Title: Just as you are

Authoress: Malice the Hatteress

Disclaimer: I do not own Alice in Wonderland, nor do I own the Hatter…tragic, isn't it?

Rating: T for Tea, Tweedles, Toves, and other miraculous wonderlandish things that I cannot think of at the moment!

Chapter one: Mysteriously large bird and a terrible fit of madness

"Hatter! Hatter!" I heard two familiar voices call out.

I looked up from my usual place at Thackery's old tea table to see the two Tweedles running frantically in my direction. Setting my teacup down, I shot up from my chair and walked around the table to meet where they were now standing. They were breathing quite heavily as though they had just barely escaped a near-death experience with the now most frumious bandersnatch. The reason I say 'now' is due to the fact that ever since Alice had left Underland, there was no one here to tame the savage animal. Not even the White Queen herself! And that is most puzzling to everyone who knows about Miranas most miraculous way of taming animals. The animals love her so very dearly, they do. Miranas...most…miraculous… That happens to be three entire M words in a row! Perhaps I am finally regaining my muchness! Oh! There goes another one! I am on quite a role today!…Mmm…m…ma…why…is a raven like a writing desk?…Why…is a raven like a…wait just a moment! I am absolutely sure I was doing something earlier! Oh yes! that's right! I was telling a story, wasn't I? Focus! Hatter, focus! You have all eternity to wonder why…a raven…NO! Stop! If you continue on like this, you shall never finish the story! Or remember it for that matter!

Anyways…continuing on…

The Tweedles clearly had been through something most unusual…though I waited patiently for them to catch their breath so that I might know what all the fuss was about.

"H-Hatter! A golden, blue bird…h-has just fallen amongst the mushroom forest, it has!" gasped Tweedle Dee. "It was a truly large bird!"

"Contrariwise! It was an utterly gigantic bird, it was!" corrected Tweedle Dum.

"What matters it how we put it? It was huge! Stupendously ENORMOUS!" argued Tweedle Dee, making a wide range of motion with his arms to express what he had seen.

"Boys, boys! Settle down! Now, what exactly did this bird look like?" I asked them, causing the Tweedles to stare open-mouthed at me as though they couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"We just told you, we did! Big, stupendously large bird! Gold and blue! A very beautiful bird, though its size faltered any chance of us thinking it to be friendly!" said Tweedle Dum.

His statement had caused me to think it over a bit…pushing my silly riddles aside for the moments time.

"Blue and gold? Did it happen to have any wings?" I asked them, questioning their logic on whether the bird was a bird….or perhaps it might have been…no…it couldn't have been…If Alice were here…it just wasn't a logical way of thinking. Not at all…not that I am one to talk, being one who's thoughts are incessantly slanted in the direction of illogical reasoning.

"Yes!…No!…Maybe! We aren't quite sure, Hatter…now that I think of it…aren't a birds wings supposed to be the color of the rest of itself?" asked Tweedle Dee in the direction of his twin.

"Indeed, you are right! A bird isn't a bird without feathers either…did you see any feathers, Dee?"

"Not in the slightest, Dum!" answered his twin.

My eyes widened and I felt as though a bristling Absolem was wriggling in the pit of my stomach…could it really have been her? It had to have been!

"My dear boys! My silly Tweedles! That is no bird! That is Alice! Alice, I tell you!" I shouted, expressing my overwhelming joy and resisting the urge to futterwacken most vigorously…though I quite horribly failed and ended up doing so anyway.

"Callooh! Callay! She's returned! She's returned! I knew she would! I just knew she would! Terribly late, but here nonetheless!" I nearly sang these words, stopping my most celebrational futterwackening in order to compose myself. I tipped my hat back into place and cleared my throat, grinning the most grinniest of grins in all of Underland as I looked down at the Tweedles who were staring open-mouthed at me as though I were gallymoggers…guilty as charged.

The Tweedles began whispering things that sounded strangely like: "Oi! He's regained his muchness, he has, Dum!"

"Contrariwise, his muchness regained its muchness, Dee!"

"Though wouldn't he need his muchness for his muchness to gain its muchness? Your logicalness makes no sense! No how!"

"Anyways! The muchness seems to have came back once Alice had returned!" murmured Dee.

