The Wenhe Chronicles


A dramatized account of the incredible tale of the resourceful strategist Jia Xu. Based on a true story. Read: a bunch of various episodes on Jia Xu's life stringed together, retold through the mind of an immature, inept, and insane fangirl. You have been warned.


Chapter 1: How It All Began


So, the thing is, Jia Xu was born at the year 147, in a small village of Wuwei, located in the home of all Three Kingdoms fuck-ups: Liang Province. Surprisingly, Jia Xu was among the least problematic of those nutters, but we're not gonna talk about that.

Jia Xu was considered normal at his youth. However, there was one dude named Yan Zhong, who said:

Yan Zhong: OY! YO GUYS! LOOK AT THIS! THIS IS THE SECOND GEN- ZHANG LIANG AND CHEN PING RIGHT HERE!

Young Jia Xu: (The hell is with this guy?)

…and the very same dude ended up being captured by some rebels during the Liang Rebellion for suggesting a coup to Huangfu Song. Anyway…

During some time later, Jia Xu was recommended as a Filial and Incorrupt, which was the time's equivalent of being nominated for Academy Awards. He became a palace attendant, but due to sickness (or just wanting to 'screw it' looking at the chaotic mess of the court), he went home with a bunch of people as escort. On the way…

Jia Xu: whistles

Di tribe: SURPRISE, MOTHAFUCKA!

Jia Xu and escorts: WAAAAAAHHHH!

Jia Xu: Whoa, whoa, what's going on here?

Di tribe: Hah! Can it be any more obvious?!

Other Di tribe: We're going to rob you!

The escorts: Aaaaahhhh!

Jia Xu: Whoa, whoa, chill out. What's with all these robbing thing, huh? Do I look like a booty to you? Eh? Come on, I'm sure there's someone else you can rob-

Di tribe: Bah! Too many words! Cut 'em up, boys!

Jia Xu: Ey, ey, wait a minute!

Di tribe: Huh?

Jia Xu: So, umm…the deal here is that you cut me, and these guys with me up to get our treasures, right? Okay? But, umm…

Di tribe: …what?

Jia Xu: Ehhh….ummm….

The escorts: whispering You still thinking to save us?

Jia Xu: whispering I'm still thinking, idiot!

Di tribe: Well?!

Jia Xu: Eh, um, oh right! Look, you can cut me up if you want, but make sure you don't bury alongside these no-names. pointing to the escorts

Di tribe: Huh? Why's that?

Jia Xu: Because…you see, Duan Jiong is my grandfather, so he will pay even higher amount of money for my corpse rather than what you'll find at me.

Di tribe: WHAT?! Oh jeez…

Jia Xu: (Ahaha…got 'em)

The escorts: Master Jia Xu, we'll be safe, right?

Jia Xu: Eh….maybe. I don't know. (I mean, yes, I'm gonna live using Duan Jiong's name alone, but for you…)

Di tribe: You heard what he said, right?!

Other Di tribe: Yeah! Listen here guys, if we ever touch even the hair of Duan Jiong's grandson, he'll come and turn us to toast!

Di tribe: Yeah, yeah! Can't risk that!

Other Di tribe: Let's just carry him home, okay?

Di tribe: But what about those faceless escorts?

Other Di tribe: Well…since they seem to not be related to Duan Jiong as well, just kill 'em.

Di tribe: Good, good, good! So, ahem…pointing at Jia Xu You fellow right here, the only one with a unique face, we're gonna carry you home.

Jia Xu: Huh? You're not gonna chop me up after all?

Di tribe: No, because you're…ehh….

Other Di tribe: We just want to build a friendly relationship with Duan Jiong and his family! Hehehehehe….

Jia Xu: Oh, I see, then…

The escorts: Whoa, whoa, hold on there! What about us?!

Jia Xu: Eh?! Ummm…oh, right. I forgot about you guys. I'm sorry, but looks like you just got no famous relatives to save your pitiful asses. It's alright, it's not like the government has a shortage of guys like you anyway. Bye-bye.

The escorts: WHAT?! YOU BASTARD! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

...yeah. As you can see here, he was a bit of a douche. But he was a douche when he needed to be. so it's not like he-

Jia Xu: Aw come on now, can you all really blame me?

Almost certainly not. Though really, that was one douchey move you made there. At least you could have-

Jia Xu: Could have done what? Trying to save them? Come on man, I was just a normal, run-of-the-mill palace guy back then, still without all this ninja shit I acquired later.

Yes, yes, we understand your situation. But you know, sometimes when people look up your biography and then they come across this as literally the first notable thing you did, which surely cements your image as a douche in front of them.

Jia Xu: Well, so what? They want to view me as a douche? Let 'em be! In these shitty times, you have to be a shitty person sometimes. I don't give a fuck!

At least your dedication to your principle (or lack thereof) is admirable. Unfortunately, more shit will come in your way that will require some more of your douchiness.

Jia Xu: Ah, crap.

To Be Continued….


I'M BACK! AGAIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA- smacked by Sima Yi OW! Okay…let's just cut the pointless egocentric chitchat then…

So, ahem. The reason why I have been gone is that now I'm focusing on writing a novel, which is why I've become less interested in writing fanfics lately. I hope you understand.

As you can see here, each chapter here will be rather short as they're really only a bunch of vignettes (I hope I'm using that word right) of Jia Xu's life stringed together. His life was one of the most interesting stories of the Three Kingdoms, which is why I want more people to know about it. Though I sincerely hope you don't take everything I wrote here at face value. Please, don't. Read his actual sanguozhi biography and Rafe de Crespigny's works instead.

As always, please leave a review and have a good day!