This is a very insane play, originally acted out with my old Harry Potter action figures (Gabriella is a small My Beautiful Horses rider, incidentally…). It's beyond random.
Hermione and Hagrid are at home with their young daughter, Gabriella. Hagrid is pissed and watching TV. Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
Hermione – I'll get it!
Hermione opens the door and Ron steps in. He kisses Hermione passionately!
Ron – Come on, my darling! Let us run away together!
Hagrid, in a wave of drunken violence, gets up from the sofa and throws a rubber snake at Ron, who ducks.
Hermione – Aaaah! You lairy drunk!!!
Hagrid – I knew you was cheatin' on me, you skanky ho!
Ron – She don't love yo' ass, biatch! starts kissing Hermione again
Hagrid breaks down in tears.
Hagrid – But what about our LOVE?
Hermione – I only loved you for yo' pink umbrella, but you sold it on eBay last year. So I'm leavin' you! Goodbye!
Gabriella meanwhile is getting strangled by the rubber snake
Ron – Oh, and we're takin' the kid too! grabs Gabriella and pulls the snake off her.
The door closes. Spotlight on Hagrid, who is sobbing his heart out in the middle of the stage.
