through his phone.

"Will you believe this?" Elliot said while looking through his phone

"Hmm?"

"Kim Kardashian is the best role model you could have for your teenage daughter, this is why I hate social media, if my daughters ever dressed the way she did, they would be grounded till they are 45"

I chuckled listening to Elliot rant about what he found on his Facebook feed while he continued to sip his coffee, I pulled the cup away from his mouth before he could take another sip as I finished it

We made our way downstairs to the car to go to work for the day, but, not before stopping off to grab another coffee to go.

"You know El, Kim Kardashian isn't necessarily the worst role model, aside from the way she may dress and act, she does teach girls to not take shit from people, to stand up for themselves, and she is working on prison reformation, so she really isn't that bad" I said with a smirk

"Not a role model for my kids" He said as he stepped off the elevator and I followed behind

"Hey baby girl, messenger dropped off a package for you, it's on your desk"

"Thanks Fin" I said as I made no rush to open it, I just sat down across from Elliot sipping my coffee and reading over the files we had for today

"Is that from a boy?" Elliot teased in a sing song voice

"Funny, it's from…" I paused as I looked for the name "from JM? Whoever that is" I said as I opened the card.

"20 years – JM" I read out loud with confusion I flipped the manila envelope over to drop out any remaining contents and a CD came out. I haven't used a CD in ages, so I didn't have anything to play it on, and of course these new laptops have no space for a CD drive.

"Use mine, it's older." Elliot said as he turned his compatible laptop around. I put the CD in the drive and waited for it to play.

We waited for about 10 seconds before the voice came through, a voice that I would always remember, a voice that sent chills up my spine, and caused my eyes to tear.

Tell me somethin' girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

"Oh shit, I used to love this guy!" Elliot said as he started to sing along with it

"Please don't" I whispered

"Liv, this guy was a legend, you probably have no idea who he is"

Here it was, the time that I had announced a secret I had never told anyone, I never thought it would come up, it was hard enough to deal with it before and I had done everything to move on, but now, here it was, my past life threatening to make itself known.

"Jack Maine" I said softly

"Close, Jackson Maine, but I'm impressed you knew that much, you hate country" He laughed as he continued to sing along.

I'm falling
In all the good times I find myself longin' for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

"He hated to be called Jackson, it's what his dad called him, and its what everyone who didn't really know him called him" I said softly making Elliot look at me funny.

"How would you know that? Did you have a crush on this guy or something?" He teased

"What kind of wife would I have been had I not known what my husband liked to be called, now shut it off" I whispered.

Elliot looked at me like I was delusional, and I understood why, I really did.

"Liv, Jackson Maine was married to his singing partner, some chick named Sally"

"Ally" I corrected him

"Right, Ally. Not Olivia"

"I have to go" I said grabbing my jacket as tears started to fall and I ran out of the precinct only to have Elliot follow me

"Liv! Olivia!" He yelled catching up to me grabbing my arm making me turn around to look at him.

"Liv, I'm lost here. You gotta help me out"

"I just want to go home, Elliot"

"I'll drive you" He said as he opened the car door for me, I got in with hesitation, but I got in.

"Can you please explain this to me" He started. But I kept quiet. He put the CD in the CD player in the car, and this time I didn't stop him. It had been years since I had heard my husbands voice, and I looked out the window thinking of the memories we shared.

Tell me somethin' girl
Are you happy in this modern world?
Or do you need more?
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

"Liv, he was married to a singer named Ally"

"Elliot, what's my name?" I asked not looking at him.

"Olivia"

"What is my full name?"

"Olivia Allison Benson" He said stating the obvious

"Ally, the short version of Allison" A few moments of silenced passed before I spoke again.

"We wrote this song together" I said with a soft smile "Well I had most of it written, Jack, he uh he helped with the beginning and the music to make it perfect, we wrote it in a parking lot" I said with a chuckle

I'm falling
In all the good times I find myself longin' for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

"You're telling me that you are Ally?" He asked with doubt and instead of answering him with a yes or no answer, I knew what part of the song was coming up next.

Mine.

Tell me something boy
Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?
Or do you need more?
Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?

I'm falling
In all the good times I find myself longing for change
And in the bad times I fear myself

Elliot looked at me starting to believe me because he could hear the voice on the CD and me singing next to him.

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I'll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us
We're far from the shallow now

"Liv, you sound just like her" He said still not fully sure

In the shallow, shallow
In the shallow, shallow
In the shallow, shallow
We're far from the shallow now

Wooaaaah
Woaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I'll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us
We're far from the shallow now

I sang in the car and after hitting the notes that were almost impossible to hit he believed it.

"You're Ally" He said as the song continued to play through and I looked at him and nodded as we pulled up to my building. I knew he would follow me in wanting more answers, I always knew this day would come, I just hoped it wouldn't. We made our way up the elevator in silence and as we walked into my apartment no words had been spoken. Elliot sat down on the couch trying to process the information as I made my way to the bedroom to look for a box that I had not been in for 20 years.

I came back out sitting next to Elliot on the couch.

"Why didn't you ever tell us? Why didn't you ever tell me?" He asked sadly

"Tell you what, El? That before I was SVU I was actually a popstar? Or that I had a hidden life with a fake name and no one knew who I really was except Jack? Or that I was even married to Jack? Or was I supposed to tell you that after coming home from the last show on my tour, I came home to our dog barking and pawing at the garage door and Jacks truck parked outside with the door open and him no where in sight? Or was I supposed to say that I was the one who found my husbands lifeless body hanging in our garage with his hat placed next to him on the table? I don't know which one of those I was supposed to tell you Elliot, but, I have had to live with the fact that my husband killed himself and I wasn't there to save him, I was doing a fucking show while my husband was battling his demons and I wasn't fucking there! " I said with a yell as the tears fell.