Ignoring the pleasure it gave me to see so many M words in a sentence, I furrowed my brows at them and crouched down to their level, sending the most cautious of expressions that I could muster towards the two.

"listen here, you two…Alice is most certainly not the cause for my muchness." I murmured.

"But sir! You haven't futterwackened until quite recently!" argued Dee.

Suddenly Dum's confused expression melted into a blank one…and then to one that looked quite mischievous…and the next thing that he whispered into Dum's ear had proved it so very well.

Dum began chuckling so very violently and I began to wonder if he too had become mad. We could have very well used another mad member of our little (much less frequent) tea parties.

To my dismay, he wasn't mad at all…

Instead he looked up at me as though he had just found out every little thing about me within the second.

"You may be right, Dee! Perhaps he does fancy Alice!" he said as he began his merciless chuckling. I was so very close to picking up the nearest teapot and hurling it at him at high speed.

"I most certainly do not!" I told them in the firmest tone possible…I could feel a light blush creep up my cheeks and I tried to deny the fact that my face was incredibly pale which made the Tweedles able to single it out immediately.

Dum and Dee looked at me with looks of most I-don't-believe-youness.

I crouched down lower, feeling my madness slowly beginning to take hold.

"Tweedles, oh…silly nonsensical Tweedles…do you remember the mome raths that I helped you capture and lead away from your snud and queast tree?" I asked them in a kind tone…but a slight hint of this-can't-be-goodness could be heard dripping from it.

"Oh, yes! We do remember! We do so thank you very much for helping us rid ourselves of those mucky swine!" said Dee, Dum nodded in agreement.

I smirked and continued my little idea that was sure to take them off the subject.

"Yes, well…have you any idea where I put them once I led them away?" I asked them.

"No, sir! Where?" they asked me and my smirk became a wide grin.

"You see, Tweedles, I hadn't gotten rid of them at all! They are in the back area of my house and I have been feeding them as much as possible! They are most terribly large now!" I told them. I most certainly could have summoned an evil laugh as I saw how pale their chubby faces had gotten.

"Unless you wish for me to bring them back, you will skedaddle." I warned them, and without a moments shilly-shallying, they fled from the tulgey ruins.

Smiling in victory, I stood up and brushed myself off and headed off into the direction of the mushroom forest, wishing to see this…'bird'.

The walking all the way from the tulgey ruins all the way over to the mushroom forest took much longer than what I had anticipated it to be…I feared that Alice would leave and I wouldn't get to see whether this Alice was the Frabjous day champion, Underlands hero or just another different, muchless Alice who would indiscriminately follow Mctwisp into Underland and cause trouble. A thought occurred to me for a moment and I wondered if I should attempt to kill time on the way there, that perhaps he might take offense and stop altogether like he had done once before…which forced Chessur, Mallymkun, Thackery, as well as myself into a perpetual teatime. But then it occurred to me that he was only able to stop himself and not the people of which he is controlling himself for…so Alice would still leave and it would still be brillig. I would be forced to endure brillig forever whilst being Alice-less.

So I thought against that and continued on, dodging the most slithiest of toves and just barely avoiding the most mimsy of the borogroves. Most mimsy…Ah hah hah! Two M words in a row! I feel my muchness returning to me by the minute!…I do believe that their were at least four M words in that sentence…oh my, once again I am loosing control of what I say…anyways…I had finally reached a clearing where I could see the tops of the mushrooms. So very colorful and magical…perhaps the wise cater- I mean butterfly, Absolem would be sitting amongst his mushroom, reading his most miraculous oraculum! Good heavens, I must get used to the fact that he is no longer a caterpillar…butterflies take great offense to being called what they once were but aren't any longer, you know. And I shall simply ignore the fact that there were in fact three M words in that sentence…good heavens! I just acknowledged it whilst I was trying to ignore it at the same time! I'm quite irritated now…though a part of me is slightly impressed…What is the Hatter with me? I can't even tell a story without…oh dear…anyway…

Luckily, I didn't have to go very far before I saw a girl with golden hair in a familiar blue dress with lace trimming sitting amongst a patch of flowers... which mumbled disapprovingly to their stems being bent every which way.

I squinted my eyes just a tiny bit to see if it was her…our hero…and it was! She so very was! She was absolutely Alice! I'd know her anywhere!…though I couldn't quite understand why on earth the Tweedles could think that she were a bird…but I let that thought slip my mind as I stood behind the tallest mushroom, observing her carefully and trying not to blink for fear of her presence being merely a hallucination…a side-effect of my madness. I wanted to run to her…to meet her where she sat…but all I was able to do was stand behind my mushroom and peek around it, letting it sink in that the Alice had returned just as she had promised. I stood and marveled at how much she hadn't changed since we last saw each other. She looked exactly the same other than the fact that she still contained a fair amount of muchness. Although, from where I was standing, she seemed to be looking around as though she hadn't the slightest idea where she was. But as I squinted a bit more, I realized that a small smile graced her features, content as though she had just returned home after a long journey. It was then I realized that she remembered!

Of course, she would remember the place. She had been here twice before and it was only natural. After all, she had saved this world from a tyrannous queen by slaying the most fearsome jabberwocky which was about fifty times her size! How could one forget such a joyous day? But had she forgotten about everyone within Underland? Absolem…Thackery…Mirana…myself?

Before she left, not only had she made a promise to return, which she well fulfilled, but also assured me that she would remember me. Though the more that I had thought about her last time coming here, the more I had thought about the fact that she might not really have had a choice on what she was able to remember. Perhaps…from seeing that she clearly remembered coming here at that moment… a person might well regain their memory more and more each time they come to Underland.

I was pulled out of these thoughts when Alice looked in my direction. Gasping a little, I hid the rest of my peeking self, hoping she hadn't seen me…though the more I thought about the way her eyes met mine, the more I realized that she must have gotten a fair view of who I was.

I held my breath for a moment, only to have it caught in my throat as I heard footsteps coming in the direction of my mushroom…I found it quite odd that I feared coming in verbal contact with Alice. After all, I had been waiting decades for her return. But it only made sense that I should want to hide for fear of finding out that the Alice whom I had so very much looked up to had forgotten me entirely.

"Hello…is anyone there? I am quite certain I had seen someone behind this mushroom." said a familiar voice as she drew nearer. Oh, that voice! I had been longing to hear it for so long and now that I had, why I thought I could have most certainly gone mad…oops…wait…pardon me, I already have.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, hoping that she meant another mushroom, but as I opened my eyes, they met the crystal blue eyes of the one and only Alice. (well…not entirely, for there are many different Alice's although she happened to be the right one for the Jabberwock slaying)

I stared into them a while, feeling my heart fall into my stomach as her sweet voice murmured; "Hatter?…"

I stuttered for a while, trying to properly form my words as the shock and relief washed through my senses. "A-Alice? Dear girl…you remember me?…" I whispered. She suddenly beamed at me, and I felt the need to throw my arms around her, to see if she was truly real and wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

"Why, Hatter…I couldn't very well forget about my best friend!" she told me.

My eyes widened and I suddenly felt a wide grin spread across my features. I was suddenly taken aback when she threw her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck. Her scent was intoxicatingly wonderful and I couldn't help but inhale it, to take it in deeply. It was my signification of her being absolutely real.

"Hatter…I have missed you so terribly much." she mumbled, tightening her grip around me.

I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, closing my eyes and sighing contently as I rested my head on top of hers.

"My dear Alice…you are terribly, terribly late…." I murmured, causing her to laugh softly in my ear, resulting in a most involuntary shiver coursing through my spine.

"Oh Tarrant, you haven't changed a bit, have you?" she mumbled as she released her arms from my waist and rested her hands against my chest.

"Contrariwise, I do believe I have changed quite a bit. You see, my muchness had completely vanished after you had left. I hadn't been able to do a proper futterwacken since!" I assured her, pulling away from her slightly so I could see her a bit more properly.

"But you, Alice…why, you're as muchier as I have ever seen you! I should think that even your muchness has gained muchness!" I finished, causing her eyes to widen as though it hadn't made sense to her at all.

"But Hatter…the last time I came here I apparently had no muchness at all!" she told me.