"Liv" He said grabbing my hand

"I have had to live with this for years, Elliot. The guilt I feel from that night never goes away. Jack was the love of my life, and I have never forgiven myself for not being there for him that night."

"Liv, you can't blame yourself"

"Can't I? Had I made him come with me when I left, had I checked on him earlier, had I not even went, or had I just noticed the fucking signs I could've stopped him, El"

"Maybe for that night, Liv, but what about the night after or the night after that. There was nothing you could've done"

"You know people say that to you all the time, but, until it happens to you, you really don't know how much you replay the choices you had and didn't take."

"Thats why you screamed at that mother last week" Elliot said as he sunk back into the couch while I remained leaning my elbows on my knees as I thought back to last week.

Flashback

"You could have called her! You could have come home early instead of staying out for another drink! You could have noticed the obvious signs that you're daughter was struggling, but instead you were selfish and only looked at yourself and your own problems meanwhile you're daughter was at home killing herself, some mother you are" I spat

"Benson!" Cragen yelled as he came into the interrogation room Elliot and I were in. I followed Cragen out where he reprimanded me

"And what the hell was that, Olivia?" He asked angrily

"What? She was a shit mother and she couldn't see that her daughter was crying out for help! She ignored it and decided to go have fun instead of being there and helping her daughter!" I yelled

"Go home, Olivia" Cragen said and I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my coat and stormed out.

I nodded answering Elliots question.

"Suicide is not something I take easily" I said as if it weren't obvious

"I'm sorry, Liv"

"It's not something you ever get over, and it doesn't get easier, but you learn to deal with it"

We were silent for a few more minutes before Elliot spoke up again

"I wonder who sent it, the CD and the note, someone obviously knows who you are" Elliot said making me realize he was right, someone did know that I was Ally, or Ally was me.

"Well, it's not like I had performed recently, last time was 20 years ago so I don't know who would know"

"Could we watch some of your stuff? We don't have to, but, I do remember back then I had a crush on a girl named Ally" He said with a smirk trying to make me laugh, which I did

"Oh so you have a crush on me Stabler?" I teased

"Oh no, Liv, I had a crush on Ally" He laughed pulling me into a side hug kissing my temple. Elliot had been divorced for 9 months, and we had both been flirty, but I think the reason I never let myself fully love someone was because of Jack, I had felt in some strange way that I was cheating on him. Physically, it was different. I could have sex with men it never bothered me, I used them for sex, because deep down I knew I wouldn't love these guys. Loving someone fully that was't Jack was the hardest and only part I haven't done since Jack had died. Giving your body to someone was one thing, but giving someone else your heart and soul was another. Elliot was the only person who made me feel like Jack did, he made me feel safe and like I was home.

I had turned on the Apple TV and Elliot youtubed me and looked for videos.

"One rule" I said and he looked at me waiting for my rule. "No, videos with Jack" He nodded at my request and he clicked on the video for Before I cry and I watched him as he watched me - well Ally on screen.

"Now that I see the face, I can see you. The orange hair threw me off" He laughed

"I hated that hair color" The next video I tried not to cry knowing it was written about Jack, like most of mine were. Elliot sensed my emotion and took my hand as we continued to watch. I stood up to get a drink and when I heard my voice introducing the next song my body froze.

"My husband Jack wrote this song for me, and I would love to sing it for you guys tonight" I said to the audience, and immediately I knew the song. I wanted to tell Elliot to change it but I was frozen as the song started to play.

Wish I could, I could've said goodbye
I would've said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew it would be the last time
I would've broke my heart in two
Tryin' to save a part of you

Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love again
I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh

When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I'd find myself
Lying in your arms
And I want to pretend that it's not true
Oh baby, that you're gone
'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning
And I'm not moving on

Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won't even let the sunlight in
No, I'll never love

I don't wanna know this feeling
Unless it's you and me
I don't wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you, ooh

Don't wanna feel another touch
Don't wanna start another fire
Don't wanna know another kiss
Baby, unless they are your lips

Then the song stopped, I thought Elliot was changing it, but then I realized someone had edited this version and it cut to Jack playing the rest of the song to me on the piano.

Don't wanna give my heart away
To another stranger

"Shit" I heard Elliot say as he tried to change it

"No, don't" I said as I came back to the living room to see the video of Jack singing to me on the piano.

Don't let another day begin
Won't let the sunlight in
Oh, I'll never love again
Never love again
Never love again
Oh, I'll never love again

A tear fell from my eye as I watched my husband sing to me.

"Liv, I'm sorry I didn-"

"It's ok, it was edited in"

"It's a beautiful song" Elliot said and I nodded my head in agreement

"Do you want me to stop?"

"It's ok"

The next song he picked made me roll my eyes, he tried to find one that seemed more upbeat probably. Why Did You Do That was the name of the song

"You know, you look good in the video, but that wasn't you" I looked at him with my head tilted in question

"Well technically none of it was me, it was Ally"

"Nah, your soul was in the others, this is- well it looks like you just gave into what society said they wanted and you lost yourself. It was like you had nothing else to say" He said and the last part made my head perk up, I smiled, knowing that's exactly what Jack told me. Maybe just maybe Elliot was Jacks way of allowing me to be open to love someone again, not just someone, Elliot.

R&R

TBC...