"Yes, well…you've done excellently well on keeping it through the amount of time you had been gone." I said as I pushed back a stray lock of hair from her face. Stupid hair…always did try and block those beautiful eyes from my viewing. Not that her hair isn't just as beautiful…her eyes are just a bit more enticing to look at.

"Well…at least the people here will except me a bit more now…" she muttered. Her voice was soft and self-conscious and I felt the need to severely injure myself as well as several others for telling her that she was hardly Alice due to lack of muchness before.

"My dear Alice! Why of course they are going to accept you! You had saved them from a most tyrannous ruler! And a most fearsome…jabberwocky…"

My eyes began to itch and hurt and I could tell that by what Mallymkun has told me, means that my eyes have changed from their usual crazed green to a dangerously gold-orange…and I was certain that my features looked just as sinister.

"A-Alice…W-why…is a raven…" my voice sounded broken and hard to force out….almost exactly what it had felt like. "Why…is a raven…like a w-writing desk?…writing desk…m…ma…" suddenly my vision became blurry and all that was once in front of me melted into that horrendous day when my family was attacked mercilessly by the terrifying jabberwocky…all I could see was flames and ash, gigantic wings that shielded the once blue sky from view…all was able to hear was screaming…crying…begging to be spared…my family…brothers…sisters…they were all…they were all…

Suddenly I could feel nothing but fear and guilt as I sat and watched my clan fall to ruins. I was able to do nothing about it. I wasn't able to move…it was as though I had went back in time and I was trapped there for eternity. I wanted so much to escape…I needed to get out of there! I needed to get out!

Alice! ALICE! Say my name! Dear girl, SAY IT! Take me out of here! Help me! HELP ME! My mind screamed to the Alice that was masked behind this nightmare. I knew she was there, she just had to be. If she wasn't…there was nothing that could be done.

"Hatter!…HATTER!" I heard a faint voice call out through all the panic-filled, agonized cries. Suddenly the world I was standing in shattered like a broken glass and I was standing before a very worried Alice.

"Hatter!" she said once again as my eyes suddenly ceased of their itching pain. It wasn't too long before I realized that I was violently shaking and Alice's hands were resting on either sides of my face.

"Thank you, Alice…I am fine…" I murmured in the strongest voice I could make, though still, it sounded faint and shivery.

"Hatter, you look terrible." she informed me as she helped me walk over to a mushroom and had me sit there, sitting next to me after doing so.

As I tried to compose myself, Alice ran her fingers through my hair as though trying to comfort a scurrified child who had awoken from a dreadful nightmare…I suppose my predicament was almost the same.

"Hatter, what happened? Your madness took over…but it was even worse than before." she told me as she continued the calming stroking of my hair, almost making me wish to fall asleep…though I was certain that was a terrible idea.

"Alice…if you had any idea…" I whispered, trying to think of my silly riddles in place of what I had gone through earlier.

"Hatter…has this been happening often?" she asked me as I gave up on trying to stay unrelaxed, resting my head on her shoulder and closing my eyes contently, her hand never leaving my head…head…my head was without a hat. Where had my hat gone? Suddenly my head shot up from its place on her shoulder and my eyes darted about in search of a fallen top hat.

"Where is my hat?…Hat?…" I said as I just about jumped off the mushroom in search of my fallen hat before Alice unexpectedly placed it on my lap.

"Oh…thank you, Alice." I breathed as I held it to my chest and rested my head on her shoulder once again.

"Hatter…you still haven't answered my previous question. Have these bursts of rage been happening often?" she asked me as she rested her hand on my back and began rubbing gentle circles against it. Suddenly I felt much too childishly vulnerable. I was most certain that this was not proper behavior, though Alice seemed not to mind in the slightest.

"Well…yes…though they weren't as terrible. I have always been able to pull myself out of it. This one was just…" I trailed off as a shiver wracked my body.

Alice nodded. "Its alright, you don't need to tell me what happened." She said as she stood up from the mushroom. "I should think that you might want…need rather, to have a cup of tea, Tarrant." she continued.

I smiled and nodded as I stood up, less shaky than before, and placed my hat firmly on my head as I followed her out of the mushroom forest in the direction of Thackery's tea table.

She truly did remember!

End chapter

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